My SO spilled the beans :(

catherinekate · November 2015

I'm almost seven and a half weeks pregnant. We haven't told anyone except for a couple of close friends and my mother (who lives in town). We're waiting until we see his family at Christmas to tell them the news in person. My husband came hold and told me he told a few people at work today--a couple of them were names I had never heard of before. I feel so upset because I had thought we wanted to keep things secret and also because I feel like it wasn't his news to share. I know he told them because we was excited, but it's still so early and there's so much that can go wrong. I even had a couple of sips of beer today with some colleagues because I was trying to keep the secret. Maybe it's my guilt about that speaking, but I feel like he was selfish today. Am I being unreasonable? Any tips to move past this?

meggyme · November 2015

It's a big change and people deal with it differently. He might be so excited he can't contain it (I know my husband has been that way). Or maybe he feels his work friends can provide more better support than some of your friends, especially if your friends are kidless. If it's really important to you talk to him about keeping it on the down low. If they're a completely separate circle of friends and they understand it's still kind of a secret, I wouldn't worry too much. Everyone is going to find out eventually.

Then again, I've told almost everyone I know already.

NicknShan · November 2015

I am sorry he made you feel like way! I am sure he is really excited to share the news at Christmas to your family. As for work friends, like pp said, if it's a separate group, I wouldn't worry so much. He may need the share some excitement. And it is his news to share. I wish you would've been on the same page before it happened, but try and look at it from his perspective. He is excited.

Hugs. Hope this works out soon.

Knottie1438468013 · November 2015

It's a hard situation to find yourself in. Who to share and not share with. My coworkers and mom know. He didnt care who I told My boyfriend hasn't told a single person. Not a single person. He isn't sharing this at all. We are at 10w3d. I'm on the other end of the spectrum and I can tell you it hurts and is seems more frustrating. He expresses his excitement and happiness to me (and yeah yeah that's all great), but it would make me over the moon happy to know he shared our news with others; especially the people he talks to daily and talks to for hours everyday!
PP already said it, but this news is his to share too and him telling a few coworkers won't diminish the special way you share with family at the holidays. Maybe avoid after work events if your worried about your own coworkers or bosses finding out before you'd like.
Best wishes & I'm sure it will all work out for the best.

bprowess · November 2015

I understand wanting to keep a lid on things, but here is my perspective: would you ever have to deal with his co-workers if something did go wrong? Would you have personally wanted to tell them the news yourself? If not, I don't really think it is that big of a deal. It is his news to share as well. He's going to be a father, and he's excited. Let him and don't hold this over his head. Pick your battles.

totsabounding · November 2015

Agree with @NicknShan and @bprowess . I think it would be different if he had told someone really close to the both of you, but they are his colleagues/friends. I totally get wanting to keep the news close, but it sounds like it was just a couple of people. He's excited, and that's really understandable to want to tell someone. Soon it will be news everyone knows!

hockeyfan42 · November 2015

It's unfortunate that you both weren't on the same page. However, I wouldn't get worked up over him telling co-workers you don't even know. If something we're to go wrong, he'll have to deal with them, not you.

I don't think he's being selfish, I kind of think you are... It's just as much his news as it is yours and it sounds like he really excited! That's a good thing!

Maybe try and talk to him about how you're feeling? And hear him out, too.

jennk0118 · November 2015

A few of my friends knew before we told family and he told me that he told some people. If I told my closest friends, why can't he tell his? Yes, I'm pregnant, but he made it too.. It's his baby too.

RMR7779 · November 2015

My husband would have told the whole world from the minute we found out if I let him. The trade off was him being able to tell some co workers and his parents (who I am sure have told everyone they know). It's people that I will never see, so it doesn't really bother me. However, one big mouth co worker commented on my husbands Facebook status about our 2 year old throwing a fit "suck it up you have another one coming!" Uh thanks a-hole. I would just say to make sure his coworkers know it's still a secret!

lm45678 · November 2015

I wouldn't be mad at him, he's excited! And telling people probably makes it more real to him.

Like PP said, if something were to happen he would have to handle it not you.

IMO- let me off the hook and be happy that he's happy. Don't waste your energy on this one

catherinekate · November 2015

Thanks for all your thoughts, ladies. You're all right--there's lots of good reasons that he would want to share the news. I'm definitely not trying to hold this over his head, hence I'm venting here rather than to him directly.

We live in a small town so I'm worried that news will travel fast. I hope I'm wrong. I'd hate for any of our close friends to find out through the grapevine rather than from us directly. At @rmr7779 -- that's exactly the kind of thing I worry about happening. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I also think a lot of my confusion and hurt comes from the fact that I was blind-sided by the news--I had no idea he wanted to tell people. I'm also struggling with the concept that he told co-workers that he's not particularly close with when so many of our close friends still don't know.

I guess I'm also struggling with the idea that he's apparently so excited that he wanted to tell people at work, but he never comes home and shares any of that happiness with me. @Knottie1438468013, it's like our situations are reversed.

But thanks again to all of you for your perspectives.

Sugarbooboo · November 2015

My hubby over shared about him going with me to our first appointment with my doctor. But it was to a mutual acquaintance, who I dislike. Shes the girl who is always passive aggressively putting me and others down, makes rude comments, always something to make herself appear better than you. So having her kinda know really bothered me. Plus her husband is the gossip king of our group of friends. So I understand how you feel. And your feelings are justified. This should be a community of support, and non judgement. Vent away!

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