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December 2015 Moms
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Sex, will we ever do it again!?

hlewis6hlewis6 member
edited November 2015 in December 2015 Moms
My husband is strangely uninterested in sex, at all!! Idk why and he says everything is fine but he's not in the mood, ever! Like it's been over 6 weeks now! Advice please!!
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Re: Sex, will we ever do it again!?

  • NellieHarringtonCarterNellieHarringtonCarter member
    It could be a variety of things, but the best way to know is to talk to him in as understanding and chill way as possible, IMO. It could be that the thought of having a kid and all the associated stress is consciously or subconsciously affected his libido, or that he feels uncomfortable and is afraid/ashamed to tell you, or any number of things. 

    During my first pregnancy, I went through the same thing with my husband starting at around 25-30 weeks or so when the baby really started showing/moving around. At first, he would just make excuses as to why he wasn't in the mood, but eventually told me that he didn't feel comfortable having sex. It wasn't that he was not attracted to me, but that it weirded him out a little at the idea that our kid was "present" for it. 

    This time around, I expected the same reaction from him and sort of shut it down a little early. He later told me that he had gotten over that particular issue and that he was ok with it, but we've had other issues that have sort of added stress to things, plus I've been more self-conscious this time around with the... quality of the environment down there. For us, it's been maybe 11 weeks or so? And before that, it was some time in June, so I'm feeling your frustration. 

    Hang in there! I'm sure it'll get better. 
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  • hlewis6hlewis6 member
    This is out second. First time was. A boy and he got weird between 25-32 weeks but got over it quickly. This time it's a girl and he seems even more weird about it always conveniently falls asleep or is tyo tired... idk but I hope that all changes soon!!!
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  • navyblueladybugnavyblueladybug member
    We haven't stopped, but we don't do it as much as we used to. Not because he doesn't want to, it's mostly because it's uncomfortable for me and it takes so much more effort for us to both enjoy it. It's not really romantic right now since we have to constantly adjust positions and our favorites aren't working at the moment. It'll all come back eventually though.
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  • blended10blended10 member
    I agree with pp - try talking about it in as supportive a way as possible. No doubt he's got a lot of mixed feelings about everything right now. Be sure to tell him you miss him. Sometimes with guys it's all or nothing- let him know what you're up for!
    We are in the home stretch now so hopefully things will "normalize" after the new year. Just another fun side effect of pregnancy, I'm afraid.
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  • ACarter0914ACarter0914 member
    Yes!! We barely have sex these days but it's also really uncomfortable for me so I don't mind that much. I've talked to my hubby about it and it's mostly because I'm getting bigger and so is our little guy. He moves around A TON which is really weird for him when he's trying to get things going.
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  • mltarriomltarrio member
    I think a slow-down or a pause on sex is pretty normal at this stage, although unpleasant for the party who really really hormonal my wants to. Talk to him about it. Maybe explain why you need him in that way - the sexiness of that discussion may be enough to get things started.
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  • Bombmom3Bombmom3 member
    I agree with everything others have said here. Also wanted to add that men go through hormonal changes while their partners are pregnant and during the post partum phase as well and sometimes these changes cause a plummet in sex drive for him (this is a normal biological response because he needs to bond with baby just like you do and this causes an increase in oxytocin and a decrease in testosterone for him). Some men are super sensitive to this and some aren't. I also know several men/husbands who were just so weirded out about the baby being "between" them and their partner that even though they wanted to have sex, they were unable to achieve or maintain an erection. Since that is a super sensitive topic for most men, they just never put themselves in a position where their partner could see or question that particular issue.

    Open, frank discussions about your needs and desires and being compassionate about his lack of them is key here. And if he says he just can't manage to get the thought of the baby out of his head during vaginal sex you can always suggest other options for both of you. Or ask that he help with your needs in some way other than vaginal sex if he has no drive for himself at the moment (though often times if the guy gets into taking care of you, suddenly he'll find that drive he's been missing again lol).

    Hang in there. You will not be pregnant forever, I promise, and once the baby comes and you're feeling sexy again (which in turn can take awhile for some women) I'm sure he'll be more than ready to start up that aspect of your relationship again.
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  • acanfield18acanfield18 member
    We don't have sex any more...I'm 36+2 and its been several weeks...try not just for sex, maybe a BJ just to get him going? I'll be honest, I don't bother to try, he either shuts me down or only wants a BJ and its annoying...
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  • groovylocksgroovylocks member
    edited November 2015
    My husband freaked out about it since day 1. It's been 8 months now. He feels like a bad dad for having sex with his kid in the room (even when "his kid" was a cluster of cells) - i guess that's cute and I can't very well pressure him. I have to respect it. 

    It's frustrating though. Doubly frustrating because there is somebody i know who has offered a short-term affair until my husband comes around. This has actually been a huge stressor for me throughout my pregnancy and I don't have anybody to talk to about it because the only people i know here all know HIM and, come on, a guy who tries to take advantage of a pregnant girl is going to be seen as a major creep. Obviously i've said no and would never do that.. But it's frustrating. My sex drive is through the roof. 

    My husband is not standoffish either. He's very affectionate, loves to touch all the new body parts and is very cuddly and loving. Just no sex. Because baby ball freaks him out.
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  • groovylocksgroovylocks member
    edited November 2015
    Bombmom3 said:
    this causes an increase in oxytocin and a decrease in testosterone for him). Some men are super sensitive to this and some aren't. I also know several men/husbands who were just so weirded out about the baby being "between" them and their partner that even though they wanted to have sex, they were unable to achieve or maintain an erection.  

    Oh this is my husband completely. Every word of this. 
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  • taysuntaysun member
    We aren't having much sex anymore, we've talked about it and it's weird for him now that I'm DEFINITELY pregnant looking. He still is attracted to me but things are harder and more uncomfortable for both us at this point.
    Because we've talked about it I don't worry too much about it.
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  • ACarter0914ACarter0914 member
    I want to have normal people sex so bad!
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  • Mizuiro007Mizuiro007 member
    My babies will be roughly 13-14 months apart so I'm going to say yes, it will happen again. Pregnant sex can just be awkward, weird and sometimes painful. For me it isn't enjoyable at this point and hubby has worried about causing me pain. PP sex after DS and after I was healed was amazing though so I'm looking forward to that again.
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  • suchaglencocosuchaglencoco member
    groovylocks said:

    My husband freaked out about it since day 1. It's been 8 months now. He feels like a bad dad for having sex with his kid in the room (even when "his kid" was a cluster of cells) - i guess that's cute and I can't very well pressure him. I have to respect it. 

    It's frustrating though. Doubly frustrating because there is somebody i know who has offered a short-term affair until my husband comes around. This has actually been a huge stressor for me throughout my pregnancy and I don't have anybody to talk to about it because the only people i know here all know HIM and, come on, a guy who tries to take advantage of a pregnant girl is going to be seen as a major creep. Obviously i've said no and would never do that.. But it's frustrating. My sex drive is through the roof. 


    My husband is not standoffish either. He's very affectionate, loves to touch all the new body parts and is very cuddly and loving. Just no sex. Because baby ball freaks him out.
    Did you inform your husband about this guy's advances and his proposal?
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  • groovylocksgroovylocks member
    edited November 2015
    kristen2b said:

    groovylocks said:

    My husband freaked out about it since day 1. It's been 8 months now. He feels like a bad dad for having sex with his kid in the room (even when "his kid" was a cluster of cells) - i guess that's cute and I can't very well pressure him. I have to respect it. 

    It's frustrating though. Doubly frustrating because there is somebody i know who has offered a short-term affair until my husband comes around. This has actually been a huge stressor for me throughout my pregnancy and I don't have anybody to talk to about it because the only people i know here all know HIM and, come on, a guy who tries to take advantage of a pregnant girl is going to be seen as a major creep. Obviously i've said no and would never do that.. But it's frustrating. My sex drive is through the roof. 


    My husband is not standoffish either. He's very affectionate, loves to touch all the new body parts and is very cuddly and loving. Just no sex. Because baby ball freaks him out.
    Wait. How does this "creep" even know you're not getting any @groovylocks??

    I told a mutual friend who let it slip, i guess is how it happened. I've just kept it all to myself from that point on, other than talking about sex here.

    Point being, I can't WAIT until my body is mine again. I feel like such a pig always pressuring my husband.
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