DD acting out, advice desperately needed

dalzien · November 2015

For those STM and more, our DD who is 2 1/2 has started to act out since the birth of DD2 (who is 2 weeks old now). We have tried redirection, being more stern, timeouts, but it is starting to grate on our nerves. She has gone from being the sweetest/politest little angel to a full blown she-demon. Seriously, she is a totally different child, and DH and I do not know what to do. She has started to hit, kick, scream, cry/fit, attitude/stubbornness, refuses to eat most of the time, and spitting in my husbands face (tongue out blowing spit). She never did these things beforehand. The only thing she has improved on is her potty training, i.e. no poop accidents since birth of DD2. We really need advice. She loves the baby, always wants to hold and kiss her... but everything else has become a battle. Please help.

tracij12 · November 2015

Oh man - I'm sure that's super frustrating. It sounds like you've tried everything I would have. 3 was a rough age for my DD1 and that was before DD2 came. Thankfully it has mostly passed now (she's almost 4).

We bought her a big sister book and talk to her often about how important the job of big sis is and how her behavior helps little sis learn.

Good luck!!

KateLouise · November 2015

Ugg that sounds tough. I'm not in the same situation, but my 3 and 5yr olds are being challnging. You mention the disciplinary tactics you've tried. Have you tried praising her when she's being good, you know the whole, 'catch them being good," mentality?

Or have you tried making special moments out of the mundane eg. feeding the baby becoming the time to snuggle next to Mum and have story time or she could bring a puzzle to the couch and you could do it together while you're feeding baby.

That's all I've got. It's so hard when baby is tiny and you're tied to their needs.

hang in there!

Bigboobsmcgee · November 2015

Part of it could be the new baby but most of it is probably the age. They act out more and are much more wild. It only gets worse so you need to try to get a grip on it now.

My son was 2.5 when my daughter was born so I get how tough it is. You will need to dedicate time to discipline every single time she displays the negative behavior. You cannot let her get away with it even once because then she will know she has the upper hand. It's completely exhausting and you and your H will be at your wits end but your older child NEEDS you to commit to this.

My son doesn't hit anymore but he used to (he's 3.5). EVERY single time he hit he went straight to time out and he stayed there until he calmed down (1 minute for each year of his age). All I would say is "we don't hit, that's not nice" then put him in time out. I had to do this every single time, over and over again.

Some days I feel like all I ever do is get on my son for his negative behavior but I really believe it is doing good.

Sarcasm101 · November 2015

Have you tried giving her some one on one attention? Even if you just take her to the park or to target without the baby. It might make her feel like she is still important.

dalzien · November 2015

Bigboobsmcgee said:

Part of it could be the new baby but most of it is probably the age. They act out more and are much more wild. It only gets worse so you need to try to get a grip on it now.
My son was 2.5 when my daughter was born so I get how tough it is. You will need to dedicate time to discipline every single time she displays the negative behavior. You cannot let her get away with it even once because then she will know she has the upper hand. It's completely exhausting and you and your H will be at your wits end but your older child NEEDS you to commit to this.

My son doesn't hit anymore but he used to (he's 3.5). EVERY single time he hit he went straight to time out and he stayed there until he calmed down (1 minute for each year of his age). All I would say is "we don't hit, that's not nice" then put him in time out. I had to do this every single time, over and over again.
Some days I feel like all I ever do is get on my son for his negative behavior but I really believe it is doing good.

I feel like this is us right now. We are constantly doing timeouts. We try to make individual time for her, and we always praise her good behaviour (I mean to the point where we're both like "Are we overdoing this?"). We just feel like we aren't making any headway. I would love to do absolutely individual time with her, but the newborn is on a strict feeding schedule and it makes it hard. We've been more lax in that we are letting her watch TV every night as we realize that this is a huge change for her as well, but it feels like I have to constantly tell myself that we need to be patient and that this phase will pass. It's just such an extreme behaviour switch that we don't know what to do. When she hits we always tell her "Hitting hurts, we don't hit". The same goes for kicking/pinching. As for the spitting we tell her that it is dirty and gross and it is an instant timeout as well. We do story time before bed for her every night, but by the time she falls asleep it is well past her bedtime. We start her routine between 7:30 - 8:00, but by the time she falls asleep (she's fighting it as well) it's 9:30-10:00pm instead of her usual 8:15-8:30.

Bigboobsmcgee · November 2015

dalzien said:

Bigboobsmcgee said:

Part of it could be the new baby but most of it is probably the age. They act out more and are much more wild. It only gets worse so you need to try to get a grip on it now.
My son was 2.5 when my daughter was born so I get how tough it is. You will need to dedicate time to discipline every single time she displays the negative behavior. You cannot let her get away with it even once because then she will know she has the upper hand. It's completely exhausting and you and your H will be at your wits end but your older child NEEDS you to commit to this.

My son doesn't hit anymore but he used to (he's 3.5). EVERY single time he hit he went straight to time out and he stayed there until he calmed down (1 minute for each year of his age). All I would say is "we don't hit, that's not nice" then put him in time out. I had to do this every single time, over and over again.
Some days I feel like all I ever do is get on my son for his negative behavior but I really believe it is doing good.

I feel like this is us right now. We are constantly doing timeouts. We try to make individual time for her, and we always praise her good behaviour (I mean to the point where we're both like "Are we overdoing this?"). We just feel like we aren't making any headway. I would love to do absolutely individual time with her, but the newborn is on a strict feeding schedule and it makes it hard. We've been more lax in that we are letting her watch TV every night as we realize that this is a huge change for her as well, but it feels like I have to constantly tell myself that we need to be patient and that this phase will pass. It's just such an extreme behaviour switch that we don't know what to do. When she hits we always tell her "Hitting hurts, we don't hit". The same goes for kicking/pinching. As for the spitting we tell her that it is dirty and gross and it is an instant timeout as well. We do story time before bed for her every night, but by the time she falls asleep it is well past her bedtime. We start her routine between 7:30 - 8:00, but by the time she falls asleep (she's fighting it as well) it's 9:30-10:00pm instead of her usual 8:15-8:30.

Having been through it with a toddler and new baby, I do think this will pass. It totally sucks at the time but it's all part of the transition of your family evolving and changing.

I had to have my husband do the majority of the parenting with our son so I could tend to the baby and it was hard for everyone. My son especially. The first 3 months were incredibly challenging but then life calmed down dramatically after that point.

As far as the late bedtime goes, you are doing what you can and starting at the normal time. If she chooses to fall asleep super late you can't really do anything about it. Try not to stress what is mostly out of your control. For the rest, stay consistent and just wait for the really bad stuff to pass. It has to get better at some point right?!

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