FTM'S... Whats going thru your head?

skschnake · November 2015

Hey ladies...

I will be a first time mom in February. I wanted to see how other women are feeling about the upcoming arrivals of our LO! Are you getting nervous? Worrying about anything in particular? How are the hormones and emotions going? Feel free to write away!

charleyklee22 · November 2015

I'm normally pretty emotional and worry about every little thing! For some reason being pregnant has calmed me a lot and I don't cry as much lol. I'm not nervous yet. I think that will hit me in January. My baby shower is Saturday so it is making everything feel more real. Hard to believe in 12 weeks I'll be a mom

mcklough · November 2015

I'm a lot more chill than I was expecting to be. Normally I'm really uptight so I'm surprised by how much I just let roll off my back. I feel like the entire pregnancy has just been 1 thing after another in terms of not feeling well, but every single time I go to the doctor they say that baby is fine and that all the effects are just happening to me. Of course I'd rather feel good, but I can handle feeling like crap. DH on the other hand is super fed up with living with me feeling like crap.

I'm a bit less patient than I was prior to pregnancy when it comes to work and co-workers but I think that's been my only hormonal/emotional changes. I get emotional when I start thinking about the baby or my family but I think I would have felt the same way before.

I worry about coordinating daycare. I used to work at a daycare in another city and I was also a nanny. My husband works for the state so we use all his benefits. There is a part of me that just wants to have the baby and play it by ear to see if I want to try to find another child to watch. Not sure if it would be enough money long term or if it's even what I really want. I feel like there is no way to plan ahead because I'm going to have no idea how having that baby will make me feel. If they did go to childcare would I care more about the family/loving atmosphere or about the structured/heavily monitored center. One of my old jobs I used to help small businesses set up their payroll and I saw a lot of really shady stuff going down at home daycares and I know that isn't all of them but it makes it hard for me to trust since it was almost every single one I went into.

skschnake · November 2015

I have been an emotional wreck lol I wish being pregnant would have calmed me down! Lucky you.. Everyone keeps asking me if it seems real yet. I tell them yes becaus she moves a lot, however I think when I have her in my arms it will hit a whole new level! I hope you have a beautiful shower

how exciting! Mine is in about a month!

anm2n · November 2015

Oddly enough, I only remember I'm pregnant when either the baby moves, or someone makes a (sometimes ridiculous) comment. I feel calm...I, too, am usually high strung, but I've mellowed out a bit...this is my first pregnancy, but I'm already a mom of a 9 year old we adopted last year...maybe that's why. I am super excited about meeting my little one though...the time can't come soon enough:)

skschnake · November 2015

I swear I worry about any and everything there could possibly be to worry about!

My current worry list: ( I know, i know, its a little ridiculous )

-having everything I need for her

-being prepared for the birth

-trying to breastfeed

-daycare ( which one? and finances )

-scared of c-section

SU1989 · November 2015

I'm with you @skschnake, I have been an emotional wreck. I feel I have had a semi easy pregnancy as far as symptoms but my anxiety and depression got so much worse, and I was not expecting that at all. It has been the biggest hurdle for me because it has been controlling my life even with medication and therapy. So I feel kind of defeated in that area. So my worries have been about everything. I'm worried about how I will be postpartum and if my anxiety and depression or the medication has affected my baby at all. I'm worried about my anxiety during labor and my pain during labor. My husband also travels a lot for work and he is scheduled to be all the way across the country up until 2 weeks before my due date so I'm scared of preterm labor while he's gone! I think about breast feeding also! I could go on about things I worry about haha. It's awful.

Luckily the one thing I don't have to worry about is stuff for the baby. My baby shower is this weekend because we had to avoid the whole month of December because our families go crazy with Christmas parties. And DH's grandma is a snowbird and goes south the day after Christmas and I didn't want her missing the shower in January! So we planned it this weekend. So I should have quite a bit of stuff after this weekend which will help me feel more prepared. Im just a worry wart about everything.

wcasar · November 2015

Sometimes it still doesn't even seem real and I'm at 24 weeks. We registered, but until the shower comes it hasn't kicked it. I really don't feel her move much (because of the placement of the placenta) so it really only sets in when I go for my ultrasounds and doctor visits.

I worry about finances and how to juggle baby, sleep and work but I'm trying to not let that get to me for now. I'll worry about that more after she is here.

mbrowling · November 2015

Just this past week, I've hit panic mode a bit. I feel like there's not enough time to prepare. Got crib put together last night which helped a little

.

Lola2o1 · November 2015

I go back and forth from extreamly excited to extreamly nervous/anxious.

Few things I worry about:
1)Going into labor-the not knowing when things are indefinitely going to happen-yes, I am an ocd control freak.
2) having everything I need for him and everything set up. Again, control freak.
3) Not working for a few months-getting used to one income. Worrying about budgeting and money.

Most of all I just want him here healthy, safe, and happy.

sonoshark88 · November 2015

I think about breastfeeding and giving birth and all that jazz a lot, but it doesn't really worry me. I just research and ask other moms questions about EVERYTHING. What always scares the heck out of me is how my relationship with my husband is going to change. This was exactly what we wanted and everything, maybe it's just my hormones, who knows. But usually over the weekends we lay in bed and goof off and he'll try and tickle me, and we wrestle around (realizing how stupid this sounds as I write it, sorry) and I feel like stupid stuff like that will be different because we'll be trying to be quiet and not wake the baby, or we won't have time to do that Because the baby's crying, or whatever...Idk, I'm crazy, but that's what really scares me

skschnake · November 2015

cheesefries88 said:

I think about breastfeeding and giving birth and all that jazz a lot, but it doesn't really worry me. I just research and ask other moms questions about EVERYTHING. What always scares the heck out of me is how my relationship with my husband is going to change. This was exactly what we wanted and everything, maybe it's just my hormones, who knows. But usually over the weekends we lay in bed and goof off and he'll try and tickle me, and we wrestle around (realizing how stupid this sounds as I write it, sorry) and I feel like stupid stuff like that will be different because we'll be trying to be quiet and not wake the baby, or we won't have time to do that Because the baby's crying, or whatever...Idk, I'm crazy, but that's what really scares me

I have this fear as well. I worry about how our relationship will change, for the better? or will baby make it harder on us. Then to add to it my Husband works straight nights. The only time I really get to see him is everyother weekend ( we get my step boys these days too ) So we hardly have time together.

acuteangles · November 2015

@mcklough my mom set up a small daycare with a few other kids, my brother, and eventually me when I was born so she could stay home with us. It was hard and made things tight financially, but she is really glad she did it. In terms of your job, can you play it by ear and leave the door open for now? I have some friends who did that and then decided not to go back to work, but at least they knew they had both options.

I'm going to be a SAHM and I'm afraid of what it will be like to not have a structured schedule and contribute financially to the household. I've worked full time for so many years that the transition makes me a bit nervous. Plus I worry that DH will resent me because he will be the sole provider, and while it is financially feasible for us, it leaves a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. It will be uncomfortable spending money on myself that I did not earn. I'm glad we already have a shared bank account and pool our money together so there isn't too much tedium with who earns what and who pays what, but I still worry about it.

Like others have mentioned, I'm also worried about how the dynamic of our relationship will change, and how we will handle it. And I have an irrational fear that I will suck at breastfeeding. Right now, that's about it.

lauraltijerina · November 2015

Having date nights after the baby is born is really important. You have to make time for you and your husband.

egraves4 · November 2015

I'm feeling pretty calm and excited for the most part. I feel like with my first baby shower that happened on 11/08 and my second shower happening on 11/21, I'll have plenty of time to really focus in on what we need and how we're going to finance all of it.

I'm still fairly small (I also think I am smaller or look less pregnant than I really do from what my friends have told me) and I agree that I don't really feel pregnant unless she moves around. Although I have been having ongoing pelvic pain for the past month or so that reminds me, I've gotten used to it for the most part and I don't necessarily connect it to something I am dealing with because I am pregnant.

I think I'm mostly nervous for when she arrives. I'll have moments where I think "how the heck am I going to be able to deal with all this" and a lot of thoughts about how my life is never going to be the same. I am very very excited though, that's for sure.

funkypineapple · November 2015

Mostly the finances part. I really don't want to go back to work right away but I have to and it just sucks knowing my paychecks are only going to be going to student loans and day care

candace4erich · November 2015

I solidly waffle back and forth between calm excitement about meeting my twin girls and the panic of "OMG I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A NEWBORN!!!"

Exciting times in my brain.

dragonfly321 · November 2015

@egraves4 all of that post is exactly my thinking!!! Especially the not feeling pregnant part. I tell people all the time I don't even think about it til I feel him kicking!

maureenmce · November 2015

Great question! So interesting reading all of the answers. I feel like since hitting the third trimester a few days ago my brain has gone into overdrive. I don't sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time and when I wake up (to pee, get water, have a super fun leg cramp) I can't help but run through a laundry list of baby related questions/concerns. I'm not freaking out per se, but I am really switching into high gear baby prep mode!

Emotionally, I am not a very emotional person, typically. I keep things to myself and am reserved, even with my husband and closest friends. However, I've been surprised about how effortlessly emotional I've been with certain milestones - every time we have an ultrasound, when we watched the birth video in our birth class, I couldn't help but tear up. It's interesting because that's definitely not my personality normally! But it's welcome!

I guess overall I can't wait to meet my baby girl and I am super over being pregnant, BUT I totally don't feel ready/prepared quite yet and am glad I have 11 weeks and change to go!

=caenis= · November 2015

I feel good, physically and emotionally. The only things that worry me are 1) I don't feel like a mom. Is that abnormal? 2) I am scared about what the heck we'll do about dinners once I'm back at work...I mean, it's hard enough already without kids.

mcklough · November 2015

acuteangles said:

@mcklough my mom set up a small daycare with a few other kids, my brother, and eventually me when I was born so she could stay home with us. It was hard and made things tight financially, but she is really glad she did it. In terms of your job, can you play it by ear and leave the door open for now? I have some friends who did that and then decided not to go back to work, but at least they knew they had both options.

I'm going to be a SAHM and I'm afraid of what it will be like to not have a structured schedule and contribute financially to the household. I've worked full time for so many years that the transition makes me a bit nervous. Plus I worry that DH will resent me because he will be the sole provider, and while it is financially feasible for us, it leaves a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. It will be uncomfortable spending money on myself that I did not earn. I'm glad we already have a shared bank account and pool our money together so there isn't too much tedium with who earns what and who pays what, but I still worry about it.

Like others have mentioned, I'm also worried about how the dynamic of our relationship will change, and how we will handle it. And I have an irrational fear that I will suck at breastfeeding. Right now, that's about it.

I would definitely say it's an option. After finding out I was pregnant I moved jobs to something less stressful and it definitely is, but I don't love it at all. I would say if baby arrives and I feel super strongly if DH and I can figure out a way to make it work we will. My work is just a job at this point.

Based on what you said all of those would become concerns for me too if I wasn't working. DH's father owns a landscaping business so he always grew up working and I've been working since I was 14 and babysitting prior to that so it would be VERY strange to not be working and contributing. Unfortunately I don't think we could cut it on 1 income. We definitely have to do a really in depth spreadsheet and figure out exactly what we are spending our money on and where we can cut back. I know it's the middle class struggle but between the mortgage, car payments (we don't drive anything extravagant) and student loans it's so much of what he makes.

Twindling · November 2015

Second pregnancy/third time mom here.

I'm more scared this time around than I was with my twins. How will I juggle 2 trying/clingy/strong willed almost 3 year olds and a newborn? What impact will the added stress have on my marriage? How will I manage sleepless nights & nursing while running an in home daycare. Etc etc.

I worry too much.

acuteangles · November 2015

@mcklough I'm so surprised I haven't received a google docs invite from DH with a similar spreadsheet yet, lol. I know what our finances look like right now, but I have no clue what they will look like when we add a third guest to the table and take away my income. So much unknown...

sarame500 · November 2015

My mentality completely changed over the past two weeks! I feel much more pregnant now; for example, I'm getting more frequent leg cramps, I have to pee even more, and my bump has almost doubled in size!

I'm 27 weeks, and reality is starting to hit. I've been doing research on breastfeeding, newborn needs, and all that. My PA family shower is right after Thanksgiving, so I'm getting excited

December is crazy with the holidays and setting things up for baby, and in January I have my MD shower (three weeks before my due date).

With all that said, I have had almost zero interest in my job lately. I've been teaching for 9 years, and I LOVE teaching. However, with all of these new physical and emotional experiences, I'm just ready to settle in with the baby. Thankfully, I'm at a new school this year. If I was at my previous school, the students would definitely notice my change in mentality and probably be unhappy with me. It's not like I come right out and say anything, but I don't do as many things with students after school...I do the bare minimum. I've also decided this week to take a longer maternity leave (10 or 11 weeks instead of 6).

kinnonam · November 2015

I was doing really well in the beginning. I was reading and getting so prepared for birth and now that the time is getting closer I feel as though I haven't done anything! My nerves are really starting to get to me it's really crunch time. We have no crib/car seat/stroller anything but, everyone keeps saying to hold off until the baby shower in January which adds to my stree. "What if's" are ever present in my mind which drives me even more crazy. My SO carefree "we will play it by ear" attitude is becoming a huge pain in the a$$!! Other then all of that we're doing justttt fine.

thisusername · November 2015

Honesty I'm still in shock! I was just about to be formally diagnosed with PCOS and infertile and then BAM. Pregnant!

I'm also wondering why the heck pregnancy is this painful.
I'm SO excited to see my husband finally hold her and be with her though. He is head over heels with her already.

Knottie19458446 · November 2015

I was ok until my husband and I toured the hospital, now I'm TERRIFIED!!

Kimbarbour08 · November 2015

I'm starting to get a little more nervous . . . both about being a mom in general and the whole pushing a watermelon out of me in less than three months! Part of that could be that I looked ahead to the baby's growth week by week and just seeing the last few weeks being things like watermelons and pumpkins is a little frightening! I'm planning to have a natural birth, and I'm getting more than a little intimidated by that idea. Having this baby is definitely what I and my husband want, and have wanted for quite a while, but it's still scary. My main concerns are really the general being a "good" mom and how it will feel having to go back to work . . . I miss being home with my little man and he's not even here yet! Ugh.

Baby shower is in two weeks and the whole less than three months to go is really hard hitting!

MrsAguirre117 · November 2015

We got married on May 30th and found out a week later I was pregnant unexpectedly. After a year of wedding planning and a stressful year at work, I really wanted to wait at least a year before trying so I could enjoy my newlywed life but that wasn't in God's plan for us. I feel like I kinda missed out on the "honeymoon" stage if you will because the first month or so after finding out I was pregnant I was super moody and really didn't feel like the timing was right. Not to mention I felt like I had to jump into mommy mode and start researching pregnancy, buying pregnancy books and getting my stuff together. I felt guilty for being upset about it because it happened organically the way I always wanted it too and I know my body was in the perfect shape for it as I've been exercising and eating well even more so for the wedding over the past year and a half. After my 1st ultrasound at 6 weeks, seeing that little heartbeat things took a turn for the better.

After that initial phase of fear, doubt and realizing all my control was out the window I got really excited and calmed down A LOT. I can relate to @charleyklee22 & @mcklough. I'm typically a pretty irrational person but my pregnancy has really calmed me down. The things I'm most scared about now is the fact that I have no control over how or when labor will begin and since I have nothing to compare it to, it's really scary but I try not to think about it and just get educated on it and keep an open mind. The other thing I'm afraid of is baby blues after the fact and being mentally prepared to go from 2 to 3. I have three girlfriends who all just had their first baby recently and we talk about the adjustments of it all the time so I'm not looking forward to adjusting to such an extreme life change on zero sleep. Luckily my husband and I have a lot of family support so I know if we need a date night away or even just a nap we can reach out to someone to step in for a couple hours. I just hope we are able to communicate and not kill each other in the process. Hahah!

cantobean · November 2015

I'm not really that nervous, to be honest. Yes, there's the typical nervousness: do I have everything? Will I have an OK labor? Will I be able to breastfeed? How will I keep her alive and fed and healthy?

But really I'm just so excited. I cannot wait to meet her and hold her and sing to her and dress her in cute little clothes.

I know it will be difficult, and will test me and my husband in ways we never imagined, but I think aside from a few details, we are as prepared as we can be for this monumental change in our lives.

lbart86 · November 2015

I feel like being mentally prepared for a new baby is going well, time doesn't seem to be flying. I'm lucky to have 3 friends with babies from newborn to 6 months so I'm thankful to have a sounding board for questions!

I am having the hardest time not "doing too much." For example; I want to rearrange the guest room but I shouldn't be pushing the dresser and bed around; I want to help DH lay laminate flooring in our (now fixed) water flooded basement; I want to do all the bending, lifting, painting, and assembling like before I was pregnant! It's driving me nuts.

I'm in serious nesting mode and I'm also an interior designer so not being able to just whip out projects is a total bummer.

kalenvan · November 2015

My husband and I have a shared account we started once we found out we were expecting, we call it the "baby account" and each pay check we but $100-$200 dollars in it so we have money just in case.

We are both active duty so we have childcare but just in case we need money for the baby we can pull from the other account and not stress.

hopes4baby · November 2015

I am stressing about the nursery. I have so much stuff still in the room to sort or and move somewhere else but can't bend and get short of breath while doing stuff. I wasn't expecting to be a few months away at this point. Eek

Knottie11658988 · November 2015

I started out very calm and relaxed, but here in the second trimester it's all kinda changed. I cry over movies, I stress all the time, and just feel overwhelmed. Now, that I have to go back for another anatomy scan, it's been amped up a bit. Plus, with everything else going on, I'm not gaining the weight I should be, so there's that concern now too.

At the end of the day; I'm overwhelmed with all that's currently going on in life. Whether it's: "will I be a good mom?", will we be settled in a place by then, will we have everything we need, and most importantly...will my little one be healthy and happy.

I think I'm just mentally drained. I can't wait to be off work so I can try and get myself ready for the next three months.

ChitownHusker · November 2015

I am normally a pretty anxious person but I have also calmed down a lot with this pregnancy. It's been pretty easy.

However this third trimester has me a weepy mess. DH was getting ready to move the bed out of our guestroom (now nursery) last night and I started crying. Because it was my bed and we are putting it in storage. And it's all getting so real. I'm not scared of labor, I'm worried about the ENTIRE life change after, and not knowing how everything will be different but knowing it will just be different. And probably hard. I'm just so scared. It's so big and there's no turning back. So yes, freak outs are starting to happen now.

LaurenGuluk · November 2015

I was handling everything like a seasoned pro, felt great, loving being pregnant, then bam! Ob said I'm measuring small and I've got a BPP next Thursday. I'm so worried now my baby isn't growing properly! Other than that, I'm nervous for handling a tiny fragile newborn! But excited too!

purpletulip · November 2015

I couldn't resist reading this thread and reminiscing about my first pregnancy :-)
I just wanted to say that all the things I've read from this post are totally normal worries and that you ladies will do great. You know that feeling when you start a new job or you move and you feel unsure about everything and then slowly you gain confidence and find your new normal? That's what first time motherhood was for me. Yes, everything is turned upside down for awhile but before you know it you'll be thinking, "wow, I think I've got this!"
As far as child birth goes, it might not be as bad as you think (I've had a c-section and two med-free vbacs). And even if it is bad, it won't last long in the grand scheme of things :-)

alanna3622 · November 2015

@purpletulip thanks for that perspective

I have enjoyed hearing people's different experienced and perspectives

First pregnancy here, and I was sort of coasting along not feeling pregnant at all.. . Then not feeling very pregnant. ... and now I have a humongous belly wondering if I have gestational diabetes or something

I have had extreme hunger the last 2.5 weeks and have been eating non stop -- even waking in the night to eat. It is so bizarre - I have never had issues with overeating or excess weight before. I am used to trusting my body to tell me what I need. Now I am feeling worried and "off".

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