Feeling down...

carlyhammond · November 2015

This week has been rough on me so far, and I feel like I have no one to talk to about this..... I feel like if I tell my family they will lash out at the person who said it, if I tell the person who said it they will get upset.. So I'm just going to put this here and let it be....

I'm having a really rough week.
Sunday, my SO of 5 years left the country to visit his family. I'm happy he gets to visit his family, but I wish he was here with me. As much as he annoys me 75% of the time I feel safer with him here. I guess I became so used to him always being here that I didn't think about what it would be like when he left to visit his family since he couldn't before. He's coming home Wednesday the 18th but, it's been so hard without him the past few days especially with the things my sister has been saying to me...I really just need to be held by him and for him to tell me she's a (witch).
I may want to throw in here that my SO and I have been dating for 5 years we have seen each other every single day with the exception of the beach trip I took for my birthday (2 nights). We have never gone this long without seeing eachother since we met.....

Monday- I posted this in TW Tuesday.
I was dog sitting for my sister while she was in school, I was sitting on the couch watching hallmark when my sister came in ( she has this weird thing about people watching tv when guests are over) so respectfully (it's her house) I turned off the tv. She says and I quote "don't be mad, but when I walked in, I thought to myself " (wow) carly has gotten fat.." Then I remembered you are pregnant"
I didn't say anything.. I got up, adjusted my self on the couch and kept the tears back. I have NEVER felt fat in my pregnancy.... Until now. I feel horrible about myself..
Later, that night (still at my sisters house) . I was commenting on peoples parenting styles I say "you know, I wonder what kind of mother I'll be" she says "a bad one" then made an -I'm just kidding - face ....

I don't even know what to say to her, she has seriously hurt my feelings.

Tuesday- I was supposed to hang out with my friend and get out of the house and see my godson (her son) if she didn't have to work... I waited all day for her to text me... Nothing. I spent all day at home...
I cried the majority of yesterday. I feel so alone...

edit: forgot to mention that my other sister who is supposed to do my maternity photos.. Scheduled them for this Saturday.. After sister 1 made me feel like a overly pregnant (insert animal of choice)
I don't have money to get my hair/makeup done so I feel like I'm not going to look anywhere decent, and like it's a normal day

Wednesday- I went back to my sisters house to dog sit - I didn't wait for her to come home I left about 30mins before she cAme home-
While I was there the friend from Tuesday texted me... Hey sorry I forgot to text you yesterday, but I had to work... And asked me my plans for today.
I texted her back telling her I was a free around 4..
When I left my sisters house I went to my moms ( who lives walking distance from Tuesday friend) telling her we can meet up and walk around te neighborhood with her son..., she told me her boyfriend was coming over and taking her to Starbucks...
Great....

I can't tell my mom about it, because EVERY time I go to my moms house she's on her phone.. Texting her friends, gliding (it's like FaceTime) her friends, on the computer, on the videophone.... Get the drift? I told my dad about it today he told me the next time she does that to just leave the house to make her realize she's ignoring us..

I'm just so darn lonely these days that i would rather be around people who insult me and ignore me than be alone...

I just don't even know what to do anymore....
I would go talk to my therepist but I don't even have the money to talk to her about anything

Thanks for reading my rambles..

claireloSC · November 2015

Sorry you're feeling down. My wife has been out of town for over a month, it's really hard. Just try to do other stuff to take your mind off things and keep your chin up. I read a lot cause that's a nice relaxing thing for me. People say all sorts of dumb stuff to pregnant ladies and you have to try to shake it off. I'm sure your sister didn't mean it. If it's really upsetting you though, I would talk to her about it and let her know how you feel. Same with your mom, you gotta let her know how you feel so she can change her behavior. If you need new friends, maybe try to check out some mom groups on Facebook, meetup.com or the like. In my town a lot of moms meet and make friends at the prenatal yoga class. Maybe your town has something similar.

ChrissyD1203 · November 2015

I'm sorry - I think we all feel down and lonely at times - I know I certainly do. There are so many different mom groups you can join soon and so many new friends to make. Also, for me, just going outside for a walk is a huge help. Also, projects --- building something, making something, baking something etc. And a funny movie helps too.

macattack15 · November 2015

I think your over reacting

Kelley421 · November 2015

Not much to add to pp advice but I'll send some t&ps your way.
I am pretty lonely just being home alone often and on bedrest. The hormones do not help! When I was a single parent (child at 20, now more at 30) and lonely, I found a nice church with lots of welcoming people and activities. That helped quite a bit.

SummerFall03 · November 2015

macattack15 said:

I think your over reacting

Someone feeling lonely isn't over reacting....

Sorry to hear you are going through this @carlyhammond. I know how it can feel when it seems like nothing is going right, and you have no one to turn too. Especially when we are getting so close to the end of our pregnancy. I know it is hard, but you should try to talk to the people in your life and explain how alone you feel. Keep yourself busy, the 18th is just around the corner and your SO will be back! ::hugs:: your way!

carlyhammond · November 2015

Thanks all, I'm have never been a "sensitive" person. The fact that everything is getting to me annoys me to an extreme.
I'm sure my sister didn't mean what she said as I took it. But, I'm in some kind of emotional state that I can't seem to shake.
I'll look into some local mommy groups. But I don't live in a major city, I live in South Carolina and it's hard to find groups like that. Plus, my personality makes it harder to make friends..
As for the hobby that someone suggested... I'm not crafty lol it's pitiful when I try to be crafty.... I can't draw a stick person without it being lopsided... But, hopefully after the 21st I'll be able to occupy my time by putting together and fixing baby things...

As for a church, I wish I could go. I am kind of in between churches/ religions.
My SO is a catholic.. I plan to raise my son a catholic but I was raised baptist but I not necessarily believe in exactly what the bible says. I'm not going to start going info detail or start anything, but it's hard for me to go in a church when I believe in God, but not necessarily the bible... I guess that is hard go explain.... If my SO was able to go to church on Sundays then I would go with him to check out a Catholic Church, unfortunately he works all day Sunday..

Again, I thank you guys for your kind words and support.. I'll snap out of the funk I'm in sooner or later.

Krisdee123 · November 2015

I highly recommend looking into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. David Burns has some good books about it, I think one is called Feeling Good.

anightintunisia · November 2015

I am very sensitive about my weight. I'm sorry that you are feeling lonely. I know I've gotten bigger and it seems like every time I see someone they have to comment on it and it upsets me. Just keep your head up and remember your bundle of joy will be here sooner than you think. Maybe a support group will help.

MamaHolland · November 2015

I think you need to find interests & things that fulfill you in addition to your relationship & fiance. You pretty much gave a reason why every suggestion offered to you wouldn't work. There's no mothers groups....issues with crafts....issues with church... It seems like at this point you just want to wallow & vent while you wait for your fiancé to return. And that's fine.

ccoleeman · November 2015

I have to agree with @MamaHolland. While loneliness is a terrible feeling, it sounds like you have a lot of codependent relationships in your life, especially with your SO. Long term, those not healthy for you or your baby.

With the amount of responsibility, resilience, and independence needed to raise a child, it's better for you to learn to stand on your own sooner rather than later- friends will have to cancel plans, people will say rude things, and SO won't always be on hand to help. It's up to you to take responsibility to get mentally healthy for your child.

ChrissyD1203 · November 2015

Oh gosh--- it's okay to feel down and sad. It's okay to be disappointed in others or to be offended or feel sensitive. Yes everything @ccoleeman said is true - that advice is good advice for all of us, we all should strive to be responsible, resilient and independent, I completely agree that we should be mentally healthy for our children; however we aren't perfect or the best versions of ourselves all the time, and sometimes it is ok to just vent and wallow. OP, I hope you are feeling a little better!

kqualls5 · November 2015

Sometimes venting and wallowing is what helps! Lol.

Find a good book series. Join a club, even if it's a totally lame club. You never know who you can meet! Seek out friends in coworkers, maybe they won't turn into your best friend, but maybe they'll introduce you to someone who's awesome. Maybe religion isn't your thing, but sometimes just going a few times and meeting people is nice. Just cus you met them through church doesn't mean that they're going to shove their Catholicism down your throat.

I do have to add though that not spending a day apart in your 5 year relationship does make it sound like you have an unhealthy dependency on your SO. I hate when my dude leaves me but I have plenty to occupy my time with. It's important to be your own person, too!

I hope you're feeling better. And I'm sorry your sister is a jerkface. It's totally not OK to talk about a pregnant persons weight. AND you will look beautiful in your photos. Maybe fill some of your spare time with watching makeup tutorials!

apompom00 · November 2015

Pregnancy hormones suck. However my husband just got back from a year long deployment. What I learned was to enjoy my time alone. Find a hobby or something to do by yourself. Don't rely on others to fill that lonely feeling, otherwise you'll spend all all your time throwing a pity party and that sucks.

stlmomof2 · November 2015

ccoleeman said:
I have to agree with @MamaHolland. While loneliness is a terrible feeling, it sounds like you have a lot of codependent relationships in your life, especially with your SO. Long term, those not healthy for you or your baby.

With the amount of responsibility, resilience, and independence needed to raise a child, it's better for you to learn to stand on your own sooner rather than later- friends will have to cancel plans, people will say rude things, and SO won't always be on hand to help. It's up to you to take responsibility to get mentally healthy for your child.

I couldn't agree more. I understand you need someone to vent to but I feel everything you mentioned aren't really that big of deal. You say you wish your SO was there but he annoys you 75% of the time? Its kind of contradicting. There are some pregnant women that don't even have an SO.

Your sister shouldn't of made the fat comment... I would of gave her a piece of my mind there but the other things she said I would just roll my eyes on.

As for your mother, has she always been like this? If so... This shouldn't be anything new to you. If that was my mother I would just not talk to her until she wants to talk to me if she's that busy with her life and friends.

And as far as the friend goes... She canceled on you twice. Just do your own thing until she wants to hang out again. I would of not stayed in the house all day waiting for her. I'd do whatever and when the time came to meet up, be at your home like an hour before.

But as @ccoleeman said it just seems you are too dependent on people. Have you thought about hobbies? Or getting into something new? For me... Being pregnant I am lonely a lot. All my friends are still clubbing and drinking. I picked up a new interest ... Sewing.. Just to keep my mind off of things but it also comes in handy for other purposes. I also cook a lot from scratch which takes a lot of my time but at the end of the day I have something delicious to eat. And honestly I have got so good at cooking that my relatives are starting to come over and buy groceries for dinner just for me to cook it up for them and my family. I am grateful for that because everyone loves food and it helped with bonding with my in laws.

carlyhammond · November 2015

Thanks for your input ladies

Thankfully I am starting to feel better. I've postponed my pictures until I can get money to do my hair/makeup professionally and maybe find a different outfit. Luckily my sister is the photographer so, it all works out. Plus, if I don't have the pictures done in the event LO wants to come early, that won't be the end of the world. My sister wants to do them early in the morning and it'll be super cold the morning we planned so, we postponed for a little while. I'm ok with that.

My mom, has gotten progressively worse with her ignoring. It hasn't always been this way, I may have exaggerated a tad on that part. She is under a lot of stress planning my baby shower and a Christmas ornament party. But, still when people come over to my house family or not I put the phone down and respect them while they are there - doesn't matter what's going on otherwise.
(Of course when LO comes this will change and he will be my main focus regardless)

As for my SO, we used to work together... He is the cook at the restaurant I used to work at... I worked there 6 days a week so did he, that's how we met and that's why we have seen eachother everyday for 5 years... I may have become dependent on him, I'll admit it's probably not healthy (that makes me sound creepy) but he's been my main constant in 5 years...
He's basically the one person who hasn't bailed on me, all my friends have "moved" on, but as I don't work anymore it's hard to meet people.

Yes, maybe I do make excuses. But, I am starting to feel better. The venting seems to be what I needed and your suggestions work as well. I've been Pinteresting DIY's to make hostess gifts for my shower next weekend. To force myself out of the house I'll dog sit my sisters doggies, and I'll go walk about the mall every so often. (Although that doesn't happen as much as I like because I get hot and sweaty .. I swear that place has no a/c)

Thanks again for your help

stephanienjer · November 2015

I think sometimes feeling alone is a downward spiral.

This may not work for you, but when I'm feeling really lonely, I MAKE myself get out of the house.
Why should you wait on someone to come to rescue you? Rescue yourself!

Even if it's to go to a sit-down restaurant with a good book--you're out of the house, you're around people, and you'll at least get a good meal and courteous conversation from your server. Also, search around on Facebook, and see if there are mom groups in your area. There's a babywearing group in my area that meets twice a month. There's also a lactation group at the hospital that meets twice a week. Even if you haven't had your baby, find these groups and accept their support.

The more you dwell on how bad things suck, the more they will suck.

stlmomof2 · November 2015

carlyhammond said:
Thanks for your input ladies
Thankfully I am starting to feel better. I've postponed my pictures until I can get money to do my hair/makeup professionally and maybe find a different outfit. Luckily my sister is the photographer so, it all works out. Plus, if I don't have the pictures done in the event LO wants to come early, that won't be the end of the world. My sister wants to do them early in the morning and it'll be super cold the morning we planned so, we postponed for a little while. I'm ok with that.

My mom, has gotten progressively worse with her ignoring. It hasn't always been this way, I may have exaggerated a tad on that part. She is under a lot of stress planning my baby shower and a Christmas ornament party. But, still when people come over to my house family or not I put the phone down and respect them while they are there - doesn't matter what's going on otherwise.
(Of course when LO comes this will change and he will be my main focus regardless)

As for my SO, we used to work together... He is the cook at the restaurant I used to work at... I worked there 6 days a week so did he, that's how we met and that's why we have seen eachother everyday for 5 years... I may have become dependent on him, I'll admit it's probably not healthy (that makes me sound creepy) but he's been my main constant in 5 years...
He's basically the one person who hasn't bailed on me, all my friends have "moved" on, but as I don't work anymore it's hard to meet people.

Yes, maybe I do make excuses. But, I am starting to feel better. The venting seems to be what I needed and your suggestions work as well. I've been Pinteresting DIY's to make hostess gifts for my shower next weekend. To force myself out of the house I'll dog sit my sisters doggies, and I'll go walk about the mall every so often. (Although that doesn't happen as much as I like because I get hot and sweaty .. I swear that place has no a/c)

Thanks again for your help

Glad you're feeling better. Just stay away from negative people/things. My SO is an executive chef. I met him at a restaurant we both used to work at too.

18th is around the corner. Focus on baby and all the positives that surround it. Working in hospitality I'm sure you have a thicker skin than you display. I decided to quit the restaurant we both worked at and ended up with a better paying serving job and eventually I got to do some FOH management training. I personally don't like dating within the workplace which is another reason why I quit. I couldn't help my feelings with my SO though.

Luckily it seemed to be the right move. You never know what twists and turns life will bring you.

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