I can't take much more

Imangan · November 2015

I feel like such a failure, I am not enjoying motherhood at all.

My baby is 6 weeks old and cries constantly when awake, non stop. If one more person tells me babies cru going to loose it.

I've taken her to the doctor and a specialist finally suggested she may have silent reflux I've given her medicine, wind her changed bottles changed formula im just at my wits end and how to help her.

She likes the car bit after the car seat scare I won't leave her sleep in the car seat so when I move her she wakes up and the crying starts again. If she isn't asleep or being fed she is crying.

My husband works so I do all the nightt feeds both during the week and at the weekend until I can't do it anymore then he takes her for half a night. I am on night 16 and feel like I'm ready to collapse from tiredness and being so upset. I'm resentful that he gets to go to work and have a break from the constant demand of a crying baby, I feel im doing a terrible job and worse im not enjoying any of this, which makes me feel like a terrible mother. I see posts of how many people are falling in love with their babies and I just want to run away.

Does anyone else have a colic baby? What techniques are you using to cope?

Mewkie · November 2015

My baby is not colicky and there are times I get frustrated so I can only imagine what you are going through. It sounds really tough. I have friends who have had babies with colic and it will get better but I think in the meantime you need a break. Even though your husband is workIng, maybe he can pitch in at night because there's only so much you can take! Do you have any family or close friends near by that could hang out with the baby while you get out for an hour or two during the day? Do not beat yourself up for feeling frustrated. It will get better and you will enjoy your baby eventually after this tough time.

amandacarlos1015 · November 2015

I agree, have someone watch the baby and go get a coffee and a pedicure or something.. Take a little you time, it's important. I'm sorry you're going thru this, my friends son was also a colicky baby so I know how hard it can be. Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help!

aavila18 · November 2015

Ask for help. Even if it's to just hold your baby for a little bit. I understand how hard it is to just say hey I need a freakin nap or I want to clean. My baby isn't colicky but he might as well be with the gas issues he has had. It took a lot of pride to ask for help. I hated it because I felt like I was admitting that I can't take care of my son. It doesn't mean that. If anything tell help if you get a break because you can collect yourself, take a break to cry, remind yourself of all the good things you have done for your baby, you got your little one this far didn't you? You're not failing, you're trying still so you're still succeeding. Have you tried formula that's soy based for fussy and gassy babies? It helps my son immensely when he can't get a break, I also use mylicon gas drops as well and do you put your little one elevated when putting her down? Like making sure she's laying at a 45 degree incline? Like a bouncer?

FinalyFound · November 2015

My son was colicky. We swaddle.. A lot. It seems to help. We also started using a probiotic called 'Bio Gaia' at the suggestion of a friend who also had a colicky baby. It definitely cut down on the crying and DS's apparent discomfort.

Going for walks might be a good option if your LO enjoys their car seat, hard to do when your exhausted but if it gives you moments of peace, it might be worth it.

Have you tried using a baby carrier? That closeness might help.

I agree that if you can find someone to come watch your LO for an hour or 2.... Just to get out of your head.

We also discovered that DS loves his swing but couldn't bring it up from the basement for awhile since my DD still thought it was hers and would try climbing in which would end up breaking it if she did. We finally got her to understand 'big girls don't need baby swings'

There's been many endless nights in this house too in which I'd finally get DS asleep only to have my DD up 20 minutes later for the day. When your LO is crying 10+ hours a day... You cherish those quiet moments.

Being a SAHM and H gone for 14 hour days and DD who's entering her terrible twos full force AND a colicky baby, I understand your frustration. My days have often resulted in numerous bathroom breaks in which I'd just breakdown, cry, and remind myself that this will end.... Eventually. It's hard to do while your in the moment though.

SarahEmmons330 · November 2015

Our only saving grace has been the vibrating bouncy chair. My son isn't colicky but he loses his shit at least once a day and is inconsolable and throwing him in there and turning on the vibration makes him one happy baby! Now the moment it turns off he loses it again but we just buy a lot of batteries!

Imangan · November 2015

Thank you for the advice and support today was a particularly shitty day but definaty need to ask for more help and take deep breaths (often!!)

She has finally calmed down (after 7 hours non stop crying) so will throw her In the car seat and get some much needed fresh air and a trip to the chemist to purchase the reccomendations ! Thanks again this has helped me so much x

Sully3302 · November 2015

I don't know how I would cope with that... Sounds like your doing great! My LO would not be put down AT ALL for the first few weeks. My DH would come home to me in tears because all I did all day long was pace the house rocking her for hours. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I felt awful and guilty that all I wanted FOREVER was to be a mom and have a baby....and when she got her I didn't think I was ment to be a mom. It was tough in the moment, but it passed! She is happier, sleeps a little better and is awake for longer... And the smiles!! She is 7 weeks now and I am really starting to love this! Definitely get some help, play some music and take a break when you need to with baby in a safe spot.

missliz53 · November 2015

You are in a really tough week so please don't beat yourself up. DD is 11.5 weeks old and has been horribly fussy the past several nights. DH keeps reminding me that babies cry sometimes no matter what you do, but I feel like a failure because I can't soothe my own baby.

I felt like I was doing pretty well up until Sun night when her eating went down the toilet and I got frustrated. Last night I told him I wanted to trade her in for another horse and that I understand why people leave babies in baskets in front of a church. This is really rough. I'm charging up my noise canceling headphones and bringing some ear plugs in from the garage in preparation for witching hour tonight. Maybe if her howls a muffled I will be able to deal with it better.

LouLouLove · November 2015

My LO is colicky and has reflux so I completely understand. Last week was particularly rough and by Friday I felt like I was broken. DS1 was sick, LO wouldn't sleep and wouldn't stop crying, and I cried like 4 times before noon. I had to make my husband come home from work and crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head for a while.

My parents came on Saturday and watched the kids while DH and I got out of the house for a bit and that was a huge help. It made me realize I need to take more breaks. I hadn't been out of the house without one of the kids in weeks and that was to go grocery shopping. I defintley recommend you take breaks; leave the baby with your husband and get out. Even if just to drive around.

When he gets into his crying fits I am trying really hard to remind myself that it's nothing I did or didn't do, that babies with colic cry a lot, and all I can do is comfort him. I've also started putting in my headphones and cranking up my music while I walk around the house with him while he's crying. Helps me stay a little more calm during his worst fits of crying.

Hang in there. I know I am counting down to 3 months and praying it gets better. My mom said it was like someone flipped a switch on my colicky brother at 3 months. Really hoping that happens for us!

LouLouLove · November 2015

Oh, and I would also have your husband help more at night. He may be working, but when you're home with a colicky baby all day, I think you have the harder job. With my first I did all the nighttime stuff because I was breastfeeding and was up anyway, but it ultimately made me resent my DH because he was always getting a full night's rest and I was always exhausted. DS1 was also an easier baby. This time I make my husband get up and change a diaper at least once a night. If it's a particular rough night, I'll also have him give a bottle.

Charismatic69 · November 2015

My daughter suffered with silent reflux so I really sympathise with you. It's not easy & you feel completely helpless.
I was advised to change her milk to an anti reflux milk. I'm using cow & gate. I've also changed her bottles to Dr Browns. I know you said you've tried all the above but don't give up.
Also as PP's have suggested swaddling does wonders & a rocking swing. Also ask someone to watch baby for you so you can get an hour to yourself. It helps, and I realised that asking for help doesn't make you a bad mum. We need a little break to!

LoveLee85 · November 2015

@LouLouLove I'm getting to that resentment point with my husband. He works twelve hour days, and reminds me a lot that he works and needs sleep. It's infuriating! I then say, I work 24 hours a day, without sleep, and no pay check!!!! Then says but that's different! How is it different?!?! It just really upsets me that THAT is his mentality toward me being a SAHM! He is normally very sensitive and thoughtful....I think it's because he knows how much we adore this baby, and he just gets kinda blinded by love thinking being a SAHM is easy and fun. I am truly lucky we can afford for me to be a SAHM but I didn't realize what I was signing up for in my DH eyes. My Mom was a SAHM and my father cleaned and helped a ton, on top of making 100% of our family income. I just am kinda heart broken by his actions and thoughts. When he is on nights, I only get about 1 hour of 'help' in 24 hours. Nights last for a month, then it switches back to days. Help me.

LouLouLove · November 2015

LoveLee85 said:
@LouLouLove I'm getting to that resentment point with my husband. He works twelve hour days, and reminds me a lot that he works and needs sleep. It's infuriating! I then say, I work 24 hours a day, without sleep, and no pay check!!!! Then says but that's different! How is it different?!?! It just really upsets me that THAT is his mentality toward me being a SAHM! He is normally very sensitive and thoughtful....I think it's because he knows how much we adore this baby, and he just gets kinda blinded by love thinking being a SAHM is easy and fun. I am truly lucky we can afford for me to be a SAHM but I didn't realize what I was signing up for in my DH eyes. My Mom was a SAHM and my father cleaned and helped a ton, on top of making 100% of our family income. I just am kinda heart broken by his actions and thoughts. When he is on nights, I only get about 1 hour of 'help' in 24 hours. Nights last for a month, then it switches back to days. Help me.

I totally think many men forget that staying home with the kids is work. Of course most women who get to stay home with their kids are glad they can do it and love it, but that doesn't make it easy. Just like any job, loving what you do doesn't mean it's always easy. I would sit down with your husband and work out a more manageable division of labor. I've expected more of my husband this time around and overall he's been doing more. With our first I defintley started to resent him. I still do more than he does with the kids, but it's better. I can tell sometimes that he feels like he deserves more of a break because he works, but I know that if I left him at home with the kids for a week he would be begging to go back to work!

Izzies · November 2015

My DD was exactly the same way. She cried nonstop, all the time. I literally thought I was going to loose my mind! She even hated the car, the only thing that helped was the bath. I could give her a bath and she would finally stop crying.
It turned out that my daughter was allergic to dairy and soy. After months of getting all dairy and soy out of our diets she did so much better.
Sorry your going through this, have you made any changes to her diet to see if that helps? I hope things improve soon!!!

PregNancyClark · November 2015

My first son was like this and he almost never slept. It made a huge difference when I started wearing him in a wrap and walking around the block until he fell asleep. Then I could wear him home and get some things done until it was time to feed him again. He also hated the car... It was tough.
One book helped- "the happiest baby on the block" worst title ever when you have a very unhappy baby- but it has very clear instructions for some very simple things you can do to calm baby in the meltdowns.

tlc11934 · November 2015

My DD1 was a lot like your LO. Nonstop crying around the clock, hated the car, etc. Her colic lasted around 6 months and then disappeared. We changed her formula 5 times until we found one she could tolerate. Her crying became less once she found her thumb and could self soothe. We had a lot of days where she'd go in her swing for 30 min and I'd take a 30 min power nap. Huge help! DH helped with Motn feedings and diaper changes despite working full time. At the end of mat leave I couldn't wait to get back to work but was able to negotiate working 4 full days for the first year of her life. I really enjoyed the older baby period of 6-12 months and would cherish our Wednesdays together, catch up on laundry, etc. It was a good refresher!

Ask for more help, get sleep however you can and don't beat yourself up!

Imangan · November 2015

So some good news I talked to my husband and he will do this weekend and give me a full night off, I don't mind doing weekdays but think we need to share the weekends to give me a break before I go insane.

Think the ear plugs are a great idea during the bad episodes I would have felt to guilty but now realise that listening to it all day (while constantly trying to soothe her) doesn't do me any good either.

For all ladies I think it's important to really stress to partners how hard this "job" is. I had a stressful job (at least I thoughht I did lol) but it was an absolute breeze in comparison to minding a baby full time, there are no breaks no warm coffee and very little time to do anything apart from tend to our LO

troopersmom · November 2015

We had the same as @Izzies we changed formulas, used dr Browns, and finally learned about his milk allergy.
Some things that helped him calm down were 1) probiotic drops 2) Zantac for his acid reflux 3) bathing him-he loves the warm water 4) keeping him swaddled really warm and rocking him. When I got exhausted I'd put him in warm pajamas and put him in his swing- he loves it.
I'm very fortunate that my husband helps me a lot! (I know that doesn't do shite for you but just wanted to say) He works 13 hour shifts and comes home and helps. Also both my parents live by us and my retired dad comes every morning and babysits so I get sleep. I take the night shifts and from noon until 5 am- hence why I post on here late hours. Baby boy is starting to sleep longer hours now with soy and acid reflux meds.
I really hope you get help- I can't imagine doing this without help-

Mufflerlove · November 2015

Hang in there. It will get better. This stage doesn't last forever though I know it's hard while it's hallening. I can't say I particular enjoy the baby stage. With my first I remember it getting so so so much better at about 9 months and from there it just kept getting even better. I stopped counting the hours until my husband got home and really enjoyed our days together.

Natasha238 · November 2015

Gosh, you just repeated all the same words and thoughts that I had for the first 6weeks. I couldn't wait to be a mom... And when baby came I didn't feel that overwhelming mothers love everyone talked about and I promised myself I was never going to have another! Like yours... If baby wasn't sleeping or being fed he was crying... I would pass the house while rocking him in ears everyday and prayed that he would just fall asleep (how sad!!! I felt like a failure of a mom and felt sorry for my baby whon was unlucky to get me as his mom). But at 7 weeks everything just changed!!!! He became a happy baby, started enjoying all his little "stations" (rock n play, play mat, stroller(his absolute fav!!! So we take lots of walks and the fresh air knocks him out for hours

) now he only cries for food, or to be changed or be fed. I'm just now able to build a connection with him and thinking that in about 2 years we will probably have another one and I'll be prepared to deal with what I have to for atleast 6weeks.

I hope you get the same turnaround at week 7!!!! You are right around the corner.

Hang in there momma. It's hard! You are doing your best and you aren't a failure - I promise. Sometimes we just need to chat and vent to someone that went thru it to keep us going. For me it was a friend that had a baby two months ahead of mine and she was going thru the same things I was... She would update me with all her changes week by week and it kept me going because I had those things to look forward too.

If you need to chat for support or just to vent PM me. I'm m on here a lot (every time I feed and pump). My baby is 8 weeks today.

cmovius · November 2015

My baby is over 11 weeks and I'm still struggling. He doesn't cry all the time but he fusses a lot and isn't very content. He wants to be held most of the time. I swear he does better for everyone else but me. If my mom watches him he goes down for naps without crying and sleeps for over an hour or even 2. For me he cries every time I try and put him down and rarely sleeps more than 45 minutes, even thought he's tired because he usually wakes up grumpy, yawning, and rubbing his eyes. I'm actually holding him right now trying to extend a nap. My husband sleeps in until 10 on the weekend and then maybe holds him for a few minutes, but usually wants me to try the swing or his play mat first. It's so frustrating! I'm like, when's my break??? I am always the one to put our LO down for naps and bedtime and I do 95% of the night time feedings. He thinks since everyone does it, I shouldn't be having a hard time. Luckily we have both sets of parents close by who are actually helpful or I think I would have lost it by now.

LabPupLuv · November 2015

I'm so sorry, that is rough! Have you tried gripe water? I've heard that can help with colicky babies. Definitely ask for help and get out of the house to spend some time on your own. It will get better eventually. Hugs!