Anyone else want to wait before TTC again? — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Anyone else want to wait before TTC again?

I had a MC on 10/26 at 8 weeks pregnant. 2 days later, I accepted a job offer in a town 4 hours away, so we're packing up and moving on 11/20. I've been in the same city for 8 years - my whole adult life, really - and I've been at the same job for 5 years. It was my first job out of college. I'm overwhelmed with all of the changes, while also dealing with the emotional turmoil of losing a baby. I want to wait a while before trying to get pregnant again so that I can settle into my new job and the new town. I want to make a good impression, and I guess I'm a little worried about starting work and then immediately getting pregnant. I'm also just afraid of another MC happening because I don't want to go through it again.

My husband, on the other hand, doesn't want to wait at all. The doctor told us to wait 1 month, but he wants to start trying again as soon as possible. I feel guilty for not wanting to right away, and I wish he could understand the physical and emotional trauma that I went through. He's typically a very understanding person and he's respecting my wishes on this, but it just sucks that he doesn't really get it and that I feel like I'm the one putting our lives on hold (my words, not his). Does anyone else feel hesitant to try again? We had been trying for 5 months when we got pregnant. It was a very much-wanted pregnancy.
Me: 29, DH: 31
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 <3
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19. 

Re: Anyone else want to wait before TTC again?

  • This is completely understandable. We're not in the same situation with a job and a move, but we did just lose a baby this week (still waiting for the miscarriage). We've talked about it every day, for hours on end, and I think this is what helped get us on the same page. DH wants to wait indefinitely to try again as we both took it really hard and I feel like we should only wait 3 cycles (I don't want to try right away but don't want to wait 6 months).

    You are both different people and you will grieve differently but this was both your baby. It might be hard to compromise or get him on the same page but talking endlessly about it might help tremendously. I suggest coming up with a month that is not to far away to revisit the subject. For us, I suggested we take our time to heal and see how we both feel in February and just talk about it then.

    Something like this might help...
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    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • I think it makes total sense in your situation to want to get settled in before making any concrete TTC plans. I hope you and your husband are on the same page soon. I bet a fresh start will do wonders!

    I am not wanting to wait exactly, as I will be 34 next year. But since having my second MC, I feel more research is warranted. I will be getting tested for clotting disorders and antibody issues after my d&c, so hopefully I will get some information that makes me feel comfortable to try again. Best of luck to you!
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