Advice with family

jmohio · November 2015

So my husband and I have been trying for our first baby for over a year. We had a chemical pregnancy back in January, which is causing us to wait a little while to tell people. I have been thinking of all the awesome ways I can tell my family I am pregnant, I am going to tell my mum first then I was going to wait till Christmas to tell everyone else. Well my brother and his wife invited my mum up for thanksgiving (we recently moved away from the family). And asked what day I had planned on telling her... because they just found out they are also pregnant with their 3rd and want to tell everyone the day after me. I know it sounds selfish but I kinda wanted a moment of me being pregnant. Everyone else has had their time. My sister and the same sister in law were pregnant at the same time and they almost killed each other. She is at least 3 weeks behind me. Not sure how to handle this one.

NicknShan · November 2015

Well - how soon to you plan on telling your mom? Were they wanting to tell her on Thanksgiving? You could also wait a week after they announce, then you will shadow them and it will be all about you!

Anyway, congrats, and I hope you can share some positive experiences with your SIL through this pregnancy. If not, we are here for you to vent to.

jmohio · November 2015

Thank you. I was planning on telling my mum on Thanksgiving. So I guess they are going to tell her the day after. I think I am frustrated from a jealousy thing. I have tried for over a year and she got pregnant the first month they tried.

Unfortunately I already know it will be a frustrating time. We were talking about things you should and shouldn't eat while pregnant and she said "she knows it is ok to eat medium rare steak because this is her 3rd" I said I will stick to what the docs tell me.

Knottie86418473 · November 2015

That stinks. I get what you mean about you want it to be about you - especially after trying for a year!

First off - good for you to sticking with what the doctors tell you. Every woman and every pregnancy is different. If she wants to go ahead and eat a rare steak with a side of sushi, a glass of wine and then go skydiving, good for her. (And I doubt she was as confident eating a med rare steak during her first pregnancy.)

Second - don't feel selfish. You tried for a year and deserve to have your moment (they've already had 2). Unless they agree to hold off a few weeks, I'd wait til after they announce as well. Either way, I'm sure your mom will be thrilled and excited to find out she has 2 more grand babies on the way.

Last Thanksgiving DH and I announced our engagement AND his brother and wife announced their 3rd baby. Guess what? While everyone was excited to hear of another baby they were way more excited for the engagement/wedding because the bro & wife had already done this 2 other times. I'm guessing regardless of when you announce, this will be the "bigger" announcement as it's your first. Let your brother be the opening act.

Huskerfanz · November 2015

Congrats! If it's going to be annoying talking to your SIL about pregnancy stuff, then I would try to avoid talking about it.

I get the jealousy - it takes me IF treatments to get pregnant. There is no limit on excitement, though. And people will be more excited about your first baby than a third baby.

I would wait and tell everyone after them, too. The day after is kind of weird.

jmohio · November 2015

Thanks you guys for the advice. That makes me feel better. I actually just had a yelling match with my brother over it

I think we might just wait, it just kills me to see my mum (FYI for the first time in like 8 months) and not tell her. The crap thing is my SIL was crushed when my sister announced she was pregnant 8 weeks after she did.

MynaBird · November 2015

Maybe my family dynamic is different than yours, but my siblings, cousins and I have all had overlapping pregnancies for years now (this one will be the sixth baby in less than four years), and we've had two weddings in there as well, and it's been wonderful for us to be going through it all together. You're building a family, not having a competition to see who can have the most special moment all to themselves. I suggest you try to take advantage of the fact that you're sharing this life stage with your loved ones and see if you can't turn this into a time to bond with your sister-in-law instead of being worried that she'll take the spotlight off you.

jmohio · November 2015

Yea we most certainly have different families

. My family are kind of drama Queens. My sister got so drunk on my wedding she pulled her dress up in front of everyone on the dance floor (so not like her) then told me it was so people would talk about her at my wedding instead of me. Sometimes we are close and love each other dearly and others we want to kill each other. If I thought we could both be civil and everything I would think this would be enjoyable but knowing my family it's already a competition to her. The first time 2 people where pregnant at the same time one had an emergency c-section and the other was damned if she was going to have the first baby so she drank castor oil. So she could go into labor first. Just a little FYI the one who drank the oil is the other one who is pregnant. My husband and I decided we will wait till we are ready to tell everyone and won't let them rush us into it. This is our life and our little family.

cattlebride · November 2015

Infertility tratments and difficulties ttc suck. Hugs to you on that. In regaurds to your story though I don't know in my opinion it's hard to plan exact timing on pregnancies. Frankly if I wanted to have another baby I'm not going to consult anyone but dh. If you wouldn't change your timing for relatives I don't think it's fair to be upset if they don't change thier timing for you. Be a tad jealous but then get excited your little one will have a playmate. My best friends are my cousins. II think you are correct on doing things announcements etc on you and your dhs timing is the right way to go!

jmohio · November 2015

I am not mad that they are pregnant at all. Happy for them. I am just upset with the announcing timing. I will be over 10 weeks when I tell my mum and she is only about 6. That's my problem, you have all the time in the world to announce why must you do it the day after me?

And I can safely say if roles were reversed I most certainly wouldn't announce the day after. I would wait out of respect.

ngraham17@yahoo.com · November 2015

Maybe you can tell your mom now and advised her not to say anything to anybody and you can announce it to the rest of the family at a later time. Also, what is the guarantee that they would not slip and tell your family you are pregnant and then announce their pregnancy. Even if you tell, everyone will be so happy for you because it is your first! As long as you tell your mom first, I would not worry about everyone else. I am sure you mom can keep a secret until you and hubby are ready to tell everyone else.

Also, it is apparent she likes to have the spotlight, so let her have it. I would not share anything else about your pregnancy if you think it is all about competition with her. The less she knows, the less she will have to compete with.

HBamama2B · November 2015

@jmohio it sounds like you've got a handle on it and @NicknShan and other pps were spot on. Have you tried telling her to announce and you announce he next day?

bet she wouldn't be on board with that. I'm sorry your family dynamics are taking some of the fun out of it, and hope you find a special moment with your mom to celebrate. I bet she'll be over the moon since its your first and you had to wait for it.

and of course, we are here for you if you need to vent!

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