Baby Crazy MIL — The Bump
Parenting

Baby Crazy MIL

So it actually all began when my husband and I first announced our pregnancy. MIL was not excited at all. Then she totally flipped and got super crazy....doing possessive things like calling the baby "her baby" and referring to me as (her) baby's mother instead of by my name. She even got as crazy as to argue with the dr as to what gender our baby was (despite going to the ultrasound herself), and demanding that we take our baby to a preschool closer to her house (45 minutes away from us...and hello, he wasn't even born yet!).

Now, since our son has been born, she's gone completely baby crazy. Refers to him as her baby still. When we first got home, she came over two days later and instead of offering to help or anything, walked in and demanded to hold "her baby". Our son is 3 months old now, being breastfed, and she comes over and tells my DH "I don't care if he needs to eat, he needs his Nana now." And is totally serious. When we took him to her workplace, she demanded that she introduce him to her boss, which turned into parading him around the store telling everyone "this is my baby!" And she didn't introduce me to a single person. Ignored me completely. She's even gone as far as to use his picture as her profile picture claiming him as hers and got upset at DH when he asked her to take it down.

She even ignored DH on his birthday and instead was hovering over me like a vulture continually pestering me to hold the baby saying things like "but YOU get to hold him every day. He's crying because he wants Nana."

She's always complaining to DH that she "never gets to see the baby", but she never calls to make plans, even though she lives 30 minutes away from us and only works 3 days a week. I'm a stay at home mom so I'm home EVERY DAY.

My mom and stepmom don't do any of these things. In fact, they make a point to schedule time out and drive the 2 hrs distance just to spend time with us. And whenever they are here, they go out of their way to ask us what help we need (like making dinner, doing dishes, etc). They've always respected our boundaries and have really blossomed in their roles as grandmas.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. It just seems that my MIL just wants to re-live her days as a mom instead of as a grandma (ours is her third grandchild btw). DH and I have talked to her about her behavior....she flat out ignores me and then plays the victim when DH talks to her and gives excuses like "I'm just joking." Her own daughter even told her she was being baby crazy and she ignored her as well.

Re: Baby Crazy MIL

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  • We've already cut down on the amount of time we spend with them, but some things like family birthdays and such we can't avoid them. At DH birthday when she was trying to be manipulative by saying "but you ALWAYS get to hold him...." I straight up told her "Well, I'M his mother." Apparently my MIL called my SIL the day afterwards to ask why I was so blunt and bitchy and not letting her hold him during the party. That's when SIL told her she was baby crazy and MIL denied that she was.

    So long story short, we haven't seen her in 2 weeks and we've (I've) been filling our schedule up so that we don't have to see them anytime soon!

    Just wondering if there's anything else I can do besides being defensive or totally avoiding them. Before I was pregnant, my MIL and I had an amazing relationship and I'd love to have that back, especially since they live so close.
    UseTheTriforce94
  • We've already cut down on the amount of time we spend with them, but some things like family birthdays and such we can't avoid them. At DH birthday when she was trying to be manipulative by saying "but you ALWAYS get to hold him...." I straight up told her "Well, I'M his mother." Apparently my MIL called my SIL the day afterwards to ask why I was so blunt and bitchy and not letting her hold him during the party. That's when SIL told her she was baby crazy and MIL denied that she was. So long story short, we haven't seen her in 2 weeks and we've (I've) been filling our schedule up so that we don't have to see them anytime soon! Just wondering if there's anything else I can do besides being defensive or totally avoiding them. Before I was pregnant, my MIL and I had an amazing relationship and I'd love to have that back, especially since they live so close.


    First, your H should be dealing with his mother, not you. You don't need to fill your calendars for the next 18 years, just tell your MIL no. And when she asks why, have you H explain how uncomfortable her behavior as been making H and you.

    You cant do anything about your MIL complaining to your SIL. If they want to gossip like children, then let them. Just don't participate yourself.

    UseTheTriforce94ebergen12
  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    edited August 2015
    Continue to make firm boundaries on issues that are important to you.  

    However, as far as the relationship is concerned perhaps schedule time with her.  For example, maybe every other wednesday you all have lunch together.  You could also try giving her a task that you don't really care about like a baby's first thanksgiving onesie with a turkey on it or maybe the best place in town to get pictures with Santa.  This way she can be involved but isn't taking any motherly duties from you.
    wintersong
  • Stop enabling her. Don't show up at her work with the baby. Don't give into her demands. Wear baby if need be. Leave the room. Don't answer your door. Get your husband to explicitly let her know that when she behaves appropriately, she can schedule time to come visit.
    ChiccoBeanz
  • My MIL is bat shi+ crazy too... I understand, but luckily she lives in another state
    image
    image

    My History:
    Lots of BFN's & failed IUI's w/clomid and/or femara
    Finally BFP with femara & t.i.- son born 6/17/2010
    Started TTC again around when DS was 3ish
    Lots of BFN's with femara & t.i & ovidrel
    Tubes clear, S.A came back low motility but high count
    About to switch to injectables w/femara, did one last cycle with just femara & an IUI with ovidrel- stupid motility was fantastic in the sample, but count was 700,000 AFTER wash! Had to sign a paper to even still do IUI- BFFP (big fat freaking positive) Go figure!
    1st Beta 13dpiui 54, 2nd beta 48 hours later 115, 3rd beta 48 hours later 310, 4th beta 72 hours later 1748.
    UseTheTriforce94
  • We've already cut down on the amount of time we spend with them, but some things like family birthdays and such we can't avoid them. At DH birthday when she was trying to be manipulative by saying "but you ALWAYS get to hold him...." I straight up told her "Well, I'M his mother." Apparently my MIL called my SIL the day afterwards to ask why I was so blunt and bitchy and not letting her hold him during the party. That's when SIL told her she was baby crazy and MIL denied that she was. So long story short, we haven't seen her in 2 weeks and we've (I've) been filling our schedule up so that we don't have to see them anytime soon! Just wondering if there's anything else I can do besides being defensive or totally avoiding them. Before I was pregnant, my MIL and I had an amazing relationship and I'd love to have that back, especially since they live so close.
    Perhaps YH needs to grow a set and confront his mother and tell her to back the eff off?
    Married July 2009, Rescue dog adopted September 2010, DS born June 2012
    Expecting LO2 in February 2016
    Ghost of MrsMuq
    UseTheTriforce94
  • NickiochNickioch member
    edited November 2015
    I'm so sorry you're going through this, how stressful!! First of all I think your husband needs to join you as a united front, you are a family, this is YOUR family now and HIS family. She needs to see the same message coming from both of you. Communicate as clearly as possible to him. You said you and she had a good relationship before, can you talk to her about this? Probably not if she's crazy, but maybe you guys could have a meal or something non baby related without the baby and talk to her about how this is making you feel? Be strong, talk from your standpoint more like "when you do this I feel this", she can't tell you you're wrong it's how you feel it's a statement. But honestly I know all this is easier said than done. Perhaps enlist the help of a third party-therapist? Neutral friend? Clearly it's not easy getting through to her. I like the idea of baby wearing! Keep that kiddo close and on your terms! Good luck I hope it gets better--nip it in the bud!!!!
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