Jealous mom

Re: Jealous mom

• cuphalffull member

  November 2015

  I don't think you are wrong. It is a valid feeling to have. You recognize that his family isn't bad to be around, and babies are always going to be attached to their mommas!

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• tlc11934 member

  November 2015

  I here what you're saying. Let me tell you our experience...
  
  My family lives in the next town. My mom is over 5 times a week to help with the 3 kids and vacations with us. My aunt and uncle come over every weekend.
  
  My DHs parents live on the other side of the country and see my kids twice a year. When they're in town, they invite my mom over because they get along so well. My older kids drop my mom like a hot potato and flock to DH's parents. It doesn't matter that they barely see them, they're even more excited to! I think it's great. I hope your LO does the same for your family.
  
  Also, your baby will not feel closer with your MIL than with you. He knows your smell, feels your love and gets a lot from you in the time you're with him everyday. Your feeling is normal, but my gut reaction is you have nothing to worry about.
  
  I'll be thinking about you as you go back to work. It's the hardest thing to do at first. Chin up!

  

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• BrandiLaw87 member

  November 2015

  I don't think you are wrong either. My DH is also very protective of his mother so I can relate with you on how it's hard to have these types of conversations. She can also be a little over bearing as well.
  I agree with pp also about babies being attached to their moms. Your son is always going to look at you differently than anyone else. And he is probably looking for you when you are not around. Going back to work must be tough, but your boy will be so happy to see you!

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• chelseajeanene member

  November 2015

  My FIL has said to my face and in front of his friends "he (my DS) doesn't care about her, he doesn't need her." He repeated this twice. I know how you feel 100%. When I finally talked to my husband about how it made me feel...I regret it. We have had such a shitty relationship since. He chose his father over me and made me feel stupid for having felt how I did.

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• mdk2015 member

  November 2015

  chelseajeanene said:

  My FIL has said to my face and in front of his friends "he (my DS) doesn't care about her, he doesn't need her." He repeated this twice. I know how you feel 100%. When I finally talked to my husband about how it made me feel...I regret it. We have had such a shitty relationship since. He chose his father over me and made me feel stupid for having felt how I did.

  Do not feel stupid! Your FIL's words are a reflection of himself, not you or your LO.

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• jessbruxanovaa member

  November 2015

  You ladies made me feel better. Thank you! Glad to see you understand. And Chelsea I know what you mean! I got out of work and called SO who of course let me know he was at MIL's house. I get there and FIL is holding the baby and he never attempted to hand him over or even acknowledge my presence. He also kept talking to SO about how he's going to take my 2 month old baby to a car show next weekend? Oh really? With who's permission because he sure as hell doesn't have mine. Ugh.

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• chelseajeanene member

  November 2015

  I can't believe people think they can just take the babies wherever they want, when they want. My FIL assumed I'm going to let him put my son is a bike seat and take him for a ride on his bike. Are you kidding? He can't even sit up yet

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• ElleKH member

  November 2015

  I hear you, lady!  Pre-baby, I was a kind and generous person so, naturally, I assumed that I would continue to be that way post-baby.  "Here, please hold my beautiful infant child and keep him for as long as you like."  Noooooo-ho-ho, that's not how it is at all.  I've become a selfish, possessive, never-leave-my-baby's-side mama bear.  And the mother-in-law brings out the true beast in me, which is a shame because she really is a lovely person.  I'm honestly not sure how to go about fixing it, either.  I thought time would help, but I'm still struggling to let anyone besides DH hold our little boy.  I want him all to myself.  This probably makes me sound like a terrible person, but it's true.  -_-

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• sdheft619 member

  November 2015

  SunSilverfox said:

  I hear you, lady!  Pre-baby, I was a kind and generous person so, naturally, I assumed that I would continue to be that way post-baby.  "Here, please hold my beautiful infant child and keep him for as long as you like."  Noooooo-ho-ho, that's not how it is at all.  I've become a selfish, possessive, never-leave-my-baby's-side mama bear.  And the mother-in-law brings out the true beast in me, which is a shame because she really is a lovely person.  I'm honestly not sure how to go about fixing it, either.  I thought time would help, but I'm still struggling to let anyone besides DH hold our little boy.  I want him all to myself.  This probably makes me sound like a terrible person, but it's true.  -_-

  I relate to you 100%. I had a really good relationship with my mother in law until baby was here. I think she hurt it as well by never getting the Dtap after DH and I talked to her a dozen times, but I never want her to hold her I just want too. I get a weird feeling at her house...like she feels like she should be the only one to hold my baby while we are there. Hate it.
  
  And OP I totally relate as well. This was my first week back to work. I just cried when I got home from picking my little one up because I feel like I don't get to be her mom while at work. Hopefully it will get better for us.

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• squigles28 member

  November 2015

  I was just thinking about Thanksgiving and how I don't want to let everyone hold her! I want to let others hold her some, but not the whole day. I should get to enjoy her too!

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• chelseajeanene member

  November 2015

  @squigles28 I agree! My first thought for he holiday get togethers is that I have to share him and don't want to lol

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• squigles28 member

  November 2015

  Although, my LO is still having trouble feeding and so I did ask if we could be the only ones to feed her.
  And we may take a family break in between just to have some us time

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• Knottie00415476 member

  November 2015

  About everyone not wanting to share their babies and let people hold them for the holidays.. DD is 11 weeks and she started recently crying and arching her back at anyone holding her that isn't me or my husband. She literally stops immediately the second I take her back so everyone stopped trying to hold her LOL it's kinda stressful cause I never really get a break but it's a great excuse not to share her. Maybe your LOs will start this phase by thanksgiving? Haha

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• dmbfan46835 member

  November 2015

  Def fear the holidays and everyone up in his grill. I plan to wear him everywhere. It makes people less likely to try to hold him. I don't want him overstimulated or exposed to cooties. I don't get why people I'm not even that close with think they can kiss my baby's face.

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• ElleKH member

  November 2015

  @heft619 - I totally know the feeling!  Every single time ANYONE else in the family is holding baby, she takes him off of them.  She doesn't do that with me, though - she can probably guess how I would react.  And if she has him first, she starts passing him around to others once she's had enough babytime herself.  Doesn't even ask if it's okay that so-and-so holds him.  Crazy inconsiderate.  It makes my blood boil.  I'm so sorry yours refused to get vaccinated.  That is so important and you have every right to withhold your child.
  
  @Knottie00415476 - You're so lucky!  I know it's hard on you, but at the same time, it's so sweet that she prefers you and your husband to everyone else and isn't afraid to let them know it.  So cute.
  
  @dmbfan46835 - Babywearing is a really good way to protect baby.  Good on you for using it.  People you're not close to have tried to kiss your baby's face?!  What is wrong with people?

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• jen83mn member

  November 2015

  squigles28 said:

  I was just thinking about Thanksgiving and how I don't want to let everyone hold her! I want to let others hold her some, but not the whole day. I should get to enjoy her too!

  Holidays are tough in that regard, even more so because it throws off their schedules! I know my little guy gets so overstimulated when he's being passed around from relative to relative for hours, then just gets super fussy and then we're left to pick up the pieces. I have a plan for Thanksgiving at the in-law's where there will be 10+ of us and a super noisy 4-year-old ... I'm bringing baby's white noise machine, our monitor, and our rock n play so I can lay baby down in a bedroom when it's time for a nap so he can get away from the craziness and get some sleep. MIL has a hard time putting him down when he's there and there will be 5 people there who have never met him before, so he is definifely going to need a little break and I have no problem taking him away for a bit when it's time for his nap!

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• missliz53 member

  November 2015

  I totally get not wanting to share lo with other people. When we have visitors over, I make everyone wash their hands first and if people start squabbling over who gets to hold the baby, DH or I take her back
  
  One thing I would like to add with not wanting to share baby with the in-laws is that DH and I were super close to our grandparents, especially grandmas. We both grew up in dysfunctional homes and a lot of our best memories are spending time with grandparents. My grandma retired early because I didn't do well in daycare so she could take care of me. She's in her late 80's now and I take DD to visit her a lot and spend as much time with her as I can because I know she isn't going to be here forever. I'm very sad for DD because her grandparents are all crazy and I do mean crazy so she is going to miss out on a close relationship with them.

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• squigles28 member

  November 2015

  @jen83mn that is exactly how I feel. Everyone wants us to come visit, they all want to pass her back and forth. And we are the ones who are then pacing the floor at 4 am because she was overstimulated. It's not that I want to be selfish, but why do they get all the fun and we get 4 am?
  
  I plan to let everyone (not a ton of people) hold her, take her with me to rest while I pump, and take breaks between each house to give her downtown.
  
  Wishing all of you mamas luck.

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• jen83mn member

  November 2015

  squigles28 said:

  @jen83mn that is exactly how I feel. Everyone wants us to come visit, they all want to pass her back and forth. And we are the ones who are then pacing the floor at 4 am because she was overstimulated. It's not that I want to be selfish, but why do they get all the fun and we get 4 am?
  
  I plan to let everyone (not a ton of people) hold her, take her with me to rest while I pump, and take breaks between each house to give her downtown.
  
  Wishing all of you mamas luck.

  Good plan! And so true ... it's been years since they've had kids of their own so I know they forget what it's like and are just so excited (and if they weren't, that would make us sad!), but since baby can't speak up when he/she needs a break, we need to do that for them Plus, baby will be a lot more fun to be around for everyone if he gets his nap in!

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