Told family at thanksgiving!(warning this is long)

Re: Told family at thanksgiving!(warning this is long)

• ucfgemini member

  November 2015

  Such a great day to announce! I have to be honest, what stands out to me most in this post is that you would have absolutely no clue of why someone would cut you out of their life. It just seems like you would have to have an idea. If your family is involved and knows there is tension it also seems like they would have an idea of what happened. Aside from that....
  
  Family doesn't care who is right or who is wrong. They just want to mend broken relationships (especially the older generation). They look for any reason to break the ice and put an indent in the tension. I don't think they were taking sides, but just looking for a reason to get you two to talk. Since you had exciting news they probably thought you would be more willing to share it.
  
  We're going through same situation with my brother in law...only we know and everyone knows why we have distanced ourselves. I know on my heart that is my husbands brother, his only brother, and the uncle of our soon to be little one so I've been pushing for them to bury the past and restore their relationship. It's been three years and we finally spent the holiday with them. I have to say it felt good. I don't want the anger and resentment in my life any more. We can both argue about who did what and who wAs right but sometimes it's easier to truly forgive (even if they don't apologize) and move forward. I think your aunt was just trying to get you to take that first step. I know it's hard- especially when you've got so much anger and hurt built up.

  
  

  

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• Atlast111 member

  November 2015 edited November 2015

  Agreed, if she couldn't have the courtesy or take the time to speak to you then I would move on. I read an article on this today, it's called 'ghosting' when people cut you off without explanation and it hurts! Sorry she did that to you. I don't feel you owe her anything. Happy thanksgiving to you!

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• june2016baby member

  November 2015

  Ok, I am BAFFLED! I truly, truly, would never expect another person to do this! I feel bad for you that you have this going on in your life.
  
  However, I do think there is a chance that others know why she's acting this way. I'd ask around, just to find out. There must have been an "original" reason for those texts.
  
  She sounds like an awful person, though. And I can see why it's easier just to continue with not talking to her. BUT, maybe you should try again. Your aunt may have been trying to get you two to talk for a reason. I loved playing with cousins growing up. If you're not talking, your kids will miss out.

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• ucfgemini member

  November 2015

  @Atlast111 , ghosting? That's unbelievable! I can't believe it happens frequently enough for there to be a term to describe it. That's just scary....especially if it's family.

  
  

  

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• Atlast111 member

  November 2015

  @ucfgemini I was surprised too! The problem is even if you do patch things up, they can do it again. I had a friend I was very close to, do it to me at university. I found out later she felt crowded (she needed a lot of space) I'm not a particularly clingy person...lol. I forgave her but you never trust them fully again. It damages the relationship.

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• hollywoodave531 member

  November 2015

  Congrats on making the announcement! We are making ours at our family thanksgiving tomorrow. Just want to say you are not alone in that my brother and my SIL and my husband and me have been on the outs for quite a while even to the point that in order to convince my family to have dinner at my house I had to hold a separate day because my brother and his wife will not come over to my house (believe me I am super pissed off). Sometimes you just have to move on even thought it hurts and I agree that you shouldn't have to go up to her and say congrats on being an Aunt. Maybe one of these days she will come around. I think if you make the attempt in your end to just say "I'm going to bury the hatchet and move on and if you don't want to then fine." it will give you piece of mind that at least you made the right steps to put everything behind you.

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• mocktailmama04 member

  November 2015

  I think what you are going through must be very hard and must play a toll on your emotions. This especially holds true because it's your sister. So sorry to hear this. I think your family told you to approach her bc you must be level headed. Maybe they could see you taking the high road over your sister. Take it as a compliment! I really hope you find peace with your sister someday!

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• mebaby333 member

  November 2015

  She is still your sister... I don't know the right answer but I do know that you love her still very much... don't let your offense keep her away forever even if she is wrong and your right....
  Maybe she will tell you her hurt one day but imho try to repair the relationship but always understanding that she may not be ready. Don't let emotion and such continue to divide if you can find an way to repair it just forgive her and move on...

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• Corts member

  November 2015

  Do not encourage this person to be involved in your life. She sounds unstable. Blood is blood but this is ridiculous. She sounds exactly like my SIL who is bipolar and ignores my 4yr old at all costs. You do not need to be the one to make an effort or find out what you did "wrong". Being pregnant is an emotionally fragile time without dealing with family drama.
  Good luck.

  

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• arosemong member

  November 2015

  @ucfgemini thanks for your reply! Sorry about what you're going through too. The truth is we truly don't know why she cut us off, in all of my messages to her I ask & ask & she just says she doesn't want anything to do with us. She's also distanced herself from a lot of my family as well. We don't understand it

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• arosemong member

  November 2015

  Thank you all for the responses & support. I can't express to you how badly she has hurt me by just cutting me off. I can also promise you I have asked around to all family... All of them have tried to talk to her & she changes the subject.
  
  When my dad tried to get us to speak 2 summers ago, before her wedding she said "we want you at the wedding we just didn't want you in it." Of course I started bawling & even my dad was like.. Why would you say that to her?? Like why?
  
  It always seems like there's two sides to every story, but wouldn't she have told me or someone the reason why she cut me out?? I literally begged her to tell me so I could fix it & she just continued saying "I don't want you in my life."
  
  After trying for so long, what else can I do?!
  
  Thanks again for all the input. Feels good to vent. I always think I would welcome her back with open arms, but putting myself through this again would be negligent. & our kid too. Wouldn't want our kid to have to be like why doesn't she talk to me? Ugh, I don't get it!!

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• michellabanana member

  November 2015

  I totally understand the sister that blames you for everything going wrong in your life (luckily now that she's married, she blames everything on her husband lol). Just wondering it happened right before the wedding? You think it might have something to do with her husband? Maybe he said something? I think your sister takes advantage of your sweet nature. I think it makes her feel good hurting you. Something is unhappy in her life and she's taking it out on you. Just try to be happy and don't let her show it bothers you ( I know it is hard, but you have to take the power out of her hands)

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• Atlast111 member

  November 2015 edited November 2015

  arosemong said:

  Thank you all for the responses & support. I can't express to you how badly she has hurt me by just cutting me off. I can also promise you I have asked around to all family... All of them have tried to talk to her & she changes the subject.
  
  When my dad tried to get us to speak 2 summers ago, before her wedding she said "we want you at the wedding we just didn't want you in it." Of course I started bawling & even my dad was like.. Why would you say that to her?? Like why?
  
  It always seems like there's two sides to every story, but wouldn't she have told me or someone the reason why she cut me out?? I literally begged her to tell me so I could fix it & she just continued saying "I don't want you in my life."
  
  After trying for so long, what else can I do?!
  
  Thanks again for all the input. Feels good to vent. I always think I would welcome her back with open arms, but putting myself through this again would be negligent. & our kid too. Wouldn't want our kid to have to be like why doesn't she talk to me? Ugh, I don't get it!!

  Unfortunately this type of person often get offended over something small, in their heads you have wronged them. Short of having a crystal ball, you will never know why. They haven't matured properly, I had a friend who was 45 and still did this. The last time she stopped talking to me, I breathed a sigh of relief. I spent 15 years, caring for her, listening to her (many) problems and bailing her out financially. She stopped calling a few months ago.....I'm ok with it tbh. You will know if she is this type if she is slightly immature, irresponsible and selfish. These are the characteristics that come with it, I'm afraid.

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• arosemong member

  November 2015

  Atlast111 said:

  arosemong said:

  Thank you all for the responses & support. I can't express to you how badly she has hurt me by just cutting me off. I can also promise you I have asked around to all family... All of them have tried to talk to her & she changes the subject.
  
  When my dad tried to get us to speak 2 summers ago, before her wedding she said "we want you at the wedding we just didn't want you in it." Of course I started bawling & even my dad was like.. Why would you say that to her?? Like why?
  
  It always seems like there's two sides to every story, but wouldn't she have told me or someone the reason why she cut me out?? I literally begged her to tell me so I could fix it & she just continued saying "I don't want you in my life."
  
  After trying for so long, what else can I do?!
  
  Thanks again for all the input. Feels good to vent. I always think I would welcome her back with open arms, but putting myself through this again would be negligent. & our kid too. Wouldn't want our kid to have to be like why doesn't she talk to me? Ugh, I don't get it!!

  Unfortunately this type of person often get offended over something small, in their heads you have wronged them. Short of having a crystal ball, you will never know why. They haven't matured properly, I had a friend who was 45 and still did this. The last time she stopped talking to me, I breathed a sigh of relief. I spent 15 years, caring for her, listening to her (many) problems and bailing her out financially. She stopped calling a few months ago.....I'm ok with it tbh. You will know if she is this type if she is slightly immature, irresponsible and selfish. These are the characteristics that come with it, I'm afraid.

  
  Omgosh same. I would lend my sister $ constantly & drop everything if she needed her hair or makeup or anything done or borrow my clothes etc. then when I needed anything she wouldn't reply to texts... Looking back it was def a one sided sisterhood. When we lived together at my parents, I always did her laundry & cleaned our joint bathroom. I feel like I've kind of always wanted her love? I dunno. I guess I thought we were closer then we were.

  michellabanana said:

  I totally understand the sister that blames you for everything going wrong in your life (luckily now that she's married, she blames everything on her husband lol). Just wondering it happened right before the wedding? You think it might have something to do with her husband? Maybe he said something? I think your sister takes advantage of your sweet nature. I think it makes her feel good hurting you. Something is unhappy in her life and she's taking it out on you. Just try to be happy and don't let her show it bothers you ( I know it is hard, but you have to take the power out of her hands)

  It did happen before the wedding! It happened before she went dress shopping & didn't invite me... My whole family was invited but me. I lived at home at the time & my dad called her saying can you please invite your sister? She is sobbing her eyes out over you. My sister said "no I don't want her around." It has all just been so painful & crazy.

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• Atlast111 member

  November 2015 edited November 2015

  Don't want to be harsh but those one sided relationships never change. They will continue to take a take until you have nothing left! Then they move onto the next person. I would protect myself and my family and cut her loose! I learnt that the hard way. Being sisters should not be an excuse for her to use and abuse! I'm guessing she is the older sister? You always looked upto her and she took advantage of her position of power.....

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• arosemong member

  November 2015

  Atlast111 said:

  Don't want to be harsh but those one sided relationships never change. They will continue to take a take until you have nothing left! Then they move onto the next person. I would protect myself and my family and cut her loose! I learnt that the hard way. Being sisters should not be an excuse for her to use and abuse! I'm guessing she is the older sister? You always looked upto her and she took advantage of her position of power.....

  Yes I am the younger one! I know I need to just forget her but I just never thought I would have big life evens without her. I guess I am holding onto a person who is no longer there ??

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• Atlast111 member

  November 2015

  It's a horrible situation to be in. You do hold onto the fantasy of what the relationship was or what it could be! Every woman wants to be close to her sister and have that special relationship but sometimes it's just not realistic. We expect too much from a person who is unable to give back in that way....hope that makes sense.

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• arosemong member

  November 2015

  Atlast111 said:

  It's a horrible situation to be in. You do hold onto the fantasy of what the relationship was or what it could be! Every woman wants to be close to her sister and have that special relationship but sometimes it's just not realistic. We expect too much from a person who is unable to give back in that way....hope that makes sense.

  It def does. ❤️ Thanks for your honesty & kindness ❤️

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