Community› The Bump Message Boards› Infertility
Infertility
New Discussion

In the dumps....

makeupartistwifemakeupartistwife member
in Infertility
I am feeling really down...I am sitting at work trying not to cry. Again AF is here. I already have abnormal bleeding and its only been a week and a half and here it is again. I just feel like how will anything ever happen at this rate, and I know I will have my polyps removed and then AF might become normal etc...but I am feeling so hopeless today....I just wish I could get pregnant and have a baby and have a normal life not consumed with sticks and pee and blood and thermometers and so on.  I wish it didn't cost an arm and a leg for me to have a baby. I am really down today. I don't normally have these days and please don't judge me but its hard. I know some of you can relate. I just feel like I should be feeling more positive but I also know I am human and today I just feel sad. My boss came in with her 10 month old son for three hours today and I could hear her putting him down for a nap and singing to him and I almost left the building ( I am her assistant). She is a wonderful mother and I really respect her but at that moment I was so jealous because she has 4 children. I just felt like WHY NOT ME and what if it never happens ....what if you know...what if we never conceive our own child? I pray that we do. It is consuming my thoughts today ...anyways thanks for letting me sound insane for a while and helping me not give up today when I feel all hope is lost for absolutely no reason.
Report Reply to Post

Re: In the dumps....

  • cmm012cmm012 member
    I think it's important to allow ourselves the space to feel down from time to time. I'm sure none of us could have predicted or prepared for our various struggles with fertility. Being hopeful and cheery all the time is simply not possible. With that being said, know that sadness and feelings of hopelessness don't last forever. We all find hope in the most unexpected places.
    *******
    Married Jan. 2014
    Me:36 DH: 39
    TTC since August 2014, Mild PCOS + uterine fibroids
    Myomectomy June 2015- 18 fibroids removed
    IVF #1, May 2016 = 32 eggs retrieved, 12 fertilized, 7 frozen, 3 PGS normal
    FET#2, July 2016 = one embryo transferred 
    TRIGGER
    BFP! Beta = 617
    Due date = 4/9/17
    Delivery date = 3/20/17
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • 2legbaby2legbaby member
    I am so sorry you are having such a down day.....with the emotional journey we are all on, I think we have to have those days (I was the one who started the pity party last week!). Seeing good old Aunt Flow every month when we were TTC on our own would send me in to sobbing fits....the unfairness of it. Just remember it's not just you who gets to take the hard way to get the family you deserve, all these ladies here on this forum are with you and will support you when you are down which has been one of the only good things about having to go through this journey.Have your down day, but don't give up hope !
    ******TW*****
    Me 39 DH44
    Married 8/2/14
    TTC 9/14
    Dx: PCOS, blocked L fallopian tube, suspect poor egg quality
    MFI (low #, poor morphology)
    IVF #1 9/15 Failed
    IVF #2 12/15 Failed
    1st DE FET  5/16-BFN :(
    2nd DE FET 7/18-BFP :)
    8/17 Baby HR 140/min EDD 4/6/17
    Report Reply
  • PiperellaPiperella member
    You had a sad day, I had a catty day. Those of us who have been struggling with infertility for awhile get it.  I try to think of positive things when I get sad, mad, and catty.  While our struggles of infertility are largely hidden well, we have no idea what others are struggling with.  We never fully know another person's story.  Be extra gentle with yourself when you're not feeling like yourself and give yourself time to recover.  Hopefully we will all be lucky and be able to experience having a child in one way or another one day.
    Report Reply
  • martinez1029martinez1029 member
    Trust me girl I know the feeling. Right after my iui failed last month my best friend got pregnant by accident. And then my coworkers who just had a baby accidentally got pregnant AGAIN ! I actually left work sobbing that day. Infertility is the WORST feeling in the world and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone! It can absolutely destroy you . And you know what? It's ok to have a bad day and cry and feel hopeless . We are human and have feelings and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I really hope things get better for you and you do become a mother . Don't ever feel guilty for having feelings of envy, anger, sadness . Because eventually you will feel so much better I promise! I hope this helps and I hope you get your baby soon!
    Report Reply
  • dreamcatch-herdreamcatch-her member
    Im sorry you're feeling down. I think we all get some level of jealousy when others can conceive so easily, and we have to go through so much. We are here with you to support you, & going through the same. Try to focus on something else for the time being. I know it's hard, but the disappointment can sometimes be unbearable. Don't give up hope. We'll get our BFP's some day...prayers for you.
    Me:23 DH:32
    Married 5/14/13
    TTC #1 since 5/14
    TTC #1 w/ treatments since 5/15
    BFN 7/15
    BFP 8/15-MMC 9/15
    BFP 10/15- Diagnosed BO 12/15
    BFP 2/16-EDD 11/18/2016 


    Report Reply
  • laurenlalaplaurenlalap member
    Major hugs to you. Xoxo
    DS#1: born Dec 29, 2013 
    TTC#2 since Sept 2014 - unexplained secondary IF
    BFP #2: 11.7.14  M/C: 11.27.14 @ 6w3days
    BFP #3: 04.19.2015 M/C 04.27.15 @ 4w3days
    BFP #4: 10.05.2015 C/P @ 3w4days
    Oct 11, 2015: Cycle 13. Starting Femara (2.5mg). HSG this cycle (all clear) - BFN
    Nov 12, 2015: Cyle 14. Femara 5mg + IUI - BFN
    Dec 10, 2015: Cycle 15. Femara 5mg + IUI #2 - BFP #5! C/P 4w4d
    Jan 10, 2016: Cycle 16. Femara 5mg + IUI #3 - BFN.
    Feb 10, 2016: Cycle 17.  No IUI or meds. Taking a break - Natural BFP Mar 5, 2016!!!! EDD Nov 16, 2016
    Moving to IVF March 2016
    Beta at 10dpo: 21, Beta at 12dpo: 98, Beta at 14dpo: 264, Beta at 16dpo: 745
    U/S 6w6d: single beautiful heartbeat of 121bpm - It's a boy!!!!
    Nov 3, 2016: Our family became complete. Welcome DS #2.
    Report Reply
  • makeupartistwifemakeupartistwife member
    Thank you for you kindneas
    Report Reply
  • makeupartistwifemakeupartistwife member
    Thank you I feel better already reading all of your words
    Report Reply
  • katie121209katie121209 member
    Sorry you had such a rough day :( I've been there too. Hoping tomorrow is better for you and that your BFP happens soon.
    Report Reply
  • Winnie81_OldWinnie81_Old member
    Big hugs to you and I hope today is a little better.
    TTC #1: March 2011 (slightly before)
    Fur-children: 3 dogs + 2 cats (all rescued)
    dx: Endometriosis and Fibroids 
    2 Laps and 1 Abdominal Myomectomy
    6 rounds of clomid
    5 rounds of iui
    Several HSG's sprinkled throughout the years to up my chances of a BFP
    Several dilation of cervix because they suspect the scar tissue is hindering it from fully opening (partially adds to the severe cramps all month)
    IVF #1 Gonal F, Menopur and Cetrotide
    ER 12/1/2016
    ER-Retrieved 22 eggs 10 fertilized
    4/4 day 5 embryos were normal for PGS!!! 2 boys/2 girls
    FET 1/10/2017  
    Gallbladder surgery 1/10/2017
    FET estimated end of Feb, beginning of March

    Report Reply
  • ErikaMGErikaMG member
    Oh, honey. Bigggggg hugs to you. Be gentle with yourself, treat yourself to something you love to do/eat/drink, and trust me, we ALL have days like that. This is a really difficult journey we are on and there are no guarantees, so of course we are going to have days where all hope seems lost. But it's not, and you know that, and tomorrow you will pick yourself up and keep on fighting the good fight, because that's all we can do. You're in my thoughts and I hope we all get our BFP's soon!
    Me: 43, DH: 41
    DS b. 7/4/2011 via c/s
    TTC #2 since 1/2015
    8/2015 - "unexplained IF", started Levothyroxine
    9/27/15 - IUI #1 (unmedicated) - BFN
    10/26/15 - IUI #2 (100mg Clomid + Ovidrel) - BFN
    11/21/15 - IUI #3 (100mg Clomid + Ovidrel) - BFN
    12/18/15 - IUI #4 (100mg Clomid + Ovidrel) - BFN

    Report Reply
  • lily55dlily55d member
    I've been there too with a hard day. Sending hugs! 
    *BFP warning*
    *Child mentioned*
    TTC #2. Daughter born July 17th of 2013. 
    PCOS, Endo, Insulin Resitance. 

    HSG done Sep 17- tubes unblocked! SA done- came back good! Hysteroscopy done Nov7- No uterus issues 

    On 2550mg a day Metformin. 
    Round 1 of Clomid- 100mg CD3-7  BFN- Clomid left a huge cyst, AF arrived after 40 day cycle- BFN
    Round 1 of Femara- 10mg CD2-6 Mid cycle scan showed two follies (31mm and 27mm), trigger shot- BFN
    Benched out December- BFN
    Round 2 of Femara- BFP!!! First beta at 10dpo- 28 Second beta at 12 dpo- ? 
    Report Reply
  • plumeria05plumeria05 member
    I know the feeling - I'm really sorry. Hugs to you.
    TTC for Baby #1 for 3 years. After 2 failed IUI's & IVFs, God blessed us with our miracle :).  FET 12/17/15 (transferred 2 embryos at 5days). First Beta 12/29/15 = 354. Second Beta 12/31/15 = 694. Third Beta 1/7/16 = 6,695.  Finally heard his heartbeat (126)  on 1/14/16 @ our 1st US.  2nd US on 1/21/16, HR was 159.  The most beautiful sound ever :) 
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"