a very strange question for second time moms

stephaniearthurs · November 2015

OK, I just got into an argument with my cousin (a stm) who basically told me that I would stop showering when baby is here.

Am I completely insane to think that I could have a 5 min. Shower every other day? I told her it will probably happen when my hubby is home in the evening.

I actually makes me angry when people tell what I will and won't be able to do. But if I'm not clean I can't function. I can't sleep if I feel dirty!

Anyway....... maybe I'm just crazy

nyinnc25 · November 2015

I showered every day with my 1st. I had to...you feel disgusting those first few weeks (I mean you're leaking and bleeding all day!!!) I was very lucky though and my husband was home a lot in the beginning and my baby was totally ok being left in the bassinet for a few minutes while I showered. I didn't get totally done up and ready like I normally would have but I definitely found time to shower!

elbou · November 2015

There is a certain amount of truth to what she says, but...much like babies...every mom is different. If you need to feel clean to function, I think you will likely make time for it. I shower with about the same frequency as I did before kids, but it took a while to get back to that for me. Then again, I have never mastered a 5 min shower, so it was a bit more of a time commitment for me.

That being said, it's also very likely that with the sleep deprivation that comes with the first few weeks, you will be so exhausted that you won't want to take the time to do *anything* before falling into bed once your baby is asleep. Just be prepared for that possibility.

Bombmom3 · November 2015

On baby #3. Still shower every night. Manage to do that whether DH is in town or not.

Laundry, on the other hand, has become more of a challenge with each kid - we add more clothes and take away more time for me to fold and put away ...

enigmaanjel · November 2015

I have never not showered. I have 8 kids. I just have to do it after they are asleep. And youcan bet i will have my shower time after this baby as well. For people to tell you what you can and cant do is so effing annoying!! There are ways to take care of yourself. Now that being said, i never have time for make up or fancy stuff lol but i do have time for my sanity which is my nice hot shower/quiet time. I just have to do everything after kids are in bed. And thats fine by me

Latina211508 · November 2015

I was able to shower everyday (even with hubby at work) after my first, second and third baby. I'm pregnant with my fourth and I find it funny when I hear comments like that. Will you be tired, of course. I breastfed all my kids and was up constantly every 2 hours on the dot not counting cluster feeding. But I still took showers everyday, did my hair, put on my makeup etc. Depending on your baby you find a way, wether it being putting them in a bassinet, crib, or in a bouncy infront of the shower etc.

groovylocks · November 2015

elbou said:
I have never mastered a 5 min shower, so it was a bit more of a time commitment for me.

Right and this may be what your cousin is like too. She may not be able to shower in 5 minutes. I can. I don't wash my hair daily - I can't because of my hair type. So a five minute shower is reasonable for me. So when people say things like "you won't find the time" and they're one of the 20 minute minimum shower folk, I don't take it that seriously.

AlejandraN2 · November 2015

It's up to you to make time to do things that are important to you. Yes you'll be exhausted, but I've never skipped a daily shower with my first born and I don't plan to now either. I also put on make up every day, get dressed and do my hair. It's just who I am and in order to feel like myself i make time for it no matter how tired I am. When my daughter was a newborn/little i'd bring the rock and play with me in the bathroom and shower while she napped. It always worked out fine.

stephaniearthurs · November 2015

Thanks ladies!!! I think it's mostly that I don't like being told what I will and won't be able to do! I recognize (and told her) that I know things will be different, but I feel like it's something that I will need to do to be the best I can be.

I only take long showers when I know I have time, but I am mostly an in and out kinda gal and my hubby will be home for 4 weeks with me (which she knows).

I also think she and I are different people completely, but assumes our parenting styles will be different.

satindawl83 · November 2015

groovylocks said:

elbou said:
I have never mastered a 5 min shower, so it was a bit more of a time commitment for me.
Right and this may be what your cousin is like too. She may not be able to shower in 5 minutes. I can. I don't wash my hair daily - I can't because of my hair type. So a five minute shower is reasonable for me. So when people say things like "you won't find the time" and they're one of the 20 minute minimum shower folk, I don't take it that seriously.

This! I don't understand what you can possibly do in the shower for 20 minutes. Everyone's different.

ACarter0914 · November 2015

I think mommy showers are a necessity 1.Its a great time for hubby and baby to hang out for 10 minutes 2. It give you 10 minutes to yourself!

I shower twice a day now with a three year old (before she gets up and after bed time) I probably won't get two with a newborn but I will most definitely get one in!

groovylocks · November 2015

satindawl83 said:

I have never mastered a 5 min shower, so it was a bit more of a time commitment for me.
Right and this may be what your cousin is like too. She may not be able to shower in 5 minutes. I can. I don't wash my hair daily - I can't because of my hair type. So a five minute shower is reasonable for me. So when people say things like "you won't find the time" and they're one of the 20 minute minimum shower folk, I don't take it that seriously.
This! I don't understand what you can possibly do in the shower for 20 minutes. Everyone's different.

A 20 minute shower is something I do when it's just so bloody cold, i don't want to get out so i stand there trying to find ways to procrastinate. Or maybe I could last that long if I'm not alone in the shower

And usually? If I want to just warm up and chill out in water or get funky with my luvva, I run a bath. Showers are pretty much a no-nonsense activity for me. I get in, soap up, get out.

Gingermom15 · November 2015

I shower like I normally do. If baby is fed, burped and has a clean diaper there is no reason they can't wait in the bassinet while you bathe. In my opinion I don't need to rush to pick up and cuddle my baby every time he fusses or cries if his needs are taken care of. Taking care of my needs are important, as well.

SCKD · November 2015

Ugh it bothers be when people say things like that! I was always able to make time to get myself ready. Put the baby down and focus on yourself! Having a baby doesn't mean that you have to completely let yourself go. You will not be selfish for keeping yourself clean and fed. My son is now 4 and is one of the most independent 4 years olds I know. He entertains himself and gets himself dressed. He knows that I need time for myself and everything is not all about him all the time.

kepoole · November 2015

Whereas finding that five min is harder, I always as a single mom found time to shower. Even if I had to pull the bouncer into the bathroom with me to mak DD1 happy while I showered. Don't worry. What is an issue for one person is not a guarantee for another

angelicac06 · November 2015

I'm a FTM so no advice about showering. However I just want to say that those types of comments drive me nuts. I can't tell you how many people said "wait until..." then proceeded to tell me all the things I would't be able to do pregnant. To their suprise I was able to do every single thing they said I could't. Every woman is different and their experience should n't be imposed on others. That said I can't imagine not finding 5 mins to shower. No matter how tired,lol.

LauraSmarterSpam · November 2015

It definitely depends on your situation. With DS I had plenty of time to get ready and even get dolled up.

This time around, DD has cluster fed like crazy, and as soon as she is finished eating, she'll poop, so then I have to change her and then she wants to eat again. There have been a couple of days where I didn't shower, but only because I didn't feel gross and I'm constantly washing all the way up my arms. Plus I use a bidet spray constantly because I'm still bleeding, but thankfully she is 3 weeks old today and the bleeding is very very light.

stephaniearthurs · November 2015

You ladies rock!!!!

soccsm13 · November 2015

I shower the same amount as I did before my son was born. As a baby, he would happily sit in his bouncer while I showered. I feel like if things are important to you, you will find a way to fit it in. People told me that I would stop running, but I didn't because it's important to me and part of who I am. It's important to take time for yourself. We are still going to be the same people when the baby comes, not just a mommy.

lwebley · November 2015

Newborns sleep A LOT! You'll have plenty of time to shower... Even if your husband isn't home to help

Like people said above... You will be the same person you were prior to having a baby. If it's important to you you'll still get it done.

taykerslake · December 2015

Lurker from Nov15. I bring the vibrating chair in the bathroom and put LO in there while I shower. If he's awake then he usually passes out from the noise of the water and the vibration. Then we do skin on skin or I give him a bath. You will find time while LO sleeps. Don't stress

bnwilson11 · December 2015

I always found time to shower with DD because like you I feel better after a shower... and like a PP said especially with all the bleeding and what not. My husband even went back to work the day we got home from hospital and I still found time you just have to find a new normal

Elizabella85 · December 2015

I'm a FTM, so no experience but I hate it when people tell me that I'll never shower or sleep again, or have a clean house so annoying. But I've actually gotten some opposite advice from my mom. She is adamant that I must shower and get dressed everyday no matter what because it's the only thing that will make me feel human on certain days. She's also convinced it will keep away baby blues, not sure about that, but I definitely think showering will make us all feel better!

LMJL · December 2015

FTM here who loves a 20 min shower! & I don't have to DO anything, just stand there & enjoy, especially lately b/c we have a newly reno'd shower & the feel of the hot water on my lower back is AMAZING! (I do try to speed things up as I feel bad about the water bill though!

)

I wanted to chime in though on the "sick of being told what I'll do" front. I want to try a natural birth for a bunch of reasons, but I haven't ruled out an epi, as I know things can change & I've never had a contraction, or gone through active labor, so I have no idea what I'll be thinking then. I HATE when I say this to people & they tell me I'm going to be asking for the epi right away! And the worst culprit is my husband. He keeps telling ppl that he's going to be wheeling me in as I'm screaming for the epi. He thinks it's hilarious too. (My bro was saying the same thing too, but he's at least watched his wife go through labor.) my biggest issue with this is that it makes me feel like my man thinks I'm a wimp & can't possibly take the pain, & since I'm super stubborn this makes me feel like I CAN'T get an epi b/c I have to "prove something." Which is not at all why I don't want the epi! It's really about fear of cascading interventions after the epi.
Sorry this is a little long & off topic, but this thread just triggered something that's been bugging me for a bit & I wondered if I am the only one. Thanks for the vent!

stephaniearthurs · December 2015

LMJL said:
FTM here who loves a 20 min shower! & I don't have to DO anything, just stand there & enjoy, especially lately b/c we have a newly reno'd shower & the feel of the hot water on my lower back is AMAZING! (I do try to speed things up as I feel bad about the water bill though! )

I wanted to chime in though on the "sick of being told what I'll do" front. I want to try a natural birth for a bunch of reasons, but I haven't ruled out an epi, as I know things can change & I've never had a contraction, or gone through active labor, so I have no idea what I'll be thinking then. I HATE when I say this to people & they tell me I'm going to be asking for the epi right away! And the worst culprit is my husband. He keeps telling ppl that he's going to be wheeling me in as I'm screaming for the epi. He thinks it's hilarious too. (My bro was saying the same thing too, but he's at least watched his wife go through labor.) my biggest issue with this is that it makes me feel like my man thinks I'm a wimp & can't possibly take the pain, & since I'm super stubborn this makes me feel like I CAN'T get an epi b/c I have to "prove something." Which is not at all why I don't want the epi! It's really about fear of cascading interventions after the epi.
Sorry this is a little long & off topic, but this thread just triggered something that's been bugging me for a bit & I wondered if I am the only one. Thanks for the vent!

I get it completely. Some people are satisfied with a, this is what I want but I know stuff happens sort of response. And just because you've never been through it doesn't mean you can't want it, or at least try it.

redfallon · December 2015

I showered maybe every couple of days when DD was a newborn. She did not nap long enough for me to shower. For a while, she would not nap without me holding her. She was also not happy sitting in a bouncer in the bathroom. I couldn't handle her screaming long enough to take a shower. For some, this is a reality. Your friend is probably trying to prepare you for how things could possibly go. Doesn't mean that is how it will be for you.

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