My MIL texted me at 1030pm last night, saying she was looking for 'the picture of my grandson'. (I presume she meant the pic I shared to fb and tagged my DH in, so his 'friends' could see it too) I did not reply last night, and briefly considered replying today, but decided not to do so. If she asks I'm going to blame the fact that I sometimes look at texts in my sleep and then forget. If the lady hadn't tried to run my life from across the continent 4 years ago and then got mad when I stood up to her and in a fit of pique blocked me on fb, she could see all the photos she wants. But since she blocked me, even tho she is my husbands 'friend' on fb, she cannot see anything I post. So, she hears from his other family members that there is a photo up, and she can't see it. Ever. But, she can damn well wait until the email with a ton of pictures gets sent out to the family(s), just like everyone else. Especially because, like Murphy's Law, I had managed to fall asleep around 10 for once, and she woke me up.
My MIL gets so pouty and childish around the holidays... She expects us to spend them with her (we don't) even though she has no traditions and things tend to get all yelly and screamy over there... Last year we hosted a beautiful Christmas Eve (which is actually my favorite part of the holiday) brunch for his family and a few times this year she had made snippy comments about it not being good enough... So maybe this year we won't see her at all ... Well I am not that cruel but I was pretty annoyed that we hosted this really nice thing and she had to get nasty about it. So we just ignore her comments and will probably invite them over for brunch again...
My IL's Rock, they can't speak English and I can't speak there language. So it's just smiles and awkward laughs for a week every year. My mother makes up for it 300%.
My Aunty is in ICU on life support, she's responding when we talk really loudly to her just by blinking or smiling. She's severely disabled to if she passed away it wouldn't be devastating as she would finally have some peace but my mum almost seems to be wishing for it, it's so strange. The doctors aren't talking about death just how much she may/may not recover and lasting impacts but all mum asks is what's her chance of relapsing and dying. We were there last week, my Aunty opened her eyes and smiled at LO. An hour later my mum and her aunty are talking about the funeral and what to do with her body. Seriously have you no shame? Not only can she hear you taking about burying her or donating her body there is other families around us where death is an immediate probability and that's the last thing they want to hear. So fucked up
So now I'm just hiding away biting my tongue because if I see her I'll probably ruin everything from my big mouth.
@mishmardhiono is it possible your mom knows that her sister (I'm presuming its her sister and not your dad's sister) would not want to live in that state but the aunts husband or whomever won't let her go? I'm not sure how it works in Aus, but here if we are married and cannot make medical decisions, our spouses make them on our behalf. So if I were your aunt and my husband couldn't bring himself to make that call to let me go, my sister would be left hoping I would just die, too.
No she isn't married, she lives in a group home. The reality death would be a better option but I'm not sure you should be encouraging/wishing for it over the persons body. If it was my sister I would have turned off the support but if I didn't and she made a recovery I wouldn't keep hoping for a relapse
@mellymar, I've been trying to confirm what blocked people can still see and it sounds like you may be able to confirm for me. So if you post something and your DH (who is facebook friends with your MIL), your MIL can't see it. Do you happen to know if he posts a picture you're tagged in, or a post that you're tagged in, can she see that?
Also, so not a fan of passive aggressiveness, like when your MIL tells you she wants that pic of "my grandson" instead of just referring to him by name.
@mishmardhiono, that's such a sad, terrible, stressful situation for you all. I can understand some people would almost look to death as an end to suffering for their loved one. But I wouldn't want to talk about it in front of them unless it was to try to find out from them what they'd want to do (like if the doctors let us know it may be time to prepare ourselves, or if it was inevitable at some point in the somewhat near future). People have so many varied reactions to loved ones suffering. I never could really understand why someone would withdraw and not visit a loved one if they knew that person was dying. I'd think, this is your last time to see this person and talk, you need to take it! But there are lots of people who cope by hiding from it. Just an example of something I experienced/witnessed in my family some years ago.
@enigmaticjj I asked DH about this and he didn't know the answer. But I was curious, so I did a bunch of googling and found this. So I'm interpreting this to read that if my DH posts a photo and tags me, she can see it. But if I post a photo and tag him, she cannot, because I am the originator of the post / photo
I have my in laws blocked as well... Every couple of weeks my MIL comments about how little I post on FB. Correct you stalker! I flat out declined her Instagram request. She doesn't need to be up in my business all the time. Makes me crazy.
She was her last night and asked what we do with LO when we eat dinner. I told her that we fill up the bathtub and toss him in. She thought I was serious. Like I'm going to do that with my kid. It's this stupid shit that I can't handle any more.
I have to say, I'm one that ended up lucky in the MIL department. She is really sweet and has never offered advice which makes it so easy to be around her. My only issue is with her husband. When they got married, the family had only met him once or twice, so none of us got to know him first and her previous husbands and boyfriends have been mostly creeps and/or abusive, so we didn't have very high hopes for him. Turns out he is actually good to her and loves her dearly so I'm very happy for her, so that's most important. But I feel like it's going to be a long road for us as LO grows up bc even though he's great to my MIL, I just don't know him and from what I've seen, he gives me the creeps. I can't tell if he's a creep or if he's just pretty ignorant to what's an appropriate way to relate to kids.. He told my 16 year-old SIL that when he introduced my MIL to his wrestling fans (oh and there's that - he's a wrestler), he gave her a lap dance in front of everyone (which makes me feel nauseous). And he dresses up in these really scary looking wrestling outfits with scary makeup or really skimpy tight outfits...which unfortunately have made their way to Facebook forcing me to see them Anyway..so my FIL is very strange and creepy so it's gonna be interesting..
@cait7425 Yeah they will never get to keep LO, so he will only ever see her at family events, so maybe 4 times a year tops. That's too much though for me, bc I don't ever want him to touch her but I also don't want to hurt MIL's feelings about it or make everything awkward and dramatic...bc I don't have a ton of evidence as to why I don't want him around her, just a gut feeling, like you said. I wish there was a way to never have to say something about how my DH and I feel... I envy some of you who have distance between you and your IL's...
ETA that yes, he will not touch her...like ever... So no one has to worry about that, I'm just not looking forward to the day that I or DH have to tell MIL and her husband that...
My FIL is driving me insane. I'm dealing with some depression right now and my parents have LO (rave for them). It was kind of an impromptu decision and they live a couple hours away. Anyway ILs are terrible communicators and MIL didn't tell FIL what was going on. He knew I was not feeling like myself, but in all honestly, probably doesn't care. He keeps calling DH and asking how the baby is and when he's going to be home. When DH told him where LO was he got mad and wanted to know why he couldn't take care of him. Um, you work and there's more to taking care of him than feeding him a bottle. He's making me feel so guilty for having my Mom take care of LO so I can get better. DH misses LO like crazy and his dad isn't helping by constantly making us feel bad because he didn't get to tell him bye. It's not permanent. They left Tuesday afternoon and we're planning to go pick him up this afternoon depending on how my counseling session goes. Not everything is about you, you selfish asshole.
@KarasTwin I'm sorry you have to deal with him. He sounds like a real jackass. I know from experience, when you feel like you're barely holding it together, the last thing you need is some jerk telling you you're being selfish/over dramatic/immature etc. Not helpful. You are doing what's best for your family. End of story.
@Sammy K thanks, girl. He's one of the most selfish people I've ever met. Even DH agrees, but there's no getting him to see anyone else's side of the story. I think everyone has put up with it for so long and let him get away with it he just is never going to change. I'm really hoping that the counselor will be able to help me come up with ways to let his behaviors not get to me so much.
@KarasTwin your FIL sucks. Absolutely the LAST thing you need right now. I'm sorry you have to deal with him on top of everything else. I hope your counselor does have some insights on how to deal (or not deal) with him
I posted a while ago about my mil. The girls are now 6 months old. My mil didn't attempt once in their first 5 months of life to come meet them. She's not a grandma at all. My ds, who is 3 doesn't even know who she is! She's a complete stranger. Well about a month ago, we got a letter from her lawyer! She's taking us to court over grandparents rights, stating that she tries and tries to see the kids, but we refuse. WTH! She's never tried! We've briefly seen her twice since, and is been horrible! She peeks at the girls and has never even asked to hold them. She looks at them and then acts like they're not there. Our ds asked her who she was and she told him she didn't know. I'm just floored by this whole situation!
@KarasTwin I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that on top of everything else. Like others have said, that's the last thing you need! Hopefully your counselor will give you some tips on dealing with him. I also agree that healthy mama=healthy baby. You are a great mom for realizing what you need and taking care of that. Don't lose sight of that or let anyone make you feel otherwise. Hugs to you!
ETA: @DolphinLover2002 that's crazy! Seriously. Grandparents rights? Is that even a thing?!?
@DolphinLover2002 Sorry for being nosy, but I'm interested in your situation with your mother-in-law. As a juvenile attorney, I've heard dozens of grandparents talk about "grandparents rights" but never in my career have I seen a successful case, and I wouldn't be surprised if I never do. There's a well-known Supreme Court case which makes it extraordinarily difficult for a grandparent to do the type of thing that your mother-in-law's trying to do. Have you actually been served with the summons? Or just a letter from the attorney demanding some kind of contact with the kids?
@DolphinLover2002 I'm also curious about how this legal thing is supposed to go down. I'm wondering if maybe she got a lawyer to write a letter to try and scare you / bully you? Something along the lines of 'you'd better be nice to me or I'll sic my lawyer on you'? I remember you posting about your MIL. She sounds crazy and obnoxious. And crazy obnoxious. Sorry you have to deal with that
@KonaCoffeeBean and @mellymar so far it's just a letter from her lawyer demanding contact. I believe she's trying to bully/scare us. However, I don't put anything past her. She hates me, and I feel she'll do anything to try to hurt me. Like I said, we've seen her twice since, but she doesn't really seem interested in the kids at all. We just sit there in awkward silence. So I'm really not sure what the future holds.
@DolphinLover2002 Keep us posted. I really hope you don't have to go to court over this. I don't know what she expects. This certainly won't improve family relations. If anything, she's making a good case of why she should be cut off. Good luck and I hope karma bites her in the ass.
Thanks, ladies! The appointment went well, but I'm going to have to see someone else from no own because she's out of network for our insurance.
@DolphinLover2002 what a bitch. I don't even think grandparents rights should be a thing. Next it'll be aunts and uncles rights. Nobody other than the parents should have rights to a child. Based on @KonaCoffeeBean's experiences, it doesn't sound like she has a leg to stand on.
@karastwin I'm proud of you for getting the help you need! I hope you figure things out soon and you have a happy life! You deserve it! Don't let horrible people bring you down. You rock, mama! Keep your head high. And I agree, nobody should have rights to a child other than their parents. It's bs that these laws even exist. But I'll keep everyone posted. @Sammy K that's what we think too. We'll see what happens.
@DolphinLover2002 what does your husband think about this? Your MIL is crazy. Mine would never see my kids again if she pulled that.
Mine made me feel really guilty for not traveling to their house for thanksgiving. We went the Weekend before for one day bc I only had thanksgiving off and traveling late at night with a baby that doesn't sleep is just way too exhausting for me. We're not going for Xmas for the same reason. I told DH Santa will always come to our house and we aren't traveling on the 25th. I'm working full time and haven't slept in 5 months. Don't tell me I should just deal with being exhausted bc y'all are more important. Oh it made me livid.
Oh and also his wrestling (pronounced "raslin") name is Jungle Jim. Just throwing that out there.
I'm crying from laughter over here! All I can picture is hulk hogan in a jungle type outfit!
@KarasTwin Your FIL is scum on the bottom of my shoe! He doesn't deserve your time, effort, or thoughts. Keep getting better! I'm glad your spot went well today, sorry she's not in your network though. Hopefully you find another great counselor!
@DolphinLover2002 I Googled grandparents rights out of curiosity and unless you're hiding substance abuse, physical abuse, incarceration, divorce, or your actually bumping from beyond the grave, it doesn't sound like she has much to stand on. It was an interesting read.
@jesshrou, he's beyond fed up with her. Him and I are 100% on the same page. Thanks @Sammy K! I'm really hoping that's the case of it does go there. And definitely not any of the things you said! Never smoked a day in my life, never did drugs, never been drunk, treat my kids like royalty, certainly alive, and very happily married!
I posted a while ago about my mil. The girls are now 6 months old. My mil didn't attempt once in their first 5 months of life to come meet them. She's not a grandma at all. My ds, who is 3 doesn't even know who she is! She's a complete stranger. Well about a month ago, we got a letter from her lawyer! She's taking us to court over grandparents rights, stating that she tries and tries to see the kids, but we refuse. WTH! She's never tried! We've briefly seen her twice since, and is been horrible! She peeks at the girls and has never even asked to hold them. She looks at them and then acts like they're not there. Our ds asked her who she was and she told him she didn't know. I'm just floored by this whole situation!
Wow, she really thinks a nasty letter is going to get her access to grandchildren she has little interest in? What happens to these people once their sons get married/have a baby..
LO is 16 weeks as of yesterday and I can count on one hand the # of times my in-laws have come to see her. One of those was because we needed an emergency baby sitter so I could go to the hospital so it doesn't really count. They have another granddaughter who lives 2 hours away and because they rarely get a chance to see her, she's very shy and stand off-ish towards them which always makes my FIL super offended and my MIL cry. I thought things would be different now that they have a granddaughter 20 minutes away but it's the exact same. My MIL calls my husband every day saying how much she misses DD and requesting a thousand pictures. But when DH asks her when she's going to come see her she always has an excuse:
1. "I have a headache."
2. "We don't have any money for gas." When DH offered to give them gas money, she still said no.
3. "The car isn't working properly and we're worried it's going to break down." A few days later they showed up for a visit at DH's work. When he asked about the car: "Well, this is closer to home so if we break down it's not a big deal." Huh??
4. And my favorite: "Oh you should've asked us to come over earlier! We've already left the house to go out to lunch." Um, I thought you had no money and your car was broken? Ugh.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying not having to see them all the time but I feel really bad for DH. He wants his parents to be apart of LO's life and it's just so irritating to hear her do her woe-is-me bit about missing her when we're always inviting them over. I told DH when Lexie gets older and doesn't feel close to them, I don't want to hear shit about it and if I see one tear I'm going to give them a piece of my mind.
My mother is hilarious! She's taking an Aftican drumming class... Well, tonight she came home and said, "I just have to practice this beat or I will never get it. I promise not to wake the baby. But I'm sorry, I just have to practice."
Obviously she woke the baby.
Then LO couldn't sleep for a while, so I was going to let him cry for a few minutes. Then I hear my mother in his room. I go up and just take him and say I'm going to feed him, knowing at this point it's the only thing that will get him back to sleep. Mom says, "let me just get his bear out of his crib..." Sounding really guilty.
The lady KNOWS we don't let anything in the crib with him - sometimes to start a nap, but never at night. She has her own ideas about it, and won't hear of anything else. But she was so sheepish about it, I had to laugh.
So I come downstairs and find her doing my laundry. I tell her to stop and she says, "I can't! I woke the baby and I feel too guilty!"
None of this is coming through properly. She's a character and a half. Super nurturing. Impossible to be mad at.
Today, DH made her a lunch of cheeseburgers and salad. He handed her the plate, and she said, "Thanks! I'm off now. See you later!" and grabbed her keys. Me: Mom, are you just taking your plate and fork and everything?! Mom: Yes!! I'm LATE!
She makes me laugh. Living with her for a few months isn't so bad.
my family doesnt branch out when it comes to food at all and its so frustrating because my mom always asks what to make and ill give her a boatload of suggestions that are healthy (since pretty much everyone wants to lose weight) but she will just turn them all down.
I am so thankful my parents had 3 girls, because God help any woman who would've tried to date or marry a son of my mother's. She would behave precisely how many of you describe your MIL's. Thankfully although she has her moments of crazy, it's easy to put her in check and DH probably wouldn't even notice a backhanded comment because he's a man.
I'm pretty sure she keeps a log of how many hours she gets to spend with LO compared to my in laws which drives me insane. I double checked holiday plans with her (we spend Xmas eve with my in laws and Xmas day with them) and she said "oh you're not going to be running off to (DH's family) during our time together are you?" and I lost it....crazy lady.
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
I am so thankful my parents had 3 girls, because God help any woman who would've tried to date or marry a son of my mother's. She would behave precisely how many of you describe your MIL's. Thankfully although she has her moments of crazy, it's easy to put her in check and DH probably wouldn't even notice a backhanded comment because he's a man.
I'm pretty sure she keeps a log of how many hours she gets to spend with LO compared to my in laws which drives me insane. I double checked holiday plans with her (we spend Xmas eve with my in laws and Xmas day with them) and she said "oh you're not going to be running off to (DH's family) during our time together are you?" and I lost it....crazy lady.
Our mums sound so similar, how do you deal with her? I can't deal with mine so I normally say what I think which she then totally spins and turns it into a massive thing. Do you just pacify yours or do you also try being her back to reality
Re: Family rants and raves - December
I did not reply last night, and briefly considered replying today, but decided not to do so. If she asks I'm going to blame the fact that I sometimes look at texts in my sleep and then forget.
If the lady hadn't tried to run my life from across the continent 4 years ago and then got mad when I stood up to her and in a fit of pique blocked me on fb, she could see all the photos she wants. But since she blocked me, even tho she is my husbands 'friend' on fb, she cannot see anything I post. So, she hears from his other family members that there is a photo up, and she can't see it. Ever.
But, she can damn well wait until the email with a ton of pictures gets sent out to the family(s), just like everyone else. Especially because, like Murphy's Law, I had managed to fall asleep around 10 for once, and she woke me up.
ETA - in this case, not yours @ElRuby ... But some people's
My Aunty is in ICU on life support, she's responding when we talk really loudly to her just by blinking or smiling. She's severely disabled to if she passed away it wouldn't be devastating as she would finally have some peace but my mum almost seems to be wishing for it, it's so strange. The doctors aren't talking about death just how much she may/may not recover and lasting impacts but all mum asks is what's her chance of relapsing and dying. We were there last week, my Aunty opened her eyes and smiled at LO. An hour later my mum and her aunty are talking about the funeral and what to do with her body. Seriously have you no shame? Not only can she hear you taking about burying her or donating her body there is other families around us where death is an immediate probability and that's the last thing they want to hear. So fucked up
So now I'm just hiding away biting my tongue because if I see her I'll probably ruin everything from my big mouth.
She was her last night and asked what we do with LO when we eat dinner. I told her that we fill up the bathtub and toss him in. She thought I was serious. Like I'm going to do that with my kid. It's this stupid shit that I can't handle any more.
ETA that yes, he will not touch her...like ever... So no one has to worry about that, I'm just not looking forward to the day that I or DH have to tell MIL and her husband that...
I'm sorry you have to deal with him on top of everything else. I hope your counselor does have some insights on how to deal (or not deal) with him
ETA: @DolphinLover2002 that's crazy! Seriously. Grandparents rights? Is that even a thing?!?
2nd round exp 8/20/18.
I remember you posting about your MIL. She sounds crazy and obnoxious. And crazy obnoxious. Sorry you have to deal with that
@DolphinLover2002 what a bitch. I don't even think grandparents rights should be a thing. Next it'll be aunts and uncles rights. Nobody other than the parents should have rights to a child. Based on @KonaCoffeeBean's experiences, it doesn't sound like she has a leg to stand on.
And I agree, nobody should have rights to a child other than their parents. It's bs that these laws even exist. But I'll keep everyone posted.
@Sammy K that's what we think too. We'll see what happens.
Mine made me feel really guilty for not traveling to their house for thanksgiving. We went the Weekend before for one day bc I only had thanksgiving off and traveling late at night with a baby that doesn't sleep is just way too exhausting for me. We're not going for Xmas for the same reason. I told DH Santa will always come to our house and we aren't traveling on the 25th.
I'm working full time and haven't slept in 5 months. Don't tell me I should just deal with being exhausted bc y'all are more important. Oh it made me livid.
@KarasTwin Your FIL is scum on the bottom of my shoe! He doesn't deserve your time, effort, or thoughts. Keep getting better! I'm glad your spot went well today, sorry she's not in your network though. Hopefully you find another great counselor!
Thanks @Sammy K! I'm really hoping that's the case of it does go there. And definitely not any of the things you said! Never smoked a day in my life, never did drugs, never been drunk, treat my kids like royalty, certainly alive, and very happily married!
Obviously she woke the baby.
Then LO couldn't sleep for a while, so I was going to let him cry for a few minutes. Then I hear my mother in his room. I go up and just take him and say I'm going to feed him, knowing at this point it's the only thing that will get him back to sleep. Mom says, "let me just get his bear out of his crib..." Sounding really guilty.
The lady KNOWS we don't let anything in the crib with him - sometimes to start a nap, but never at night. She has her own ideas about it, and won't hear of anything else. But she was so sheepish about it, I had to laugh.
So I come downstairs and find her doing my laundry. I tell her to stop and she says, "I can't! I woke the baby and I feel too guilty!"
None of this is coming through properly. She's a character and a half. Super nurturing. Impossible to be mad at.
Today, DH made her a lunch of cheeseburgers and salad. He handed her the plate, and she said, "Thanks! I'm off now. See you later!" and grabbed her keys.
Me: Mom, are you just taking your plate and fork and everything?!
Mom: Yes!! I'm LATE!
She makes me laugh. Living with her for a few months isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure she keeps a log of how many hours she gets to spend with LO compared to my in laws which drives me insane. I double checked holiday plans with her (we spend Xmas eve with my in laws and Xmas day with them) and she said "oh you're not going to be running off to (DH's family) during our time together are you?" and I lost it....crazy lady.