Mom guilt... Adding a family member

hansonec · November 2015

Hi everyone, I'm a momma of 6 year old boy girl twins. I'm 30 weeks pregnant with a little man who was a big surprise (but a blessing of course). I am having the hardest time with guilt about changing our family. I know it might sound crazy, but I feel sad sometimes knowing how much change a new baby will bring. Every single night I read to my twins and snuggle with each one of them for a few minutes, what if I can't do that as much anymore because I'm busy with the baby? That's just one example. I'm afraid this will change things so much I will lose the special bond I have going on with the twins. I know I sound nuts! Lol but the twins are my only kids/only pregnancy. It was so easy to just have a boy and girl at the same time and it's been perfect ever since. Now I am throwing a 3rd kiddo into the mix and I'm afraid it will just throw everything off. I'm just sad it won't be just my little twinnies anymore and that my attention (what I barely have to give ... I'm in nursing school and my husband is a disabled vet so I am constantly swamped) will lessen with them. I am very grateful for this baby, but even 30 weeks in I'm not 100% used to the idea! Lol

Please be kind with your responses. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or like I'm taking the new little man for granted. I'm just nervous and hormonal lol.

Thank you

hansonec · November 2015

I guess I forgot to ask.... Has anyone else experienced this before the birth of the child(ren) from their second pregnancy? Or other pregnancies etc.

blended10 · November 2015

I think how you feel is normal.
I'm currently preggo with my second bio child, I have 2 step-kids - making a total of 4 kids in our family. My husband had a LOT of guilt about adding our son to the mix & I feel guilty, sometimes, about the daughter we have on the way.
I try to remember though how much I adore my sibs now. There were times (are times) I feel jealous of time my mom spends on my sister or brother but I am immensely grateful & happy to have all my siblings! I'm sure your lo's will feel the same. Probably not all the time, but in the end.

MississippiCatfish · November 2015

I don't think it would be normal to go without some of these feelings. I felt that tug when having my second baby, and now again having my third. The reality is that when they arrive, they are your child JUST as much as your older kids. Right now the babies we're carrying don't feel as real (to some of us), because they're not in our arms. But once baby comes, they will be a part of the family just as much as the older ones, and it just makes perfect sense to have to sacrifice a little bit with each of your kids to do your best for each one of them:)

skruhmin · November 2015

Your feelings are totally normal. What I experienced going from one to two was we added my son's best friend. He LOVED having a new baby in the house. Yeah he acted out a little, but it's something you have to expect. He is so in love with his little brother I couldn't have asked for anything better. Now adding #3 to our mix, I'm more worried that DS2 will show the sibling rivalry but I'm definitely not concerned as I love seeing the sibling bond. Adding siblings is a beautiful thing.

rsstout · November 2015

I feel the EXACT same way. We are going from one to two and I am more nervous about how things are going to change than anything. My daughter will only let me put her to bed and read her bed time story and do certain things, so i am very anxious about she will feel. I don't feel guilty per say, I think what we are feeling is completely normal, so try not to beat yourself up over it. No one is saying it will be easy, but in time everyone will adjust

good luck mama!

redfallon · November 2015

Completely normal. I have a two year old daughter. I still hold her in the glider while she drinks milk from her cup before she goes to her bed. She likes to sit on my lap on the couch during the day if we are watching something or put stuff in my lap that she is playing with. Those times and similar are when I wonder if we will still have those and how she will be with a new baby in the house. It won't be only us any longer during the day, either. I'm already planning to take her to her first movie in June when Finding Dory comes out so we can have a Mommy and Me date without Daddy and Baby Brother.

GinnyJ2012 · November 2015

I cried the night I went into labor with my second and insisted on putting my older son to bed, even with the painful contractions. I held him and knew his life would forever change, but I'd like to think his life is better with his little brother. I have the same guilt with baby 3 on the way and am wondering how I'll make it all work. Then I remember that my mother did it with a husband that was overseas 240+ days a year with the Air Force. The guilt is normal, and you can make it all work!

PrimRoseMama · November 2015

hansonec said:

Hi everyone, I'm a momma of 6 year old boy girl twins. I'm 30 weeks pregnant with a little man who was a big surprise (but a blessing of course). I am having the hardest time with guilt about changing our family. I know it might sound crazy, but I feel sad sometimes knowing how much change a new baby will bring. Every single night I read to my twins and snuggle with each one of them for a few minutes, what if I can't do that as much anymore because I'm busy with the baby? That's just one example. I'm afraid this will change things so much I will lose the special bond I have going on with the twins. I know I sound nuts! Lol but the twins are my only kids/only pregnancy. It was so easy to just have a boy and girl at the same time and it's been perfect ever since. Now I am throwing a 3rd kiddo into the mix and I'm afraid it will just throw everything off. I'm just sad it won't be just my little twinnies anymore and that my attention (what I barely have to give ... I'm in nursing school and my husband is a disabled vet so I am constantly swamped) will lessen with them. I am very grateful for this baby, but even 30 weeks in I'm not 100% used to the idea! Lol Please be kind with your responses. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or like I'm taking the new little man for granted. I'm just nervous and hormonal lol. Thank you

I think every mother goes through this phase and the feelings you have are absolutely normal. I know it sounds trite, but you really will fall into a rhythm and you will be able to balance needs when you get there. (((hugs)))

Stormiewinter · November 2015

I think it's totally normal. I don't think there's a mom out there who doesn't worry about how adding a new child will change the family dynamics. Whenever I start to worry about it I try to think about how much I love my own brothers and sisters (1 of 7) and how I couldn't imagine not having them. Always helps give me perspective.

2-Step · November 2015

Totally normal. I felt this way with #2 and #3. I was very nervous about #2 and it was probably the best thing to ever happen to my first son. They are best buddies and love each other so much. I still get nervous about this one, but I know that things will be fine in my heart. You will be stretched thin, but your kids will know you love them very much and will most likely be happy they have another sibling.

celainev · November 2015

This is my first baby so I don't have experience as a Mom, but as a human being your response is completely normal!! I think we all are afraid of change, to some degree. I have mild panics about the change that will occur in my life now that we will go from a married couple to parents! And even thinking about our future, if we are blessed with another baby, will I ever love future LO as much as this one? But our love increases, it doesn't spread out!

Your twins will LOVE having a sibling. I love having my siblings! You will find the time to give attention to your twins still, because you are an amazing mom.

amm0512 · November 2015

Well, I had honestly not thought about this until reading this thread! Now I'm stressing putting DS to bed on Thursday night since DD will arrive Friday. I am moreso wondering how I can love someone else as much as I love DS; that is where I have felt guilty. Does the guilt ever end as a parent?!

redfallon · November 2015

Your heart grows like this

hansonec · November 2015

Aww thank you all so much for making me feel less crazy! Haha. Everyone keeps insisting I will love this new guy just as much as the 2x and so I'm sure I will

I love the idea of planning special mommy time with the twins or each kiddo individually. I'm sure once the new baby is in my arms I will be full of nothing but love.

macdeezy · November 2015

oh mama, i'm right there with you!!
i have a 4 year old daughter with special needs, and i'm almost 32 weeks pregnant with my son.
it's been a roller coaster of emotions since the get go.
my daughter is really reliant on a structured routine, so i feel very guilty that i will be messing up her life bringing in a new baby.
i feel like it's a normal thing to feel, especially if you feel like a lot falls on you to begin with.
everything will be okay, and everything will fall into place with a new routine.
i hope you find some inner peace with everything going on. ❤️

Mamabeagle · November 2015

My parents had my younger twin sisters when I was 6, and my brothers were 8 and 10.

There was some resentment but I can tell you that I adored and still adore the crap out of those two. They are old enough to help out and be made to feel included and important which is one way to get them excited about the new sibling. You will always have growing pains in a family but it will work out.

Mom guilt... Adding a family member

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