When to tell your work.

BritMC18 · December 2015

So I'm in a bit of a predicament and thought I reach out here to see what you all think.

A few days before my first BFP I was offered a job and accepted. The job is as a lead teacher at a brand new premier early childhood preschool. During the interview my (now) boss, made it clear they were looking for people who were committed to being with the company for the long run - they did not want people who were going to leave after a few months. I've always known that when I had a child I was going to stay at home with them for at least the first 2 years.

With it being a preschool, I at first didn't think it would be an issue having a baby in August - I figured I'd go on maternity leave for 6-8 weeks and then come back and the baby would be able to be at the school. However, after underhandedly inquiring into whether or not teachers' children got preference, which they do not, I'm a bit confused as to how to proceed. It's a highly competitive school and the wait list for infants is currently 6+ months long. With no preference given to teachers' children, there is no guarantee when I'm ready to come back from maternity leave that my child will have a spot.

Financially, we could get by if I rescinded my job offer, but 8 solid months of good pay will go a long way once baby comes. I guess what I'd like to know is, at what point are you all planning on telling your employers?

I don't want to say something too early, but I feel the longer I wait the more they are going to be upset that I wasn't forthcoming with this info from the beginning. I know most people don't get a BFP or even realize they are pregnant as soon as I did, but now that I know all I can think about is when I need to tell them, since I am likely not coming back after birth.

mrsgillham14 · December 2015

Could you get on the wait list in a month or two so your baby could be at your school after your maternity leave? If it's a 6+ month wait then you shouldn't have any problem getting in with 8ish months on a wait list.

As far as telling work, it seems like in your line of work you would have to tell them early because of morning sickness. I would wait at least a month then tell them. That way you have made it mostly through the first trimester and the risk of mc has gone down but you are still in a position to make a plan with them. Make sure they know your commitment and see if they are willing to work with you.

BritMC18 · December 2015

mrsgillham14 ! Since I have my first doctor appt. on Dec. 22 and we don't actually have kids in the center until January, I was thinking I'd wait until just after New Years . At that point I'll be just around 8-9 weeks. I hope that when I do tell them they do allow me to go ahead and get on the list, or figure something out, but I'm not holding out hope. Even the director of the center mentioned that she wasn't going to be able to get her daughter into the center until July because of the wait list. If the owner isn't willing to work with a director (who's a lot higher up the totem pole than me), I'm a bit worried about how willing they'll be to work with me.

strickland8052 · December 2015

I'm usually very loyal to jobs and all about being upfront with employers, but in this case I think you shouldn't worry about it. Try to get on the list as soon as possible and hopefully your child can get in and you can keep working. If not, quit whenever you want to quit and tell them the whole story - that you didn't know you were pg when you took the job and then you were hoping your child would get in but he/she didn't. If they are serious about hiring ppl who are in it for the long term, then maybe they should rethink their policies and employee benefits. If you weren't willing to keep working if LO did get in, then I think you would be wrong for not being honest. But IMO, this is on them.

WinchesterGirl · December 2015

I agree with what PPs have said. At this point, you took the job in good faith and are going to try to work within their system to get your baby in so you can continue working long term. If they make that impossible, that is their problem.

Also, I would not be willing to sacrifice eight months of income for my family on the off chance they'll be mad if I can't continue to work there.

amccul20 · December 2015

I wouldn't say anything yet. see how things progress with the pregnancy and with the new job and evaluate this again in 3 months.

ramoseecology · December 2015

I wouldn't say anything yet if you don't have to and would wait until the end of the 1st trimester. I won't be telling my work until 12-14 weeks unless morning sickness is too obvious.

GRJC · December 2015

I would not tell them until after 12 weeks. It's not like you could have planned a pregnancy to coincide with the new job. I get it's inconvenient for them, but you have rights, and I wouldn't give up a job you earned because of inconvenience.

Get your new baby on the wait list and hope that he/she makes it in. If it comes that you have to make a decision to stop working if the baby doesn't get in, I think that's a decision to make later.

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