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September 2015 Moms
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Heartbroken about BFing

BrittnieMarieeBrittnieMariee member
in September 2015 Moms
So about two weeks ago I had to make the very difficult decision to stop BFing. I just couldn't keep up with DS and felt like I was wasting my time with pumping because I was getting basically nothing. We started off so good and then had to go to the hospital when he was 6 days old. They didn't want me to BF while we were there because he had been dehydrated and they wanted to know exactly how much he was getting. That was the beginning of the end for us. My supply just kept dropping until it was so pitiful I wanted to cry. I miss BFing my son so much. I loved bonding with him and being able to feed him with my wonderful body. I know it's much easier for us now that we've switched over to formula, but I'm so heartbroken over having to give up. I had this idea in my head that we'd do it for the first year, but I guess my body had other plans.
Sorry I just needed to get that out. It's been weighing on me so bad and DH thinks joking about it will help me feel better. It only made me feel worse and I had to explain that to him.
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Re: Heartbroken about BFing

  • thtrchicthtrchic member
    It's a really hard thing. I agree that heartbreaking is the word. I ended up having to make that same decision and it was (and really still is weeks later) a huge struggle. It's a real loss when such a big change in plans has to be made. Just remind yourself that doing what's best for their health is the most important sign of love you can show. And that it's actually easier to make eye contact while bottle feeding, which is at least something.

    Hang in there!
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  • BrittanyM1015BrittanyM1015 member
    I have been there with my oldest. He had latch issues due to a tongue tie that the dr's said wouldn't be a problem(go figure they were wrong) among some other issues. I tried for about 6 weeks but wasn't able to give him enough. I was devestated that I couldn't continue. When we switched to formula he was so much happier which is all that matters but it didn't make it any easier. I don't really have any advice but I completely understand what you're going through. Chin up momma. U are doing a great job with your LO!
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  • BrittnieMarieeBrittnieMariee member
    Thank you both! I've been trying to comfort myself with the fact that I made the decision so I could spend more time bonding with DS. We're both less stressed and others can help feed him while I scarf a meal or take a shower. So there are definitely pros! I'm proud I managed for almost two months. At least he got that much
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  • KristyhanaKristyhana member
    I'm right with you. My son spent his first 10 days in the NICU and that was the beginning of the end for us. I BF and pumped for 10 weeks and finally stopped a week or so ago because my supply just dwindled until I could barely pump 1 oz. It was the hardest thing I've done but I try to stay positive. I'm thankful that I have a perfectly healthy baby despite being 6.5 weeks early and I was able to give him breastmilk for 10 whole weeks. I just keep telling myself this when I get super sad about it. It helps me. But I totally feel the same as you. Heartbroken.
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  • awells189awells189 member
    You did get a good amount of time BF'ing so good job! Take your time to be sad (that's totally ok!) and just remember that you'll probably be less stressed and be able to bond with baby even more now that you're not worried if he's getting enough.
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  • LoveLee85LoveLee85 member
    I was heartbroken, too. My body wouldn't produce and he lost a 2 pounds from his birth weight. We were at the doctor every other day for weigh ins and advice. I took pictures of me BFing him when he was wee bitty. They are some of my favorite pictures! He's so tiny and sweet. I always thought I would do it the first year, but my body was like 'no thanks'! :( It was a hard pill to swallow but my baby need to eat, and grow! He's so healthy and perfect, I did BF plus formula up until 8 weeks....then I wasn't making anything so he would comfort 'feed' in week 9....and after that we stopped. 100% formula now. I am so much more relaxed and less stressed now! We had a bad latch and production issues, lol, not a good combo. After two hours of trying to BF we were both so upset and frustrated. This would happen all day and night! We are both a lot happier now!!! The first 48 hours I was so upset about it....but baby has to eat!!
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  • BrittnieMarieeBrittnieMariee member
    Yeah we had had to start supplementing at the hospital and he got too used to how easy the bottles were. It got to the point that not only was I hardly producing any, but any time I put him to the boob he would scream after a few minutes because of how much effort he had to put into it. And that was just way too stressful! So then I tried just pumping and just watched my meager amount dwindle each day. I never even managed to get a "stash".
    We are definitely much more relaxed now! I think the worst part about formula for me is how much his burps stink now lol and I hope that I can be even a little more successful with my next child. If I make it to three months I'll consider that a slight victory/improvement
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  • JenLovesDesignJenLovesDesign member
    I don't see any reason why you can't still put him on your breast after feeding him formula. There's a comfort level to it as well.
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  • BrittnieMarieeBrittnieMariee member
    @JenLovesDesign would I be able to do that if I've already dried up? I'm pretty sure I have nothing left.
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  • brommerjlbrommerjl member
    I understand! I have had all sorts of trouble breastfeeding since my LO was born. She is 8 weeks now and every day is a struggle. My milk took too long to come in, so we had to supplement formula in her first couple weeks. We dealt with some nipple confusion. I cried and cried worrying that I wouldn't be able to get her past it. Finally that resolved itself and now I'm dealing with a bout of mastitis and thrush. I'm in a lot of pain and very much considering giving it up. It's so painful and I'm so stressed out. I'm heartbroken that it hasn't been a smooth process, but I'm also reminding myself that here are tons of other ways to bond and loads of other things she will need from me. Breastfeeding is only a tiny piece of the puzzle. Rest assured you're doing a great job and sometimes your health and well being needs to be a priority in order to be an even better Mother than you already are. Hang in there!!
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  • jlawson23jlawson23 member
    Have you ever thought about trying to relactate? How old is your baby?
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  • JenLovesDesignJenLovesDesign member
    @BrittnieMariee I'd research it. I don't see why you couldn't let little one use you as a pacifier and if he got a little milk then no harm in that. I have no experience with it, but if your Boibs can handle it, why not give it a try. maybe someone else here has some experience with this.
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  • BrittnieMarieeBrittnieMariee member
    @jlawson23 I didn't know that was a possibility! He will be 10 weeks old tomorrow. I stopped BFing/pumping just before he turned 8 weeks.
    @JenLovesDesign thank you! I will definitely look into it
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  • jlawson23jlawson23 member
    From my research and what I understand it's possible. Baby to breast often, pump, hydrate, and you could possibly try one of the lactation supplements. If I was in your shoes; I would try to relactate if breastfeeding is important to you. In my opinion you don't have anything to lose. :-)
    I think there is more information on kellymom.com good luck with whatever you choose.
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  • BrittnieMarieeBrittnieMariee member
    Thank you so much @jlawson23
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  • missliz53missliz53 member
    How about using and S and S system? I think that's what they are called we got one from our hospital when lo was born. Basically you screw the bottle into a special cap that's attached to long skinny tubing with a clamp on it, and either tuck the tubing into a nipple shield or tape it to your breast. When baby latches on, you unclamp the tubing and as baby sucks, he sucks the milk through the tubing. You can determine how fast the flow is by raising or lowering the bottle level. 

    I know it's not breast milk, but it might satisfy the need to breast feed and make sure he's getting the nutrition he needs. DD never really got the hang of breast feeding, and has absolutely no interest in latching on, so this isn't an option for us, but I still get that intense longing to nurse her even though I wasn't ever attached to the idea of breast feeding before she was born. 
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