My Willpower is Waning

igrokthat · November 2015

Hey guys, I'm curious if anyone else is in a similar situation. Hubs and I were planning on waiting until spring/summer 2016 to TTC for job/location reasons, which was already moved up from our original date of December 2016.

The closer we get to that date, the more we both are about ready to say 'f*ck it" and go for it now, but logically it's a bad call. The original job/location reasons are no longer in our way, but I scheduled some fun travel in between now and summer to help make the time pass faster and it's not the kind of travel I can/am willing to do pregnant. I really do WANT to go, too, but it seems like right now is an especially hard time to convince myself of that.

In the war of my uterus vs my brain, the uterus is winning. Anyone else?

MKM2014 · November 2015

I know what you mean. My last pack of birth control according to our plans finishes up at the end of July 2016, "CD1" withdrawal bleed on August 1st-And you can tell I'm excited because I know those dates already

I am finishing my masters program in April 2017, so it would bring added stress to welcome a baby into our home while I'm still working toward that goal. However, all the rest of our "boxes are ticked" so to speak- the marriage, the house with extra bedrooms in the good school district, and we budget our expenses from my husbands salary- so we aren't waiting on a post-masters degree full time job for the sake of finances. It's mainly just me wanting to avoid the distraction of homework and studying when I become a mother for the first time. I know that if something happened accidentally, I would still continue with my program, which does sometimes make me think "well, maybe we COULD do it"...

DH & I are also making plans for a semester gap vacation & have some home remodeling projects scheduled over the winter- so I've definitely got plans to distract me over the next 8.5 months that I know would become more difficult/complicated if we were to become pregnant.

I try to think of myself struggling to finish a 10 page paper or study for an exam with colicky triplets crying for me in the background while my husband is at work- which kind of helps but honestly it must be a strong indication of baby fever that I still keep the debate up in my mind

I also posted about some weight loss goals I have while we are waiting.

While these things aren't completely curative of the baby fever, I do think they help me to focus on my life now and more immediate goals than pregnancy. I've been through this before waiting for big life events like my engagement and wedding day- and I definitely got antsy and felt like my 15 month engagement would take forever- but once it gets here we won't feel like we've waited so long. I guess recognizing that from previous experiences does increase my patience a bit.

maebydaisy · November 2015

Where are you planning on going for travel?

We are also in the same situation, my husband is most likely (we're about 90% sure) going back to get a second bachelor's degree this January which means he won't be working full time for the next 18 months so it really just isn't the right time for us right now either but it's hard to stay patient!

bmo88 · November 2015

I have my moments. We are planning on starting TTC in just over a year, so a ways away. But damn, there are moments I have looked at DH and said, "want to start now?" The worst part is he says, "Sure." That's actually not the answer I want to hear!!! Only because it makes it harder.

Fact is: We have a plan for our finances and careers that we want and need to follow for at least the next year. If I got pregnant today could we figure it out? Yes. But it wouldn't be fun. Our careers are still developing and I am establishing myself in a brand new position. We are about half way through paying off our debt and making good progress. My parents are moving here in about 1 year, otherwise we don't have a local support network.

We even have a 3 week trip planned to Europe and we are leaving in 4 weeks. While I am excited, it's not nearly as distracting as I had hoped. I am also re-starting my master's degree in January and won't finish for one year. So to juggle full time work, school and a pregnancy would probably be too much.

So logically, I 100% supporting us waiting. But dang, emotionally, sometimes I want to throw caution to the wind.

Skyjewell23 · November 2015

Your describing my life right now. Everyday is a struggle trying to remind myself why we are waiting. I know in the end it will be best for our family, but its hard. I'm focusing on fixing up our house before we TTC to help keep my mind off things. Christmas is just around the corner and then we will in the home stretch!

Good luck!

Xstatic3333 · November 2015

We are having a tough time waiting, too. I really want to get through this month so that I don't miss my BFF's wedding, but after that I think we're likely to get more careless. We're trying to wait until after our big trip in March, but for whatever reason I'm not that inspired to wait for it. The idea of being pregnant for it doesn't bother me much, even though my head knows it would suck to have morning sickness on a big trip.

igrokthat · November 2015

Well, at least it sounds like we're all going mad together.

@MKM2014 Oh man I feel your pain. It's SO HARD waiting when you really only have one voluntary thing standing in your way. We planned our baby bucket list and worked on it for a long time, so having everything checked off is not helping me hold out at all.

@maebydaisy We have one to South America, one to the Caribbean, and one to Europe planned. Usually I love to travel, but right now I find that I really can't get myself to care. I'm hoping that once the holidays are over and these trips are closer, I will be able to get more excited about them, but right now they're not much of a distraction. One part of my brain is also kicking me for being such a snobby asshole about travel that I could never have afforded to do two years ago, so I do really want to take advantage of it now.

@bmo88 That's the worst! My husband has started saying things like that, too, and I'm like "Dude, you're going to have to change your tune and get on the logic train with me before we both fall off." I hope you have a great time in Europe!!

@Bethechange23 The holidays are what's getting me the most, I think. I'm hoping that the home stretch won't be too bad. But we don't celebrate Christmas, really, and we don't do anything for Thanksgiving, either. We take these six weeks to stay home and wind down from things together, so the time feels like it runs especially slowly this time of year.

@Xstatic3333 You may be further along with the baby fever than me! I still can't convince myself to be pregnant on a trip, especially since vacations are really the only time I drink alcohol. Hubs can, though. He's said some things a few times like "Do you want to start now and just be pregnant while we travel?" To which I respond "If you want to grow a uterus and carry this thing, be my guest. Otherwise, no way." It doesn't help that the women in my family have pretty much all had seriously atrocious morning sickness. I don't know how heritable that sort of thing really is, but the anecdotes are enough to scare me off.

Xstatic3333 · November 2015

@maddaddam I know I may be crazy, but part of me is like "why NOT travel pregnant?" Sure I may have bad morning sickness, but if I was home I'd still have to go to work. Then again, some people don't have bad morning sickness and it could be fine. A big part of choosing a western Europe location for our next trip was that it would be doable pregnant, as opposed to a diving trip or climbing Macchu Picchu, which were the other options we were considering. No alcohol would be a bummer, but I'm primarily interested in the Netherlands for museums/architecture/culture/history so it wouldn't be the worst on this particular trip, for me. I definitely wouldn't want to be far enough along to be uncomfortable on the long flight, however.

Oh well, it's probably a moot point. H strongly prefers waiting until after the trip and his POV matters too

igrokthat · November 2015

@Xstatic3333 I think I could get behind being pregnant on a trip like that, at least to the extent that I would be willing to NTNP leading up to it and kind of take a chance. I've been to Northern Europe a couple of times, including the Netherlands, and love it there. I hope you have an amazing time!

I think if my husband wanted to wait until after the trips, I might have a slightly easier time with it, but as it stands I am the only remaining stronghold. Plus we are going to be going to Rome, so I REALLY want to drink all the wine while I'm there. My motivations are very simple.

Basically my brain is just sitting here going "wine, baby, wine, baby..."

I'm also getting irrationally frustrated with the human gestation time and why I can't have an insta-baby, but that's a whole different illogical complaint.

igrokthat · November 2015

Another part of my brain also goes "Hey, what makes you think you're so fertile? It will probably take at least six months, you might as well start the clock now," which is not helpful at all and just brings me full circle back to where I started.

Xstatic3333 · November 2015

maddaddam said:
@Xstatic3333 I think I could get behind being pregnant on a trip like that, at least to the extent that I would be willing to NTNP leading up to it and kind of take a chance. I've been to Northern Europe a couple of times, including the Netherlands, and love it there. I hope you have an amazing time!

I think if my husband wanted to wait until after the trips, I might have a slightly easier time with it, but as it stands I am the only remaining stronghold. Plus we are going to be going to Rome, so I REALLY want to drink all the wine while I'm there. My motivations are very simple. Basically my brain is just sitting here going "wine, baby, wine, baby..."

I'm also getting irrationally frustrated with the human gestation time and why I can't have an insta-baby, but that's a whole different illogical complaint.

Oh man we are so on the same page. I'm not excited for the whole pregnancy part of becoming a mom at all. Instababy would be fabulous. I hear you on Rome, too. We specifically didn't consider Spain (very high on my list), Italy, or France for this trip because they are such wine-centric locations. We may do a couple of days in Belgium, but that will be pretty beer-centric and if I did get pregnant quickly I doubt I'd bother.

igrokthat · November 2015

Oh man, I am so on the instababy train. I have a few friends who liked being pregnant, but for the most part I just see it as an annoyingly necessary means to an end. Too bad hubs can't grow a freaking uterus and help out so we could at least trade off on every other one.

My idea with picking Rome for this trip was that if I picked very anti-kid, anti-pregnancy locations/events, it would help the time go by quicker while we still had other baby bucket list items we were working on. Now that those things were finished faster than expected, I go back and forth between "WHYYYYY did I schedule things like this?" and "Well, I really do want to do that."

< / end ridiculous first world problem rant >

At this point I'm trying to find anything to stay distracted with. So far getting REALLY serious about the gym seems to be a good fit and will have long term benefits, too. I can feel like I'm working toward baby goals without TTC right this second.

Are you doing anything else in the meantime to pack your schedule so you stay busier?

RunBooRun · November 2015

This is where I am right now:

I have a 6 month old niece. It's hell.

I want to have a baby, but its just not time yet. What makes it harder is that its getting sooo close to the right time.

Xstatic3333 · November 2015

maddaddam said:

Oh man, I am so on the instababy train. I have a few friends who liked being pregnant, but for the most part I just see it as an annoyingly necessary means to an end. Too bad hubs can't grow a freaking uterus and help out so we could at least trade off on every other one. My idea with picking Rome for this trip was that if I picked very anti-kid, anti-pregnancy locations/events, it would help the time go by quicker while we still had other baby bucket list items we were working on. Now that those things were finished faster than expected, I go back and forth between "WHYYYYY did I schedule things like this?" and "Well, I really do want to do that." < / end ridiculous first world problem rant > At this point I'm trying to find anything to stay distracted with. So far getting REALLY serious about the gym seems to be a good fit and will have long term benefits, too. I can feel like I'm working toward baby goals without TTC right this second. Are you doing anything else in the meantime to pack your schedule so you stay busier?

Stuck in the Box

I'm sort of the opposite; I'm one of those people who's default setting is "way way way too busy" so I'm trying to practice slowing down and making time in my life for parenthood. I am definitely enjoying fun opportunities that come up that will be harder to take once we're parents. Last night, for example, someone offered H free Bruins tickets so we went and had fun on a whim. I slept until 10 last Sunday, and that was amazing. I'm visiting my best friend in NYC in a few weeks to help chose her wedding dress, and teaching a couple of dive classes to have fun in the water and make some money. I'm also planning to run a 10 mile race with a friend in February, and then keep training for my 4th half marathon in May (which I'd consider doing slowly while pregnant if my midwife okays it and I feel up to it). I'm trying to get H to go to the gym with me a few times a week as well since he needs to work on his blood pressure. In less happy news, this week I'm finding myself extremely distracted by the world news and keep trying to make myself break away from NPR and the BBC.

Wow, when I type all that out it sounds like I'm doing a pretty bad job at slowing down. Oh well, I am what I am

igrokthat · November 2015

@RunBooRun LMAO!! Dude I totally feel your pain. I thought it would get easier as we got closer to TTC and I was SOOO wrong.

@Xstatic3333 Ha! Yeah, you do sound like you've got a lot on your plate! Hopefully it makes the time go by faster. I'm a major planner by default, so I'm trying to be as spontaneous as possible while I still can. It's an interesting little life experiment, but it also adds a usefulness to this otherwise weird interim period of time.

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