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Delivery Regrets??

char4656char4656 member
in November 2015 Moms
Anyone fantasize about how the delivery would go, and then it went the complete opposite? I planned to be induced 4 days before my due date. I was gonna work until the end, already had a plan for how my other two would be cared for while hubby and I were at the hospital....but baby ended up coming 2 weeks before that (37 weeks). I had very regular strong contractions that changed my cervix very slowly. As in, I only dilated from 2 to 4cm in 6 hours. My doctor, however, said that he couldn't send me home like that and broke my water, started pitocin and 23 hours later....our third daughter arrived. This is our last child so it made me sad not to carry her longer. I feel like since my dialation was so slow, maybe if I didn't go to the hospital I could have stayed pregnant a few more days. I keep wishing I could do it all over, but she's here and healthy and I'm obsessed with her....just regret the delivery.
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Re: Delivery Regrets??

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    Peanut1128Peanut1128 member
    I'm sorry you feel that way. Honestly, I would just focus on the positive and be thankful that you are both doing well and despite her being early she was able to go home with you.
    It sounds like you might be more sad because this is your last pregnancy and you wanted to try and enjoy every moment. Try to stay in the present and enjoy the newborn phase!
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    char4656char4656 member
    Peanut1128 said:

    I'm sorry you feel that way. Honestly, I would just focus on the positive and be thankful that you are both doing well and despite her being early she was able to go home with you.
    It sounds like you might be more sad because this is your last pregnancy and you wanted to try and enjoy every moment. Try to stay in the present and enjoy the newborn phase!

    Thank you, and you're right. Things could be a lot worse. Maybe I have a case of the baby blues.
    I'm going to try to enjoy every bit of the newborn phase!
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    MercyC1130MercyC1130 member
    Things could be worse, and it does seem like you are counting your blessings. :)

    That said, you are entitled and capable of simultaneously feeling grateful and ecstatic over your new little one, and disappointed in your birth experience.
    I've never given birth (very very soon I hope!), but already have had people give me gruff over my concerns and the importance I am placing on my birth experience. Obviously we all want our little ones here safely, and that is our priority first and foremost. 
    However, to place lesser of an importance or respect for this huge life altering event, and how it actually goes down just isn't right.
    I had made a thread and posted this article not too long ago, but I'll do it again here. Although the scenario is different than yours, the underlying idea that your feelings and reflections on your birth experience are valid is what you may relate to.
    I like that the author touches on these things and encourages women to not be ashamed that they might feel disappointment or anxiety or whatever over their birth experience. She seems to encourage being open about these things so that you can heal from them if they are causing you negative feelings. As something that may make you feel sad, it's important to address the issue, even if it just simply baby blues. It's a beautiful time and should be looked back on as a beautiful experience, regardless of how it happened. Anyway, I hope this makes you feel better or helps put things in perspective :)

    Definitely enjoy your new baby time! Hopefully I will be right there with you soon!

    https://improvingbirth.org/2013/05/selfish-women/
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    GwenniesGwennies member
    I'm sorry you have delivery regrets. I wouldn't say I have delivery regrets, but that my delivery turned out to be the opposite of what I dreamed. But I still got my baby boy so I have to let go of the experience.
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    char4656char4656 member
    Gwennies said:

    I'm sorry you have delivery regrets. I wouldn't say I have delivery regrets, but that my delivery turned out to be the opposite of what I dreamed. But I still got my baby boy so I have to let go of the experience.


    Thanks I'm getting over it now. I think I'll always blame myself for her early arrival, but in the end my main concern was a healthy baby with a safe arrival and that's what I got. I did some excercises the morning of to condition my body for "the weeks to come," but apparently it sent me in ahead of schedule, which is another reason I blame myself. I have read, however, that baby won't come no matter what you do UNLESS your body is ready. So I'm trying to convince myself that I was ready regardless and so was baby. I can't wait to stop thinking about it.
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    char4656char4656 member
    @MercyC1130 , thank you! The article was a lovely read. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only person in the world that has high expectations of the birthing and labor experience. I hope yours goes smoothly and just as you imagine. Good luck!
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    bellie1223bellie1223 member
    char4656 said:

    Gwennies said:

    I'm sorry you have delivery regrets. I wouldn't say I have delivery regrets, but that my delivery turned out to be the opposite of what I dreamed. But I still got my baby boy so I have to let go of the experience.


    Thanks I'm getting over it now. I think I'll always blame myself for her early arrival, but in the end my main concern was a healthy baby with a safe arrival and that's what I got. I did some excercises the morning of to condition my body for "the weeks to come," but apparently it sent me in ahead of schedule, which is another reason I blame myself. I have read, however, that baby won't come no matter what you do UNLESS your body is ready. So I'm trying to convince myself that I was ready regardless and so was baby. I can't wait to stop thinking about it.
    It's funny you posted this, I sometimes feel guilty about my daughter coming early as well, I went into labor at exactly 37 weeks and she was born the next day. There were so many threads on here with women asking how to naturally induce labor early and the responses were always overwhelmingly against trying to get your baby to come early (sometimes really negative responses too) and for the first week or so I kept going over and over in my head what I had done in the last few days before that could have started labor early, and keep coming up empty--it was just a normal weekend! No marathon sex sessions, no castor oil, no pineapple cores, no extra walking, etc. But like you I find solace in the fact that everyone says those things won't work if your body and baby are not ready.
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    char4656char4656 member
    bellie1223 said:

    char4656 said:

    Gwennies said:

    I'm sorry you have delivery regrets. I wouldn't say I have delivery regrets, but that my delivery turned out to be the opposite of what I dreamed. But I still got my baby boy so I have to let go of the experience.


    Thanks I'm getting over it now. I think I'll always blame myself for her early arrival, but in the end my main concern was a healthy baby with a safe arrival and that's what I got. I did some excercises the morning of to condition my body for "the weeks to come," but apparently it sent me in ahead of schedule, which is another reason I blame myself. I have read, however, that baby won't come no matter what you do UNLESS your body is ready. So I'm trying to convince myself that I was ready regardless and so was baby. I can't wait to stop thinking about it.
    It's funny you posted this, I sometimes feel guilty about my daughter coming early as well, I went into labor at exactly 37 weeks and she was born the next day. There were so many threads on here with women asking how to naturally induce labor early and the responses were always overwhelmingly against trying to get your baby to come early (sometimes really negative responses too) and for the first week or so I kept going over and over in my head what I had done in the last few days before that could have started labor early, and keep coming up empty--it was just a normal weekend! No marathon sex sessions, no castor oil, no pineapple cores, no extra walking, etc. But like you I find solace in the fact that everyone says those things won't work if your body and baby are not ready.
    @bellie1223 I was exactly 37 weeks too! That is considered "full term" and both my doctor and her pediatrician, who knew about my guilt/regrets, told me that after 37 weeks all baby does is put on more weight, and she was a healthy 7lb 4oz so I'm guessing she really was ready. Just not what I planned. But...that's life for us! Can't plan it all!

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    Unica1302+Unica1302+ member
    Take it from someone actively trying to evict a baby (39.5 weeks), also refer to the labor thread, I don't think anything you did could have really made baby come at 37 weeks. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the different birth scenarios that might occur because the truth is that we all have very little choice in how the birth actually goes down. Due dates, birth plans, classes...it's all attempts to have a good handle on the unpredictable. All we can do is our best and I'm sure you did...so take a deep breath and remember there are so many other things that are now in your cotrol that deserve the time and effort that you are giving reviewing the birth that nobody can change at this point. Best of luck!
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    AMG901AMG901 member
    I can sympathise where you are coming from, my baby was born at 34+3 days. He was induced as my waters broke at 32+5 days. Before I was induced I felt kinda sad about my pregnancy ending, then he was born and I was caught up with all the love and excitement, and then when he was around 2 weeks old I sat and cried as I reflected on my hospital experience, the week we spent in NICU and feeling like the end of my pregnancy was snatched away from me, almost? I know looking back it was highly charged emotions and hormones why I felt that way and ultimately I was grateful my little boy was excelling and was perfectly well. Now I don't even think about the end of my pregnancy in that way. It was my experience, my pregnancy, and that's just how it played out. You're entitled to feel that way as you reflect upon on it, but things don't go to plan and as PP rightly said, it's the here and now that's important. Who's to say what would've happened if our pregnancies had have played out a different way? Relish in what you have mama :smile:
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