Annoyed/venting — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Annoyed/venting

I know this has come up recently in other posts, but I'm so irritated right now with family members commenting on when we are going to have kids. None of these have been people we are super close to (i.e. cousins we see once every 3 years), and are not people we would talk with about health issues or our personal decision about whether/when to have kids. They aren't people who know about the MCs, and I know they mean well, but ugh. The comments are always that we  "need to hurry up and have a baby" or "when we have a baby blah blah blah." One of them actually made the comment in a written note! Like you had to think about it, write it down, and still decide to send it. It feels especially careless because DH have been together for a very long time now with no kids, and I would think at this point it might at least cross people's minds that we either didn't want kids or were having trouble having them. 

Re: Annoyed/venting

  • I'm so sorry. When we were trying I got so tired of this I skipped all emotions and went straight to rudeness. I would (and still) reply with we really don't want to share that with anyone or just 'it's really not your business' (I even said to one person to just plainly stop asking because I'm sick of talking about it). Probably not the best way to handle it but people know not to ask anymore :P It just sucks having to deal with these comments...
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  • Ahhhhh! *high five* I just read this post and it echoes a rant I put on here a bit ago. You are completely right about people - either they should leave it alone or maybe not be stupid and figure that maybe there are some bumps in the road. If it helps, I recently developed a "bring it on" attitude to people's insensitive comments especially knowing holiday family get togethers are coming. This happened when I got my first period after m/c. At times I figure that after going through this hell, I can handle almost anything. I hope we both find strength to deal with people and their impulsive comments.
    fivetimesnoluck
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  • Some people need it pointed out to them when they're being rude or inappropriate. Chances are they are the type that will write it off as you being crazy or whatever, and those just can't be reasoned with or helped...but sometimes the person will realize how their "innocent" gesture makes others feel, and they may change their behavior.
  • I usually just tell people "whenever my body allows it" and it usually shuts them up pretty quick. Then I get a tiny amount of satisfaction watching them squirm and eat their words. It's the little things, I suppose...
    Dec 2014 - CP
    Feb 2015 - No hb 8wks
    July 2015 - CP
    Aug 2015 - CP
    RPL Tests: PAI-1 4g/4g, Heterozygous MTHFR C677T, Vit D Deficiency, Chromosome 9 inversion
    January 1, 2016 - CP. Heartbroken and feeling helpless. :(
    July 2017 - Finally!! FINALLY!! Our GORGEOUS baby girl was born on 7-15-17. Miracles do happen!! 


    fivetimesnoluck
  • cjt121413cjt121413
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited November 2015
    I hate the insensitive comments. The other day we were talking about trying again after MC and my SIL said we shouldn't try again right away because "everything happens for a reason. " I wanted to bitch slap her and say "everything happens for a reason," but I was too appalled to respond.

    Me: 33     H: 36

    Married: 12/14/13   DS: 1/29/09

    BFP2: 10/9/15  MMC: 11/12/15

    BFP3: 4/6/16   DD: 12/12/16


  • I'm not looking forward to Thanksgiving at all! Last thanksgiving, my MIL went into our master bathroom (not the guest bathroom, the one that you have to walk through our closed door bedroom to get to)... when I asked her what she needed and if I could get her something she told me she was just going to throw away my BCPs so that she could "finally" have a grand child. DH and I had been married for 3 weeks at that point. THREE. WEEKS. Now with our recent MC, I'm just dreading hearing all about how I have yet to give her a grand child. I know it will be the only thing she wants to talk about and if we tell her about our recent loss, it will become all about her and I'll have to re-live it all day long. Ugh... I'm just so sad.

    Me: 32 & DH: 37
    Married: November 2014
    TTC #1 Since: October 2015
    BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP
    BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
    IT'S A BOY!!!!
    DS Born 10/16/16

  • I have offered various responses and seen it handled different ways by other people too. It's maddening how personal some people will get about this stuff. I think my stock answer from now on will be, "When my body allows me to." I love that, kickassi78! It's matter of fact without being straight up rude.

    And to MRSCORKER, I wish you a peaceful Thanksgiving. MILs are a special breed of awful sometimes.

    Holidays can already be such a pain without the added stress of managing hormones and emotions and family drama.

    Good luck to you all.

    Me: 40, DH: 35 / Married: 2009; TTC #1: 2013

    2013 - 2015: 5 pregnancies —> 5 miscarriages

    TTCAL with RE (RPL specialist): February 2016

    2016: 3 medicated TI cycles —> 3 medicated IUI cycles: All BFN

    Donor Egg IVF Transfer: May 1, 2017

    May 11, 2017: BFP!! Beta #1: 449.1, Beta #2: 844, Beta #3: 1714

    EDD: 1/17/18, it's a GIRL!  <3 E. L. A. born 12/7/2017








    MRSCORKER
  • MRSCORKER said:

    I'm not looking forward to Thanksgiving at all! Last thanksgiving, my MIL went into our master bathroom (not the guest bathroom, the one that you have to walk through our closed door bedroom to get to)... when I asked her what she needed and if I could get her something she told me she was just going to throw away my BCPs so that she could "finally" have a grand child. DH and I had been married for 3 weeks at that point. THREE. WEEKS. Now with our recent MC, I'm just dreading hearing all about how I have yet to give her a grand child. I know it will be the only thing she wants to talk about and if we tell her about our recent loss, it will become all about her and I'll have to re-live it all day long. Ugh... I'm just so sad.

    O.M.G!!

    I can't believe how some people make something so private their business.... I wouldn't be able to be nice about it this Thanksgiving if that had happened to me. I hope you get to have a peaceful holiday. Sorry you have to deal with questions and situations like these.

    Everyone in my immediate family know about our miscarriage and the questions and opinions still come... everyone has something to say so it doesn't end if you get pregnant and lose the baby. I guess if/when we have a baby, people will start asking when the second one is coming... ugh
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    MRSCORKER
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