STM-SAHM vs working....

abchrist1 · November 2015

I stay home with dd (2) and ds (10 weeks). The last 6 months I've been getting hints or suggestions that dd is shy because she's not in daycare. It takes her a while to warm up sometimes. She also has tantrums when she doesn't want to do something and had delayed speech (at 18 months she only had 2 words. She talks now, Dr has no concerns about her speech).
Yet I still get the head shaking-that-girl-needs-daycare comments. Most recently on thanksgiving. I'm an emotional wreck lately, these comments are getting to me now. So my question, is your toddler shy? Do they stay home with a parent or daycare?
It's starting to offend me, feels like my family is accusing me of being a bad parent because I stay home with them. As if they thither my kids aren't getting what they need to develop.

LoveLee85 · November 2015

These people are horrible for saying that to you. Every child is different!!! My mom was a SAHM and my older sister was painfully shy, while I was a total ham-never met a stranger! We grew up in the exact same environment. Maybe they are trying to justify their child being in daycare, so they say these things to you? Sounds like rude or jealous people to me.

ETA autocorrect sucks lol

eah325 · November 2015

All children are different and have different personalities. I suspect she would probably be shy even if she was in daycare. That said, if it really concerns you, I'm sure you could find a mommy and me play group to get her some additional socialization time.

tlc11934 · November 2015

I think at 2 years old it's perfectly fine to keep them home. Do you have a play group or an activity for her to interact with kids her age? I do think the social interaction is really important but it doesn't have to come from daycare.

Both of my DDs went to the Goddard School from the infant room on. I didn't see a real benefit socially until about 2.5 years old. If I didn't have to go back to work I'd keep this LO home til 2.5 but I feel preschool is very important.

My DD1 is in first grade now but last year there were a few kids who didn't attend preschool in her kindergarten class. They were very much behind socially and academically.

hollidar · November 2015

I think it's wonderful that you're able to stay home with your babies! Just think the older your newborn gets the more your 2 year old can socialize at home. In the meantime, I think Mother's Day out is a great idea. However, she still may be shy and that's ok!!! I don't know why everyone is so pushy with advice about children!! Sounds like you're doing a great job!

abchrist1 · November 2015

Thanks everyone! We did start a toddler class once a week about a month ago. She just turned 2, none of the kids play together, just parallel play. She's not shy there, if another parent or instructor talks to her she'll respond. And she'll definitely go to pre school, just not sure when. Some require her to be potty trained, which she's not interested in uet, and/or that she's 3 by September 1. She won't be 3 til Nov, so maybe she can start next winter.
I love staying home, just frustrating when people who should be supportive only talk about what they see are negatives instead of positive stuff. Like, she's super sweet, gives everyone hugs and kisses goodbye without being pressured to, she's really good at sharing and loves helping with everything, on thanksgiving she helped make chocolate milk for all her cousins, it's adorable. It feels like some family members only notice what they think are bad things. Ugh.

BrandiLaw87 · November 2015

I agree with pp, every child is different and will have different traits. I am now a SAHM but only since my second arrived. With DS I worked but he was never in daycare; we were fortunate enough that both his grandmothers watched him. He has never been shy, but when he is in new places it takes him some time to warm up. He is now 3 and in his first year of preschool and is doing just fine. His first day, I stayed to watch - not because he wanted me to but because I wanted to lol. It sounds like you are doing just fine and people are giving opinions that just aren't needed. Some people don't realize they should keep out of certain matters and stop making problems where there are none.

mariessa02 · November 2015

abchrist1 said:
Thanks everyone! We did start a toddler class once a week about a month ago. She just turned 2, none of the kids play together, just parallel play. She's not shy there, if another parent or instructor talks to her she'll respond. And she'll definitely go to pre school, just not sure when. Some require her to be potty trained, which she's not interested in uet, and/or that she's 3 by September 1. She won't be 3 til Nov, so maybe she can start next winter.
I love staying home, just frustrating when people who should be supportive only talk about what they see are negatives instead of positive stuff. Like, she's super sweet, gives everyone hugs and kisses goodbye without being pressured to, she's really good at sharing and loves helping with everything, on thanksgiving she helped make chocolate milk for all her cousins, it's adorable. It feels like some family members only notice what they think are bad things. Ugh.

Sounds like you're doing great with her and she sounds like a sweetheart! I agree that it sounds like some family members are focusing on the negative. Do they know about the toddler class the two of you attend? ... Have you let them know how their comments make you feel?

junebaby20 · November 2015

Join a MOPS group. It's good for you and it will get her around kids 1-2 times a month. I love my group of ladies. You can get great encouragement from other moms who have been there and done that.

kanga915 · November 2015

I have a daughter about the same age (born June '13). I've been home with her all along (aside from three months when I worked but she was 2-4 months old then). I do try to get her around other kids as much as possible. We do library story time, she's in the church nursery 2-3 times a week, we schedule play dates, visit our local indoor play gym, we did a Mommy and Me class, and I'm part of a mom's group like MOPS so she's in childcare then. Those are all ideas for you. Having said that, it's really hard sometimes to do those things with a newborn in tow also. Sometimes the effort required to get us all fed, dressed, packed, and buckled in the car just seems like way more work than it's worth, and I'm a homebody by nature. All you can do is your best. She's fortunate to have you home with her (not that working outside the home is bad!). Just invest time with her and try to get her around other kids once or twice a week if you can. She will be fine.

rachellegiacco · November 2015

I get this too, it hurts my feeling but we simply can not afford daycare it's too outrageously expensive. My son is shy in front of adults but not kids. I would just try and find a park to walk to when weather gets nicer and let her play there. Having a sibling will help a lot too I'm thinking. My toddler stays at home with me full time

jbettles · November 2015

My daughter is 4, has gone to daycare since she was 6 weeks old, and is so antisocial we actually got into a head start program based on her "social delays" - she still prefers to play alone rather than with others to this day. Some kids are just shy. And that's fine! While she doesn't socialize, she has a beautiful imagination, plays well by herself, and can entertain a roomful of adults with her expressive, detailed stories. If anyone wants to criticize her or my parenting, they'll get a mouthful from Mama Bear!!! You're lucky you get to stay home - stand proud and confident that you are doing what's best for your kids!!!

Izzies · November 2015

I'm sorry your going through this, my husbands family does the same Thing to me and it drives me up the wall. They, particularly my mil, think I'm a horrible mom because my children are not in daycare. Even though I stay home we are out around other kids constantly and DD is very slow to warm up. Every child is diffrent my nephew is EXTREMLY shy at first and he goes to daycare full time. The poor child won't even walk into a new place without being really upset.
Don't let someone else's narrow minded (and illogical) opinions make you feel like a bad mom!!!!!

ForeverEverAfter · November 2015

DD1 is sensitive-shy until she's comfortable with the people and easily upset/hurt. It's the way she is. She was never happy being passed around as a baby either. She was in daycare from 11mo til I went on mat leave (she turns 3 in Dec). Daycare was really hard at first, she didn't like it til I switched to montessori (less group play, more structure). I take her to play group and a couple weekly activities, and follow her montessori curriculum at home. She's opened up in her current groups, and is a full on ham at church now. I don't plan on sending her back to daycare or preschool. I will be going back to work in the summer, but it's shiftwork, so I'm just going to use babysitters until she's in kindergarten.

chelseajeanene · November 2015

I was a preschool teacher before I got pregnant. My class was the 12-24 month olds and we were with the 2-3 year olds for play time outside, so I have a lot of experience with her age group. You are not a bad mother. Every child is different and has their own personality. Many of the kids were very shy and not talkative, and they were in class up to 8 hours, 5 days a week. It's extremely rude and offensive for your family to make these comments to you, I'm very sorry. Do not let them question yourself as a good mother. Honestly though, what's so wrong with being shy? I personally have no desire to ever send my children to daycare, there is plenty of ways to have a happy, healthy and smart child, without needing daycare

abchrist1 · November 2015

Thanks everyone! I know staying home is what's best for my family, I've started one class with already, I'll look into MOPS . Thanks for the tips!

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