Scared of CPS/DCS

crazyliblady · November 2015

This weekend I began a messy court battle with two good parents facing jail time for false child abuse allegations. The parents and the children are all dear to me and I have hugged most of the family through a lot of tears these past few days. I feel awful, but this takes away my excitement as a FTM. I can feel so much of their pain, and I am terrified of facing this. Does anyone else have these fears Or things that make them not excited about being a parent (though that was addressed in another thread, but still). My heart is shattered at the moment. It's hard to imagine being happy ever again. Maybe when I'm not worried sick over the kids? But I'm sure that will be many months in coming. Send me some love, please?

thaisac1 · November 2015

Sorry, I am not quite understanding the situation? False child abuse allegations? You mean someone else reported them for child abuse?

crazyliblady · November 2015

Yes, that's correct

NachosAndPeaches · November 2015

Sorry but I find it really hard to believe that two legit, non sketchy people, are facing allegations that have been taken to court and not stopped after a basic investigation. It's like people who hate cops usually have a reason to. If you don't abuse or neglect your child and don't smoke pot in your house or other stupid ass things, I seriously don't think this should be a worry on anybody's mind.

ivyvines6 · November 2015

@JanaBonfield what state are you in?

olivemomma · November 2015

Agree this shouldn't be a worry. I don't know of anyone who is afraid of falsely being accused of child abuse/neglect bc they would never come close to putting themselves in such a situation nor do they surround the,selves with people who would do such a thing. I've never heard of this actually happening for no legit reason,

Poppy16 · November 2015

What is your role in the court battle?

As a foster parent, I've seen enough of how the CPS system works to be confident that nothing bad will ever happen to my family. You have to mess up *really* bad, and often, to warrant your kids getting taken away. Even then, they make it pretty easy to get them back. You have to TRY to be an awful parent to not get your kids back. So many times I've shaken my head, wondering how these parents aren't doing the simple tasks they need to do to just get their kids back.

We had one case where a 5 month old baby was taken from her mom because she was in a sketchy situation at the wrong time. We had the baby for just 3 days before the investigation was wrapped up and she was returned to her mom because it was found that she didn't actually do whatever it was reported that she did.

So, I don't think you have anything to worry about, as long as you give the basic level of love and care to your child!

MrsCayEye · November 2015

I'm sorry they are going through this, but it seems very sketchy to me. Unfortunately, I see a fair amount of abuse/neglect at work and the people who deserve to be going to court and facing charges frequently do not face any such consequences. It's not something I would be concerned about.

shawnacrest · November 2015

My family had CPS called multiple times after my mom passed away. My dad was in and out of the mental hospital and we didn't even have an adult there for a week at a time sometimes. Still, nothing was ever done because I was old enough to drive and we were getting to and from school, had decent grades, and had food in the fridge. One time my sister had run away and my dad got physically abusive. CPS was Called and all they did was have him and her sign an agreement that she would stay home and he wasn't allowed to use physical punishment. They didn't intervene until my sister told the school counselor she refused to live at my dad's home, and I was then told I had 30 days to file for custody or she would go into custody of the state.

In my personal experience, it takes quite a but for them to actually get involved. They always told me that they do everything in their power to keep the children with their parents if at all possible.

ivyvines6 · November 2015

I've seen both sides of this unfortunately. In the state of Florida, or at least the county I live in, every single thing that is ever reported has to be investigated. This goes from the 100% necessary, like beating your child, to the ridiculous, (I wish I was creative enough to make this story up) calling about giving your child water because it is an "inappropriate drink for a young child, as they should only every be given milk or juice." (Kid was six BTW)

With all the increased workload due to the mundane checking in everything philosophy, a lot of kids who need help slip through the cracks. At the same time, a lot of kids who don't need rescuing, are taken away, to be given back at a later time. It's been my experience that the parents who really are worried about having their kids taken away, are the ones who need to reevaluate what they are doing with their kids.

I also grew up in a household going to churches who perpetuated that DCF (department of children and families) was against Christian upbringing, and would take away your children, separate them from each other, and you'll never see them again. We were told horror stories all the time about this happening to families, and how terrible the government was to interfere with the Lord's comands for a family. As an adult I've yet to see this actually happen to anyone, even when it was desperately needed.

As @Poppy16 pointed out, they make it ridiculously easy to get your kids back, no matter how stupid you were.

crazyliblady · November 2015

I'm basically an aunt. I can't give any details, though what you are saying has helped. Thank you!

crazyliblady · November 2015

@Knottie99816 I know they have to investigate everything here too. This is a pretty long and involved story, but as it's still in progress I'm limited as to what I can say.

AEG84 · November 2015

It's the same in AZ as far as having to do something pretty bad to get your kids taken. DH's ex got arrested not quite 2 years ago for leaving their then-4 y/o at home alone while driving the older kids to school (she did this regularly and would be gone for 30+ minutes since she's stop at Starbucks on her way home). She got in a car accident one morning and called a friend to go watch the little guy. That friend called CPS on her (she'd previously called for the same issue but they did nothing).

The incident was investigated and CPS recommended doing nothing, not even changing the custody agreement (we wanted custody at that point bc she lived an hour away and was irresponsible on multiple levels). The sheriffs dept did eventually charge her, almost 18 months afterward, and she got off with community service and parenting classes. Sad part is, she still tries to downplay what she did and really doesn't see it as a big deal.

Mailmans Baby Momma · November 2015

As a mandated reporter, I have to report anything that's suspect. However in my state it's not always investigated, it's up to CPS to decide if it's worth investigating.

OP, hope you find happiness again.

mrstrax · November 2015

The only reason I have any fear of that kind of report is because we're foster parents - part of our training was what to do "not if, when" a child claims abuse (mostly how to document, respond and report clearly to make the investigation smooth) because it's very common. Kids who have been taken from their parents because of abuse/neglect often claim abuse again in hopes of going back to their families. I have no worries about any real abuse occurring or having kids taken, just the temporary stress of the investigation.

I completely agree with @poppy16. You have to work pretty hard to NOT get your kids back in most cases (especially drug and neglect situations, physical abuse takes a little more). The state's definition of a child's "ideal home" includes some seriously sketchy situations that I wouldn't want to ever see any child be a part of, so long as their biological family is involved.

RoseShadow873 · November 2015

Knottie9983816 said:

I've seen both sides of this unfortunately. In the state of Florida, or at least the county I live in, every single thing that is ever reported has to be investigated. This goes from the 100% necessary, like beating your child, to the ridiculous, (I wish I was creative enough to make this story up) calling about giving your child water because it is an "inappropriate drink for a young child, as they should only every be given milk or juice." (Kid was six BTW) With all the increased workload due to the mundane checking in everything philosophy, a lot of kids who need help slip through the cracks. At the same time, a lot of kids who don't need rescuing, are taken away, to be given back at a later time. It's been my experience that the parents who really are worried about having their kids taken away, are the ones who need to reevaluate what they are doing with their kids. I also grew up in a household going to churches who perpetuated that DCF (department of children and families) was against Christian upbringing, and would take away your children, separate them from each other, and you'll never see them again. We were told horror stories all the time about this happening to families, and how terrible the government was to interfere with the Lord's comands for a family. As an adult I've yet to see this actually happen to anyone, even when it was desperately needed. As @Poppy16 pointed out, they make it ridiculously easy to get your kids back, no matter how stupid you were.

Wait so when do kids drink water? Then why do they sell jugs of baby water at Target?

ivyvines6 · November 2015

RoseShadow873 said:

Knottie9983816 said:

I've seen both sides of this unfortunately. In the state of Florida, or at least the county I live in, every single thing that is ever reported has to be investigated. This goes from the 100% necessary, like beating your child, to the ridiculous, (I wish I was creative enough to make this story up) calling about giving your child water because it is an "inappropriate drink for a young child, as they should only every be given milk or juice." (Kid was six BTW)

With all the increased workload due to the mundane checking in everything philosophy, a lot of kids who need help slip through the cracks. At the same time, a lot of kids who don't need rescuing, are taken away, to be given back at a later time. It's been my experience that the parents who really are worried about having their kids taken away, are the ones who need to reevaluate what they are doing with their kids.

I also grew up in a household going to churches who perpetuated that DCF (department of children and families) was against Christian upbringing, and would take away your children, separate them from each other, and you'll never see them again. We were told horror stories all the time about this happening to families, and how terrible the government was to interfere with the Lord's comands for a family. As an adult I've yet to see this actually happen to anyone, even when it was desperately needed.

As @Poppy16 pointed out, they make it ridiculously easy to get your kids back, no matter how stupid you were.

Wait so when do kids drink water? Then why do they sell jugs of baby water at Target?

This woman was off her rocker. Plain and simple. When she told me she called DCF about it I was working at a daycare and asked if she's planning on calling in every single school in the county about it? She just shook her head like we were poisoning the kids.

cmjenkies · November 2015

@RoseShadow873 my sarcasm meter is busted so I can't tell if you were joking or being serious there, but the jugs of 'baby water' are for filtered water mixing formula. (;

RoseShadow873 · November 2015

cmjenkies said:

@RoseShadow873 my sarcasm meter is busted so I can't tell if you were joking or being serious there, but the jugs of 'baby water' are for filtered water mixing formula. (;

I was being serious. I didn't know when babies/kids start to drink water and did not think of the water being used to make formula.

NachosAndPeaches · November 2015

Usually at 6 months you can introduce some water when you introduce solids, but it should not replace the amount of milk they drink.

DS is 21 months and drinks only water. no juice except special occasions.

amaniupendo · November 2015

I think we introduced water around 8 months when it started getting hot outside.

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