Community› The Bump Month Clubs› December 2015 Moms
December 2015 Moms
New Discussion

Cousins with similar names?

racheldelacruzracheldelacruz member
in December 2015 Moms
So my husband has a brother that passed away about 4 years ago. His middle name was Emmanuel and the entire family called him Emmy.

When we found out we were pregnant and it was a girl, one of my husbands sisters actually said "you're not allowed to name the baby Emmy because if I ever have a girl that's what I'm going to name her"

This same sister also said every single time pregnancy came up that she could not get pregnant anymore and didn't think her and her husband would have kids unless they adopted.

So my husband and I searched for weeks (months) for the perfect name. We found it - Emsley. But we kept quiet with his family... We didn't want to cause waves. Even though we saw nothing wrong with the situation.

I told my family weeks ago finally that it was the name we had chosen. They were thrilled. Started calling her that, everything.

Well, the day before Thanksgiving my husbands sister told us - you guessed it... She's pregnant.

We decided now (today)would probably be the right time to tell her that we had chosen Emsley as it is similar to the name she had chosen.

Things started out ok. I left it up to my husband to talk to her because it made sense that way. Then she got increasingly more upset about how cousins will have such similar Em names and they'll only be a few months apart. He was handling it well... But them she texted me

"Please don't name your baby Emlsey. Please please please! I will buy more knitting stuff if I have to (my husband told her my family had already started making things with baby's name on them). But don't take my brothers name from me!"

Am I the crazy one here? 1) she told us so many times she could never have kids 2) it's a different name 3) she has no CLUE if she's having a girl and won't until way after ours is born 4) I have cousins with the EXACT same name 5) I'm just so frustrated that she would even ask me that!!!

I don't feel bad about the name we chose. It's not the same name. Did she forget he was my husbands brother too? And I knew him quite well, and loved him so much. And her husband never even met him. Not that that even matters

I don't care even a little bit that our kids MIGHT have similar names. I don't feel offended if she would even name her kid the exact same thing but she made it seem like it was a huge deal. That's why I'm so upset now. Sorry, I needed to vent because my husband would not want me calling my mom about this.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Cousins with similar names?

  • Loading the player...
  • cdv2015cdv2015 member
    You nailed it... she may need to be reminded that he is your husband's brother, as well. You didn't take the name she requested, so it shouldn't be made into a big deal.
    Report Reply
  • ealiskaealiska member
    We're going to have an Alexandra and and Alexandria -she can deal.
    Report Reply
  • Gingermom15Gingermom15 member
    My dads cousin named two of his kids the exact same names as my brother and myself. Totally not a big deal. We thought it was great growing up.
    Report Reply
  • blended10blended10 member
    Yes & given the significance of the name how special for the kids to share that name. Focus on that- the positive end. Just be sooooooo freaking positive about it that she can't help but feel silly for ever saying anything about it.
    Report Reply
  • nancy4594nancy4594 member
    I'm sorry regardless what you name your little one, I don't believe in calling DIBS on names whether or not if she's pregnant, name your baby anything you'd like because he's yours and your the one that's going to calling her that her whole life time.
    It's not cool of her asking you to not name your child what you want to name her.

    Plus you've already accommodated her in not naming her Emmy to begin with.
    Report Reply
  • keiragannkeiragann member
    We are having a Jayce and my nephew is Jay'Shawn and everyone thinks that's too close but I am sticking with it.

    BFP #1 April 14th, 2014 MMC at 17weeks with a baby boy D&E

    BFP # 2 March 23rd, Rainbow Baby Boy Jayce Michael born 12/9/15

    BFP#3 January 26th EDD October 9th! Hoping for my girl!

     <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1dbf8a" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0" /></a>

    Report Reply
  • pupsicle23pupsicle23 member
    edited November 2015
    I have 20 cousins and there are plenty of name repeats -- especially now that the cousins are having kids! I'm naming my baby girl after our late grandmother. I checked in with my aunts to make sure nobody was upset about it, and they all replied that she was my baby and we could repeat Grandma's name if someone else wanted to use it.

    You honored the wish not to use the name Emmy. She is completely out of line and sounds pretty selfish about the whole thing. Why can't multiple names honor a person? Like PPs said, the kids won't care and will probably think it's fun.

    When my brother and SIL decided on a name for their daughter, SIL's brother threw a fit and didn't speak to her because the name was similar to his daughter's. But once the baby came, he was fine. Who can be mad once they see the baby?
    Report Reply
  • BellaM110BellaM110 member
    I think you should name your baby whatever name you want. It's completely selfish of her to think that no one else can use that name or a different form of it, especially when it is your husbands brother too! You and your husband have every right to honor his brother just as much as she does. She can just get over it.
    Report Reply
  • dec15mumdec15mum member
    Cousins with similar names isn't weird at all, and as it's already been mentioned he was your husbands brother too, why is it different for her?
    You call your child what you and your husband want because it's your child. Please don't feel bad for that!
    Report Reply
  • racheldelacruzracheldelacruz member
    Thank you for all of the support ladies! Hopefully her hormones are just a little heightened and it'll be fine ;)
    Report Reply
  • caityleigh92caityleigh92 member
    I understand family is family, but you and your husband shouldn't have to compromise on names. You agreed not to use Emmy, I'd tell her to get over it.
    Report Reply
  • Elizabella85Elizabella85 member
    edited November 2015
    Wow, that's sad and annoying. I would definitely let her know that you're sorry she feels like you're taking away her brother's name, but it's also your DH's brother, whom he would like to honor and remember, so she does not have sole rights to a name or nickname. You've accommodated her request not to use Emmy, and have already begun to bond with your daughter by her name, and that IS her name, it will not be changed.

    Hopefully she'll be gracious, since you have actually not broken an agreement or refused her original request. She can't call dibs on similar names as well. Besides, I don't think it's a big deal for cousins to share names, it happens all the time.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • racheldelacruzracheldelacruz member
    Ahahaha good point! In a LOT of cultures there are name repeats - funny movie :)
    Report Reply
  • angbrienzaangbrienza member
    edited November 2015
    Honestly I would have used Emmy from the beginning, especially if she said forever that she couldn't get pregnant. When we first got pregnant, we agreed that if we had a boy, it would be named after my SO dad who's passed away. Because my SO is the youngest sibling, he hesitated that he'd be "stealing" it and I reminded him that his sister is not even in a relationship and his brother and wife are not even planning for kids. No one gets dibs on names! You are being wonderful thinking of another name to begin with. Why does she get to have the name? Why does her relationship with her brother matter more? Embrace your new name and remind her that it's not all about her but that you both want to honour the well loved family member. You're doing absolutely nothing wrong, so gently stand your ground!!!!
    Report Reply
  • amye02amye02 member
    I think it's totally unfair of her to ask YOU to change the baby's name. She is obviously throwing the guilt trip on you because she knows it's wrong to ask your DH as it was his brother too. You and DH decided on the name for your LO to honor her uncle. That's what is most important, your SIL should be reminded by someone closer to her, maybe DH can talk to her or your MIL may be able to gently remind her that she does not own her brother's memory
    Report Reply
  • AlejandraN2AlejandraN2 member
    You can be gentle with her but let her know that you're naming your child what you want. It's different enough and in some ways you're both honoring the brother. That's a lot of love and memories to go around.

    And to @ArielleRene's point, I'm Greek and it's common for the kids to be named after the grandparents. So between my 29 first cousins we have 5 Marias, 4 Michael's, 3 Constantine's, 2 Alexandras and 2 Joannas. Not only that but my two cousins were born on the same day by my aunts (same year as me) in the same hospital - one was named Maria and one Mary, both after my grandma. It's super common where i'm from. 
    Report Reply
  • MelissadmagMelissadmag member
    He was your husband's brother as well, and he has just as much of a right to honor his brother as she does by naming his kid after him. She should be thrilled that her brother was so loved that both his siblings want to honor and remember him that way every single day. From the sounds of it you need your husband to handle this situation. Stay strong and name your baby what you want to name her, it's your baby, not hers, she has no say in what the name should be. Anyway, I think you need to pass the torch to your husband and make him deal with this sticky situation. 
    Report Reply
  • arz1215arz1215 member
    Name your baby what you want. Never heard Emsley, but it's unique and I like it.. Stand your ground, you are honoring your SIL's request and not naming your LO Emmy so she should be happy. Good luck with the situation!
    Report Reply
  • kawoltkawolt member
    Tell her to take a frickin chill pill....not worth ruining your relationship over especially since you DID respect her original wishes. Shut down that drama!!
    Report Reply
  • JElizbettyJElizbetty member
    Its your husbands brother as well so she needs to chill and stop being selfish. My grandfather passed away last November and to honor him I'm using his first name as my sons middle name. Well my cousin and his wife are also pregnant with a boy due a month after me, if they chose that name as well I would have no issues with it at all. To me I would take it as we both loved him dearly and want to honor a great man.
    Report Reply
  • kelseyofannekelseyofanne member
    My grandpa had two cousins with the same name as him. With three Grahams in the family they just ended up with different nicknames and whatnot.
    Report Reply
  • celainevcelainev member
    They are cousins, not siblings. And you both should be able to honour your husband's late brother.
    I have 24 cousins and there are a lot of repeated names. And those are actually the same names over and over again spelt the same way. (A ton of Jacob's in my family.) Emmy and Emsley are different. She'll be mad, of course, but she'll get over it, I'm sure.
    Report Reply
  • TomekiaBTomekiaB member
    Name your child what you'd like. She may or may not get over it...if she doesn't she would've found something else to not get over if you hadn't used the name, anyway.
    Report Reply
  • MillyDallyMillyDally member
    That's funny, I just heard of a family friend who named her twins Eminee and Emina! I say just talk to her about it. She could be so hurt that this stupid issue actually affects your friendship. Also... Is she sure she's having a girl too?
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • colsen4colsen4 member
    I think everything has already been said. You honored her original request, you already have a bond with the name, and no one can call dibs on a name. There are plenty of families with repeat or similar names so it is not like this would be a first. Maybe have your husband tell her that the name means a lot to him because it comes from his brother. It really is unfair that she thinks her relationship was more important. Even if she was closer to him then your husband was, you are using a similar name not the exact name.
    Report Reply
  • Bombmom3Bombmom3 member
    edited November 2015
    Have you told her *not* to use Emmy as a girl's name? Honestly, that's where I'd start with a response.

    Tell her she is welcome to name any child of hers -present or future - WHATEVER THE HECK SHE WANTS. You're not stopping her, so knock off the hysterics. If she says she doesn't like that the two might have similar names tell her that is *her* issue, not yours.

    Leave the drama about her relationship with her brother out of it. If she brings it up tell her it's not about the brother or who had the stronger relationship with him. It's about your right (and your husband's) to name your kid anything you want.

    If she continues to lose her mind over it buy a baby name book and cross out all the names you might want to use in future for children you may or may not have. Drop it in front of her and let her know those are all of the names you've called dibs on. Maybe that will show her how ridiculous she is being.
    Report Reply
  • fadzakfadzak member
    Similar situation, we just had our baby boy and decided to pay respects to my father in law who passed away recently. However my brother in law whos wife is also now pregnant says she is also going to name her baby after our father in law. I obviously cant tell her not too but its defintaley annoying! Your not crazy i think of anything she is a bit kookoo
    Report Reply
  • TaylovesbradTaylovesbrad member
    Well that stinks for you and hubby. I had an awkward name situation. We were going with benjamin and then my mom said she had named the baby she aborted (which she majorly regretted and went through counseling about) benjamin. After that the name was out. Love my mom but that was a really wierd situation. I feel like people get a little self absorbed. If toy can deal with it coming up alot in the.future I say stick with the name. In my situation I couldn't so we are doing a different one.
    Report Reply
  • kimia222kimia222 member
    My daughter is Mila, my cousin is naming her dd Nila. It's her baby and I know how hard it is to finally decide on a name. I told her it's beautiful.
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"