Depressed about possible c-section

rachel10488 · November 2015

So I posted about flipping my breech baby a few weeks ago and have been trying all kinds of things daily to no avail. Had another dr appt last week and she said there's less than 10% chance my baby will turn on his own now. So every time I'm talking about this with someone they're always saying "oh well, my sisters baby flipped the day before she was due!" Or something to that effect. Which is great but my doctor is telling me DO NOT expect that. My baby has been in the exact same position for 2 months now (he used to be head down) and she said he could be stuck, maybe it's the shape of my uterus or his size because he's looking "big".
So yes I've tried and will keep trying spinning babies, I cannot do a chiropractor or acupuncturist like I was hoping because my insurance doesn't cover it and it would be $200+ per visit, so the last possible option is an external version.
My doctor was not super confident about a version and said she'd give it a 50% chance of working on me but we will try in 2 weeks as long as his size hasn't increased substantially.

I've felt my mindset adjusting in the past week that I will deliver this baby via c-section and that thought had honestly never occurred to me until now and it's a bit defeating, I'm not even sure why. I just always had this vision in my head that I would birth my baby like 80% of women do so I think I'm just trying to readjust my expectation which is getting me a little bit down. I am grateful though that we can figure this all out now to have the healthiest baby possible and I can go into this prepared and at peace.

Anyways, I mostly just felt like venting but any other mamas experience these feelings at some point with their c-sections, planned or unplanned?

rain0831boww · November 2015

Don't focus on what you cannot control. Instead, think about all the positives like delivering that healthy baby. In the end, that is the ultimate goal; to get your baby out safely. If that means having a C section, so be it. Good luck!

littleSkittle14 · November 2015

I ended up with an emergency c section with my first and I had a really hard time with it too. The best advise I got was that it's better to mourn the birth you imagined, than to mourn the loss of a child. Your body has done an amazing job just growing your son/daughter and even if he/she needs a little "help" to be born- you will soon have him/her in your arms and in your life for a very, very long time.

Good luck to you, and definitely don't be too hard on yourself. Enjoy your baby!

VesperLove · November 2015

Birth is a hard thing for a lot of reasons -- one big one being the lack of control you actually have in regard to how it's going to go. Try to focus on what you DO have control over. Then, when the time comes to deliver just focus on baby being happy and healthy and once baby is here, it won't really matter HOW they got here, just that they are here, doing well, and that you get to love on them forever! Good luck!

hplunkett2883 · November 2015

I delivered all 3 previous babies vaginally. Now this time they are wanting to do a C section because he is too big. I'll admit I'm scared because it's new to me. And I'm a little upset because I had plans on how in wanted it to go. But the doctor says it's safer to deliver by c section as it is for you too. So I found one major positive point to focus on... I know when my baby will be born and will not have to endure countless hours of agonizing labor pain.

caityleigh92 · November 2015

Please don't be depressed about possibly having a c-section. This will be my 3rd c-section. While it may not be the exact way you imagined giving birth, but remember you are still giving birth. You are welcoming your baby into the world. Just taking a different route :-) Just remember it's all about the baby, and ensuring that he/she is entering the world the safest way for them. Just stay positive and remember the reward at the end is still the same.

rachel10488 · November 2015

Thank you, ladies. I appreciate the encouragement and will try to keep positive about this as I adjust my expectations. It is definitely a silver lining that I could have a definite date when I get to meet my baby boy

ashhsa · November 2015

I'm in the exact same boat *lurking from Jan 15* and I just wanted to say that focusing on the fact that it's going to be a lot safer for baby is helping me. I mean who knows, baby might be tangled or have a short cord and that's why she/he isn't turning? It's not ideal as a first time mum, and I keep thinking about what I'd had in mind, but we are so so lucky to be able to know in advance, as if they didn't it could quickly turn into an emergency in the delivery. And I suppose another positive is knowing what day you will meet your little human, I mean I find the unknown hard, so at least you can be that bit more prepared? I can relate to your feeling down about it though, there are positives too.

rockinmathchic · November 2015

I agree with all of the previous posters. Just wanted to add my little spin on this. One thing to keep in mind, while I know it is hard to imagine at this point, is that after some time has passed (if you end up having a c-section that is) you will totally forget about how the birth went. You will be so overjoyed with the arrival of your LO and caring for him that all that depression and sadness will melt away. It may not be immediate, but over time it will heal and you will feel proud that you were able to do such a wonderful thing for your LO, even though it wasn't what you originally planned.

robynlawler7 · November 2015

I feel your pain. I was planning a natural birth - no drugs or anything. But my baby has been breech for WEEKS now. I've been doing everything to try to turn her. Just 2 weeks ago I finally felt OK about the decision to have a c-section. I never even thought about what it would be like to have a breech baby...

Anyway - just wanted to tell you that you're not alone! :-)

Daphneh28 · November 2015

I am sorry this is happening to you. I have no experience (im a FTM) but wanted to show support. Also keep in mind a lot of us are at risk of an emergency c-section which to me it's worse. If I wa to have a section id like to know in advance cause there are many things you can still plan to make yourself comfortable and get mentally prepared for it. In the meantime focus on baby. Best of luck!

pupsicle23 · November 2015

I definitely agree with @Daphneh28 and think that an emergency c-section would be much worse! My LO has been, in my OB's words, "firmly planted" in the exact same frank breech position for many weeks. Seriously, I have to get ultrasounds twice a week because of other issues, and she hasn't budged once. Based on that and other complications we've had, I was scheduled for a c-section, but my doctor still worried that I wouldn't make it to the scheduled date.

Things are looking better now, so I feel confident about my scheduled c-section date and making it until then. It's stressful and disappointing, but I agree with other people that it's nice to be able to plan ahead and know exactly when I'll meet her. Plus, it eased my anxiety about my FML application because I had definite start and end dates. I'm just trying to embrace the whole thing and know that my healthy, folded-in-half baby is getting what she needs!

Also, a friend of mine suggested packing a long sleep shirt/nightgown kind of thing if you're not feeling the hospital robe. I found one at Macy's that didn't make me feel like a grandma.

sassypants13 · November 2015

I'm in a similar situation and having the same feelings. We found out baby girl was breech at 35wks after thinking she was head down for a couple months. She's moving a lot so I'm staying hopeful but will have the 'here are the options' conversation with my midwife next week. I'm very conflicted about trying an external version if we get to that point, and also am feeling dread and sadness about a c-section.
I read a mama blog about this scenario where the poster's mom basically said "I'm sorry baby isn't turning and things aren't going how you had hoped, I understand your disappointment". And it made a big difference to just acknowledge that your birth experience does matter and it's ok to process these things. Of course we're thankful for healthy babies! But being accepting of those anxieties and grief help to move through them. Just my experience. Wishing you the best, mama!

Sunny2015 · November 2015

I had dreamed of having a natural birth and having my mother and DH there to cheer me on. I ended up having an emergency c-section. Granted at first I was pretty upset, it's kind of upsetting to wake up and realize you have a scar on your belly and I didn't get the birth I wanted, but it's beautiful now because it reminds me we did all we could to bring our baby into the world safely and in the end that's all that matters. Hang in there mama

alisoninda · November 2015

I completely understand your frustration. I am a FTM with a planned c-section (next week!) and its taken me a few months to accept it. I had a somewhat complicated myomecty last year to remove a very large fibroid, so I am high risk for uterine rupture. I initially hoped if I kept asking several doctors if I could attempt to labor (like a VBAC) that eventually I would get a different answer. I didn't. And even after accepting that a c-section is what's best for me and baby, I still find myself hesitant to tell people that's how (and why, and when) my baby is being born.
But at the end of the day, it's the safest option for me. I need to trust my doctors and nurses and go in thinking positive. Major surgery is never easy or fun, but this gets us the best possible present when it's over! Being prepared for a c-section is so much better than being surprised by an emergency one. Plus, I'm trying to look at other positives -- like the fact that my lady parts won't be put through the trauma and aftermath of labor!

rachel10488 · November 2015

Thank you so much for all the support! I am feeling much better about it now and agree with @Daphneh28 that I've felt so grateful that I can pre plan for this rather than it being an all the sudden emergency c section. I think it was almost just shock at first, I've literally been thinking about how I would birth my baby since before I was even pregnant. It's funny how things change and what a humbling experience becoming a parent is because I always imagined this beautiful birth I would see on A Baby Story, at home, in a bath tub, where I could pull my baby out myself and then hold him immediately and it would all be sunshine and rainbows haha. In actuality every step of this process has lead farther and farther from that because I've had to make decision after decision of what is best for my baby, not what I want. So while having a planned c-section is the farthest from what I always imagined, I'm coping with it now and changing my expectations and what I'm visualizing.

My dad asked me how I was doing with this yesterday and when I explained that to him he said he was very proud to hear how much I'm maturing throughout this process because my family always knows me to be the anxious planner. Well there's not much planning with kids and I'm becoming ok with that!

We will still try the version in 2 weeks if everything is ok for us to but I'm trying to keep my mindset at no expectation for the outcome of that since it's a 50/50 chance.

browneyes_326 · November 2015

sassypants13 said:
I'm in a similar situation and having the same feelings. We found out baby girl was breech at 35wks after thinking she was head down for a couple months. She's moving a lot so I'm staying hopeful but will have the 'here are the options' conversation with my midwife next week. I'm very conflicted about trying an external version if we get to that point, and also am feeling dread and sadness about a c-section.
I read a mama blog about this scenario where the poster's mom basically said "I'm sorry baby isn't turning and things aren't going how you had hoped, I understand your disappointment". And it made a big difference to just acknowledge that your birth experience does matter and it's ok to process these things. Of course we're thankful for healthy babies! But being accepting of those anxieties and grief help to move through them. Just my experience. Wishing you the best, mama!

Curious to see where this goes! I'm 35 + 3 and baby is breach. Not TOO worried yet. OB said he will confirm position with an US at my 37 + 5 week appt. Update us with what happens!

keiragann · November 2015

I went to my appointment with my OB at 36weeks to schedule my Csection for my breech baby and he was no longer breech. I have no idea how or when it happened but was having all these same feelings before. Now I'm just nervous about not knowing when!

rachel10488 · November 2015

keiragann said:
I went to my appointment with my OB at 36weeks to schedule my Csection for my breech baby and he was no longer breech. I have no idea how or when it happened but was having all these same feelings before. Now I'm just nervous about not knowing when!

Yayy That's great to hear! And yes, it's like you trade one anxiety for the other because the upside to a schedule c section is you pretty much know when baby will be here.

I will hope for this outcome too. I'm pretty sure I can't miss it because his head is very prominent sticking out the top left side of my belly, like its lopsided because of the lump of his head haha so when that's gone I'll know he flipped

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