June 2016 Moms
adiaz132003
member
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Kids and Christmas presents
adiaz132003
member
This has been weighing on my mind all day. So, I've tried to look up articles and other boards on this issue but found none so here I go.
DH and I are minimal. We give eachother a handful for gifts each year with a budget and do the same for our families but we couldn't help but notice how spoiled kids are these days. Getting like 20-30 gifts to unwrap each year. We plan on keeping Christmas small for our kids cause we don't want it to turn into a situation where they expect to get everything they've ever wanted. As nice as that would be for anyone it would create a monster, as DH and I have witness with my young cousins. Every year we see them getting things like iPhones, tons of toys, gaming systems and they are ages 9-16. And they never seem to be happy about what they get no matter how big. When we were that age we got a handful of gifts and it was mostly things much more practical.
Now, to moms who already have kids, how do you deal with the expectation of gift giving with your kids and deal with the other kids at school bragging about their iPhones and xboxes?
DH and I are minimal. We give eachother a handful for gifts each year with a budget and do the same for our families but we couldn't help but notice how spoiled kids are these days. Getting like 20-30 gifts to unwrap each year. We plan on keeping Christmas small for our kids cause we don't want it to turn into a situation where they expect to get everything they've ever wanted. As nice as that would be for anyone it would create a monster, as DH and I have witness with my young cousins. Every year we see them getting things like iPhones, tons of toys, gaming systems and they are ages 9-16. And they never seem to be happy about what they get no matter how big. When we were that age we got a handful of gifts and it was mostly things much more practical.
Now, to moms who already have kids, how do you deal with the expectation of gift giving with your kids and deal with the other kids at school bragging about their iPhones and xboxes?
Re: Kids and Christmas presents
I like to give my son (8) one big ticket item per year. That way I feel like he gets that special gift that he really wanted, yet he doesn't expect to get everything under the sun. I hated Xmas growing up because my parents would always make us write to Santa and then none of us would ever get what we asked for. I know, first world problem - and my parents did the best they could - but as a child, it was immensely disappointing year after year.
So, yeah - I just find a happy medium. He gets a big 'must have' gift, and then he gets a scattering of other presents that he likes and is excited about - but that don't break the bank. I still think he's not quite old enough to be super influenced by 'stuff' his peers have. I figure maybe closer to 10 is when we'll start getting into that.
And my two year old will just be happy tearing open wrapping paper.
My mom was one of those mom's you're talking about that got us literally whatever we wanted which was great until I got older and realized that every Christmas my parents were fighting about how much money my mom spent. Even now that I'm 24, she still spends in excess of $1,000 on each kid and there's 5 of us, plus now my husband! Am I grateful? Of course. Do I use/need/want half of the stuff I get? Absolutely not.
H and I don't want this for our child and even with me being only 11 weeks along, my mom has already bought an abundance of stuff. She flipped out when my MIL bought me a baby thermometer and showed up to my house the next day with a bag FULL of baby clothes. I feel like the entire of life of this child is going to be a competition of grandma trying to buy better stuff than mommy and daddy.
How would you make it clear that there needs to be a limit?
To kind of answer your question, once I realized how expensive some of the things were that we got as I got older, I understood why my dad got so upset with my mom spending like she did. He had to work hard to buy 5 kids those brand new things on Christmas. I think teaching kids the value of money and how only hard work earns money might help curb their expectations... without allowing them to worry about a lack of money.
I think your attitude will largely dictate how your kids feel - meaning envious, sorry for themselves, etc. My kids know that in our family elementary school kids don't get phones, there's no weekday screen time other than homework, the iPad belongs to the family, not them and they have to ask to use it, etc. We do other stuff, each family has different rules & priorities, and that's it. Aside from the very sporadic & short-lived mope, there's been no issues. My kids are almost 11 & 9.
I think it's totally how you set up your family and starting these traditions (whatever you'd like them to be) young will solidify how you want to see these things play out over the lifetime of your family.
In our neighborhood, their are a couple families who buy their kids every single thing they want and more. We've had lots of talks with our kids about how our family doesn't operate that way, and there are families who do, but that doesn't make them bad. We talk about gratitude a lot and use that as framework to explain why we do things the way we do. A lot of it has stemmed from the fact that I SAHM until the kids were in school, so our discretionary spending was almost nil until a couple years ago...but again, that's how we've established our family and me staying home was more important than stuff.
I could go on, but I'll refrain
You may never change their behavior, but you can change feeling as though you're obliged to warehouse, organize & clean everything.
ANYWHO... Somehow- maybe it's a miracle--- my brothers and I were actually really thankful kids and leaned to be very generous kids. My parents always modeled using our things to bless others or even give our things to others if we saw a need. They seemed to teach us celebrate lavishly- and it wasn't just material. We always had a large mix of family friends/neighbors without family/ and relatives at our home for Christmas dinner. And with all the material involved... I STILL somehow treasured singing "silent night" with my family at church on Christmas Eve to candle-light. And today Jesus really IS what I treasure most in my everyday life... So my parents did something right!
I think I am sharing all this to say: don't assume if you or your children are given much, it means their heart is spoiled too. It really is about the heart. Materials CAN spoil attitudes and distract... But not always. Here is what I want to do with my kids:
1. November: pack boxes with my kids for Operation Christmas Child. Starts the season with giving.
2. Christmas week. Gather toys that are still in great condition. Clean them up/new batteries--- donate them to a children's home with personal letters from my kids wishing them a merry Christmas. Maybe add some cookies and caroling in there.
3. Also Christmas week: take each child to buy a gift for each other child. (I'm talking dollar store- until they are older) . My brothers and I did this and it focused us on surprising each other with what we had to give.
4. Finally: gifts for them?
1 thing they want
1 thing to read
1 experience (dance lessons/skateboard camp) etc.
stocking full of necessities like toothbrush, hair ties, nail clippers, etc
I just make sure that our focus leading up to Christmas is gifts for others not for themselves. They will love their gifts, but when they are also excited about giving it helps avoid the spoiling factor and create greater gratitude.
We got one big thing and several smaller things. This year we bought a wooden swing set for DS ($350) and several smaller gifts totaling around $100-$150. Usually we spend around $200 (on each kid) but we want the swing set for us as much as him so we have something to do with him and the baby outside. Our kids wont get everything they want, the same way we didn't. If my children even once act ungrateful when they're given a gift, there will be serious consequences.
Because I don't do many gifts at Christmas, I give them a few things at V-day and Easter too.
I worry a lot about spoiling my kids. I know that we have more money than our friends and family, and don't want our kids to have more possessions, despite being able to afford it. I think a nice family vacation making memories together is a better use of our money.
My son will ask why his friends have a phone (or whatever item,) and he doesn't. So he does realize that he's getting less than other people he knows. But I don't think it would be wise of us to buy our kids a lot. If they would get used to having everything, what happens when they're on their own and can't afford all the things they got used to? (The answer is probably a lot of credit card debt!)