Friends & labor

kqualls5 · November 2015

So I'm the first of my friends to have a baby. When I told them I was pregnant, one of them asked if she could be in the room. I was 8 weeks, had no idea what I was agreeing to, and said "of course!" ..well now that I'm 30 weeks, have been hospitalized from complications, have had invasive appointments, and know now how I want something as personal as labor to go, I know I want DH and our moms in there and that's it. But she still asks questions about labor like if I'll want her to take photos or who else will be in the room, & I just go with it. I mean if everyone in my life wants to be in the room before actual labor starts or after he's here, I don't care. But I don't know how to kindly say "I'm really sorry but, ...." without hurting her feelings.

sasv89 · November 2015

Just lie and say you discussed it with your husband and he wants it to be a special moment between you both hehe

spottedginger · November 2015

Just tell her the honest truth. You are both adults. If she is too immature to have empathy and understand your decision, that is her problem. You should probably let her know sooner rather than later, so that she can get over any disappointment now since you've led her to believe she will be there.

DustyMelons · November 2015

kqualls5 said:

So I'm the first of my friends to have a baby. When I told them I was pregnant, one of them asked if she could be in the room. I was 8 weeks, had no idea what I was agreeing to, and said "of course!" ..well now that I'm 30 weeks, have been hospitalized from complications, have had invasive appointments, and know now how I want something as personal as labor to go, I know I want DH and our moms in there and that's it. But she still asks questions about labor like if I'll want her to take photos or who else will be in the room, & I just go with it. I mean if everyone in my life wants to be in the room before actual labor starts or after he's here, I don't care. But I don't know how to kindly say "I'm really sorry but, ...." without hurting her feelings.

Just tell her that you've thought it over and changed your mind. You can lie if you want to and say something like the hospital won't allow that many people in the delivery room. I would go for the truth but you know your friend.

Who to have by your side during labor and delivery is an incredibly personal decision. I didn't even want my mom in the room, just my husband. This decision should be yours and yours alone.

caitlin1784 · November 2015

Just tell her the truth... or tell her the hospital has a policy on number of people allowed in the room. Midwives don't mind playing bad cop

kynbar5 · November 2015

Why lie? Just be honest and tell her you'd rather have it just be your SO, mother and MIL. If you do want people around before and after tell her that's when you'd like her to be present.

suchaglencoco · November 2015

Team truth.
Tell her after all your complications, you're more anxious and more aware of what can happen and would like it to be a more private affair. I would also do it soon in case she decides to get upset about it. Plus, it's clearly stressing you out so just rip off the bandaid.

ashhsa · November 2015

I just wouldn't tell her when you go into labour... Haha. Obviously the truth is the right thing to do... But I'd be chicken, and I'd say she can't be mad at you if you say it was overwhelming and you were swept up in the moment.

Ashleyw · November 2015

Just tell her the truth, there is no reason or need for her to be in the room. It is completely up to you and what you're comfortable with. I am also sure your hospital has a limit as to how many people can come into the room when you're in labor. Good luck.

cMichelle0423 · November 2015

You basically have yow options here like pp's have stated. Be honest and just tell her everything you've just told us.... Or lie. Either way she'll get over it.

cmerribury · November 2015

Don't lie. This is your friend. Presumably she will love and accept your decision regardless of her disappointment. Tell her the truth and be done with it.

redfallon · November 2015

I don't get lying and putting it off on anyone else like husbands or the medical team. Just tell her the truth.

Nicolewinsbingo · November 2015

Usually you aren't at the hospital before labor starts so that may not be an option (not sure what your complications are). I'd just invite her to visit for a bit after the baby is born.

Melissadmag · November 2015

Either just tell her the truth, or if you don't think she'll be emotionally mature enough to handle the truth then a little white lie such as only 2-3 people are allowed in the room with you per hospital rules and obviously you have to chose your hubby, your mom, and his mom over a friend. She is still allowed in the waiting room if she wants to be among the first to meet the baby.