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Don't want an epidural second time around & family is NOT supportive!

owens0410owens0410 member
in July 2016 Moms
I would love yall's opinion/advice on this subject. Little bit of back story...

With my son I had two epidurals and neither of them worked. It was definitely a terrible ordeal (the epidural, not the birth :)) . I was terrified of the epidural and when the first one didn't work my husband/mom/grandma/MIL really pushed me to get another one while the option was there to get it. I didn't want to have to do it again but I was scared of the pain coming. So I did it, very reluctantly, and it didn't work either! I ended up having to get a numbing shot in my lady parts right before I started pushing to help with the pain "down there". Baby came out (with the help of forceps), I tore, etc. 

Having said that, looking back I see that it wasn't the easier pregnancy there ever was but I would go through the pain again a million times. I think that psychologically/emotionally it would have been so much easier on me if I had gone in knowing that I would not have any pain relief. Instead, I kept hoping the epidural would work and it never did. On top of that, every time they put the epidural in I was hysterical because I was so terrified. 

Here we are, second pregnancy, and I mentioned to my husband/mom/grandma the other day that I wasn't sure I would get an epidural this time around. I think I could do it and go in with an open mind...I want to do this without an epidural, if it gets too rough and I change my mind then I say let's go for it and try the epidural. However, when I said this they straight up freaked out and told me I was out of my mind and not thinking logical in my "state" (being pregnant). I feel like I'm pretty impressionable and I just hate knowing that their negativity will influence my decision. Any advice would be so appreciated! 

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Re: Don't want an epidural second time around & family is NOT supportive!

  • FTM53FTM53 member
    Everybody is different and this is a decision that is only yours. I haven't yet decided if I want the epidural either. This is my first and I'm waivering. What I do know is that stress is not good for you or your baby. So if you will feel more at ease and confident going it epidural free, then go for it. You will have a more enjoyable experience.
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  • TattoosandLaceTattoosandLace member
    Bottom line is your body, your decision. I personally had an epidural with my first. I plan on having another. I agree with you that if you go in with the mindset of no drugs then it will be much easier to manage the pain vs your previous birth experience. Talk to DH and let him know that you aren't feeling very supported in your decision. Communicate. :)
    Look into pain management and ways to go thru an unmedicated labor. I'm sure other ladies in this group have gone thru it before and can offer better advice on where to look for those things than I can.
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  • owens0410owens0410 member
    I love yall's responses! My family is VERY opinionated and I love them dearly, we are very close. Having said that my mom really encouraged me to consider not having a second child. I am her only child and she thinks that people with 2 kids are a bit crazy and those with 3+ are out of their minds! LOL. I would love to have 3 children! I will definitely communicate with DH seriously and explain my thought process better. 

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  • owens0410owens0410 member
    @xs1148 You are awesome! :) And you are very right! Thank you for that!

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  • knitmamaknitmama member
    Its your birth experience, your body. You decide how you want to approach labor. I would very clearly tell your family that they don't get any input here. Their job is to support you. Take birthing classes to help you and your H feel confident with the birth plan. If they're not supportive, they don't get to be in the room, even for a quick hello.
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  • Whovian10Whovian10 member
    Would a dula be an option to help advocate for you during labor rather than family? I totally support the your body your choice. Having already had a baby without an epi I don't see why they would push you on it the second time.


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  • owens0410owens0410 member
    edited November 2015
    @whovian10 I have considered a doula or even giving birth at a birthing center (they would really think I'm looney!) They think the person who gave me the epidurals was an idiot. They blame him and say it won't be like that next time.

    @knitmama I like that. They only have interaction if they are supportive. 

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  • BettyRuBettyRu member
    This is bizarre... I cannot even understand why anyone would think it's their business. ?!?!
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  • owens0410owens0410 member
    @bettyru Very opinionated people we are dealing with here! 

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  • MamaBishMamaBish member
    This is your decision and ONLY yours. I wouldn't even discuss it with them anymore.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    🌈  Preemie 2016  🌈
    ♥ Stillborn 2015 ♥
            
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  • TattoosandLaceTattoosandLace member
    megstervt said:

    What the what?! I don't plan to have an epidural and if anyone ever "freaked out" about that I'd tell them they were the crazy one. Unless you're the one pushing a tiny human out of your body you shut up, smile, and support me.

    I love the alliteration! From now on, my advice to those around me will be to follow @megstervt 's 3 S's!

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  • TaymillerTaymiller member
    I didnt read any of the comments but ummm tell them to F off! (Your family that is). You can do what you want!
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  • callen10210callen10210 member
    i had a walking epidural or low dose epidural that wore off before i started delivery so i have been tossing around the idea of not getting any sorta epidural. My mom really wants me to get it but her reasoning is sound...she hates seeing her kids in pain. i probably wont completely decide until the last month and it wont be up to anyone else. i think that's the perk of being an adult i get to decide what i eat and if i get a body numbing drug inserted into my spine. Hopefully when the time comes your family will be supportive no matter what you choose. 
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  • megthmegth member
    xc1148 said:
    why are you telling anybody this????? If people give you grief stop telling them information. No names, no sex of the baby, no due date, nada. Positive responses only or you get off...that is how i roll
    Yeah, stop telling them! If they can't be supportive, they don't deserve to know.
    Baby#3!
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  • nopegoatnopegoat member
    I don't understand why they get to have any say whatsoever. If you are that worried they are going to persuade you don't allow them in the room when you deliver. Problem solved.
    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
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  • owens0410owens0410 member
    Thanks you guys! You are all right!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • acadia07acadia07 member
    How dare they question your decision and blame it on some ridiculous lapse in judgement caused by pregnancy. That's absurd.

    It's your body. You do what's best for you. Stay firm, tell them it's not up for discussion.

    How about no mom or grandma at the hospital this time? Don't tell them when you go into labor. It's none of their business. Then they'll keep there noses out of your decisions.
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  • ESchreinerWritesESchreinerWrites member
    I agree. None of their concern. That said, I am a HUGE fan of the epidural. This is my second and, after my water broke but before the epidural, I was out of it. Granted, I went from 4 to 10 in 2 hrs, so the speed might have made it worse. You guys are bad a$$es for going without.
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  • addyplusoneaddyplusone member
    Love the 3 s's!! I also plan this time around not doing the epidural because it was too strong and I couldn't feel myself pushing. No one supports me on that including telling me I don't need to be a super woman. Ugh screw you. Nobody actually knows I'm pregnant right now, the thought about epidurals has come up. I'm just not going to say anything until that day and then give them those 3 s's. This birth is going to be completely different than my first!


    Addison (DD) born 6/10/12
    M/C 3/3/14 Due 10/8/14
    Rainbow Koen (DS) born 7/9/16


    Lfafer  you want to have in your playgroup  * Best Baker  * Sweetest Lfafer * Best NBR\GTKY Threads*  Most Supportive Lfafer *   Best Mom * Lfafer you want organizing your meal train after birth

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  • owens0410owens0410 member
    @addyplusone I love it! We are so in the same boat!! I truly believe it is best for ME and my anxiety level to not mess with the epidural. The thought of it makes me want to curl up and hurl. We got this.

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • PleaseSendPicklesNowPleaseSendPicklesNow member
    @addyplusone The same thing happened to my sister when her nurses pressured her into an epidural she didn't want. Turns out, they gave it to her too late, and the numbness made her labor harder and longer than it needed to be. When she looks back on that day, the epidural is her only regret. @owens0410 I agree with what everyone else has said; it's your businss and ONLY your business. And if you are interested in non-epidural pain management, you may want to look into nitrous oxide. It fell out of fashion in the US when the epidural was invented, but it's coming back into common use again. It can't hurt to ask your hospital if they offer it. But only if YOU want to. :)
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  • owens0410owens0410 member
    Thanks you guys! Super helpful!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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