GTKY: Funny BD Mishaps

AndiPandi127 · November 2015

I could use some laughs today, couldn't you?

Whether when TTC or not, what's something funny that has happened to you during the BD (or SEX, since like someone said, we are big girls!)?

I'll start: One time, very early in our relationship, my SO (now DH) had given me a bear that plays the Navy fight song. We were making out and all of the sudden we hear "ANCHORS AWEIGH MY BOYS, ANCHORS AWAY!" We had rolled on the bear. We can't hear the Navy song now without cracking up, which is unfortunate since he is Navy!

MrsDho11 · November 2015

Most of our funny BD stories involve random cat attacks. Example: This morning, I'm trying to get DH in the mood and my ponytail is hanging over the end of the bed when... attack of the random cat! Scared the socks off me!

ETA: It was more that the attack was random, not the cat... it was my cat.

NovaSaysNo · November 2015

When DH and I started hooking up (it was a no-strings thing that ended up with strings), he had broken up with his ex just a couple months prior. One night we were having sex and he claims he asked me if I was okay, but I thought he said her name. So I stopped participating, said "what the fck did you just say to me!?" and then I may have hit him in the chest. He still likes to mess with me about that.

Winnie81_Old · November 2015

Maybe not funny at the time but we can laugh now. I'll just say cutting and de-seeding(with fingers) fresh jalapeños and then getting "warmed up" for sex does not work. We were just trying to get a quickie in before company came over and I guess he didn't wash his hands thoroughly enough...I was late to my own party!

tinypikachu · November 2015

WA85 said:

Maybe not funny at the time but we can laugh now. I'll just say cutting and de-seeding(with fingers) fresh jalapeños and then getting "warmed up" for sex does not work. We were just trying to get a quickie in before company came over and I guess he didn't wash his hands thoroughly enough...I was late to my own party!

This made me LOL! OUCH!!!!

NovaSaysNo · November 2015

@WA85 oh no no no no no no no no

Winnie81_Old · November 2015

@AlwaysAuntNeverMom it's an experience you just can't forget! Brings the term fire crotch to a new level. And if anyone ever goes through a similar issue, a cold wash cloth with milk is amazing!

AndiPandi127 · November 2015

@WA85 That is HILARIOUS. I've rubbed my eyes but that's about it - and that is SO painful, so I can only imagine!

MrsDho11 · November 2015

NovaSaysNo said:

@WA85 oh no no no no no no no no

I think I made this exact face in reaction to that one!

izza2 · November 2015

A couple of years ago DH was going through a horrible time with back pain, so we had a tube of IcyHot on our side stand next to the bed so that I could put it on his back when we went to bed.

Well. DH was in control of grabbing the lube one night, and accidentally grabbed the IcyHot instead.
Apparently, IcyHot doesn't make the greatest lube. It's quite drying, actually!

MrsDho11 · November 2015

@izza2 - NOOOOO!!!!!

Winnie81_Old · November 2015

@izza2 oh dear!!!! That sounds horrific!! How long did it take the cold/burn sensation to leave?!

criticalaccess · November 2015

We tried that fire & ice lube once...sexy time ended with me yelling that there was a blizzard in my vagina & SO crying laughing.

I'm sensitive I guess???

izza2 · November 2015

@WA85 -- I don't remember, but I do know we both ran to the bathroom and used the sink and tub to wash ourselves off. I think it only lasted like 15 minutes, which is less time than it usually lasts when topically applied for it's real purpose, so thankfully not too long... We kept sharing how the sensation felt when it changed icy to hot..

We did try the actual icy/hot condoms after that, just to see if having those sensations while sexing would actually make things interesting -- with a modem that was meant for sex... but it was not icy and then hot... I was icy, and he was hot. The sensation did not change, and he just told me it felt like he had icy/hot on his 'nads that kept getting hotter, haha.

Needless to say, we now keep the Icy/Hot in either the bathroom or in the living room -- not near the lube, and we threw those condoms out.

EllCee017 · November 2015

MrsDho11 said:
Most of our funny BD stories involve random cat attacks. Example: This morning, I'm trying to get DH in the mood and my ponytail is hanging over the end of the bed when... attack of the random cat! Scared the socks off me!

ETA: It was more that the attack was random, not the cat... it was my cat.

Lol! I love that you clarified it was your cat and not a stray that wandered in your house!

jhems776 · November 2015

Haha love this thread!!! I had a similar experience during the early days; H ( then BF (sub thought to say bf was autocorrected to BFP)) worked at White Castles ( onions, jalapeños, and hot sauce) and didn't wash his hands after work. I think we were in the back of my car and it was a string of expletives and I think I hit him. So painful. Then a few years later I had this "sensation enhancement" cream from pure romance and a tiny bit is all you need. H for the first time put it on me (instead of me just doing it). At first it was like wow powerful and fun and then it was I think my vagina is on fire.

rkstro2 · November 2015

I lit candles on the nightstand to enhance the mood and a little bit later the pretty dark room was suddenly much brighter....a pillow made its way onto the candle and had been set ablaze! Omg luckily DH thought quickly and was able to get flaming pillow to the bathtub. Lol we were lucky the house didn't burn down.

NamelessAria · November 2015

@MrsDho11 That's funny! My cat does the same thing. We've had to start shutting him out of the room when we get ready to have sex now.

My cat, if the door is left open where he can come in, always waits till we're right in the middle of sex and then pounces on my DH's foot and bites it. Like, a playful bite not really hard enough to draw blood or anything. But still, it's a bit of a mood killer.

https://cdn.gifbay.com/2013/01/kitten_pounce-28190.gif

LittleMissTimeLord · November 2015

@WA85 We have a similar experience. The fella helped me cut up jalapeños for chili and didn't think to wash his hands. Cue sexy time after throwing chili in the crockpot. Things are happening, getting good, I say hey there's a weird tingling sensation that's strange. Before I could finish that sentence my vagina was on fire. I pushed him off, he said he may have forgotten to wash his jalapeño hands and yelled asking why he hates me.

Also, the only time we've tried lube I thought my vagina was on fire too.

Earlier this week I was getting special kisses and looked down and the dog (that was in his own bed when we started) was right next to my fella. He was just staring at me, all confused. I started laughing hysterically.

Ah, romance.

Edited to finish my post. *shakes fist at The Bump*

MrsDho11 · November 2015

@NamelessAria ugh, DH is opposed to locking them out because then they scratch at the door and cry, which he finds more distracting.

JournoGrl23 · November 2015

@MrsDho11 I have the same problem too! We have a dog and two cats and we now have to lock them all out of the room. One of our cats will purr and rub up against us, which is really awkward. So they're no longer welcome in the room.

My story is similar to a lot of you. My DH had just gotten done using mouth wash after brushing his teeth and then we got in the mood. We never made it past foreplay. It burned pretty bad. Probably nothing, though, compared to jalopenos and icy hot! I can't imagine.

AndiPandi127 · November 2015

These are all so great! I always say to my husband that one reason I knew he was the right guy because we laugh in the bedroom so much. It's supposed to be fun, right? Sometimes on this TTC journey, I forget about that!

Winnie81_Old · November 2015

Not gonna lie, our animals are major cock blockers (pardon me). If they sense any bit of friskyness between me and DH, they think it's play time. We have to put the dogs outside and the cats in my office otherwise they will meow and howl and do whatever they can to try and save us from whatever they think is happening.

ShallowSeas · November 2015

This isn't a mishap but it was funny to us: A couple Halloweens ago DH and I dressed up as Harley Quinn and The Joker for a Halloween party...white face paint, red lips, black eyeliner and eye shadow on both of us. We got home from the party, went to the bedroom to take off our costumes and ended up having sex instead, in full makeup. I thought we were creepy looking before...we looked like an abstract painting when we were done and couldn't help but laugh at each other.

anj27 · November 2015

Haha, our cats will just stay on the bed and stare, which is super creepy.

LakeR2014 · November 2015

When DH and I were newly engaged we were on a long driving trip....that needed some spicing up to kill the boredom. Well I was pleasing DH as he drove and as he came to the finish line....the underside of my new engagement ring caught on him and took some skin with it. Talk about pain with pleasure. :-(

In animal funnies...our dog has come to understand when we're ready to get it on and has apparently become scarred by this. He will literally follow us to our bedroom like he normally does, realize BD is about to happen and he runs away until the coast is clear. It still makes me laugh everytime it happens.

MrsDho11 · November 2015

@anj27 - we shove them off the bed, but then they just go to the dresser and stare, which probably isn't any less creepy. But at least I know they have farther to go to attack!

furbabymom2007 · November 2015

Ours involves the puppy...

The older dog takes the hint when he is kicked off the the bed but the puppy hadn't figured it out yet. She gets very inquisitive and like to stick her nose right in the action. It's a little awkward trying to keep a cold puppy nose off of DH's parts while not losing momentum lol.

Last time she licked my rear end when I wasn't paying attention. Got me up and moving quick.

Fortunately we just laugh it off

xiphos13 · November 2015

We have to put our dog outside the room because she'll try to attack DH otherwise. (Playfully attack, of course. But still, not good for "setting the mood.") Usually, she'll wait quietly. She'll go downstairs and look out the window or play with one of her hundred toys. One time, she let out a noise that could have only came from Chewbacca. It took us right out of the mood because we were laughing so hard. She makes all kinds of silly noises, but that one was a first.

krzyriver · November 2015

@anj27 Ours do that too! They like to snuggle us at night, but when we start making out they know what's up. They get up and move to the foot of the bed. Then they sit there and glare at us. Lol.

My husband has a 15 year old son who really isn't getting along with his mother right now. We have physical custody now because of it, so we don't get as much alone time. So every night that he's at his mom's, we take advantage. But he's been acting up so much, we ALWAYS get a phone call. Nothing worse than getting a phone call from your ex when your wife is... you know. Lol. We crack up every time because we swear she's got a 6th sense or something. She just KNOWS. And I'll just sit there on the floor cracking up while he's trying to have a serious conversation with her.

YogaSandy · November 2015

WA85 said:
Maybe not funny at the time but we can laugh now. I'll just say cutting and de-seeding(with fingers) fresh jalapeños and then getting "warmed up" for sex does not work. We were just trying to get a quickie in before company came over and I guess he didn't wash his hands thoroughly enough...I was late to my own party!

I don't eat jalapeños, but cut them for chili for DH once. Washed my hands. A few hours (maybe, I don't know) lager I touched my eye. Dear god. Thought I was going blind. Awful. Can't imagine your scenario.

LittleMissTimeLord · November 2015

YogaSandy said:

Maybe not funny at the time but we can laugh now. I'll just say cutting and de-seeding(with fingers) fresh jalapeños and then getting "warmed up" for sex does not work. We were just trying to get a quickie in before company came over and I guess he didn't wash his hands thoroughly enough...I was late to my own party!
I don't eat jalapeños, but cut them for chili for DH once. Washed my hands. A few hours (maybe, I don't know) lager I touched my eye. Dear god. Thought I was going blind. Awful. Can't imagine your scenario.

Read too fast. Thought you said a tiger touched your eye. Was super impressed by whatever you do with your days that involved a tiger.

Sugargirl1019 · November 2015

I love this. Thank you for starting this thread

We have so many.. But the only awkward thing that I remember right at this moment is when DH and I were in college, we were getting it on with the black light on, sexy music, in his dorm room. He had a rubber band on the door for his roommate. Well right when I began to orgasm, his roommate burst through the door!! I was all out of breath unable to speak and he's like "oh hey guys" *sits down at computer*. DH kept tying to get him to leave and I had to lay there under the blankets in shame before I could put my clothes back on!

DumbledoresArmy · November 2015

Mine is also a pet story - we were near the end of sex (well, DH was almost finished lol) and my dog got on the bed and started licking the souls of my feet. It tickled soooo bad but I had to just keep it together for DH!

LilLambie · November 2015

Early in the relationship in the midst of it, DH slipped out in such a way that it ripped my labia to shreds. Interesting trip to the er to get stiches. Still have the scars.

babymish · November 2015

@LilLambie Ouch!!!

AshleyGemini24 · November 2015

I think the funniest or maybe most awkward thing waa a few months into the relationship with Fi. In the very heat of the moment he asks me to marry him. I didn't say yes, but I didn't say no. We continued. Afterwards he brings it up and says I meant what I said. will you marry me? I told him, I lover him dearly but if he was serious he had to do it the right way. The goober walked me to my car for work that night and asked me again. Again I told him he had to do it the right way. Several weeks later he finally did it the right way and got his official yes I will marry you.

I still pick at him and give him crap about it. Lol. All in good fun.

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