Passive Aggressive Comments from Friends?

Bubbles3592 · November 2015

Hey, I thought the best place to get some supportive ideas would be here since we're all moms-to-be, or already moms with another baby on the way. I have been really excited about my baby boy and so I decided to start scrapbooking. I post all my fun ideas on Facebook for my friends and I to talk about since none of them live near me, and I've mostly been supported throughout the entire deal because most of my friends are all crafty too. But there's this one friend who isn't crafty at all, and she has two kids and one on the way. She posted a very passive aggressive status today about how, and I'm paraphrasing here, she wishes she could make memories and do fun things for her children but she says she can't because she doesn't have the time nor does she have the money, emphasis on money, like some people do (which I assume the "some people" she is referring to is me). I was taken aback by it and didn't really know how to deal with it so I didn't say anything. This follows me buying scrapbook supplies on Black Friday and posting about how excited I was to get started. Our situations are completely different, so her passive aggressive comment really seems unfair to me. She has her own place, two extra mouths to feed, and works a full-time job. I am a stay-at-home mom-to-be currently living with my parents while my fiancé works. I was just wondering if any of you have had to handle some passive aggressive friends who maybe felt jealous or bitter because of different situations, and how did you handle them?

AmadorRose · November 2015

This is probably no help, but I'm entirely too old to waste my energy on fake friends. *If* her comment was truly aimed at you, you can either brush it off and move on with your life or create a ton of stupid drama over some scrapbooking supplies.
My closest female friend has very little interest in my pregnancy, as she is not in a place in her own life that pregnancy could be deemed exciting; however, when I text her something like, "I felt her kick from the outside!" or something sarcastic about how gross pregnancy can be, she is supportive. She makes it clear that she thinks pregnancy is disgusting but is also excited for me, because I am excited. My point is that a real friend wouldn't need to belittle a situation that she can't understand or relate to.

RoseShadow873 · November 2015

It doesn't really sound aggressive or passive aggressive to me but you didn't give an exact quote. Maybe she doesn't mean to be rude but genuinely is sad she can't do what you are doing. I think facebook makes a lot of people feel jealous and regretful about things they aren't doing or can't do. You could offer to help her make a book or something if you are good friends.

Bubbles3592 · November 2015

RoseShadow873 said:

It doesn't really sound aggressive or passive aggressive to me but you didn't give an exact quote. Maybe she doesn't mean to be rude but genuinely is sad she can't do what you are doing. I think facebook makes a lot of people feel jealous and regretful about things they aren't doing or can't do. You could offer to help her make a book or something if you are good friends.

I guess I didn't think about it like that. I'll see what I can do. ^_^

RoseShadow873 · November 2015

If she really isn't crafty or really doesn't have much time she could get a memory book/baby book and fill that out for her baby since it's more "fill in the blank" than a scrap book. That's what I am doing!

mumistheword · November 2015

I'm with @amadorrose on this one, I think I'm just too old to care about that sort of thing. I deleted my facebook 4 years ago, and it is honestly one of the best things I've ever done. It took away any of the unnecessary drama, and helped me to stop over thinking stupid things. At the end of the day, I don't think that the comment was directed at you and if it was than you shouldn't give it any more thought or energy anyway. It could be that she saw how awesome all of your scrap booking stuff was and the time you have and genuinely was feeling sorry for herself and her situation. As you said, your situations are completely different and she may be overwhelmed with the holidays having two kids already (with another on the way) and wishing she had more time for herself and money for her children to do that kind of stuff. I think your best bet is just to be the bigger person and let things go.

tripledaggerWed95976 · November 2015

If she was truly posting that in a passive aggressive way, maybe have a talk with her or possibly reevaluate where you two are with your friendship. However like Pp said, there is always a chance that maybe she is sincerely bummed that she doesn't have that opportunity. If you are close with her maybe it's worth just asking her about it?

amaniupendo · November 2015

I think it's possible that you are reading too much into it and even possibly that it's not related to you and your scrap booking plans. It could be genuine sadness. None of us have enough info to know and help advise.

I would chose to let it pass especially if it's someone you care about. I always try to fault on giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Ready4theParty · November 2015

I am also too old to deal with this kind of drama. Even if she did intend to direct this at you I'd let it slide off. My guess is with the holidays she is seeing her friends doing fun things with their kids like skiing, cutting down a Christmas tree, ect.

If you still think it has something to do with you I suggest you just let it go. Mommy wars suck and if you can ignore the jabs 9n social media or the Mom's who post everything wonderful about their kids you will be a lot, A LOT, happier.

Pmommy0416 · November 2015

AmadorRose said:
This is probably no help, but I'm entirely too old to waste my energy on fake friends. *If* her comment was truly aimed at you, you can either brush it off and move on with your life or create a ton of stupid drama over some scrapbooking supplies.
My closest female friend has very little interest in my pregnancy, as she is not in a place in her own life that pregnancy could be deemed exciting; however, when I text her something like, "I felt her kick from the outside!" or something sarcastic about how gross pregnancy can be, she is supportive. She makes it clear that she thinks pregnancy is disgusting but is also excited for me, because I am excited. My point is that a real friend wouldn't need to belittle a situation that she can't understand or relate to.

This.

Sarcasm101 · November 2015

IMO, anything you post on Facebook is open to comment. If you don't want comments, keep it off Facebook.

Bubbles3592 · November 2015

Sarcasm101 said:

IMO, anything you post on Facebook is open to comment. If you don't want comments, keep it off Facebook.

She didn't comment, she made her own status about it. Sorry I didn't make that quite clear. Poor choice of words on my part.

spicedice · November 2015

Your friend is also pregnant, so she may be a tad... Emotional. I know that I've overreacted to insignificant things this pregnancy, so maybe that's what she's doing to you. It's probably not about you at all, but the fact that she's hormonal and frustrated with herself. I wouldn't take it personally.

RoseGold10 · November 2015

Maybe I'm a hardass or whatever, but any grown adult who posts petty, vaguebooking, passive aggressive shit gets either removed from my feed or unfriended. Last I checked we are way past high school and I just can't with that shit!

pinottoparenthood · November 2015

Bubbles3592 said:

Hey, I thought the best place to get some supportive ideas would be here since we're all moms-to-be, or already moms with another baby on the way. I have been really excited about my baby boy and so I decided to start scrapbooking. I post all my fun ideas on Facebook for my friends and I to talk about since none of them live near me, and I've mostly been supported throughout the entire deal because most of my friends are all crafty too. But there's this one friend who isn't crafty at all, and she has two kids and one on the way. She posted a very passive aggressive status today about how, and I'm paraphrasing here, she wishes she could make memories and do fun things for her children but she says she can't because she doesn't have the time nor does she have the money, emphasis on money, like some people do (which I assume the "some people" she is referring to is me). I was taken aback by it and didn't really know how to deal with it so I didn't say anything. This follows me buying scrapbook supplies on Black Friday and posting about how excited I was to get started. Our situations are completely different, so her passive aggressive comment really seems unfair to me. She has her own place, two extra mouths to feed, and works a full-time job. I am a stay-at-home mom-to-be currently living with my parents while my fiancé works. I was just wondering if any of you have had to handle some passive aggressive friends who maybe felt jealous or bitter because of different situations, and how did you handle them?

I don't really understand the point of what you wrote in bold. It just comes across as a little... superiority complex to me. Although I wouldn't make comments on Facebook, I am a little jealous of my friends who get to stay home with their kids. I wish I could do more with my son. Maybe you should try to be a little bit sympathetic and see things from her point-of-view. Although actually, if she was truly writing that comment to jab at you, that's really immature. Maybe it's time to reevaluate the friendship on both ends.

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