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35 weeks pregnant and getting a divorce

marinalishamarinalisha member
in 3rd Trimester
Hey, I'm new on here. And frankly I've lost contact with my friends and don't have anyone to really talk too. It gets really lonely here in NC, I'm originally from NY.

Recently my husband has asked for a divorce from me, we've been married for three years. Married pretty young too. Our child is only 4 weeks or so away from arriving and we still live together until I can find a place to stay back in NY.

I really don't know how to cope with all this. And don't know anyone who's married or have children who can somewhat relate. I'm sad all the time, I cry myself to sleep every night cause I know most of the reason as to why my marriage is over is because of me. I've been suffering from depression for years now and being married to someone in the army really doesn't help anything.

I'm having a hard time accepting were getting a divorce as well. I try to speak to him even when I know he doesn't want to talk to me. I cook for him more so than I did before, I buy him random gifts as If any of these things will somehow mend his feelings for me. I try to look good around the house even being 8 months pregnant.

Frankly I just don't know what to do. I'm hoping that once my child is born I will somehow accept our marriage is over and continue to at least work on a couple parenting agreement.

But still, I can't help but resent him for wanting to leave me now. I very much wanted to have a family and my daughter to have both her parents under the same roof. I simply just want my daughter to have everything I didn't and letting go of that dream has just been difficult.

Is there any women out there who have been through a similar situation ? How did you guys cope with the lose of your marriage ? Any advice will truly help. I was sort of hesitate to post on here, from what I've seen women can be very judgemental of others on here but I thought, what do I really have to lose at this point.

Thank you for your time. Sincerely.

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Re: 35 weeks pregnant and getting a divorce

  • knolliepollieknolliepollie member
    I'm sorry you are going through this as well. I have no first hand experience with it, but I do suggest trying to talk to somebody about your feelings. Maybe try to find a single moms group in you area as well.

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  • shellperryshellperry member
    Call home. Go home. At least for the winter. See the snow for Xmas pm me if you want to talk I've been there
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  • CharminglySouthernCharminglySouthern member
    amm0512 said:

    As a military wife, please use the resources available to you. Counseling is free; visit militaryonesource.mil to find the providers closest to you. Suggest to your husband to go to marriage counseling. Put your foot down and state that is the only way you will consider signing separation or even divorce papers. Pregnancy is a super stressful time, and it's not a fair time to blame yourself for depression. Utilize your PCM and evaluate if you should be on meds for depression. Please take care of yourself; that's the only way you'll be able to take care of baby too.

    There are definitely resources available to you in the military. This is pretty good advice. Seek out counseling and even if he doesn't agree to go, you should go on your own.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. Please take care of yourself.
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  • contourhandscontourhands member
    Sorry you are going thru this... Don't blame yourself.... You shouldn't expect yourself to be perfect and neither should your husband... I can only imagine how disappointed you feel but try to not Blain yourself and trust it will all be kok one day a soon.....my prayers and blessings to you....
    <a href="http://s369.photobucket.com/albums/oo139/jessieohartz/?action=view
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  • CraigglesCraiggles member
    I agree with seeking professional help. If at all possible (and it nearly always is) try to mend it, don't end it. You have to expect tough times. It's part of life & it's definitely part of marriage. You're isolated, you're pregnant & vulnerable & you say you suffer from depression. This is not the time to add another major event to your life. I hope your husband is a decent man and will consider counseling. If you are both willing to do some actual work to better your relationship with yourselves & each other, you have a great shot at building something amazing. Good luck & hugs
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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    I'm sorry you are dealing with this and I agree with the PPs about seeking help. @Craiggles seems to have some positive advice to try. Please seek help and keep us updated so we know that you are well.
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  • bibistar20bibistar20 member
    Im having issues in my relationship too and im 29 weeks. sometime you just hacve to let things go no matter how hard it gets. dont blame yourself for anything, marriage is a work of two people not just one to do all the talking and taking care of things. seelk for help if u have the resources. i know the feeling of letting a dream go believe me is hard, im going through a lot too but it is what it is sometimes. just lift your chin up and be confident
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  • amauldin16amauldin16 member
    I'm in the same boat. Waiting for the baby to arrive to start the paperwork. I'm also a military wife. Please message me if you wanna talk
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  • Knottie44209107Knottie44209107 member
    I am not completely in your shoes but every time my husband and I can't see eye to eye on things he throws a hissy fit, says he's leaving me and threatens me with divorce. We've been married less than a year and he's emotionally disconnected from me and the baby and seems depressed. I'm 34 weeks along and recently have had several ccomplicAtions with the pregnancy. Meanwhile he talks about his work and wondering if we're hosting Thanksgiving and i am borderline in bed rest. Seems selfish of him.
    I am really getting tired of his poor attitutude. But I want to work on things and he seems to have given up. I don't think we argue much at all in our marriage. Just seems like he's in a funk.

    It is hard to stay positive at times but I try to focus on staying healthy for both myself and the baby. We will be fine one way or the other- even if he cashes out.
    Hang in there
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  • ASalton1ASalton1 member
    I've been through a similar situation and I know it can be heartbreaking. I was married to a Navy Corpsman for two years (together for four years) when he requested a divorce while he was deployed. I was actually living with my parents (to save money) and was completely blind sided by him wanted to end our marriage. The worst part was his only reasoning was that we had gotten married too young (I was 18, he was 22 when we got married) and he wasn't ready to settle down yet even after two years. We didn't have children together but it was still really hard. Your family will be your best source of support through this and just keep your head up and know that things will get better. Him being in the Army makes divorce (paperwork wise with Legal Aid) and child support arrangements much easier. Good luck.
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  • LIly436LIly436 member
    Your husband is a pig. Treat him accordingly. Get a good lawyer and get help for your depression
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  • Momona1Momona1 member
    Knottie44209107 said:
    I am not completely in your shoes but every time my husband and I can't see eye to eye on things he throws a hissy fit, says he's leaving me and threatens me with divorce. We've been married less than a year and he's emotionally disconnected from me and the baby and seems depressed. I'm 34 weeks along and recently have had several ccomplicAtions with the pregnancy. Meanwhile he talks about his work and wondering if we're hosting Thanksgiving and i am borderline in bed rest. Seems selfish of him. I am really getting tired of his poor attitutude. But I want to work on things and he seems to have given up. I don't think we argue much at all in our marriage. Just seems like he's in a funk. It is hard to stay positive at times but I try to focus on staying healthy for both myself and the baby. We will be fine one way or the other- even if he cashes out. Hang in there
    Knottie44209107 your husband sounds like mine. Does he have Asperger's by any chance? Does he often seem emotionally ''checked out''?




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  • AnaelseaAnaelsea member
    You know youll have medical until the baby comes, get out of there, the military will cut you a check for child support but not alimony like they used to. You need to go somewhere where you'll be happy, you are more important that your relationship, gifts and cooking arent going to help, you need to leave, get your records from the OB GYN before you leave, and figure out how to get child support(once you have the birth certificate)
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  • LouddogLouddog member
    I married a military man 2.5 years ago and can sympathize.  It can be a very lonely life for the wife.  Also, being isolated from those you know and moving from place to place puts extra stress on a pregnancy…finding your way around a new city, new hospitals, new doctors, new schools….basically new everything in a place where you know no one…also while being pregnant and settling into a new home and new marriage is a formula for stress!  And I don't think military men understand this.  First they are use to living like a nomad.  Second, its not them who is pregnant and is experiencing all the risks/hormones/discomfort that comes with it.   Third, I think a baby doesn't really become a reality to many man until the baby is born.  We feel our baby - to us they are very real and coming!  To them, your belly is getting bigger.  Fourth, I also wonder if the military causes men to become cold and unempathetic and possibly form narcissistic tendencies. They've been trained to live by that "adapt and conquer" mentality.  I went through postpartum blues for sure with our first child , and my husband was irritated by it. Perhaps, my husband's lack of empathy is also derived from his family of origin because they are disgustingly unempathetic. But I think the military further compounds that quality.  These are some of the things I've experienced in my marriage.  We've gone to counseling and that does help.  I am so sorry you are going through all this while pregnant.  
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  • 4N6s4N6s member
    Counseling!
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  • Helen1389Helen1389 member

    I'm so sorry to hear about this. My heart goes out to you. I wish you all the best. Please feel free to reach out if you ever need/want to talk/vent.

    Take care,

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