Leaving BMB? — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Leaving BMB?

Hi ladies,

I searched for an answer to this but gave up... When I got pregnant TB gave me the option to select my BMB. I use the mobile app and my BMB comes up in the Community page. It was pretty convenient but it really brings me down seeing it every day. Even if I don't go in, it's a reminder and a temptation to lurk, which gets me more depressed.

If any of you had this in the mobile app, how did you get rid of it? All I see is the option to change it (ugh!).

image

Also, do any of you guys also cave every once in awhile and go lurk on your previous BMB?
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Lilypie Maternity tickers

Re: Leaving BMB?

  • I think you need to change your status in your profile from pregnant to trying to conceive (or whatever you are doing). Also, don't don't don't go back to your BMB. I did once and it was so depressing. If I get another BFP in the near future, I might go back and update everyone there then, because I was pretty active before my loss.

    LFAF April Siggy: TV/Movie BFFs








    BFP #1 12/2012, DS born 8/2013
    BFP #2 7/2015, MMC and D&C 9/2015
    BFP #3 11/2015, CP
    BFP #4 1/2016, DD born 10/2016




  • I had to mess with this today too. I ended up having to change my status to TTC (even though we're not right now) to make the BMB go away.

    Me: 33     H: 36

    Married: 12/14/13   DS: 1/29/09

    BFP2: 10/9/15  MMC: 11/12/15

    BFP3: 4/6/16   DD: 12/12/16


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  • I had changed my to "experienced a loss" after our mc. also I did go back and look at my bmb it didn't really make me sad though, mostly angry the moms there were being really mean and ganging up on this one mom for posting her bump photo on the wrong page..I felt bad for her, I thought really that's what you all choose to complain about? If they only knew how lucky they were.
    queenklauTTamTamTam
  • tinypikachutinypikachu
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited November 2015
    Thank you so much, ladies! That answers my question. I haven't changed my status after I "reported a miscarriage" so that makes sense.

    I've been guilty of going to the BMB... today, that combined with ultrasounds and pregnancy announcements from family was enough to have me bawling as soon as DH got home... I'll have to try harder not to go back to the BMB. I don't know what I can do about my family members celebrating pregnancies though... this is the hardest thing I've gone through so far
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    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • I am guilty of checking on my BMB, June 2016. For me it was kind of like snooping on a party I left early. I wanted to know what everyone was saying, but also felt sad that my world looked different now. I try not to go back, but it's on my "most visited" list on my iPhone, so it's staring at me every time I open a new tab.
    Patience7150evamarta
  • cjt121413cjt121413
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited November 2015
    I have checked my BMB way too many times since we found out about the mmc. It's such a habit, but it does make me sad.

    @AlwaysAuntNeverMom I'm sorry you're having to deal with family pregnancy announcements. I don't have any advice, just creepy Internet hugs. I know on FB I "unfollowed" (didn't unfriend) the pregnant people for now but you can't do that with family. :(

    @BornReady June 16 was mine too. It sucks because it was a great group. I, too, feel like it's snooping at a party I left early. :( I almost wish TB blocked groups, but I guess I should have some self control.

    Me: 33     H: 36

    Married: 12/14/13   DS: 1/29/09

    BFP2: 10/9/15  MMC: 11/12/15

    BFP3: 4/6/16   DD: 12/12/16


    tinypikachu
  • Hi all, I get it, with my last mc I kept going back and reading the BMB comments for about 1-2 months after my "departure". I bet they are discussing going into labor now (Dec 2015). 

    It IS torture, DO NOT read it, it is not worth it. It never made me feel better or make me happy, there was nothing positive that came out of reading the BMB discussions. I know it is hard to stop yourself, but DO NOT GO TO YOUR OLD BMB.

    After this 2nd mc, I have not gone to it at all.

    my two cents...
    ******TW******Siggy warning
    BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
    BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks; 
    BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016 

       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    tinypikachu
  • I am guilty of going to my BMB (May 16) once in a while. However it hasn't made me sad yet. More hopeful that we can get back to one soon.
    _______________________________________________
    TTC#1 July 2015 
    • BFP: 9/16/15 — MC: 11/8/15 Blighted Ovum
    • BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
    TTC#2 April 2019 
    • BFP: 9/12/19 — EDD 5/15/20

  • BornReady said:
    I am guilty of checking on my BMB, June 2016. For me it was kind of like snooping on a party I left early. I wanted to know what everyone was saying, but also felt sad that my world looked different now. I try not to go back, but it's on my "most visited" list on my iPhone, so it's staring at me every time I open a new tab.
    Just left the June 2016 BMB today...Who'd have thought that something seemingly so small can have such a weird and deep impact on you. 

  • m6agua said:

    I am guilty of going to my BMB (May 16) once in a while. However it hasn't made me sad yet. More hopeful that we can get back to one soon.

    I deleted the app bc I couldn't handle everything pointing to May 2016. Thank you for the info on how to stop that.
    Also, I haven't gone back, but it has crossed my mind. Thanks for the feedback on that.
    I don't know that it would make me sad right now, but I'm still so shocked & detached that I know it's coming.
  • I've been trying my hardest to stay off of social media to avoid pregnancy posts etc. It is so hard. I'm trying my best to avoid being bitter at other's happiness but it isn't working very well.

    I was June 2016 BMB too. I haven't been back although it is pretty tempting.
  • After my mc in April, I went back to my November 2015 group 1 time. Never looked again!
  • I am guilty of lurking on my BMB (May 2016) on multiple occasions, but have been becoming less interested in doing this recently (which is probably a good thing).  It actually doesn't make me upset, but I also avoid thinking about the threads in relation to myself (ie, when people are finding out about the sex of the baby, I'm like, "oh that's exciting", rather than "if I was still pregnant I'd know what the sex of my baby was by now").  
  • I've been trying my hardest to stay off of social media to avoid pregnancy posts etc. It is so hard. I'm trying my best to avoid being bitter at other's happiness but it isn't working very well....

    @ahilly26 I understand the bitterness (we MC at 12w) I work with newborns in the maternity ward at a hospital and at first I just felt so anger going to back work and faking happiness for all these people that got to "keep" their babies... but one day it dawned on me that while these parents have theirs babies I have know idea if they had lost a child before or how long it may have taken them to have that healthy baby. From that moment on I just changed and it was so easy for me to be genuinely happy for them and their families. We never really know what another person has been through. I hope this helps.
  • @ssnova, you are completely right. We have no idea what some of these families have gone through and once it is us, hopefully people can also be happy for us.

    I guess in the meantime we fake it until we make it....
    ******TW******Siggy warning
    BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
    BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks; 
    BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016 

       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • @ssnova That is a great point. I work in the mental health field and get an inside glimpse of people's lives that they don't share with anyone. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that you never know what someone else has struggled with before standing in front of you. Thanks for the reminder :)
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