To be or not to be a SAHM?

Ljonas87 · November 2015

I'm quickly realizing maternity leave is going by way to fast and I'm starting to consider quitting my job to become a SAHM?

My husband has wanted me to quit for awhile because he doesn't think it makes sense for us to throw money at day care around here when we could save money by me just staying home.

I'm still undecided....I like my job for the most part, and it's nice to have interactions with adults after weeks of baby talk 24/7 lol, but I also love the time I get with my son and I know it will go by way to fast!

Has anyone else made the decision to quit their job or to cut down hrs significantly or any already SAHM's wanna tell me what helped you make the decision?

beccaburke22 · November 2015

I decided to take a years leave from work. For me I don't want to miss all the firsts (this being my first child and all). I'd hate to miss her first laugh or her first steps. I plan to spend this year doting on my little one and then will see if I want to go back to work after that

midge519 · November 2015

We decided for me to not work at least for a while. We would end up losing money paying for infant child care so it didn't make any sense. We can make ends meet just him working so I'm home. I haven't gotten into any sort of a routine yet (LO is 3 weeks) but once we fall into a routine I'll be able to get more housework done and keep caught up with more than I am currently. The house still gets cleaned now but I am excited for when I have a routine down

mom4liak · November 2015

I would barely clear $75 a week after daycare cost and when you add gas, food, clothing and I would be in the negative going back to work. I am going to stay home. It just makes more sense. Also I did apply at out local library for 2 nights a week as my DH will be home and a little adult interaction is always nice.

edavis926 · November 2015

I will be quitting after my short term disability is up. Although I have 14 weeks of unpaid leave available after that and I'm sure they'll try to get me to think about it longer. We have absolutely no family within 1,000 miles of us and most of my income would've gone to daycare. It just didn't make sense for us. Before we moved I couldn't imagine not working BUT my family was close and I loved job.

I'll probably be home for a few years as we are planning on having more kids. My mom was home from when my oldest brother was born until I went to kindergarten. But I'll be taking classes online and probably doing some volunteer work. Fortunately SO is very good about coming home one or two nights a week and basically kicking me out to get some time either alone or with other adults for an hour or two.

koriemo · November 2015

I am a teacher, and I won't be going back next school year. I'm taking maternity leave until school starts back up in January. Then my husband is taking 12 weeks paternity leave, which gets us through spring break. My mom is coming into town for 8 weeks to watch him until summer vacation starts.

I almost didn't go back this school year, but since we could work it out so that I didn't have to put him in daycare, we decided it was worth it. I work part time at a tutoring center over the summer, so I plan to pick up 6-8 hours a week tutoring, and I'll continue that throughout next school year too over the evenings and weekends. I also used to work at Starbucks in a mall, and I might go back for seasonal help if they need me.

It comes down to money. I just don't make enough as a teacher to afford daycare.

floyd1rl · November 2015

koriemo said:
I am a teacher, and I won't be going back next school year. I'm taking maternity leave until school starts back up in January. Then my husband is taking 12 weeks paternity leave, which gets us through spring break. My mom is coming into town for 8 weeks to watch him until summer vacation starts.

I almost didn't go back this school year, but since we could work it out so that I didn't have to put him in daycare, we decided it was worth it.
I work part time at a tutoring center over the summer, so I plan to pick up 6-8 hours a week tutoring, and I'll continue that throughout next school year too over the evenings and weekends. I also used to work at Starbucks in a mall, and I might go back for seasonal help if they need me.

It comes down to money. I just don't make enough as a teacher to afford daycare.

Not to go off on a tangent, but it's disgusting that as a teacher you can't afford child care. I feel the same way as a social worker. I love my job, but I am not paid fairly at all.

I am still undecided about what I will do. My return date is Jan 4th. I cannot even think about putting my 3 week old in day care for the hours I work. Some days I get off at five, but some days I don't leave til 9. My wife works a very uncertain schedule with more hours but makes substantially more than I do.

I think I want to stay home with him for a while longer.. I'm just struggling with letting my job/coworkers/identity go.

mom4liak · November 2015

floyd1rl said:

koriemo said:
I am a teacher, and I won't be going back next school year. I'm taking maternity leave until school starts back up in January. Then my husband is taking 12 weeks paternity leave, which gets us through spring break. My mom is coming into town for 8 weeks to watch him until summer vacation starts.

I almost didn't go back this school year, but since we could work it out so that I didn't have to put him in daycare, we decided it was worth it.
I work part time at a tutoring center over the summer, so I plan to pick up 6-8 hours a week tutoring, and I'll continue that throughout next school year too over the evenings and weekends. I also used to work at Starbucks in a mall, and I might go back for seasonal help if they need me.

It comes down to money. I just don't make enough as a teacher to afford daycare.
Not to go off on a tangent, but it's disgusting that as a teacher you can't afford child care. I feel the same way as a social worker. I love my job, but I am not paid fairly at all.

I am still undecided about what I will do. My return date is Jan 4th. I cannot even think about putting my 3 week old in day care for the hours I work. Some days I get off at five, but some days I don't leave til 9. My wife works a very uncertain schedule with more hours but makes substantially more than I do.

I think I want to stay home with him for a while longer.. I'm just struggling with letting my job/coworkers/identity go.

I am also a teacher. It is sad that I can't afford to work because daycare would pretty much eat up all my income. Sad but true.

Edited because auto correct hates me.

NathanheartsKim · November 2015

Ohhh, I love being a SAHM!!! It has its crazy days but over all it is so amazing! My advice would be to give yourself some grace, it isnt an easy "job" and to be sure to find some way of getting out. Mom's Day Out, play dates, etc.

CocoR04 · November 2015

I love love love being a SAHM. I went back for 3 months after having DS and knew right away that my place was with him, so I quit and never looked back. I joined a stroller workout group and made a ton of other SAHM friends. I also go to free story times at the library and have a playgroup in my neighborhood. I am so relieved that I don't have a deadline of having to leave my new LO and have a lot less anxiety. The idea of going out in public to all of these activities with my active 2yo and a newborn is a little daunting (DD is 1.5 weeks old), but I'll get the hang of it!

dchiapella · November 2015

I wish more than anything to be a stay at home mom. I'll be going back full time in January and I've been in tears every day thinking about not being able to give me son my undivided attention. I'll be working from home 3 days a week but it's just not going to be the same. Work will have to be #1 and I won't be able to dote like I want to. I'm hoping to work for just one more year to build up a little nest egg and then hopefully, HOPEFULLY I can be a SAHM thereafter, at least for a few years. We'll be trying for number 2 around that time anyway and I really don't see myself being able to work from home with both a two year old and an infant but day care would be more than I would make so it wouldn't even make sense for me to work at that point. But dear Lord that is ALL I want to do! I would be happy to never work at a job other than mommyhood ever again until all kids are in high school. I just want to be able to raise my kids the way I've always hoped to... library story time and science museums and walks in the woods and volunteer work at animal shelters and childrens hospitals. I hate the thought of not being able to provide them with these opportunities since they all were so important to me myself when I was growing up. Anywho... that's my thought process on all this as a fellow working mama. At the end of the day, though, this is your and your family's decision. When in doubt, try and discern which decision will warrant the least amount of regret. Good luck!

beanie1977 · November 2015

I'm staying home- but I work from home running a small business. I am a former teacher and could never afford daycare either (I also have two masters degrees and that makes it even sadder to me!) we discussed my going back to teaching as my small business brings in about half of what teaching does. However when you consider the extra hours teaching requires (grading, parent night, etc) plus daycare Costs there's no comparison. Now I can work about 10 hours a week and bring in money. Unfortunately my business has grown as much as possible and isn't one where I can just do more work and bring in more money.

As for adult interaction: I'm starting PEPs on Tuesdays and a moms group with a parent educator from our hospital on Thursdays. So I get something at least twice a week!

cbolton19 · November 2015

I so wish I could stay at home. It's killing me that I'll be putting my 3 month old in daycare. As of now we will still net more money if I am working. Hopefully after student loans are paid off (or at least close to) then I can stay at home. A third of my leave is up already and it flew by. I'm so sad.

AiramJ · November 2015

I would say yes, if money isn't a problem! I would love to quit my job and stay at home with my baby.

whitemn04 · November 2015

I would love to be a stay at home mom but unfortunately I will have to go back to work. This may sound terrible, but the company I work for is based out of another country and they are in serious financial trouble. No body knows for sure what's going on but are pretty sure the ethanol parts of the company are getting sold as other ethanol CEOs have been on site. A part of me secretly hopes they restructure and I lose my job so I can stay at home with my little guy for a while until I can find something new later on or even go back to school. I sound like a loser saying that but I hate the idea of taking him to day care. At least I know a few people that would care for him.

cbowen122 · November 2015

I've decided to take at least a year off from work. I worked retail, so the paycheck sucks and would mostly go to childcare costs anyway. I was also really over it; I never meant to have it past college but when I had trouble finding a job after graduation I worked on getting a promotion there instead. It worked for a while but by the time I found out I was pregnant I couldn't stand it there anymore. So really the timing couldn't have been more perfect lol.

Being a SAHM, at least for a little bit, is also something I've always wanted to do. I am really going to enjoy this year raising my daughter.

kim1228 · November 2015

I'm soooo excited to be a SAHM! DS is only a week and a half but love it already. I'm involved with a MOPS group at my church, and I'll teach a class 1 night per week at local college to keep my brain active

lginnan · November 2015

I would absolutely love to be a SAHM. If you can afford it and it at all sounds good to you, enjoy it while you can!

ElleMF728 · November 2015

I'm a SAHM and I absolutely love it, but I always like to point out that it isn't for everybody. It can be a really lonely and thankless job sometimes and my boss(es) are very demanding! If you would like to it can never hurt to just test it out and see what you think. 90% of the time I'm happy to be a SAHM but like anything there are pros and cons.

Ljonas87 · November 2015

I love everyone's honest and helpful input and advice. I'm really liking the idea of becoming a SAHM. My husband is very supportive of the idea and I'm sure he will be excited as my cooking skills improve (haha hopefully)
.....now the big kicker, breaking the news to my boss who also happens to be my dad!!!!! Ugh, it breaks my heart considering leaving the family business but deep down I feel like I need to start making decisions for my little family. Wish me luck finding a way to explain this all to my dad.

cbolton19 · November 2015

Ljonas87 said:
I love everyone's honest and helpful input and advice. I'm really liking the idea of becoming a SAHM. My husband is very supportive of the idea and I'm sure he will be excited as my cooking skills improve (haha hopefully)
.....now the big kicker, breaking the news to my boss who also happens to be my dad!!!!! Ugh, it breaks my heart considering leaving the family business but deep down I feel like I need to start making decisions for my little family. Wish me luck finding a way to explain this all to my dad.

Ohh that is hard, but since it is a family business, can you go back when the kiddos are bigger?! I hope your dad understands!

VioletandRose · November 2015

cbolton19 said:

I so wish I could stay at home. It's killing me that I'll be putting my 3 month old in daycare. As of now we will still net more money if I am working. Hopefully after student loans are paid off (or at least close to) then I can stay at home. A third of my leave is up already and it flew by. I'm so sad.

I'm in this boat too. We need my income, but I'm already in tears thinking about bringing my child to daycare. Truthfully, I can't even think about it. I feel so much resentment toward our country for not having a longer paid maternity leave like other civilized nations.

Rikki_5 · November 2015

If you have the ability to stay home, I say do it!! My husband said his co-worker and his wife just had a baby 6 months ago and their babysitter sent them both a video of their baby crawling for the first time. His wife was in tears.

if you can stay home I say do it even if just for the first year. good luck!

cbolton19 · November 2015

VioletandRose said:

cbolton19 said:

I so wish I could stay at home. It's killing me that I'll be putting my 3 month old in daycare. As of now we will still net more money if I am working. Hopefully after student loans are paid off (or at least close to) then I can stay at home. A third of my leave is up already and it flew by. I'm so sad.

I'm in this boat too. We need my income, but I'm already in tears thinking about bringing my child to daycare. Truthfully, I can't even think about it. I feel so much resentment toward our country for not having a longer paid maternity leave like other civilized nations.

Me too. I feel like this is what I am supposed to do. I have always wanted to be a mom. I'm so mad that I have to put her in daycare at 3 mos. I'm so sad already. It's really frustrating how shitty our system is.

@Rikki_5 that is one of the things I am so sad about. I wa g to see her firsts. Not her daycare provider.

meganraschke · November 2015

I sooo wish we were able for me to quit work but we need my income too. I have 2 weeks of my maternity leave left and I cannot bear it. I'm even to the point where if my husband became a SAHD I'd be happier than sending my 2 month old to daycare where I feel like he will be neglected all day unless he cries.

America needs better maternity leave, seriously it is sad how we treat families in this country.

babykitcat · November 2015

You will never get this time back with your babe. If it's financially feasible stay at home!

Chloecross87 · November 2015

if you can do it, do it.

I'm a stay at home mom and I am so thankful I have the opportunity to spend every time with my baby.

tracij12 · November 2015

Rikki_5 said:
If you have the ability to stay home, I say do it!! My husband said his co-worker and his wife just had a baby 6 months ago and their babysitter sent them both a video of their baby crawling for the first time. His wife was in tears. if you can stay home I say do it even if just for the first year. good luck!

This sucks!!! My rule with DD1 was that DH was the only person who could send me pictures/videos or tell me about any "firsts".if it didn't happen with one of us around it didn't count

As for the original question, if you can swing it you ahould at least give it a shot.

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