Stay at Home Mom Problems

albessa · November 2015

I separated from the military when I found out I was pregnant because my husband is military too, and our schedules would not have been baby-friendly. Ever since our son was born, my husband does the absolute bare minimum to help with him, like he maybe only feeds him twice and changes two diapers tops. He NEVER helps with our son's feedings at night, not even on his days/nights off, and as a result, I have ppd and I am always overwhelmed. He doesn't appreciate me, and he tells me it's my "job" to do everything for the baby, like it's his to work and make money. To other stay at home moms, what does your partner help with? Is it his sole responsibilty to work and your sole responsibility to be with the baby 24/7? How do you cope?

sarahsairsair · November 2015

At the moment I am stay at home, DH is working long hours 7 days a week so he pretty much doesn't help with anything with the kids (we have 2) except sometimes putting the older one to bed. This is because of the long hours and they are mostly getting in bed when he gets home and he leaves at 5am in the morning. However he tells me he knows our situation isn't fair on me (it's his own business and he needs to get it off the ground) and he does dishes and laundry because they can be done late at night. So, to me it's more about the attitude - my DH doesn't expect that I do it all- it's just our circumstances right now.
I would be pissed if he thought every child related task is my job because he works outside of the home - what I do is hard WORK too

Youngwithra · November 2015

I'm a stay home mom also DH works 5 days a week 50hours (works graveyard) M-F he doesn't help at all no feeding or diaper change. (Which I honestly don't mind) but when the weekend hits I give him the baby when he needs a diaper change especially if he pooped!!!! Hahaha.

kbrown2385 · November 2015

I stay at home. My husband is military also (navy). He is currently on shore duty, so he isnt attached to a boat and works mon-fri. I look at it this way. He helped make the child, he can help raise the child. Yes i stay at home, but i am not a single parent. He comes home from work and he is helping with feedings, entertaining, diaper changes etc. Shouldnt he want to do these things? Im not saying it was all butterflies and rainbows when lo was first born, but he realized that he is the other half of this operation regardless of who "works".

v&druston · November 2015

My husband is active duty as well & we decided I was going to stay home with the baby. He does very little with the baby. He fills the bathtub up every other night for bath time. I hate saying this, by he isn't very good with the baby. He thinks of he sits in the recliner & holds him that should be enough. No, the baby needs some interaction, he doesn't care about football. I'm not asking you to sing nursery rhymes, but talk to him & play with him. My DH is like a teenager if the TV is on, he can't take his eyes off it.

But what makes me even angrier is when he starts criticizing how I'm doing something with the baby. He tells me I'm too rigid with the sleep routine or that I should have him do tummy time different. He had no clue what he is taking about! Ok sorry for the rant.

No, he doesn't help with the baby or around the house. He usually cooks dinner, but he did that before wet had a baby. And his idea of cleaning up after dinner is putting plates in the dishwasher & pots in the sink.

nicflo2120 · November 2015

I just became a stay at home mom and well my husband works 6 days a week About 50 hours a week. He doesnt help at night i let him sleep. We agreed that since i would be at home with baby and him working i would basicaly do everything for baby. He helps on sundays and mondays when he is off but only in the day. Honestly i get frustrated at times but i understand he works long hours and is tired too.

arbell615 · November 2015

I'm also a SAHM. My husband have it so that I get up with baby during the night and when she's up for the day around 5:30 am he takes her for about an hour so I can sleep a little more. When he gets home from work we try to split responsibilities. During the day he works and the baby is my job, when we're both home we both have to help!

kristyn831 · November 2015

I work 2 days a week and when I'm home, I do most of LO's care. I EBF so even on the nights before I have work, I'm getting up to nurse 2-3 times. I do the bulk of the housework (all of the laundry and cleaning, most of the cooking and dishes). DH does help out and will take care of LO when he's home and I'm getting things done and when I'm at work. We are also putting an addition on our house while living in it so DH has to do a lot of packing and moving things.

If you need more help, you need DH to step it up a bit, especially with PPD. I know moms generally do the bulk of the work but your DH is his dad and still has responsibility besides going to work. Maybe on his days off, he can do more? You should just sit down and have an honest and calm conversation with him and come up with solutions that work for both of you before resentment sets in. Remember, being new parents is stressful and you need to try to work together as a team.

SnarkasaurusRex · November 2015

Your husband is being a dick. I think you should sit down with him and have an open and honest discussion about how to divide up the responsibilities of raising a child, because it's not all on you to take care of him. Sometimes, new dads just don't get it right away. Divide up the tasks. My DH functions best on a set schedule of tasks, so we planned one out for him (he does morning feeds, gets ready and takes DS to daycare, for example). If he's not willing to listen to you, seek a moderator (perhaps if you are seeing a therapist for your PPD DH can come along?) to help the discussion along.

AziaNick · November 2015

I am technically a stay at home mom but I am also a student and have my own photography business. My husband works from 8-6 or 7 and sometimes even Monday- Friday and sometimes works Saturday's. When he comes home, he gets ready for bed and he takes care of her. He usually does 1 or 2 feedings and he changes her and I do the night feedings

I don't mind sleeping for 2 or 3 hours and waking up and then going back to sleep. He does better with staying up straight and helping out and then sleeping. If that makes sense haha he does everything I do except I just do it longer, because it is my job haha but it is a partnership 50/50. I do her therapy and so does he, we both help her take a bath and feed her and change her. I went through PPD too and it was mainly because the transition from working to stay at home was hard for me, but we communicated and worked things out.

communicate with each other and talk to someone.

NewMumzy25 · November 2015

Oh my

.

My husband is a joker and is too good at messing with me and keeping a straight face while doing it till he cracks and starts laughing, so he will pretend tonsaybits my job and that cause he enjoys messing with me (were a corny couple and its all in good fun). He works 4-6 days a week 10 hours if he works the 6th one its usually only 5.5 hours 50 hours is usual lately. He works swing too so 3:45 pm to 2:15 am. He helps before work when he wakes up. Especially when he sees us asleep if baby boy wakes before me he will keep him entertained and let me get a bit more sleep. He doesn't change that many diapers but that's more cause he's usually in my arms, if I ask him too or hand baby boy to him to be changed he does it, and again teasese sometimes saying "I guess I'll just do everything! Anything else you want while I'm doing everything?" But its all in good fun and hes not serious I'd prob slap him if he was lol. And he gets one half hour break which by the time he gets home is more like 15 min I have dinner ready and he eats then plays with baby boy while I eat if I haven't already. We're both asleep when he gets home from work.

My hubby will also set things up like a pedicure for me and he will watch him while I have some me time. Hubby's family is also great in if I need a nap kaidon and I go to their place and I go sleep while they watch him.

I would def have a talk cause its exhausting doing it all!

KAR8706 · November 2015

Dang sounds like you have an awesome hubby and relationship ^^^^

DH is currently staying home with LO. My job has more money and insurance, his did not, so he is taking about a 6 month break then we will worry about daycare and whatnot. So he knows how difficult it can be to solely care for a LO during the day, and I gladly take over when I get home. I am pretty lucky.

I think being able to talk about your issues is incredibly important. Best of luck.

wheresilenceismusic · November 2015

We are also military and I am a SAHM. It's really tough!! DH had major surgery when LO was 7 weeks and was on crutches for nearly 2 months.

Especially in the military, I would say - very unfortunately - yes, your experience is common. I do 90% of the work too. (Though DH really tries!!! He works 5am through 5pm.)

The worst part is the isolation. Stuck at home all day by myself, broke, family and friends are 14 hours away.

NewMumzy25 · November 2015

@KAR8706 I definitely got lucky with my hubby! Which is funny cause you never would have thought meeting ps3 COD black ops 1 and being a country away would have amounted to finding my soul mate lol! I think the long distance made us stronger and he sees all I do and helps whenever he can.

Military life is hard! I'm an army brat and my mom well lets just say I was more mom to my 3 siblings. And he worked 3 jobs and sis laundry and took care of all of us and cooked and I appreciate it so much but she should have done more for sure. So I can imagine what you're going through cuse I have had to do but all when he was at work or away with military takibg care of my siblings. The only thing I didn't do for those kids was breast feed.... So I have been at the other end in a way lol not 100% bit I have had a good chunk thrown into my lap young.

Chins up mommas you're doing all you can and a great job!

lovehorse77 · November 2015

During my maternity leave when I was home I did everything for baby while hubby was at work but once he came home it was a joint effort. My sleep is just as valuable as his and vice versa. We are in it together and we share responsibilities. I think it's massively unfair to expect one person to do it all if it's at possible for both parents to contribute. I realize there are some circumstances that change who needs to do what but if my hubby was behaving the way the OP's hubby is, we would have a massive problem.

Mama.Anna · November 2015

My husband works 50 hours M-F but as soon as he comes home we're a team finishing chores and taking care of baby. DH makes sure to give me a break so I can relax a little. He plays with DD, bathes her and feeds her a bottle before bed (a good break from nursing). Being a SAHM is demanding tiring work but we just don't get an actual paycheck. Just because we don't get a paycheck does not make our work any less important or easier. It's important you get a break so do you don't get worn out. You are both his parents so the responsibility should be shared.

It would also be good bonding time for your husband and baby. It's all about finding a balance so one person is not overwhelmed and resentful of the other partner. I really hope it works out for you!

VToman · November 2015

I became a SAHM when Isabella was born. My husband is a police officer and works 4 10-hr days, plus a few off - duty security gigs after shift on the weekends. So, when he's working, help from him is minimal. He might be able to give her her last feeding and put her to sleep, but that's it. He doesn't even really see her between Friday and Saturday because that's when he works 14-16 hrs a day. But, on his days off, he will change her, feed her, play with her, and take her to run errands so I can get some me time. Or, he'll basically kick me out of the house for Vanessa - time while he stays home with her.

Talk to your husband. Being a SAHM is a lot of work. There is no time off or vacation time when you're a SAHM. Everyone needs support and a break sometime.

Marinewife81 · November 2015

I'm a SAHM of 3 kids. Dh works 2 jobs, and I rarely get any time to myself. When he is home he's working. When I'm gone I get texts asking when I'm coming back or that baby is being difficult. My dd is in school 11:30-2:30, but I have my 3yo ds and the baby at home with me. 2 days a week my mom takes the older 2 for a few hours and on Fridays my mil takes the older 2 for the day. The only other break I get is the 3 hours between the kids going to bed and me going to bed, and then I have homework to do.

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