Single moms to be?

lunagrl79 · November 2015

Any ladies on here going through this pregnancy on their own? I found out two weeks after my ex and I split. This will be my first child. So far he has been financially supportive, thank goodness, because I've been out of work with severe ms, but otherwise I'm pretty alone. I have some emotional support from a few family members but my mom's not really in the picture either. Feeling rather alone and depressed most days. Looking for some other ladies that I might be able to connect with that are in a similar situation. Just thought I would reach out and see what happens.

DeePaddy24 · November 2015

I'm not in a similar situation, but wanted to say that you will find lots of moral/emotional support in this group. Don't be afraid to turn to us whenever you need it!

cdnrunning · November 2015

This is a great group of ladies. You'll find plenty of support here!

WinchestertoPittsburgh · November 2015

Although I'm married now, with DS I was single the majority of my pregnancy and then shortly after his birth I went through a divorce. I have been in a similar situation and understand the perils, however you can come out of this very strong and independent!

lunagrl79 · November 2015

Thank you so much. I almost started crying just now to see replies so fast. I know it's harder now since I have been home alone and so sick lately. And my hormones are so intense. Sometimes I think the father is just giving me space because he thinks that is helpful but I'm pretty sure it's all a game to him. He knows I do not want to be together but that I want to coparent and become a good team that way. But since I don't want him romantically he is trying to hurt me. I do love him as a person and as the father of my child, but our relationship was awful and we are so bad for each other in that way. I think staying together because I'm pregnant would be so bad for our child. We can't even get along for more than five minutes when I'm not pregnant. I just wish he seemed to care more. But it is what it is. I took him with me to the first ultrasound and he was awful. Even made me feel bad for being emotional when I heard the heartbeat. I feel like he is purposely trying to ruin this experience for me. I'm sorry for the rant. Feeling pretty down this morning. I really do appreciate the support ladies. Thank you so much.

MrsOdom2488 · November 2015

I went through my first pregnancy alone. I will say this will make you such a strong women and the bond you are going to grow with your baby will be so special. My DS and I have a bond that is so unique and I wouldn't change it for the world. You are a strong momma and it might be hard at times but you can do it. The moment you set eyes on your LO the pain of being alone just disappears because of the unconditional love you and your LO share.

augbride87 · November 2015

kjo79 I went through my first pregnancy alone too! I 100% agree with MrsOdom2488 you and your LO will have such a special bond. I almost feel sad for this baby because as much as I know I will love him/her the same it will be different! You definitely can do it. You just take it a day at a time. My best friend and brother were actually in the delivery room with me and it was amazing. -the father was too but we wont get into that LOL. Your EX sounds A LOT like mine. Ill just say after delivery (which he sat on the couch for 90% of) he gave me a high 5 and said "Good job kiddo". I think you will find that single moms get A LOT of support and sympathy. I have friends now who are just starting to grow their family and they come to me and tell me how much more respect they have for me for doing it on my own. You got this mamma!!

There are a couple pluses to being a single parent: All of the cuddles and loves are yours and you don't have to answer to anyone on how you want to raise your LO.

lunagrl79 · November 2015

Omg that totally sounds like something he would do. When he does stop by (usually once a week for maybe ten minutes) he just sits here with his eyes closed and doesn't say a word. It's like why bother. Lol. I understand he is probably going through a lot of emotions right now too but come on. He is a smart guy and it's not that hard to figure out how to be kind to a pregnant woman. Maybe if he spent some time on google instead of playing his video games he could figure it out. Ok. I'll stop. I don't want to be mean or start bashing him. Just gonna blame the hormones

lunagrl79 · November 2015

Weird. It cut off the end of my reply. Oh well

augbride87 · November 2015

This is totally a safe place to vent!! Its better to let it out then to keep it bottled in. ALL of us have complaints about baby daddy whether he is around or not :P Hopefully he figures it out at some point. Mine didn't figure it out until he got married and they started having children.

LizM61409 · November 2015

Remember you don't have to invite him to the delivery if you don't want him there. Same goes for ultrasounds and such if he's not being supportive. Good luck to you!

crdo · November 2015

I don't have experience with this, but just wanted to say you CAN do this!! Hang in there, mama.

cjt121413 · November 2015

You can do this! I went through my first pregnancy alone too. We tried to work it out for DS's sake but broke up when DS was 2 months old. I know it's hard, but you will get through this and the bond you have with your LO will be amazing. My DS is my little bud, and I treasure the memories I have of just me and him when he was tiny.

Co-parenting is hard but possible. My DS's dad was an idiot when it came to pregnancy, but he is now a pretty great dad. And I also found an amazing man who has loved DS as his own since DS was 18 months old. So that's possible for you too.

Do your best to take care of yourself, rest, and ignore your ex. I know it's easier said than done. And welcome!

lunagrl79 · November 2015

Man. I should have reached out a long time ago. You guys are awesome. : :x

NicknShan · November 2015

Hugs to you! You can do there. I am not single, but definitely have plenty of moments it feels like it... We are here for you!

Rosehip15 · November 2015

Hang in there! My ex-H moved out when my kids were 1 & 3 (now 8 & 10), so while I was married while pregnant, I was a single mom for most of their lives thus far. You'll make it! I focused on cultivating a wonderful support group of friends (none of whom are single moms, married moms can be great support too) and stayed close to family. Accept help when it's offered. I've also learned to see the big picture in regards to personal tiffs with family - the bottom line is they love the kids, they're eager to help, so don't sweat the small stuff:)

lunagrl79 · November 2015

Yesterday was hard. I posted a brief mention on the twatwaffle Tuesday discussion but I'm still so upset this morning. My ex's mom really went off on one yesterday. Sending me horrible text messages. I only responded to her first message of "if you don't want him then what do you want? " explaining I want to be a good parent with her son and do what is best for our child by redefining our relationship since him and I obviously cannot make a romantic relationship between us work. She kept going. In her last message she told me if I do not love him and want to be with him I need to "get rid of His child, My grandchild". I was so upset. I spent the night with my aunt because I didn't feel comfortable at my place alone. He is freaking out as well and still has a key to my place. Before bed I reached out to my little sister for a little support. Not advice, support. She is only 21, never had a bf and mom and step dad pay all her bills. Basically she is just a kid. Well she replies that she understands where his mother is coming from and then proceeds to lecture me on my upcoming responsibilities and how I have to suck it up and do what's best for the baby. How I can't do this alone and all the basic single mom slams. I'm just floored. Luckily my aunt is very supportive and helping me explore options. I'm seriously considering moving back to my childhood home and starting over. I have family there who seems to be way more on board and loving but I'm so scared. My hometown is in the same state buy about three hours away. It's a small farming town and I've been in a big city since I was ten. I'm at a loss. I have an interview for a new job here Thursday but if it doesn't pan out im seriously thinking of getting out of dodge. I just don't know what to do. This is awful and I know I need to nip it in the bud for baby's sake. Any advice or shared experiences would be appreciated but please no more berating me for not wanting to be with the father. It's not healthy to be with him or his family. For me or the baby and I don't know why everyone is doubting me about this. Yes I know a baby needs its father and has a right to know its family but as its mother isn't part of my job protecting that baby and giving it the best start possible. Crying over here. Ugh.

augbride87 · November 2015

@kjo79 Oh I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this

My DD father didn't even tell his family I was pregnant until I was 8 months along by then it was far too late for them to suggest that. If you are able to move then do so! Whether it be back to your childhood hometown or somewhere else in the city you live in. You need your own place that you feel safe in, but also someplace that offers support either friends or family. I would keep the people who are supportive in your life very close right now--you need all the positive energy you can get. If someone doesn't want to be supportive of your choice then I would limit interactions until the baby is here. They will change their tune once they see that little bundle of joy. Until then stand firm in your choice and let them know that it is unwavering. You are a strong woman and you CAN do this by yourself. Yes a baby does need the father, but it isn't your choice if he is involved its his. You are so good realizing that even though you can't have a romantic relationship you do need to still have a relationship of some sorts.

lunagrl79 · November 2015

Thank you. I'm just so floored by the way people are treating me. I worry if I move that will make things worse and he may try to go for custody but I guess I will worry about that later. Moving back to the country would be a huge change but I can see a lot of positives in it. And I don't think putting some distance between us is such a bad idea.

cjt121413 · November 2015

@KJO1105 I'm so sorry that you are being treated so terribly. You are making the right choice to end the relationship now if it isn't going to work. Your LO will never have to go through mom and dad breaking up, and that is a good thing!

I would suggest cutting off all contact with him and his family for the time being if at all possible. If you can move, that might be a great idea. I'd also suggest having a consult with a family law attorney now. While there is not much that can be done before baby's arrival legally, a family lawyer can help you develop strategies now to prepare for baby. For example, at least in my state, it would be easier to move away from the father while pregnant than after baby's arrival. A lot of lawyers do free consults. Also, please have your locks changed!

Above all, take care of you and don't doubt yourself. You know what is best for you.

lunagrl79 · November 2015

Ladies thank you so much. I have just made the decision to move. I have the family support and although it's scary I think it is the best choice. Going to set the ball in motion today and also try to find some legal advice. Here we go. Somehow with all this change coming I already feel better.

augbride87 · November 2015

kjo79 said:

Ladies thank you so much. I have just made the decision to move. I have the family support and although it's scary I think it is the best choice. Going to set the ball in motion today and also try to find some legal advice. Here we go. Somehow with all this change coming I already feel better.

cjt121413 this!! Get the ball rolling! I started the process with DD was 3 weeks old and we didn't have anything in place until it was almost her 1st birthday. I wonder if you guys can go through everything early (mediation and required classes) and just wait to have the decree put into place until he/she arrives?! I am happy you are doing what is best for you and your little bean!!!

RNMegan0711 · November 2015

Oh my goodness- I'm so so sorry you're having to go through this right now! Although I am married and I don't have a similar experience...I do have a best friend that I've stood beside through her last part of her pregnancy alone and now as a single mother. My best friend was dating this man for a year or so and got pregnant....he moved in with her (she's also a nurse and was the main bread winner as he "played video games for money"). To make a long story short, she found out at 8 months pregnant that he was using one of her credit cards (used only for paying her car note automatically withdrawn) to buy everything that he was saying he personally was buying for her and the baby. This man did nothing but lie, cheat and steal from her and now she's got a beautiful 7 week old baby girl all alone. That being said, she's ROCKING IT! She's stronger than I've EVER seen her be and I'm so unbelievably proud of her. You will find the people in your life that you want and deserve to be there...they will gravitate to you and you to them. Keep friends and family who are supportive along with your same views CLOSE and like pp's have said, don't be afraid to take the help and support! You're doing the right thing for this baby...an unhealthy relationship IS NOT better than two sane, mutually respecting parents who can work together to raise their baby. If he doesn't turn into that for his baby...then he's got one strong mama who's ready to do anything for him/her. You've got this, girl! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

lunagrl79 · November 2015

You ladies have seriously helped me so much the last two days. I feel stronger now and I know I'm making the right choice. I'm so grateful to have you all here to help me see that I can do this and to not feel bad about myself. Taking a day trip tomorrow to start applying for jobs in my new town and to check out me and the baby's new place. Hopefully we will be settled in by the first!!!! I will keep everyone posted. And probably vent about my daily challenges. Much love to you all.

lunagrl79 · November 2015

I just noticed I'm referring to the baby and myself as a "we" and I cried a little. Lol

amangels2 · November 2015

I am a single mom to be, although I chose to be so I know my situation is different.

lunagrl79 · November 2015

Good luck to you too. I guess in a way I'm am choosing it as well but more so out of necessity. I didnt consciously go into it with this plan. I hope my ex and his family can see the big picture with some time and a little space. I really want my little one to have a chance to be close to both sides of its family. One of the main reasons I am making the choices I am. I have to stop this fighting before things are said and done that can't be taken back and could make our future with his family even harder.

katandersen · November 2015

Im also doing this alone. We live in different states, and however he is supportive of the pregnancy and whatever im still alone. Im 27, a full time nursing student and working full time. I was on BC when i got pregnant. None of this was supposed to happen but i couldnt find it in me to terminate. So, im trying my best to get through all the depression and anxiety of this...alone.

But, in the end, we arent alone. We have each other. Even though we cant go get coffee or go shopping together, we can lift one another up as much as we can here. I know its tough but keep your chin up, LO needs you.

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