Husband Troubles

eah325 · November 2015

I've read several posts about people being frustrated about their husbands not helping out with house, baby, etc.

My husband is pretty good. He regularly does middle of the night duty, changes baby, soothes her when she's fussy etc. That said, he's generally terrible about cleaning up after himself, which annoys the crap out of me!!!

So, all of this made me think. For those of you with sons, do your future daughter-in-laws a favor and teach your son to clean up after himself, do dishes, laundry, cook, etc. My MIL only had sons and was a SAHM who babied the shit out of her boys. It has taken me years to undo some of the damage of the enabling she did! I'm sure your future DIL will be so grateful if you raise a son who does his fair share!

KissMeImScottish · November 2015

It's so funny you say that. I wouldn't post it on the threads complaining, because honestly, my husband sincerely adores being a dad and wants to hold and take care of our son the moment he walks in the door. While he's not always brilliant at taking care of household chores (I'm a stay at home mom, so it doesn't fall into his purview normally), he never hesitates to jump up and help the moment I ask him. We have our frustrating moments, but for the most part, it's been easy for us.

All of that said, I am reminded of a conversation I had with his father shortly after he proposed. He basically said that if he ever wasn't doing his share, to let him know, because "his mother trained him better than that". I'm from New England, so there is a culture of complete gender equality (at least in theory), but my husband comes from a culture where the woman rules the house, and "happy wife, happy life" is taken very, very literally. We've found a happy medium between the two cultures that works for us, but my husband often bends over backwards to make me happy, so I sometimes have to remind myself to not be a brat, simply because I can get away with it (you can imagine why the end of my pregnancy must have been like...)

But I have his mother to thank for a lot of that helpfulness around the house and the way he treats me. It really, really does make an incredible impact on how they act as men, the way you treat them as boys and what you expect from them.

dmbfan46835 · November 2015

Oh yeah! I'm with you. I am raising someone's husband for sure. And I am going to make sure he knows that everything is shared, in and out of the home. He's going to make some girl (or guy if he wants) very happy if I have anything to do with it.

jen83mn · November 2015

I have my MIL to thank for my husband's cleanliness and ability to do his own dishes, wash his own laundry, etc. While she's a little too over the top when it comes to cleaning, he's a happy medium and she taught them from a young age. I will definitely be teaching my son responsibility and he'll be taking part in chores early on so he understands it's not just a woman's job!

jwebbbber45678 · November 2015

Great post! I hate the idea that in our culture today women still seem to be the ones expected to do all the cleaning and house chores. My husband and I share cleaning tasks, even though I have to remind him or ask him. We met in college and he had the filthiest dorm room and every apartment he had after was a mess too. He's come a long way since living with me, I'd love to teach my son to be clean from the start! I also can't wait to teach him how to cook good meals from scratch. He's going to make a lady very happy in the future!

melco19 · November 2015

Unfortunately my dh was raised very old fashioned where the women were inside cooking and cleaning, and the men were outside. He is amazing when it comes to home renos/ yard work/ etc etc... but never cooks and cleans only on occasion. My dad was completely opposite and did most of the cooking and cleaning at home, so we are definitely from two different worldstyles. My boys will be raised to help out around the home, and to be affectionate and caring towards his future wife and children.

LoveLee85 · November 2015

I was JUST thinking about this. I was one of the people on the other thread complaining about how sloppy her husband is and that I'm going to throat punch him! Lol I just hate that I have to tell him what to do like he's a child!!! If you notice dishes and the messes you make, just start picking it up...no one should have to tell you to do it. Once he cleans, he's amazing at it but I hate that I have to tell him to I shouldn't have to! I have told him and myself 100 times, this little boy is gonna learn to clean, and learn to love putting things back in their place. DH just laughs but I'm not joking!!!! I'm actually going to have his room done Montessori style by the time he can walk! He can put his own laundry away, hang up his little coats, put his toys and baskets, etc. The cool thing about Montessori is it teaches them independence and doing things on their own from the start!! If you're interested look it up on Pinterest, it's pretty neat. I use to work in a Montessori toddler room, the kids for 18 months to 24 months. It's amazing what these LO can do when you let them do it on their own. Plus, they get this amazing joy and learn how to be responsible for the start!

LouLouLove · November 2015

My dad always cooked and cleaned so that was always normal for me. My FIL, on the other hand, is completely worthless. My MIL has always waited on him and did everything for my DH and his brother growing up. Luckily my DH is pretty helpful and gets super annoyed with how hid dad expects to be waited on. I'm so glad he wasn't ruined by the way he was raised. My boys will definitely know how to cook and clean up after themselves. In fact DS1 is getting a play kitchen for Christmas. Start 'em young.

KissMeImScottish · November 2015

@LouLouLove, unrelated, but did you see this awesome play kitchen that a dad made for his son??

https://m.imgur.com/a/tBdqn

Sorry, I was super impressed and it got me feeling creative, seeing this.

tlc11934 · November 2015

My family is very conservative and old fashioned (men sit at the dinner table and wait to be fed) but thankfully my parents were divorced when I was 9 and I didn't have to see too much of that. I vowed I would not marry a man like all the men in my family.

DH comes from a family where the dad cooked mostly despite working full time and the mom was a SAHM. DH loves to cook and is great at cleaning (though he doesn't clean up after himself without being asked). He also does a lot of the child care. I don't cook at all and hate cleaning, and work full time with a busy travel schedule so the last thing I want to do is housework. DH however believes that equality is a two way street and thinks I should use power tools and take out the trash in return (sigh).

My girls actually said the other day "So the mom is good at shopping and the dad cooks and cleans". Lol!

LouLouLove · November 2015

ktewart said:
@LouLouLove, unrelated, but did you see this awesome play kitchen that a dad made for his son??

https://m.imgur.com/a/tBdqn

Sorry, I was super impressed and it got me feeling creative, seeing this.

That's crazy impressive! If only I was that creative / had that much time. I ordered mine from Amazon.

shelbydd · November 2015

I have a very "traditional" (old fashioned, if you prefer) marriage. It seems to offend some people which is strange since you know.. it's not their relationship. Anyway, I do all the cooking, cleaning, and I completely baby my husband. I stay at home, he works. We both like it that way. That's how we choose to be, though. I have every intention of raising my son to be an independent, well rounded person. He should be able to cook, clean, do laundry, etc.. and if one day he gets married, how he and his spouse choose to run their household will be up to them.

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