Mini pity party- more coworkers getting their BFP:(

2legbaby · November 2015

We had 1 coworker recently give birth, another due end of November and my best friend just called to give me a heads up about two more co-workers who are soon to go public with their pregnancies (she very kindly didn't want me to find out at work since she is aware of everything DH and I are going through)....I want to be happy for them, but I just keep thinking how unfair it is, especially as one has 2 beautiful children already and is older than me and yet still can get pregnant...I am just so disappointed in myself for not being able to just be happy for these women without it making me feel so very sad/frustrated/like a failure..it makes me feel like a bad person that I have to make their good news about me and turn it into something sad....sorry for the pity party and any thoughts on how to make this easier would be welcome!

katie121209 · November 2015

I have no thoughts on how to make it easier and I often feel the same as you. Today my male dental hygienist asked me if we had kids...to which I said no...and then he followd up with "but don't you want kids" and I really wanted to give him a mouthful.
I'm glad your friend gave you the heads up about the ladies in your office- I hope you can smile through it and excuse yourself as quickly as possible from the congratulations

twomommiestobe · November 2015

I read the best advice somewhere... be as excited and supportive for them as you want others to be when you get your bfp! Lol we all know I'm not the best at this, but it has made a huge difference most of the time for me

brazenbiblio · November 2015

No advice on how to handle it but I know how you feel. I'm a teacher and we always have at least two pregnancies a year. It's frustrating for sure.

2legbaby · November 2015

thanks girls for your support and thanks @twomommiestobe your comment really snapped me out of my funk because when I thought about it that way it really makes sense, WHEN ! I get my BFP you're right, I would totally want people to be happy for me- thank you!!!

wifeinraleigh28 · November 2015

I'm glad I read this thread, because I'm about to hang out with a lot of my fertile friends at my friend's daughter's second birthday party this weekend and I now feel more ready to go and be just as happy for them as I would want them to be for me!! And trust me I have been dreading this and thinking of bailing all week!

takethelongway · November 2015

It seems everyone I work with is expecting or has recently given birth and it can be incredibly difficult. However, I am excited for them. That it their situation currently and I have no control over that. I also keep attending baby showers and making baby quilts as gifts. While this is such a difficult, and often times, trying journey, I have to keep hope that my happiness will come. With that said, what @twomommiestobe said is the philosophy I have to live by

twomommiestobe · November 2015

OK, I will let everyone know I actually lived by my words this week!! My rival, the person who just really fuels my IF jealousy, had her baby Thursday. We went to the hospital and ooo'ed and awwww'ed and were happy. It was so great seeing that newborn! And now I know when we have our baby she will not remember how I was bitter and angry and threw a fit at the hospital-she will instead remember how we were so happy and sitting in the waiting room with the rest of the family awaiting all of the updates. It really helped. It was so bittersweet because we had our IVF appt and I started my meds that same week. I didn't know how I would react. It REALLY felt good to let the bitterness go and just be excited for the new life that had just arrived!!

taragust · November 2015

You are not alone! I have 3 sister in laws, and 2 of them announced their pregnancies within the same week. I have been a hot mess ever since and don't know how to stop it. I actually started uncontrollably crying when they announced it.... In front of the whole family (no one knew what my husband and I were going through for over the past year). Before I even thought that I was going to cry, I touched my face and realized I was already crying! It was terrible! I hope you find peace in this situation, I haven't yet and am still bitter. TTC can just be so hard!

2legbaby · November 2015

@taragust I am so sorry....I am most grateful that I got the news in my situation from a friend and not in a public place so I could process....to be shocked like that must have been difficult....what @twomommiestobe had said above really helped me get over myself....I can still be sad/frustrated about my situation, but I actually made a trip to BuyBuyBaby today (complete with all its pregnant patrons) to buy gifts for my coworker's wife due soon....I reminded myself that other people getting their BFP is not preventing me from getting mine, that it doesn't work like that and that when I get my BFP, I really want everyone in my life to be happy for me....

are you close to anyone in your family? would it be possible to share your struggles so that they understand how difficult it is for you right now to celebrate with your sister in laws? I hope that you too can find some peace!

ultratomato · November 2015

i have been in your shoes and felt the same way. its hard cause i work for CPS and i see all kinds of crappy parents daily having kids and think why cant i. but you need to stay positive because it will happen and just be patient as hard as it is trust me. Dont focus on what others have and focus on your journey and how you will have a precious angel at the end. i hope this was helpful for you. keep your chin up!

NicWalker10 · November 2015

thank you thank you thank you to all of you for posting this! I feel so much less terrible about myself. Just today the only other woman in my office of childbearing age came back from her maternity leave. I have been secretly hoping she would take more time because I just don't feel ready to be excited for her or ready to look at all those pictures and I have been hating myself for it. I am definitely happy for her, but I'm extremely jealous, not in a mean way just jealous that she has these 2 children and we are struggling for one. It's bad enough everyone in the office asks me if we are going to have kids.. I'm really really hoping and praying that we can at least have that one we are hoping for and I'm trying my hardest to stay happy and upbeat about all of the babies I seem to be surrounded by, but I can confess to this board (the only people who can really understand) that I am really , really very scared that it might not happen for us.

Thanks to you ladies for making me feel sane and giving me perspective on the positive outlook!

mtpbadger · November 2015

I have realized that you never really know what another person had to go through to become pregnant. One of my coworkers is about 3 months pregnant but her and her DH have been trying for 10 years and went through a recent MC on their first IVF. She has been pretty open about her fertility struggles but it has changed the way I look at other pregnant people. Also, my sister is due in January and she always seemed so ambivalent about having children and now after four years of marriage it seemed to have just "happened". Well my mom asked her if they had been preventing and she revealed that they haven't been preventing since they got married. Me and my sister are close but we don't really talk about serious stuff so for all I know, they could have been having serious fertility issues all that time. Yes, I still get jealous and start to have a mini pity party, but then I think that they could have been trying just as long, if not longer than me and try and snap out of it. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

I'm just glad I have you all to vent to when needed! I know my DH can only take so much and doesn't fully understand how a female's emotions can be totally crazy and irrational at times!

PCOSat25 · November 2015

I am pretty sure one of my cousins is pregnant...she and her husband (of two months by the way) keep posting cryptic pregnancy related things on Facebook. If she is it will be the first great grand kid in the family.

I am usually pretty good about being excited and happy for others but I swear if she is pregnant I am gonna loose it. Nothing against her but I got married 5 YEARS ago. I was supposed to have the first baby. Period. End rant.

Not what I wanted wanted to see on Facebook after yet another BFN...

NicWalker10 · November 2015

UGH @PCOSat25 I'm so sorry for your BFN. And the facebook info on your cousin-- double UGH!!!. your RANT is A-OK with me!! I think it is well deserved after going through all of this. It's SO hard and the rest of the world doesn't get it. I'm not a crier or an overly emotional person, but I swear, since joining this world of infertility I can cry at the drop of a hat--and that's without stims!! Stay off facebook and avoid that cousin for the next 9 months!!

Hope your next try results in a BFP!! fx for you moving forward.

makeupartistwife · November 2015

Thank you for having a pity party. Honestly I feel like we are supposed to act positive when its so hard to sometimes. I am also having a pity party today not because of the same thing, but I am having one. I hope you get a BFP soon

PCOSat25 · November 2015

@makeupartistwife I am sorry you are having a rough day! I swear they can just come in waves not even triggered by anything. Some days I am so appreciative of the time my husband and I have had without children. We have gotten to do some amazing things that I know would not have been possible with a young family. Other times I imagine where we might be now if we had been more aggressive about my infertility earlier on my our marriage. I kind of always wanted to be a "younger" mom and we got married sooo young I thought there was all the time in the world. I never imagined it would take this long. We have been actively treating since June 2014, trying for much longer. It just sucks.

I hope you find the same comfort on these boards that I have!

makeupartistwife · November 2015

I know the feeling in a sense some nights when we just get up and go, like last Friday we went to dinner with a large group of friends and then to a wine bar when I had dessert lol and he had a glass of wine. We can travel when we want and we do sometimes. I just think what if I had started treatments sooner all the time...Now I am starting to freak out about age and the age of my eggs lol...but honestly what can I do I cannot turn back time. I can only go forward. But thanks for your words too...Knowing I am not alone in my thoughts and ups and downs makes me feel much better. I hope you get your own little miracle very soon.

PCOSat25 · November 2015

Oh that cousin. Yeah she is for sure pregnant. And she already called my grandparents to make a big deal about how she is having the first great grand baby. My mom called to let me know so I wasn't unpleasantly supprised during a conversation at thanksgiving dinner. Great...

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