So I got fired

alileecam · November 2015

After my son was born, I was asked to go to work by my good friend who owned a small design firm. She had a project she was pitching for and needed my skills to do it. She promised flexible hours, etc. So I quit my demanding full-time (more like 60 hrs/wk) job and started working with her. Over the past 2.5 years, I have worked my way back to full-time, basically. She doesn't know I am pregnant (I haven't told her yet) but yesterday she dropped a bombshell: she doesn't want me to work there anymore, and she basically thinks I am doing a terrible job. This is all news to me--she acted like I should have known it was coming.

I was beside myself--upset, mad, basically devastated. To make things worse, I basically have to keep working there and making nice to possibly try to salvage something so I can perhaps take one or more clients for myself and not have to start job-hunting in January. I cried a lot last night and started having really bad stomach pains, so I am trying to take things easy. But I have to go in shortly and face her, and I am sure endure more criticism as she tries to justify it (I am fairly certain it's mostly financial...).

What do I do from here? I am a raw bundle of nerves. I have never been fired, and certainly not by someone who was such a good friend. I do understand some people will throw out the whole "don't mix friends and business" thing -- she asked me to work with her and we've had a productive partnership and her firm has grown a lot. I was able to spend time with my son when we needed me to for physical therapy, doctors/cranial band appts, etc., and I was able to help her get projects and clients she wouldn't have been able to get otherwise. This is something I thought a lot about before I took the job with her.

I have no idea what to do. I feel so betrayed in so many ways. I am 10 weeks today and on top of being confused and upset about my job, I am worried about the stress affecting my family, including LO. Does anyone have any advice, a similar experience, words of wisdom??? I feel so anxious that I am tied up in knots.

PressLove · November 2015

So sorry to hear about this predicament. I don't have any experience in this, but I wanted to offer moral support as you have to walk in the office this morning.

jennk0118 · November 2015

I do not have any advice.. But wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through this!

mrsschmity · November 2015

I am really sorry you're having to go through this. I am in a similar situation, but a bit different. I am getting laid off at the end of December. The only good part about it is the advanced notice I was given.

Are you concerned about finding a new job, or just worried about the stress? My suggestion would be to start looking for new potential opportunities. Get in touch with a job recruiter in your area and let them know what you're looking for. Obviously it's not ideal timing, but recruiters know how to navigate situations like this and can be very helpful. And try not to stress! I keep telling myself that everything will work out and I'm trying to be proactive about it.

Take a step back, a deep breath, and stay calm. You're capable, you have experience and you will find something!

DeePaddy24 · November 2015

I don't have any experience or great advice, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm so sorry you're going through this, & we're all here for support.

NicknShan · November 2015

I am so sorry. I hope you guys are able to have a civil talk about everything. Offering up my hugs!

Atlast111 · November 2015

So sorry to hear this. The most important thing is your health and the health of your baby. I know this sounds flippant but it is just a job! I have been fired before ( it's a long story but I was bullied out of my job by an insecure and unkind manager) and all I will say is every time I have left a job I have found a better opportunity! This may well be a blessing in disguise. Just be as gracious as you can, part on good terms and hopefully she will give you a good reference. Most importantly this difficult time will pass, so try not stress too much for the sake of you and the baby. Work will sort itself out, trust me.

alsbaldwin · November 2015

No advice, but I am so sorry that this is happening to you, and by someone who was a friend. I hope you and her can at least have an honest discussion. Even though it might be hard right now, take care of yourself!

cassy0407 · November 2015

I am so sorry you're dealing with this! Is unemployment an option? @mrsschmity gave excellent advice! Take a deep breath, and trust that everything will work out. Sending positive vibes and creepy internet hugs your way!

alileecam · November 2015

Thank you everyone for the support--and @cassy0407 I happen to love creepy internet hugs! Thanks for the laugh.

chesterdoodle · November 2015

I'm so sorry you are going through this. A couple things to think about:

- Did you sign any non-solicit before working with her? i.e. will there be any legal challenges if you try to take those clients when you leave? Hopefully you didn't sign anything, and you can take all your clients with you. if you brought them in, they should be able to follow you to your next firm.

- Are you sure she didn't know you were pregnant? Could this have been pregnancy related discrimination?

Again, Im so sorry you are dealing with this, especially when pregnant. Make sure you take care of yourself. Work stress is never worth it. You will find a job, a better job. And she will be stuck without your help.

jerseybroadwaybaby · November 2015

I'm so sorry! I think it's strange that all of a sudden she is saying you are doing a bad job. I think you have every right to be upset but I also think if you want to salvage any part of the friendship you need more reason from her (or at least I would) hugs mama! Everything happens for a reason as much as those things may suck sometimes!

Knottie86418473 · November 2015

So sorry you have to go through this, especially from a "friend." Even though you've probably already gone in, sending internet moral support for your day! Re: the stomach pains - these can be a direct result of stress so I wouldn't worry too much about that. (Unless of course, Dr/MW tells you otherwise!) I also wondered if she somehow knew you were pregnant (internet search history, overheard phone call, etc.) Can you claim unemployment? If so that can help financially while you look for new work. And just think - you now have 2½+ more years experience than last time you were looking for a job so the chances of getting something even better are pretty good!

CourtJack · November 2015

Ugh. I'm so sorry! sounds like you were totally blind-sided. You'd think she would've had a talk with you expressing her concerns, before straight up firing you. I have no advice, but I would stand up for yourself and ask her to provide evidence and an explanation as to why she thinks you're doing a bad job. It's not fair (or legal?? I dunno) of her to simply fire you without explanation - especially as a "good friend". try to relax, take some breaths, get some rest and go in with a level head demanding some answers.

Good luck and keep us updated!

Knottie86418473 · November 2015

And I'm surprised no one else has said this (maybe they're all more mature than me), but I'm gonna go there and say your friend sounds like a total jerk. Especially if she's hiding a financial problem by attacking your work skills/ethics. That's mean and unprofessional. While it doesn't seem like it now, you're probably better off in the long run.

Wyattnash00 · November 2015

Knottie86418473 said:

And I'm surprised no one else has said this (maybe they're all more mature than me), but I'm gonna go there and say your friend sounds like a total jerk. Especially if she's hiding a financial problem by attacking your work skills/ethics. That's mean and unprofessional. While it doesn't seem like it now, you're probably better off in the long run.

I've been thinking this the whole time @Knottie86418473 you're friend sounds like a total bitch!! Please don't be offended:) you left your job, if she was any kind of friend she would've had some sort of conversation. You sound totally blindsided! I'm so sorry this happened and easy for me to say as I'm not I your situation, but you are SO better off in the long run, if this is a friend who needs enemies. Take your clients and get out!

VikingGirl12 · November 2015

I am so sorry. This sounds awful. I wouldn't try to stay there, seems like you can do much better.

crdo · November 2015

Sorry you're having to go through this! PPs gave great advice, so I don't have anything to add there except to say I hope you're able to find a new, better opportunity soon! Hugs.

Scout27 · November 2015

Ugh. I'm sorry you're going through this - and with a supposed friend especially! PPs have given really great advice. I would definitely start looking for a new job right away. I hope you find something great soon!

MDKC14 · November 2015

That totally sucks. I lost my job when I was 5 1/2 months pregnant and it was the worst, in the beginning anyways. I ended up just being a SAHM but hopefully you are able to do whatever you prefer. Hugs and keep your head up!

ucfgemini · November 2015

Wow- that's horrible. Do you think she found out you were pregnant? You've got a great track record so make sure you document the increases in revenues she has since you joined her team and find yourself another job using your skills. She doesn't deserve it.

Emztron500 · November 2015

What a nightmare! Typically a firing like that would come after at least one formal warning/poor performance review. If it's a financial thing she should've handled that properly (as a lay-off) so that it would reflect better on you for possibly claiming some unemployment benefits. Sounds like a pretty crappy employer and worse friend.

Earlier this year the employer my husband and I both worked for went bankrupt. It felt like the end of the world. I had just come off of maternity leave. They didn't pay me for 2 months worth of work. All in all they owe me $20,000 that I will never be able to collect. All our savings evaporated so quickly. But we survived and we made better opportunities for ourselves and now we're ok, even with a new baby on the way. It sounds like you're talented and well-connected and will pull through this just fine. Don't stress about the stress...lol. That's obviously counter-productive. All you can do is do your best to cope through this rough patch. Hugs!

Knottie95349912 · November 2015

That sucks, and honestly, the first thing I thought of was to talk to a lawyer.

alileecam · November 2015

Thank you to everyone for the support and thoughts. It's a complicated situation, but what's happened over the last few days is that I am basically trying my hardest to leave it on good terms and wait out the transfer of the big contract client, since it's my best chance of income over the next few months (and frankly, if it goes through, it will be awesome). Yes, I think she is a total bitch for doing this to me, but frankly, if I am not appreciated, whatever. I was always afraid of leaving because it is such a small company that I thought I'd be screwing HER over on a personal level, so it's good to know where her head is and that we aren't really friends anymore. Because of the possibility of being set up with this client and because of (my understanding of) employment laws in my state, I don't really have legal recourse and can't get unemployment. I just have to trust that she's going to have serious doubts and regrets once I am gone, and actually, the projects that she needs me for have accelerated over the past week (she's a graphic designer; I handle copywriting, media, technical writing, coding, etc., and help her a lot when she has to interpret complicated numbers and concepts into easily-absorbed graphics since she has some difficulty with numbers). I know this has to be what needs to happen now to get me where I need to go next, but that doesn't stop it from hurting. A lot.

So even though I have been SO sick this week (MS has got me GOOD--like yakking in the sink because I didn't make it to the bathroom in time) I am still holding off on telling her I am pregnant. She may have figured it out, but if she has, that would be so messed up of her. I am grateful that I have people to talk to about this a bit and who have been through unemployment during pregnancy and have come out on the other side.

mom2beEbby · November 2015

alileecam said:

After my son was born, I was asked to go to work by my good friend who owned a small design firm. She had a project she was pitching for and needed my skills to do it. She promised flexible hours, etc. So I quit my demanding full-time (more like 60 hrs/wk) job and started working with her. Over the past 2.5 years, I have worked my way back to full-time, basically. She doesn't know I am pregnant (I haven't told her yet) but yesterday she dropped a bombshell: she doesn't want me to work there anymore, and she basically thinks I am doing a terrible job. This is all news to me--she acted like I should have known it was coming.

I was beside myself--upset, mad, basically devastated. To make things worse, I basically have to keep working there and making nice to possibly try to salvage something so I can perhaps take one or more clients for myself and not have to start job-hunting in January. I cried a lot last night and started having really bad stomach pains, so I am trying to take things easy. But I have to go in shortly and face her, and I am sure endure more criticism as she tries to justify it (I am fairly certain it's mostly financial...).

What do I do from here? I am a raw bundle of nerves. I have never been fired, and certainly not by someone who was such a good friend. I do understand some people will throw out the whole "don't mix friends and business" thing -- she asked me to work with her and we've had a productive partnership and her firm has grown a lot. I was able to spend time with my son when we needed me to for physical therapy, doctors/cranial band appts, etc., and I was able to help her get projects and clients she wouldn't have been able to get otherwise. This is something I thought a lot about before I took the job with her.

I have no idea what to do. I feel so betrayed in so many ways. I am 10 weeks today and on top of being confused and upset about my job, I am worried about the stress affecting my family, including LO. Does anyone have any advice, a similar experience, words of wisdom??? I feel so anxious that I am tied up in knots.

mar101483 · November 2015

I was fired, while on vacation, 3 days before my wedding, via email, for not returning my bosses phone call, which he made less than 24 hrs before, again while I was on vacation. I ended up getting pregnant on my honeymoon and freaked out over not having a job. Luckily I was just hired at a great company, but I haven't revealed I am pregnant yet, I'm only 8 weeks.
I understand the fear and anger you must be feeling, I wasn't upset about losing my job until I found out I was pregnant.
My only advice is to take a deep breath and try to find another job right away. I think you will. Ask your "friend" to write you a letter of recommendation and if she can recommend another company.
Also, did you leave you last job on good terms? I don't usually recommend going backwards, but if you left on good terms, the company already knows what type of employee you are and your worth .
For now, make sure she gives you a pink slip, apply for unemployment and state insurance, if you need it.
Good luck

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