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Pregnant after a Loss
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Scared to break the news...

shalyncrossshalyncross member
in Pregnant after a Loss
My third child was born still a few months ago. It was hard on my whole family since we have never experienced anything like this before. My husband and I both wanted to try one last time, and I got pregnant right away. I'm 8w now, and the reality still hasn't set in.

The only person I have told so far is a close friend, and her reaction was "wow, that's pretty soon". Just the other day, my grandma was going on about how she'd hate to see me get pregnant again not only soon after a loss, but ever again. This has made me even more scared to tell my family the news.

Any advice?
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Re: Scared to break the news...

  • rkricheyrkrichey member
    I'm very sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry for the reactions you're getting. It sounds like they just don't want to see you go through the pain of that all over again. I would just say that you and your husband weren't ready to give up. And say something about your doctor being ok with it too. Throwing in a Drs opinion always seems to help. And when I'm trying to decide if I have it in me "to try one more time" (I've had 3 losses so it's been a conversation I have a lot) it helps me to say "I choose love over fear". Good luck!
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  • PlainJane8350PlainJane8350 member
    I'm so sorry that happened to you. I honestly can't even imagine. First of all, congratulations! And, if you can handle it, then everyone else should be able to, too. We weren't worried about criticism, but we waited until around 20 weeks to tell people (since we had told everyone early the first time, then lost that pregnancy). You could wait or just politely ask people to either be supportive or keep their opinions to themselves. I'm sure people mean well and simply aren't thinking, but you're allowed to have you're opinion, too and if you'd rather people keep theirs to themselves it's O.K! I think you're very brave and I pray that you have a healthy pregnancy and deliver a healthy, happy baby!
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  • ginann2015ginann2015 member
    First I want to say sorry for your loss.I Understand I lost my son . people don't understand you feel like you are empty like you have part of your self missing that you need to fill it and a new baby will never replace prior baby but it's something thats needed . Being completely prepared so ready to be a mom and then you don't know what to do with yourself afterwards can't go back to your old normal you have a new normal. Everyone grieves differently a lot of times grieving needs to be done in your own way. We r pregnant 6months after wish it was sooner we r so excited but we r still grieving also. We know our family is scared for us and we are scared to but also full of excitement and joy and for all the good things, to come. To become pregnant so quickly after is a blessing and as long as you and you partner are happy that is all that matters . I wish you the best of luck and remember that this is a happy time stay positive and don't fell bad if you have bad day just know good ones are to come.
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  • MamaBishMamaBish member
    I'm sorry you are not as supported as you should be. I think maybe they are just trying to keep you safe (they think they are helping).

    I haven't had that kind of convo yet but I am afraid to tell because of this and also I am afraid to get everyone's hopes up again. I had a stillborn about 8 months ago and I worry about the reactions.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    🌈  Preemie 2016  🌈
    ♥ Stillborn 2015 ♥
            
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    I'm so sorry about the loss and some of the thoughtless comments you have received from others. I agree with PPs, it sounds like they are just speaking out of concern but don't realize how offensive their comments can seem. Often times during periods of grief and loss, people say some really confusing things.

    I am so excited for you for this pregnancy! I wonder if there would be a benefit of waiting longer to share until you are firmly excited about the pregnancy, all of the testing continues to come out positive, and family and friends can complete some more grief related to your last loss?

    Or, just share with them one on one and be open to discussion? It's so hard to remember that during our grief, our loved ones are also grieving. I'm hesitant to tell my mom about this pregnancy because until my sister just told me recently, I didn't realize how bad my mom was still hurting from my last loss. She didn't want to tell me she was hurting, because she didn't want me to know.

    Either way you do it will work out! Congrats on your pregnancy!!
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