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May 2016 Moms
nerdymama15
member
First Pregnancy
04/15/2016
PGAL
Baby Shower Weird Question
nerdymama15
member
Okay before I start this I must warn you this will be long winded a bit. Also the first part will probably just be some background info so you can see where I am coming from with this situation. Also the respective parties names involved will be renamed John Doe and Jane Doe.
Okay so I have nervous tics (think of tourettes kind of) - vocal and motor tics that occur when I get nervous or think of stuff that make me nervous or if I'm put in situations that make my anxiety shoot through the roof. I have social anxiety and I'm not particularly good at making friends. I am not originally from the city that I live in and the majority of my close friends or rather the people that I would consider to be real friends still live back home. I'm comfortable with that b/c we keep up with each other on FB all the time and see each other maybe once or twice a year. These people accept me and my tics. I'm not good at making new friends b/c I'm always afraid that people will be all judgey about my tics. It takes a LONG time for me to warm up to someone and I probably seem stuck up and weird to them until I do. Heck my DH has not fully accepted my tics - some of them drive him crazy, but that is something we are working on together.
Despite my social anxiety, I can do the idle chit chat and work social functions etc. And I'm fine behind a computer. i.e. I know two of his co-workers wives and am fairly comfortable around them to an extent in the work social situation type of setting and via Facebook.
Now this new co worker (NOT one of the ones mentioned above) started at DH's work sometime this summer I believe (I could have the timing wrong not sure). We will call him John Doe. Now keep in mind before I tell the rest of this, we just announced to the world that we were pregnant like literally a few days ago, Thanksgiving night to be exact and he told his co workers on Black Friday. Today is Tuesday. So they have known four whole days.
John Doe approaches DH as they are getting off work and starts a conversation about how Jane Doe can't stop talking about me being pregnant and how she wants to become host/throw my baby shower.......... I do NOT know this woman! DH does NOT know this woman! This is a complete stranger to me. This woman does NOT know me either. This freaks me out big time. And that's NOT all. Apparently she wants to become friends. As stated above I have a hard time making friends due to my insecurities and having to have my guard up all the time. Not to mention that this lady is coming on way to freaking strong even if I'm just hearing it through the grapevine. I mean in my eyes it is the equivalent of walking down the street and having a stranger randomly come up to you and say hey I want to throw your baby shower. It freaks me out big time! There is a possibility that this won't come to anything and I could be just over reacting. That is my hope anyway. But what if she continues to push the issue. I'm not sure how to respond. I mean in my opinion even though I know a baby shower is a gift, I think it is something that should be thrown/hosted by someone you actually know at the very least! i.e. close friends, family, co-workers, NOT strangers! Oh yeah, another thing about me. I have a problem saying no to people b/c I don't like to hurt other peoples feelings - in person anyway. DH suggested that we go on a double date with them so we could meet her. That's fine and all. I can treat it as a work social obligation. It takes a lot more than that for me to move into the friend zone with anyone though. I never instantly hit it off with anyone, and I think Jane Doe is wanting to instantly hit it off and become best buddies (that's the impression that I got) To give you an idea, I have not made any new real friends in ten years. I stick to my circle of close friends, but I do have aquaintences, and "friends". When I was a teenager I was bullied really badly and that is where a lot of my social anxiety stems from. I don't trust people right off the bat. It takes a long time to work up to that.
I'm so confused right now. Social anxiety is through the roof and I fear I'm no longer making any sense.
Edit: Forgot to say that John Doe is the nephew of DH's supervisor.
Okay so I have nervous tics (think of tourettes kind of) - vocal and motor tics that occur when I get nervous or think of stuff that make me nervous or if I'm put in situations that make my anxiety shoot through the roof. I have social anxiety and I'm not particularly good at making friends. I am not originally from the city that I live in and the majority of my close friends or rather the people that I would consider to be real friends still live back home. I'm comfortable with that b/c we keep up with each other on FB all the time and see each other maybe once or twice a year. These people accept me and my tics. I'm not good at making new friends b/c I'm always afraid that people will be all judgey about my tics. It takes a LONG time for me to warm up to someone and I probably seem stuck up and weird to them until I do. Heck my DH has not fully accepted my tics - some of them drive him crazy, but that is something we are working on together.
Despite my social anxiety, I can do the idle chit chat and work social functions etc. And I'm fine behind a computer. i.e. I know two of his co-workers wives and am fairly comfortable around them to an extent in the work social situation type of setting and via Facebook.
Now this new co worker (NOT one of the ones mentioned above) started at DH's work sometime this summer I believe (I could have the timing wrong not sure). We will call him John Doe. Now keep in mind before I tell the rest of this, we just announced to the world that we were pregnant like literally a few days ago, Thanksgiving night to be exact and he told his co workers on Black Friday. Today is Tuesday. So they have known four whole days.
John Doe approaches DH as they are getting off work and starts a conversation about how Jane Doe can't stop talking about me being pregnant and how she wants to become host/throw my baby shower.......... I do NOT know this woman! DH does NOT know this woman! This is a complete stranger to me. This woman does NOT know me either. This freaks me out big time. And that's NOT all. Apparently she wants to become friends. As stated above I have a hard time making friends due to my insecurities and having to have my guard up all the time. Not to mention that this lady is coming on way to freaking strong even if I'm just hearing it through the grapevine. I mean in my eyes it is the equivalent of walking down the street and having a stranger randomly come up to you and say hey I want to throw your baby shower. It freaks me out big time! There is a possibility that this won't come to anything and I could be just over reacting. That is my hope anyway. But what if she continues to push the issue. I'm not sure how to respond. I mean in my opinion even though I know a baby shower is a gift, I think it is something that should be thrown/hosted by someone you actually know at the very least! i.e. close friends, family, co-workers, NOT strangers! Oh yeah, another thing about me. I have a problem saying no to people b/c I don't like to hurt other peoples feelings - in person anyway. DH suggested that we go on a double date with them so we could meet her. That's fine and all. I can treat it as a work social obligation. It takes a lot more than that for me to move into the friend zone with anyone though. I never instantly hit it off with anyone, and I think Jane Doe is wanting to instantly hit it off and become best buddies (that's the impression that I got) To give you an idea, I have not made any new real friends in ten years. I stick to my circle of close friends, but I do have aquaintences, and "friends". When I was a teenager I was bullied really badly and that is where a lot of my social anxiety stems from. I don't trust people right off the bat. It takes a long time to work up to that.
I'm so confused right now. Social anxiety is through the roof and I fear I'm no longer making any sense.
Edit: Forgot to say that John Doe is the nephew of DH's supervisor.
First Pregnancy
- BFP: 01/25/2015
- EDD: 09/28/2015
- Incomplete MC: 02/28/2015
Second Pregnancy
- BFP: 09/11/2015
- EDD: 05/25/2016
04/15/2016
PGAL
Re: Baby Shower Weird Question
She does not know you, so should not even be thinking that she wants to attend let alone THROW you a shower. So weird. What a strange woman and situation.
I would just tell DH to tell John Doe to tell Jane Doe (haha) that your Mom and MIL/Friends is throwing it already and that it is a surprise for you. But that Jane Doe is welcome to attend (if you even want that).
Stop the madness before she actually starts planning!
Good luck xxx
I've never had a problem with social anxiety but I don't particularly like meeting new people. I especially don't like when I feel like I'm being forced into a situation to be friends with someone! Yikes! That being said, one of my very best friends is the wife of one of DH's old coworkers. The only reason we met was because our husbands started talking and realized that we are two peas in a pod and insisted we meet. It took me months to actually go out to dinner with them, but a few years later she is one of my closest friends!
This lady does sound a little crazy though. Does DH know how uncomfortable it makes you?
I would have someone you are very close with act as your wingman and politely decline saying she or he has already offered. Also, have you thought about having your shower at home? DH and I are doing more of a cookout, relax, eh we're having a baby so come eat type party. My DD's shower was a bit nerve racking for me bc I didn't like all the eyes and attention on me. Having a small cookout/dinner instead just takes the pressure off and may help with you having more anxiety than is needed?? HUGS to you.
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Awesome, small world. Thank you very much!
What part of so cal are you from btw?
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
We are headed there this weekend to go
visit some family. How funny.
In an ideal world, you'd look this Jane Doe in the face and say "are you some kind of crazy?" But in this situation and with your SA its okay to let DH say in his kind way that you're not interested in what she's selling. Don't bring up friendship with her. My experience is that people who REALLY wanna be friends will be okay with your initial stand off nature, while weirdos who won't get you anyway will call you a bitch and move on.
Here's the scary thing. Social stuff comes up with babies. You have to be your own advocate and let people know "social stuff isn't my scene, but I'd love to be Facebook friends". Personally, I'd love it if someone said that!
Though that is a little weird, maybe she is just trying to be nice because she knows that you don't have too many friends there. Also, if they are new then she might not have too many friends either. Maybe she is just looking for a friend.
Wanting to throw a baby shower for someone you don't even know, though, is odd!
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!I think i would have DH say thank you & you both appreciate the offer but you're already having a shower with close friends. Hopefully that's enough to calm her down.
That being said IF you would feel comfortable going to said dinner just to get a feel for her (you're new to town she might be a good friend prospect?) try out the dinner thing if not, just have your hubby buy you a little time & stall on the initial meeting them for a couple weeks then say you were put on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy & you will be free & clear of any stressful social meetings with her from here till eternity if you play your "we have a difficult baby" card right.
As you can probably tell I have used a variation of this whole scenario (minus baby shower part) on a lady that I could tell something was off about how she acted towards me & she ended up with stalking charges filed on her by someone else later down the road.
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)