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October 2015 Moms
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Why dont men get it?**vent**

KristynLee15KristynLee15 member
in October 2015 Moms
I dont understand why men dont get it. When DD was first born DH was awesome with her. Loved cuddling and feeding andntalking to her. Well, now that weve been home a while it just gets less. He doesnt do diapers which is fine. But anytime i ask him to do something, either hold her so i can pee, feed her so i can eat a hot dinner-he kind of huffs at me and i get "fine"
I know he works. But he doesnt understand that when hes done work he stoos for a beer on the way home. He has time to himself. I dont. He doesnt do diapers so i cant go anywhere for more than a half hour 45 mins without DD. Most of the time i dont mind, because i love being around her. But id like to go to a movie..which is something i like to do alone. Or maybe to the gym. And im in desperate need of a haircut. But i cant go and do those things.
Ive accepted that. I guess what bothers me is his little comments. Sometimes hell say to her "ohh its okay i know you love daddy more" or shell stop crying when he gets home when shes been crying all day and hell say "thats cuz daddys home". It makes me feel like crap.
I dont think he has any clue how hard it is to be home all day taking care of her. And up all night. He seems to think i nap all day. Which i dont, when she naps theres laundry that needs to get done or i need to eat. Maybe shower.
Its really starting to hurt my feelings and i know he doesnt mean to. He thinks hes being funny.
We went to familys house tonight and were getting ready to leave. He had been drinking so i had to drive. I thought we could get her in the car and to sleep on the way home. Well it dodnt work that way and we got 10 mins down the road and ahe started screaming because she was due to eat. So he had to climb in the back and give her a bottle and has the nerve to say to me "well if you had of just listened to me and fed her before we left...." im sorry i didnt realize that it was so diffi ult for you to give your daughter a bottle. (It was an hour ride).
So he gives her the bottle, then naps. So im sitting there fuming thinking how nice it would have been for me to get an hour nap during the drive.
Hes a good dad, and he loves her but lately hes just getting under my skin. So hes in bed, probably anoring away and im in the living room. Im so annoyed and i really dont want to sleep near him. Which has never happened. Im not even mad, kind of hurt.

So sorry for the long rant. I just had to get it out and if i talked to my mom ahed end up all mad at him and giving him attitude and making it work.
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Re: Why dont men get it?**vent**

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  • sjembry93sjembry93 member
    My DH gets like this a lot. He complains any time he gets less than 8 hours of sleep or if I say something about being tired. I guess he just doesn't understand that even though I'm still off work it doesn't mean I'm lying around napping all the time.
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  • KristynLee15KristynLee15 member
    The diapers thing doesnt bother me. Maybe cuz men in my family tyically dont change girls diapers. It a weird thing. But thats what i was raised around. But on the flip side, he has booger duty.
    I need to find a way to tell him hes hurting my feelings without just seing overly sensitive.
    Everymorning hell act soooo tired and say lo was screaming all night which aggravates the crap out of me cuz he snores through it all.
    Normally i can take his comments for what they are i honestly dont think he means them as digs at me. But im tired. All the time..and i want some appreciation.
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  • wack0032wack0032 member
    Me and my DH have this thing we always say to each other - HALF. Half of the good. Half of the bad. We are partners in everything and that is how we should treat our SOs as well as how we should expect to be treated. You deserve to be appreciated.
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  • KristynLee15KristynLee15 member
    Lately its really not just stuff with lo. Its things like taking out the trash or not leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor.
    I just dont know whats going on with him. And hes not one for talking. So im hoping he really heard my comment about making me feel like a crap bag and hell work on it. Sometimes he needs to sleep on things and doesnt talk about it.
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  • whitemn04whitemn04 member
    That's so sad. My DH actually used to get a little annoyed if the baby was crying at night and I didn't get up right away so he would just to put a pacifier in LOs mouth then lay back down. The next morning he'd say he's so tired. I flipped. Told him taking two seconds to pop a pacifier in is minor compared to the hour feedings every two hours if i was lucky. Every morning he'd then say I'm sorry I wasn't good at helping last night. I told him if you're really that sorry you'd make a better effort in trying to console your screaming baby after I have fed and changed him. Over my 30th bday I only asked that he take care of DS for the night so I pumped enough he could feed him. After that night it opened his eyes that it's not that easy and he has really helped me out since. Granted he's been off all week so I'm sure it will change come Sunday night. But he's been taking the early morning shift at least so I could get a solid 3 hours of sleep.
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  • babykitcatbabykitcat member
    I think our husbands and significant others could get a bit jealous. Not fully because of the baby but also because of how we spend our time. Even if this is all pissing you off or hurting your feelings (trust me I was just there with you!) make sure you spend time doing the things he loves too....pleasure him, tell him you love him and remind him he is just as important to you. I was big time resenting DH for similar behavior but in reality he really missed me. Believe me it's a bit tiring but just a little bit of added attention to DH will go a long way. Believe me!!

    All men are different so this might not be the case. Even though in my head I was annoyed/upset by his behavior (forgetting to take out the garbage, glued to his phone, not feeling overly helpful with household stuff) he means the world to me and once I started putting more effort back into our relationship (like it was before baby) all the annoyances got better.

    Just a story. Hope it helps!
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  • KristynLee15KristynLee15 member
    @babykitcat i thought i was doing tbat rnough. But maybe not. Ill give it a shot! Thanks!!
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  • amberbeauvaisamberbeauvais member
    I was going through the same thing. He had this weekend off so I told him last night we would try to trade places for the night. Needless to say, I had to help him because he realized there is a lot more to taking care of the baby. He apologized and promised to help out more with her and the house. So far today he's been true to his word, helping out with the chores!
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  • shand0712shand0712 member
    @KristynLee15 Ugh I'm in the same situation!! My husband thinks bc he works all day long and I'm home I have to get up all night with the baby. I either pump or give formula so there's no excuse not to help out. But if I say something I get bitched at and told that he works all day and pays the bills so he needs sleep. Honestly I love my son to death and wouldn't change it for the world but if I knew it was going to be like this with the hubby I wouldn't have had children. I honestly feel like I'm taking care of this child by myself. He comes home today and goes in the bedroom and falls asleep. Meantime I'm cleaning bottles and pumping etc. when I go to wake him up he says he's tired....um excuse me I don't get any sleep during the night and I need sleep. Needless to say I got extremely mad and told him to wake up and take the baby so I could shower and get time to myself. What's with men? He was so excited about this baby but it just doesn't seem like it anymore.
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  • KristynLee15KristynLee15 member
    @shand0712 Are you married to my husband???? Same exact thing here. The getting home from work and taking a nap pisses me off sooooo bad!!
    I will say things have been a lottle better. We had a small tiff this weekend
    (over the volume of the tv...im not even kidding. -hes half deaf and had it soo loud...thennit was an action movie and he was pissed when i asked him to turn it down.)
    So i took lo and spent an hour in the bedroom and finally he se in amd we had a discussion. So things are a bit better.
    Men are just not ever going to get it completely!
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  • JennaEllenJennaEllen member
    Wow, I couldn't imagine. My husband does diapers and spends time with DS because he wants to....not because it's a chore. He's a very attentive father and to be honest I wouldn't expect anything less. I understand you're only venting but the concerns you have are legitimate and will only continue to drive a wedge the older your daughter gets. You're going to end up resenting him more and more. Talk to him and set up something where you get some.me time during the week. You're daughter is an infant and there is no reason he cannot change her diaper. Being a girl has nothing to do with it. If you had a boy would you be exempt?
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  • chris&haleychris&haley member
    JennaEllen said:

    Wow, I couldn't imagine. My husband does diapers and spends time with DS because he wants to....not because it's a chore. He's a very attentive father and to be honest I wouldn't expect anything less. I understand you're only venting but the concerns you have are legitimate and will only continue to drive a wedge the older your daughter gets. You're going to end up resenting him more and more. Talk to him and set up something where you get some.me time during the week. You're daughter is an infant and there is no reason he cannot change her diaper. Being a girl has nothing to do with it. If you had a boy would you be exempt?

    Exactly. My husband and I asked this same question. These seem like legitimate problems that you need to discuss. DH is amazing with our twins. Changes them (girls...), does feedings and gives me breaks without my asking. Fatherhood isn't for just when they feel like it. I think any of you moms with these issues need to address them before you resent your husbands.
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  • KristynLee15KristynLee15 member
    Its been addressed. The diaper thing isnt an issue for me. If it were a boy and i was unfomfortable, he wiuld be doing all the diapers. He has a personal reason for being uncomfortable, which i wont go into here. Mostly i was just venting. He loves her and spends time with her, but he really doesnt know what to do wth her. I will say he is way more oatient with her crying than i am. So we'll just pull this topic off the table now because i really wasnt trying to bash DH or in anyway say he was a bad father.
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  • JennaEllenJennaEllen member
    Not trying to bash :) Good luck!
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  • KristynLee15KristynLee15 member
    Thanks :)
    Report Reply
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