Babyshower vent

kqualls5 · November 2015

I almost don't want to have my baby shower because I can just feel all the women I don't even know touching my belly. MIL and mom invited all of their friends (92 people received invites. NINETY-TWO!!!!!!). I'm an awkward person. Always have been. I don't like being the center of attention and being the center of attention around some women I don't even know.. Yes thank you moms. I get MILs friends know DH and love him like a son also, and I'm carrying a child that is half him. And I know my moms friends are excited for her. But I thought it would be my friends and the family I know. Not all 3 of our groups of friends and distant relatives.

Yes I know it's a gift from them so they can do what they want, please don't comment and let me know I'm being an asshole. I know I'm being a brat. & I'm super thankful for them and everything they're doing for me. And hey more guests = more cute baby presents. But. I'm feeling anxiety about it already.

carlyhammond · November 2015

I can relate!
I won't be having 92 people come to my shower.
My mom invited close to 50 - her friends, family members, church members, my (7) friends.
I'm getting super anxious about it- I'm not a social butterfly. I have a unique personality you either hate me or love me, when I go to birthday parties, showed etc I sit quietly in a corner so no one bothers me... I'm ok with that, I'm NOT ok with having to go out and be social with people at my own shower.
1. I'm not a people person
2. I'm going to be hot, sweaty and super uncomfortable....
3. #2 is going to make me irritated.

My shower is the 21st *raises imaginary hard liquor I wouldn't even drink in the first place pregnant or not* here's to making it though.

Ps. ANYONE who DARES to touch my baby bump will get kicked in the throat... Ok maybe not throat cause I won't be able to reach that high... We will kick them in the shin!

You'll make it through.

hannahduff3 · November 2015

I feel the same way don't worry. The only differance is that I don't have that many random people coming to mine. I have an extremely large family. I was mad about the random women my boyfriends mom just had to invite. I've never met these people before or anything. Over 100 people were invited to mine. I have 90 some rsvp'd. My shower is the 15th. I have no advice unfortunately so I'm just thinking we need to wish each other luck haha :bz

Theliops · November 2015

I get it! My shower is next weekend and I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone but I'm not looking forward to all the comments about how big I am, how I'm carrying, where I'm carrying the weight, etc. I don't consider myself self conscious about my belly or the weight I've put on but for some weird reason I don't like the attention and analysis that inevitably will happen. I feel like maybe because I'm having twins I'm some sort of freak show.

I saw my MIL the other day and she literally stared at me for 15 minutes and laughed - she meant well, she says I'm "carrying well" and that I look great, but please stop staring!

Leah6120 · November 2015

I don't think that having social anxiety means you are ungrateful. It's ok to feel easily overwhelmed in a big gathering especially when you are the focus. With that said sometimes body language helps. If I'm with people I don't know well I'll kindof instinctively wrap my arms around my belly. People tend to pick up on that and not reach to touch. Maybe request to your mom and MIL that they not do games that require people touching you?

Kelley421 · November 2015

Yes same- though I think there were 75 invitees and lots I didn't know.
Some of these strangers mailed gifts and did not come, some did not come or send gift. No one touched me. If you get overwhelmed, fake a hot flash, sit down the rest of the time and try to relax.
Turns out the hardest part for me was writing a thank you note to a complete stranger- husband didn't even know a few! I like to say personal thanks and it was tough.
Also the hand cramps writing 60 notes hurts- but you will appreciate being set up for baby!

AlabamaWorley · November 2015

Maybe ya'll will luck out and no one will show up.

Snoopylovesbelle · November 2015

Just try to remember that your showers are happy days. Try not to think of the things that make you anxious or overwhelm you. Think of how much everyone loves you and and how much the baby is going to be loved. Put your focus on the positive and it will be easier the get through the parts that are hard for you ladies.

Theliops · November 2015

AlabamaWorley said:
Maybe ya'll will luck out and no one will show up.

Come on...

That's not actually what's going on. Well, at least not with me. @Leah6120 put it best, a little social anxiety does not mean I'm ungrateful for the love and support of my family and friends.

Wicked4589 · November 2015

I have major social anxiety too. So much so I wanted to cancel both my showers. Only one person grabbed my belly. So effin awkward no matter who it is. I had my husband open all the gifts as I opened the cards. That helped me not feel so awkward. Thank god he was there the whole time.

miranderp · November 2015

I understand, I felt awkward at both of my showers but was grateful people were gathering to celebrate my baby and for the nursery swag they gifted us.

The worst was when I had to stand in the center of a huge room of people I didn't know and they played a game where they passed around a roll of yarn and took turns eyeing me and guessing how big around I was and cutting off a peice that was the right size.

Then they all got up individually to measure their string around my belly! I just had to stand their with my hands up!!

I knew a few people there, and one girl (husbands cousin)!who has always hated me for some unknown reason, cut her string like three or four times as big around as I was. Really? Really?! What a bitch!

Anyway, why couldn't they just take the yarn, measure, and then measure their peices against that to see who was closest?

So, definitely tell whoever is organizing it to avoid games where you're in the middle, or you're being touched.

I think I would have been fine without that happening.

Also as, pp suggested, have someone help with the gifts, because that was also, super awkward. All eyes on you while you feign the exact same level of enthusiasm for each gift, while keeping track of who gave you what.

---

Keep in mind, baby showers aren't typically long events, so just hang in there and it'll be over in a couple of hours.

MamaHolland · November 2015

I'm not unsympathetic because you have the right to your feelings however I have a difficult time relating to this. My mom passed away 14 years ago & my husband's mom is also deceased, even though we don't dwell on their absence the thought of having a shower that's planned by our mothers would be so amazing. Literally all we left from them is pictures on the wall & our memories.

To have that many people who aren't directly friends with you to take time out of their lives to celebrate you just because of their closeness to your mother & MIL is really an honor that should outweigh anxiety because if your social anxiety is that bad then you had the option of politely bowing out.

Literally all you have to do is show up, smile pleasantly & say thank you while close to 100 show their care & support & give you gifts.

Krhayes777 · November 2015

I agree @mamaholland , everyone feels differently and certainly has a right to have their own opinions but for me, MIL has purposefully not been involved with my husbands life and my family has let their own immature feuding get in the way of being here for me to be supportive. I don't have a ton of friends and co-workers to invite so I'll be lucky to have 15 guests. I feel sort of rejected by family and sad that a once in a lifetime event will not be important to many people I thought cared about me. I wish I had that many people that wanted to come and celebrate- BTW gifts are nice and all but to me just the love and support is whats amazing. Try to enjoy what you can of it and good luck.

miranderp · November 2015

@mamaholland well put
And @Krhayes777 Take heart, you and your husband are making your own family now.

katievw311 · November 2015

I am not a fan of sitting in front of a bunch of random people either. I already had a small shower with my co-workers and I felt my face turn bright red and got really hot while opening presents. My mom and sister are throwing me a shower with all of our friends and family which will be ok because I know everyone but my SO's family is also throwing one. Luckily, it is a co-ed shower so he will be there with me, I am sooo glad because I have heard plenty of interesting stories about his family members that I haven't met yet!

anightintunisia · November 2015

Ok I though that I was the only spoiled brat here. My mom invited about half of Southern California along with family out of state (they are arriving next week). I have social anxiety and I am dreading them coming next week along with my shower. I was hoping for it to be small and intimate but there are a lot of people I don't know coming and it kind of upsets me. Some women I don't even like are coming. Just make sure to have people away from you, maybe make a sign and hang it somewhere like "5$ to touch the baby, 10$ if he/she kicks" so they get the idea.

I also like what someone said before, have your DH or SO open the gifts or cards for you. I'm so self conscious that I don't really want photos of me! I keep having nightmares about the shower just think of all the food and gifts you will receive. Social anxiety is a mother. [-O<

kqualls5 · November 2015

It's a huge relief to hear other people have dealt with or are dealing with the same thing. I'm so grateful and I love both moms so I'm not trying to be a brat. My mom keeps reminding me "yes it's your shower, but it's not just you that is excited about this baby", so I'm trying my best to not be bratty. (Today I may have thrown a fit in the middle of Michaels because my grandma spent $80 on table decorations. We. Don't. Need them).
@miranderp my mom planned for us to play that game.

carlyhammond · November 2015

This thread made me give my mom guidelines lol!
No games involving touching me- it'll make me uncomfortable
No games involving popping a ballon- it scares me to death- forreal.

I've already fussed at her for wanting to spend $80 on cookies for the party favors.. No mom, that's a waste!

She's getting the idea.

I didn't want the shower in the first place. I actually told her I want a small shower.... 50 invites later (rolls eyes)

Kelley421 · November 2015

It is very true that the hostesses do not often listen to the mommy-to-be on their wishes for the shower.
I was told "too bad" on several things I pointed out, that I felt were too extravagant and over the top.
Yes it causes some anxiety to have lots of people you don't know around, and focused on you. It can be even more awkward to accept gifts from strangers. Even though appreciated, I felt terribly strange accepting anything from someone I don't know. It feels gift grabby and wrong.
But.. Again... I look in the nursery and am overwhelmed with the generosity of these strangers and mom friends...

kqualls5 · November 2015

So update: my shower was yesterday and it went amazingly smoother than I thought it would. There was a whole lot of people and I had a few hot flashes (pregnancy perks), but all in all, I realized how blessed I am to have that many women who wanted to take time out of their Saturday evening to come show love to my little family. Not too many strangers showed up, and the ones I didn't really know were so lovely and made me feel very comfortable. We did play the measure my belly game, but instead of people coming up to me, my mom measured and cut a piece of string, and then everyone compared their string to my moms. Way less invasive! The only awkward part was the gift opening. We got so many, it took forever, you could tell most people were over it after awhile, and there were so many unbelievably nice things from people I barely know, and I didn't know what to do with my face because "oh my gosh thank you but you shouldn't have" was the only thing I could think of. All in all though, it went great. Good to luck to all of you going through the same things soon!!

Rach8672 · November 2015

We just had our shower yesterday , I too was a little anxious about how it would go. My mom planned it from afar and flew in on Wednesday . We spent one night talking over games and the flow of things then winged it. I put a feeler out to my more outgoing friends to give my mom a hand directing the group if needed , and they came to her rescue a few times

it went way better than I could have imagined and I feel super blessed to have so many friends and family (only had like 6 family members of 30 guests) be so generous. I think having a coed shower really helped take the pressure off .
Hang in there , you too will probably have a smoother shower than you would think and will be overwhelmed with generosity and love.

khf221979 · November 2015

Theliops said:
I get it! My shower is next weekend and I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone but I'm not looking forward to all the comments about how big I am, how I'm carrying, where I'm carrying the weight, etc. I don't consider myself self conscious about my belly or the weight I've put on but for some weird reason I don't like the attention and analysis that inevitably will happen. I feel like maybe because I'm having twins I'm some sort of freak show.

I saw my MIL the other day and she literally stared at me for 15 minutes and laughed - she meant well, she says I'm "carrying well" and that I look great, but please stop staring!

My MIL did this exact same thing. She stared at me for a good 10 mins then said " you're looking really good" thanks for the comment but please don't stare it's rude.

MamaHolland · November 2015

Glad to hear you realized how blessed you are to have that kind of support.

MrsReese28 · November 2015

You are so lucky to get that kind of support! so many women, dont even get a small shower for their first baby. Good to know it went well.

alisongem · November 2015

I have always had social anxiety and it's gotten wayyy worse since getting pregnant. Also MIL and I are not close. She's throwing me a shower full of all these people (I feel like she's just inviting any female she knows, whether or not they're family or friends) and I literally won't know anyone! I can't even set guidelines or rules because it's always her way or the highway. And if you disagree with her she acts all offended and then you hear about it forever. (I'm talking a few days worth of incoming texts from her pretty much saying the same thing in slightly different ways). Plus it's the only weekend my best friend will be home from the Air Force academy and MIL wanted me to spend the entire day there to "help set up" (she lives an hour away) and said my best friend "can wait". I'm bringing my best friend with me but it's still not how I wanted to spend our little amount of time together.

bruhn · November 2015

Ahh I too don't care for all of the attention. My BFF is doing mine and it's Saturday. She has been amazingly awesome about respecting what I want. I am not interested in all those odd games and super blue for a boy. She's done a great job at making it a fall/winter cozy theme. The only thing I'm stressing out about is that it's a come and go shower because we live in a small town... you just never know who is going to come..

However she made me feel so comfortable by having my husband come as well as hers (they are super good friends). She then extended the invite to my dad since I am an only child and thought he would enjoy it. The guys can hang out and have munchies and help clean up! Best of luck to everyone's upcoming showers!

kqualls5 · November 2015

@alisongem ugh I am so sorry. It's nice she's throwing you a shower but at the same time she should respect you and your wishes. Also, it's a gift, unless you offered to set up, you shouldn't need to do anything but spend time with your friend until the shower starts. Just breathe and remember it's only 1 day!

fairestblair · November 2015

kqualls5 said:
I almost don't want to have my baby shower because I can just feel all the women I don't even know touching my belly. MIL and mom invited all of their friends (92 people received invites. NINETY-TWO!!!!!!). I'm an awkward person. Always have been. I don't like being the center of attention and being the center of attention around some women I don't even know.. Yes thank you moms. I get MILs friends know DH and love him like a son also, and I'm carrying a child that is half him. And I know my moms friends are excited for her. But I thought it would be my friends and the family I know. Not all 3 of our groups of friends and distant relatives.

Yes I know it's a gift from them so they can do what they want, please don't comment and let me know I'm being an asshole. I know I'm being a brat. & I'm super thankful for them and everything they're doing for me. And hey more guests = more cute baby presents. But. I'm feeling anxiety about it already.

Yikes... That's a damn circus!
I'd have put the kabosh on that pronto!
Andplusalso you can't dictate responses on a public forum.
Sorry you have to endure this craziness

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