Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Brooke n Tyler
member
Re: Hubby won't have sex with me
i think making a doctor's appointment for you & your DH to speak to him/her about it is a good idea. hearing from a professional that everything is okay would probably be the best way to reassure him everything will be okay.
other than that, i would follow PP's advice. especially going on some nice, romantic dates before LO comes. get as much time together as possible!! good luck.
edit because i fail at words today >.<
it's semen.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Also, if it meant premature labor & possible NICU time (34 weeks). I'd be avoiding sex or anything that could tip me over into labor.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
As somebody who has had sex on the brain 24/7 during this pregnancy, I get that you want to have sex. But i agree, a baby born at 34 weeks is going to experience more complications than a baby born at 40 weeks. You have a month before your babe is considered full term so if you have to lay off the prostaglandins for a month, eh. No big deal.
I've been dry since day 1. Hubby says he "feels like a bad dad" and "feels like a creep" and "doesn't find the thought of doing it around the baby sexy". So be happy you've had a healthy sex life up to this point and just take it easy. You'll make it
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Our family of 5 is complete!! Love our boys!
I just wanna make it clear that my doctors aren't concerned about the baby's health if he comes that he is ready might need a little oxygen but other then that they believe he is completely healthy. My child's Heath is my first concern. Next, I would never pressure my hubby into anything he didn't want to do. But we have always had a very inmate relationship and for it just to stop, it hurts. I know he isn't rejecting me and he is worried.
There is so much more to a relationship than sex. I was a little upset as well when my H said he was uncomfortable doing the deed but never pushed it. Some men are just uncomfortable with the thought of sex while their unborn baby is inches away. Go on a date, watch a movie together, do something fun together!
You know you can't have sex 6-8 weeks after you give birth right?
You understand that even when you are cleared for sex that it might hurt for the first 6 months of your LO's life right?
Sex is awesome. I love sex. Give me some sex.
Pregnancy is a special circumstance and post-partum is a special circumstance. You need to understand that your relationship is MORE than just sex. When you start equating your sex frequency to how intimate your relationship is-- that gets into dangerous territory. I am very intimate with my husband and we haven't been able to have sex for a couple of weeks (we've both been sick, then the kids were sick and he had a business trip). Sex after children is an entirely different thing and you need to understand that it will change. The quality of your relationship should be outside of sex.
I like to think of sex as icing on the relationship cake. If the cake is good then you don't need a lot of icing to make it worth eating. If the cake is bad then the icing can mask it and when you can't have any more icing-- you are left with bad cake. Focus on your cake!
How old are you?
How long have you been married?
I am going to guess you are young and haven't been married long.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
You know you can't have sex 6-8 weeks after you give birth right?
You understand that even when you are cleared for sex that it might hurt for the first 6 months of your LO's life right?
Sex is awesome. I love sex. Give me some sex.
Pregnancy is a special circumstance and post-partum is a special circumstance. You need to understand that your relationship is MORE than just sex. When you start equating your sex frequency to how intimate your relationship is-- that gets into dangerous territory. I am very intimate with my husband and we haven't been able to have sex for a couple of weeks (we've both been sick, then the kids were sick and he had a business trip). Sex after children is an entirely different thing and you need to understand that it will change. The quality of your relationship should be outside of sex.
I like to think of sex as icing on the relationship cake. If the cake is good then you don't need a lot of icing to make it worth eating. If the cake is bad then the icing can mask it and when you can't have any more icing-- you are left with bad cake. Focus on your cake!
How old are you?
How long have you been married?
I am going to guess you are young and haven't been married long.
As usual, she's nailed it. Well said @PrimRoseMama , well said.
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Our family of 5 is complete!! Love our boys!
Edit: ugh I can't spell.
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Our family of 5 is complete!! Love our boys!
@kynbar5, that is one gorgeous man...you do have it bad, though.
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Our family of 5 is complete!! Love our boys!
How do I live in a world where someone would rather have sex than worry about keeping their baby in utero for the last month+ it needs to be in there?
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
And honestly i was ok with all of that, even in the midst of being VERY turned on my entire pregnancy, that was minor. What wasn't minor was a fear that my husband and i would grow apart. Because contrary to some opinions here, I actually believe sex IS an important part of a marriage. THE most important part? Of course not. But important? Yes. And when there are major changes in a couple's sex life, it can cause one or both partners to become paranoid and can create feelings of isolation and mistrust.
If that's how you're feeling, trust your husband. That's what i've had to do. I've had to trust that he's being honest about his motivation and I've had to trust that this is absolutely temporary. That while our sex life will never be the same, it will come back. That he still finds me attractive and still loves me.
Don't worry about that stuff. Your husband doesn't want to hurt your baby OR hurt you. I promise, that's what's going on here. He's being a good dad and this is a sign of his devotion to come. Embrace this as you choosing a really good partner. Don't pressure him and regain your intimacy with cuddles, hugs, long talks about your amazing future and other great things like that.
It was really bothering me and I couldn't take it anymore so I gently brought it up and we had an honest conversation about it. He said that he doesn't want to have sex because everytime we do something bad happens pregnancy related. Its not related but this is his perception. Our son was born early at 32 weeks two years ago. I had no idea that this whole time my husband had been carrying this guilt, thinking that he in some way caused it. He said he worried that the same thing would happen this time as I was in triage several days after having sex during thus pregnancy.
So we agreed to refrain until I'm cleared after the baby is born. But I was honest about my needs as well. I told him that if it makes him feel safer that is fine but I need him to be more intimate in other ways, cuddling, talking, foot rubs, ect. I still miss sex but I understand that his motivations have nothing to do with me and are all about keeping our baby safe. If I make it to 38 weeks or more I may broach the subject but I'd never pressure him as I wouldn't want him to pressure me to do something I didn't want to do.