Telling parents... Blah

michellabanana · November 2015

Ok, as so I'm married, we own our own home and live in a super nice neighborhood... But I'm do nervous about telling my parents I'm pregnant. :P (Thinking of telling them on Thanksgiving, will be 12 weeks). I feel like they just won't care. I'm number 5 of 6 kids, and they already have a million grandkids (ok, 7 lol, but all under the age of 12). Plus I have been giving my dad over 250 dollars a month for years for "student loans". What if I can't afford to give them that anymore? Is that what they might think when we tell them?
I know my in laws will be ecstatic! My husband is older so they haven't had new grandbaby in 16 years.
Should I not tell lol, just show up with a baby one day lol?

Whovian10 · November 2015

I mean just because they won't be excited is no reason not to tell them. My MIL always reacts poorly to the news, I believe it's because she has had MC in the past and pregnancy was difficult for her. She still loves her grandkids and I still tell her. For reference she said "oh no" about the planned baby we are currently having.

I know this is supposed to be a super exciting time for you and it sucks when people don't get as pumped but if they aren't going to be mean about it I'd just tell them.

As far as "student loans" it's a good time to talk to your dad to ask how much you still owe in payments and start discussing when you can pay it off or modify the payments.

goldie987 · November 2015

IMO, if you're old enough to have a baby, you're old enough to tell your parents you're pregnant.

That being said, I understand the hesitation. I was worried my mom would be upset because I'm still in my mid 20s (we also own our own house and are married) and she would think I was too young. She ended up being excited, surprised but excited.

Best of luck!

AdorkablePixie · November 2015

I am sure your parents will be happy for you! It's silly to think they wouldn't just because they already have grand kids. This will be their first grandchild from YOU and that is special. My husband's mom already has three grandkids, I was sure that would be enough for her, but shortly after we got married she kept hinting that she wanted some more grandkids. I don't think they can ever have enough.

sarahufl · November 2015

We waited 15 weeks to tell our parents, I was also oddly nervous. But they were thrilled. They have to find out some time

Also, what do you mean by "student loans"?

kyraaD · November 2015

uhm, i really hope you were joking about the "should i just show up with a baby?" thing.

anyways, i know what it's like to be scared. I'm 21 & honestly wasn't in the best place in life to be having a baby. i live in a great place & i have a wonderful/supportive SO by my side. but financially I'm not in a very good spot, so telling my mom was terrifying. the thing is, you're a mom now. time to grow up. if you can take on the responsibility of raising another human being, then you can definitely find the courage to tell your mom & dad. no one here can tell you how they're gunna react or what they're gunna think. i can tell you that when i told my mom, she was extremely supportive & loving. I was scared for nothing.

tell them at Thanksgiving. you can do it! good luck.

michellabanana · November 2015

I know, my hubby says I'm being silly. Just woke up with a bad dream. Everyone mad at me, for taking attention away from all their children lol

michellabanana · November 2015

Well I know I have student loans, but I also know it doesn't always go towards them, but I never really minded because my parents are in their 70s and retired.

michellabanana · November 2015

Plus my sister and SILs are always so sensitive about the time (and money) my parents spend with their children. It's kind of ridiculous. My one sister in law told me to my face " your parents had to many children" Its like hello, I'm number 5, and my little brother and me have babysat for you for free more times than we can count.

kynbar5 · November 2015

While this thread has become somewhat confusing, I will say that I'm pregnant with my mother's 10th grandchild (I'm the 2nd of 3 children). No matter how many grandchildren there are parents are always excited. "Just showing up with a baby" is definitely the wrong answer here. I'd say to just tell them, I don't see where there should be disappointment over a baby. Good luck and congratulations!

suchaglencoco · November 2015

I guess I really don't get the issue here. You're an adult who seems to have her life together.
You're worried you'll be disappointed in their lack of excitement and that's the only reason you're being hesitant. Unfortunately, that's just the role of the youngest child/ren. We always do everything last, that's just the hand we were dealt. Our children are grandkids number 4 and 5 on one side and 5 and 6 on the other. Were our parents as excited than they were for the first? Nope. But they were excited for us.
In regards to the money, if you need it for your child, then you need it. If you don't think it's going towards what it is meant to go towards, you need to work that out with your parents. If they need the extra financial aid, I'd suggest talking to your 5 siblings and ask them all to put in towards the pot or come up with another plan. Thanksgiving isn't an ideal time to have this conversation, but if it gets all of you together, I'd suggest doing it then.

mcklough · November 2015

if they took out loans to pay for your education with the expectation that you would pay them back I'd stick with that plan, but ask how much is left. Our loans aren't through my parents and we can't cut them down- bummer- but even when my parents did loan us money and we repaid them it was with the expectation that we would keep up with our end of the bargain and pay back in the increments agreed upon.

I'm sure their first thought when they hear "new grand baby" won't be about the money you pay them, but it will be a conversation that you have to have in relation to it. Just control your expectations about their responses and don't compare it to "Hollywood" reactions. Not everyone is going to burst out crying and hug you sooooo excited, but that doesn't mean they aren't excited.

cmerribury · November 2015

I don't understand your hesitation at all (sorry to everyone who does). You're having a baby, you're married, you own a home...why would you NOT tell your parents? If they aren't happy there is nothing you can do about it. If your siblings are "mad" at you for taking away the attention from their kids, there's nothing you can do about it. And if the latter two are the case, I suggest spending more time with your in laws.

Don't just "show up with a baby" one day...you're a adult. Just share the news and move on. If you don't want to make a big deal about it, then don't tell them all at a huge family holiday gathering. Sit them down independently and tell them alone.

michellabanana · November 2015

Thank you for you're replies. I was just kidding about showing up with a baby. I know I'm just being trivial, its just nerves. I'm not really used to being the center of attention. I'm sure everything will be fine. Lol...I know, cmerribury...I'm acting like I'm 16 and pregnant

cmerribury · November 2015

@michelleabanana I'm sure it will all be much less painful than you think. Odds are they will be very happy for you.

Disneygeek77 · November 2015

I am the oldest of 7. My parents have 9 grandchildren all under the age of 8. Trust me if one of my younger siblings said she was pregnant, my parents would be very happy for her.

AdorkablePixie · November 2015

@cmerrybury I like your spending more time with the in laws comment. lol

splsmama2016 · November 2015

I'm confused as to how you have student loans but don't pay them yourself directly? Not that it's my business though. I'd ask how much you have left of your LOAN and not in general, ask to see the papers that show what's left in payments so you can figure out what you can afford monthly.

AdorkablePixie · November 2015

@sdLindenberg Sometimes parents take out loans for their children to go to college instead of the child doing it. So the loan would be under the parent's name, not her own.

splsmama2016 · November 2015

@AdorkablePixie I wish my parents were that awesome. lol. My dad cosigned for mine, but he doesn't see the balance or statements.

I still stand with what I said earlier, ask to physically see what is left on your loan. Only you and your husband will be able to figure out what you can afford monthly.

AdorkablePixie · November 2015

@sdLindenberg I agree! My mom helped me get the loan but it's definitely under my name and I'm the one paying it!

MommaChrissie27 · November 2015

Even though I obviously don't know you family situation, I feel fairly confident in saying that your parents will be stoked! Another new grandchild is always exciting, no matter how many have come before! I'm in a similar situation to you (married, own home, pregnant with my first baby). My husband is one of ten siblings- thus, we have 6 nieces and 3 nephews- but his parents were totally over the moon when we told them! I think it'll be a lot more exciting for them than you think!

clairemwalker · November 2015

I can relate to a bit of what you are going through. My other 2 sisters have given my parents 5 grandbabies in 3.5 years, and my sisters last pregnancy (only 6 months ago) was twins so i really felt like they wouldnt really care that i was pregnant which totally took the excitement out of telling them and made me not want to becuase of how i would feel if i was right. But i shouldnt have worried, They were over the moon about another Grand baby! im sure your parents will be happy as this is their first grand baby that comes from you.

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