Advice for a young mom?

victoria98 · November 2015

I'm an exceptionally young mom to be and even though being pregnant this young wasn't the plan, I'm looking at it as a blessing of course. I talked about it to my two closest school mates and they really had a negative outlook for my future. The thought of this baby having any negative outcome to anything didn't even cross my mind. They were saying that I'd probably not be able to do college and that it would ruin my life. I feel I have way too much ambition to let anything get in the way of my dream of being successful. The high school I got to is self paced so I can graduate early But they really had me thinking about it and it really scared me. I know I'll have a lot of support when I tell my parents and family and I know the baby's father (My boyfriend) will also have support. But anyways I'm just really looking for advice from anyone really. Thanks!

fantasticmrsfox · November 2015

A supportive family is everything! I know many girls who got pregnant young and were able to go to college. Especially with the availability of online courses! Don't let anyone discourage you! It might not be an easy thing but I'm sure the love you will have for your baby will be worth it! thoughts and prayers to you!

victoria98 · November 2015

Thank you so much! You really have no idea how much that means to me!

nopegoat · November 2015

I was KU with my first when I was in college and graduated right before he turned a year old. It took a lot of hard work, dedication, and support but it's absolutely doable.

Good luck!!

juliagulia38 · November 2015

I got pregnant with my oldest when I was 18. I was 19 when I had him. I was a freshman in college and I have been married to my DH for 6 years now, with a third baby on the way. I think having a supportive family helps. My family wasn't supportive at first but they came around and have been a blessing. Once you finish school, maybe take a semester off to adjust to the baby and then go to college. You can go to a community college and take the majority of your classes online or at night. That's what I'm doing. Is your boyfriend being supportive? Don't worry about what others say. My friends weren't the most supportive, but guess what.. I've made it work and it's been fine. It's a tough road financially and being a young mom you do miss out on some things, but the blessing of having a baby, in my opinion, is worth it. Good luck!!

bunkie999 · November 2015

I went to post secondary school later at age 24, there were all sorts of age groups young girls right out of highschool, pregnant ladies, moms with many kids, and even 50 year olds. You can do anything you want will it be easy? Maybe not but if you set your mind to it you'll be able to accomplish anything. I am now thinking at age 27 of going back to school again as I'm not sure I love what I do. So if I do I'll be going back to school with young kids. Nothing is impossible in this world, will it be hard yes, but it will be worth it ☺️

DobbysSock · November 2015

It will definitely be harder for you, no doubt about that, but if you're really dedicated and motivated and have a strong support system you can absolutely be successful at achieving your goals.

My brother and his wife (then girlfriend) had a surprise baby when they were both in their early college years. Their goals are taking them longer to achieve, but with the support of both families they're doing really well.

Try not to hold it against your friends too much. They may come around. When my brother first told me, I was terrified for him. But now I couldn't imagine life without his kids. A little word of warning, though - prepare yourself that your friendships may suffer in the long run. My SIL's friends are all in the college, party phase of their lives, which she skipped. They've drifted apart and are not super reliable or understanding of her lifestyle. It doesn't mean they're bad people, but she had to mature really quickly, and they aren't there yet. It's been really hard for her because the women her age are in a totally different stage of life, but she doesn't feel very accepted at mom groups because she's quite a bit younger (that may be more her insecurity than their actual treatment of her, I'm not sure)

halesnwhales · November 2015

I'm actually am a doula for teen moms. I have worked with moms from the age of 14-20, many of them being in the foster care system. You can find support in a lot of different places if you look for it. Many of the girls I have worked with in the past are amazing moms and have become very successful in continuing to acheive their goals. You most definitely can do anything you set your mind to. Feel free to message me if you would like, I have a ton of resources for young moms that might be useful to you.

edenmitchell · November 2015

I got pregnant my senior year with my first and I was pregnant with my second one at 19. It is definitely tough and having a great support sysytem makes the world of difference. The biggest thing for me was my kids, they were my motivation. I went to nursing school when my kids were 2 and 3 which was extremely difficult but I passed and have been a nurse for 3 years!

victoria98 · November 2015

My boyfriend is actually very supportive, that was one of my first fears when I had suspisions of pregnancy. All these comments are really lifting my spirits and hopes. You guys have no idea how much this means to me I really can't thank y'all enough! I loved reading these experiences as well.

addyplusone · November 2015

My best friend got pregnant with her first at 15. Had her son at 16. She pushed through the rest of high school and did really well!! She now has 3 beautiful children and is an MA. The only one who has the power to debilitate you is yourself!

Edit: words

FiancB · November 2015

Not going to lie, it's going to be hard, but I have known a number of teen moms that have become successful people and great parents. One of my nursing instructors that specializes in all things OB even said that the teen first time moms tend to be more doting than the older moms that have gotten so used to being able to call all the shots. Keep your eyes on the prize.

As for your friends, I think it's hard for anyone that is kind of the first in their circle to have kids and only more so if you're a teen. You are probably going to lose some friends, and that's okay. It's hard to continue identifying with someone when they're in a very different place in life, and a kid is going to turn everything upside down. Everyone loses touch with even close friends from high school, this is only going to speed up the process, that's all.

As for school there's some advantages too. There is a lot of help out there for student moms, including better student loans and scholarships. It's tough but it's totally doable. I agree if you can and have a supportive family that it's probably best to go to a community college at first. But every school I've been to has low-cost day care, food pantries, and other kinds of aid. Now that I'm an older, nontraditional student, probably at least half the students in my class have kids, some very young.

I think probably the most important thing is to just not do anything rash just because you're pregnant. Like, don't marry your boyfriend just because you're pregnant. Maybe he's a great guy and things will work out, maybe not. Give it time. Same for school- don't limit yourself based on being a mom. Remember that while having a baby will make you grow up fast, you are still only a teen and have your whole life in front of you.

Good luck. You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders.

dolewhipper · November 2015

FiancB said:

don't marry your boyfriend just because you're pregnant.

This is great advise, OP. My step sister had her first in HS and ended up getting married when her dd was 2. They had another little girl 5 years later. They have an amazing family and while she took a break after school, she finished her degree in education and is now a full time teacher. She wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, you'll lose some friends along the way who just aren't on the same wavelength as you, but you'll make some too. You got this!

ijstarr28 · November 2015

FiancB said:

As for school there's some advantages too. There is a lot of help out there for student moms, including better student loans and scholarships. It's tough but it's totally doable. I agree if you can and have a supportive family that it's probably best to go to a community college at first. But every school I've been to has low-cost day care, food pantries, and other kinds of aid. Now that I'm an older, nontraditional student, probably at least half the students in my class have kids, some very young.

First off, Congratulations!! You are very brave and very strong for being as level headed as you are.

Friends: you're asking for advice from teenagers that have no clue. In the act of you finding out and being positive about the situation you have just matured yourself to a point that they arent at yet. Once you're a little further along I'd ask to talk to a councilor and see if they can hook you up with an older woman that was in your shoes and talk to her like a mentor.

I knew multiple girls in High School that had babies. They had great support systems with families and a few really good friends. The 2 girls I knew well, both went to college or tech school for degrees. One is a nurse and the other is a dental hygienist.

I added the quote because this is VERY true!! You have until July next year and you are about to start another semester. Is there any way when you sign up for classes that you could take a class that might count towards an associates degree or college credit.

Just stay strong, and realize your life path has changed but it's not any better or worse. It will be tough but with a strong will and a good support system you'll be OK. Also, keep in mind the dad's family as a support system.

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