Parenting alone with husband is it gonna work

sumashekhar86 · November 2015

Hi mommies... I live away from my hometown ...due to financial constraints i have second thoughts abt flying back home for delivery.... Its my first baby... Will i be able to manage myself with baby and a supportive husband.. There is nobody i know here...and im freaking out...

FutureMrsCaesar · November 2015

I guess I might need more details, but I don't see why it wouldn't work. Dh and I lived away from family when our first 2 were born. Neighbors watched DS1 while I had DS2, DH took care of DS1 while I was in the hospital with DS2 and they visited a little each day. We had no other visitors in the hospital, etc. Some family did come visit in the month or two after DS1 was born but they only stayed a couple days at most. It wasn't really that bad, I had no reason to feel like I should keep my house clean, no one to entertain or cook for etc. DH and I handled the baby part just fine. We had friends who brought some meals over which was nice.

IMO, the first month or two the days aren't so bad but the nights are what is really hard, but even if you have family around they rarely come over and offer to take night time duty anyway, especially if you're breastfeeding. So I think you and your DH will be just fine. Teamwork!

Melodyags · November 2015

I don't see why it wouldn't work. It isn't as scarey and overwelming as it seems once you start doing it and get on a routine. My family lives nearby but after the first few days they go back to their own business. This is my 4th and my 2 middle ones were 11 months apart. Trying to fly and travel while that pregnant and with a newborn in itself isn't easy. Plus being in the comfort of your home while your healing and getting adjusted to being a new mom is a good thing.

kynbar5 · November 2015

Without sounding rude, you (and your so) wouldn't be 1st to do it on your own. There's also plenty of single women that successfully have/raise a child alone. Where there's a will there's always a way. Be thankful that you do have a supportive husband. Look at the positives instead of the negatives. Keep your head up and try (I know sometimes it's hard) to not worry about it. Take everything a day at a time. Good luck, it'll all work out

ClaireBear90 · November 2015

FutureMrsCaesar said:
IMO, the first month or two the days aren't so bad but the nights are what is really hard, but even if you have family around they rarely come over and offer to take night time duty anyway, especially if you're breastfeeding. So I think you and your DH will be just fine. Teamwork!

This is so, so true. I also found that I relied on my family more for help with my second baby than my first. With my firstborn, it was just one newborn and I could "sleep when baby sleeps" if I needed to. With my second, he was a terrible sleeper in the beginning and I had a toddler! So I really appreciated having family to help me out then.

Is your husband able to take off a week or two from work? The first few weeks can be rough physically and emotionally because of the hormones and sleep deprivation and you do need support from someone. Checking out local mom groups even before your baby arrives might be a great way to meet some friends. I'm involved in a local moms group and while most of us have a baby or two (or more) we're always happy to have an expectant first time mom come check out our group.

sumashekhar86 · November 2015

Thank you all for the reassuring words...yes my husband can manage a week or two of paternal leave after delivery... The thing is... Im getting paranoid....

I know there are many people out there handling the baby alone... Just needed a few good opinions reassurances and prayers ... To make me feel i hav decided right... Its a choice.... Either go home... Deliver... Loads of cha

sumashekhar86 · November 2015

Its a choice.... Either go home... Deliver... Loads of chaos.... No hubby by side... Entire relatives who choose to remain distant or just both of us here... Supporting each other

tJaffe · November 2015

We live 6 hrs from family, on an island, with no other mommy friends! My husband works 12 hrs a day as a commercial fisherman so I will be on my own most of the time. This is our first baby too. I have many years of experience with infants due to my parents taking in foster children and eventually adopting one so while I'm not nervous to be on my own I am worried about meeting other moms and breast feeding.... But I promise you, you can do it! It is scary to know you'll be on your own but you'll find a routine and you and baby will do great! Try to find a mommy group in your area with infants close to the same age. I've also heard of breast feeding groups if you plan on breastfeeding that are very supportive.

SarahFoley725 · November 2015

I'm confused, are you saying that if you go home to deliver you'll be near your family but your husband won't be with you? If that's the case it seems like a no brainier that you'd be where your husband is.

I understand that you're nervous and afraid. This is my first baby as well, but we kinda have to put our big girl panties on and deal with whatever comes. It's our responsibility to care for our children even if that means we don't have a bunch of extra helping hands. Think of all of the military families who are states or countries away from their loved ones. They all manage to raise their children without help. Y'all will be okay.

skruhmin · November 2015

Yes, it can work. Here's what you will need to do it and keep your sanity in tact. Make sure you and your husband are a team - be on board with everything the other does - be each other's biggest champion. Find an online group of women to support you - this board is awesome as far as support goes - if you stick with it, you can vent, cry, laugh through your baby's first few years. If this isn't the board for you, find something else. Make sure you are getting out of the house without baby - as in either find a babysitter or have your husband stay home with baby for a few hours while you go out and collect yourself - you will need that. If your staying at home, chances are you will be able to find a neighborhood mommy group or a group in your city. Use it!

oceanchild · November 2015

I would definitely stay at home in peace with my husband rather than leaving him and going to spend what is supposed to be a bonding time for both parents with the chaos of a bunch of family that really just want to hold your babe but (generally) aren't there for the things you really need help with (middle of the night stuff, cleaning, etc).
Plus, you'd probably have to fly way early - some doctors put strict travel restrictions on mamas when they are close to term. And then flying home with a newborn?! (OMG I seriously pray that circumstances never have me flying while any of my kids are still infants!) Just a big hassle all around, if there's any way to avoid it! I agree with the others. Support each other, and look for other groups for support too. What (general) area do you live in? Are you in a super secluded small area, or is there a nearby town with resources?

Parker16772 · November 2015

I guess I am confused too. I know it can be scary but me and DH did it pretty much on our own with DS1 and it was fine. Is there a reason why you would want to go home and not have your husband at the delivery because that wouldn't even cross my mind?

bntfroggie · November 2015

I agree with pretty much everyone. My husband is the absolute most import person in my life and I would never choose the comfort of having more people to watch my child over having him at the birth. Also for almost all airlines the time you can no longer fly is 36wks so you would need to leave 4wks before your due date. To me no part of that sounds worth it. But maybe I'm missing something...

MrsLeanMeanClean · November 2015

At 10 weeks in am going back sans DH to be with my family for 6 weeks... I will have a lot more support there then in a foreign country with my inlwas 2 hours away and my bestie just finishing maternity leave

smount2011 · November 2015

Yup- wrong one!

skruhmin · November 2015

Wrong thread @charley15 ???

kynbar5 · November 2015

Thanks @charley15 , I seriously had to scroll all the way back to the top to see which thread I clicked on. Lmao

sumashekhar86 · November 2015

That was helpful.... Feeling positive now... My world doesn't move a second without my husband... Thinking of all the stress he wud go through... First drop me home... Come back for delivery... Arrange tickets again in 3 months...
The scariest part... Wat if i deliver without him... N miss our first bonding time...
U guys are right... Not worth risking so much...

cmerribury · November 2015

I think you will be just fine. We had family come and stay, but I can safely say that even without them we would have been fine. It's a really important time to be together as a family.

jenniferamcooper · November 2015

Make your family come to you. I'd vote to stay at home for a lot of reasons but the biggest is that you'll have the same doctors following your baby post delivery. There's some lovely continuity there. The first doctor who checked over my baby after he was born via c section was my family doctor - she's been there through it all and we trust her.

I live 4 hours from my family and they came to visit but left after we got home from the hospital. Honestly anytime we visit or they visit they're entirely unhelpful. It's almost best to get home and get into your routine. I was so nervous being in the hospital because the first 3 days are hard but once we got to our own space things got much better.

jmathi0149 · November 2015

My husband and I live 1500 miles away from any family. It has honestly been the biggest blessing ever. Yes we miss our families but we like doing our own thing. I never will forget when DS was 2 weeks old and my mil came to visit. She said " Here, give me the baby and you can go get dinner, dishes, and the laundry done". My head almost exploded. I was a first time mom trying to figure out nursing and had 35 stitches. The last thing I wanted to do was laundry.

Plus my mom is super clingy. My oldest brother has two kids. My parents are at his house at least 4 nights a week. That would drive me nuts too. DH and I have a great system in place. He is my biggest advocate and support system. It may be challenging at times but you will make it!

skruhmin · November 2015

jmathi0149 said:

My husband and I live 1500 miles away from any family. It has honestly been the biggest blessing ever. Yes we miss our families but we like doing our own thing. I never will forget when DS was 2 weeks old and my mil came to visit. She said " Here, give me the baby and you can go get dinner, dishes, and the laundry done". My head almost exploded. I was a first time mom trying to figure out nursing and had 35 stitches. The last thing I wanted to do was laundry. Plus my mom is super clingy. My oldest brother has two kids. My parents are at his house at least 4 nights a week. That would drive me nuts too. DH and I have a great system in place. He is my biggest advocate and support system. It may be challenging at times but you will make it!

Ooh BAD mil - should have been the other way around!!!

jmathi0149 · November 2015

@skruhmin she is definitely a character. You are right though, you never know how helpful family is actually going to be!

flowerpower5838 · November 2015

@jmathi0149 Amen! We aren't nearly as far, but 400 miles between us and our parents seemed to do the trick when it came to stopping MIL's "oh I was just in the neighborhood!" visits lol.

Parker16772 · November 2015

jmathi0149 said:

My husband and I live 1500 miles away from any family. It has honestly been the biggest blessing ever. Yes we miss our families but we like doing our own thing. I never will forget when DS was 2 weeks old and my mil came to visit. She said " Here, give me the baby and you can go get dinner, dishes, and the laundry done". My head almost exploded. I was a first time mom trying to figure out nursing and had 35 stitches. The last thing I wanted to do was laundry. Plus my mom is super clingy. My oldest brother has two kids. My parents are at his house at least 4 nights a week. That would drive me nuts too. DH and I have a great system in place. He is my biggest advocate and support system. It may be challenging at times but you will make it!

Wow!

amaniupendo · November 2015

If you want extra support but don't want to fly home to chaos, can you fly someone to you?

maddynnugget · November 2015

When I had DD it was just me and hubby here. My nearest family was two hours away and my parents lived on the other side of the country. Hubby took a week off of work but since I had an emergency c section I was in the hospital most of his days off. When he went back to work he was on call 24/7 so barely here anyway. We were fine. My mom flew in two weeks later but honestly it was more work than help having her here, and by then I knew we'd be fine. My advice is deep breaths and relax. If you feel you'll really need those extra hands have family come to you. In my case it was an extra person to cook and do laundry for because my mom made it quite clear she was there to hold the baby and have "grandma time" but no way would I be flying anywhere at the end of my pregnancy.

red3ye · November 2015

We are currently a minimum of 13 hours one way away from our family. We will be moving closer soon, but either way, the only time we will take advantage of having family closer is for watching ds when I go in for the c-section. We did it without help when we had ds, (at 8 weeks he spend a couple hours at ilS so that dh and i could watch a movie together before I returned to work) but keep in mind, even if family is close by, they can't help as much as you'd sometimes like. They have lives and things to do, they get sick and things come up so that even if u plan on them helping u, it doesn't mean that they will. Try to remember, you are not alone, you have a husband. But also, caring for the newborn during the day is easier than you think.

arcanejinx · November 2015

We will be living with my father when baby is born (was the plan before I got pregnant), but he has cancer which may mean at the time of birth he may not be able to help care for baby-it may be the other way around (though right now he's healthy and doesn't need treatment in the near future, knock on wood). My mother lives in another country-almost 1800 km away. She is going to come up when the baby is born but she's still a career military person, she won't be here long. DH's mother lives 3 hours away and in winter time it's almost impossible to predict if she can come visit because of how remote the area she lives in-and they get massive amounts of snow.

DH and I are planning and prepping for it as if we were alone-we both know no matter who is at the house baby girl is our responsibility. I'm sure my Dad will take the baby if I need to have a shower or to get some things done-but he has his own life and I want him to live it. He volunteers and works, I don't want him to give up those things to stay home and help me. He's done that already and now he gets to do Grandpa stuff.

Like others have said-you aren't alone, you and your DH are making your own family unit-depend on each other. I couldn't imagine just getting into a routine one place then having to move back to someplace else. My aunt did that when my cousin was 2 weeks old-she was supposed to stay for 2 weeks while her DH was away-she stayed 2 months as she wasn't ready not to have my mother and myself there (and my grandmother who stayed for 3 weeks then begged to be taken home because while she loves being a grandmother she has raised her kids and didn't want to have to do all the things my aunt was asking of her).

nicole103109 · November 2015

You'll be okay

I have quiet a few friends who delivered while their hubby's were deployed and with my second child my husband was here 2 weeks and then started underways (gone for a few weeks at a time home like a week gone again ect). It can be done. Seems scary but you'll get through it like a champ!

Want a personalized experience?

Parenting alone with husband is it gonna work

Re: Parenting alone with husband is it gonna work

Choose Another Board

Search Boards