Frustrated with friends-feel like I'm lacking support (loss mentioned)

mskeenan · November 2015

Hi ladies. I just need to vent. I am just frustrated with my friend's responses to my whole infertility journey. I had one friend basically tell me I was crazy for seeking fertility treatment when I hadn't tried for a year prior to seeking help. I have PCOS and only get 1-2 periods a year and my doctor told me it would be highly unlikely that I would get pregnant on my own and I would drive myself crazy trying to guess when I ovulate. Now that I've gone through perfectly timed ovulation induction cycles with meds my doctor is also saying I have "unexplained infertility". I don't think my friend understands my condition and just thinks I'm being neurotic and impatient. I don't think she would feel the same if she had the diagnosis. She never asks how things are going and I don't know if I'm overreacting. I know she is TTC as well so I don't know if she is just uncomfortable talking about this stuff. Who knows.

I'm also hurting because I experienced a loss in September. I've confided in a few people because I felt like I was needing a little extra support and they all just act so afraid to talk to me about it. I understand that as a society we are uncomfortable talking about death and loss but even just they would hear me out that would be nice. Before going through this, I don't think I would know what to say to a friend going through this..but I would be there. None have asked how I'm doing since I confided in them. One friend found out she was pregnant the same week I found out about my pregnancy. She's doing great ( thank goodness) but talks about her pregnancy all the time. I'm happy for her but feel like she is pretending like my loss never happened. It really really stings. I don't think she sees my pregnancy as a "life" because I lost it so soon. I felt my baby, though. I have mourned her loss (yes I picked a gender) every day since I got the news. I can confide in my husband but he deals with grief in a totally different way than me and I don't want to overwhelm him by talking about it all the time. It makes me feel crazy that I had a loss and my husband and I are the only ones that acknowledge it.

Maybe I'm overreacting and expecting too much from people. I just wish I had someone to turn to. Thank God for this community . This seems to be my only sounding board for my real feelings/experiences through this whole journey.

Winnie81_Old · November 2015

I'm so sorry @mskeenan for what you are going through. I don't think you are over reacting at all. it is so hard when friends/family don't know how to show support and compassion. It has been such a learning experience while going through the journey of infertility. I hate this, but I remember when a friend of mine had a miscarriage (before I was ttc), and I had no idea how to be supportive. I was scared that it would bring up too many emotions for her, so I never asked her how she was afterwards, and I really regret that to this day. I think a big factor is that there is this stigma in society surrounding infertility. No one talks about it, and it leaves us feeling alone and isolated. There is so much physical and emotional trauma that we go through, and sometimes it feels like it doesn't count. I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you are needing right now. I just found out there is a monthly support group for women dealing with infertility and I'm going to there next meeting. im hoping to make some friendships with supportive women when I go. Have you thought about looking into a support group(aside from this amazing one on the bump)?

twomommiestobe · November 2015

I understand how people who don't have fertility issues, just don't get it! We are lesbians so people don't see it as "infertility" and no one wants to offer support. Yes, it is infertility. I have 80+ day cycles. I understand driving yourself crazy trying to track ovulation. I understand every emotion, but most people think I just have a little baby fever. No, I mourn not having a baby with each new announcement. I am scared with each test at the RE office that they will say it is impossible. The people who you think would understand, don't. My friend had a MC years ago. You would think she would be great support but isn't. She is now a dating single mom with "baby fever" and thinks we are going through the same thing. She feels the need to tell me about all of HER friends getting pregnant as well, bc she is upset like me. Nope. Not the same thing. There is a REASON I try to avoid social media! We do understand, I get just as sad with each of you with bfn and cd1. It is nice to have this support!
I do also understand needing the physical friend. I did tell my cousin about our struggles and she just said she didn't know what to do or say bc she doesn't understand. She also said to tell her what I need or want. So I did. I said I just want you to listen, say you'll be there, offer a kind word, offer NO advice about getting pregnant (lol), and just try to see what I'm going through. It has helped so much.

She is currently pregnant, so you would think she would be the last person to turn to. She does everything I ask though. When she doesn't know what to say, just hearing "I am here for you" REALLY helps!!

Winnie81_Old · November 2015

I completely agree @twomommiestobe. Just having someone there to listen to you(we have already thought to try everything so the advice isn't needed). Every time my MIL comes in town she likes to boast that all 4 of her children were accidents while on BC, and tells me I just need to stop stressing. She also believes that if we went to church, this wouldn't be an issue. That's a completely different topic though, and now I want to start a thread to vent about it X(

Edited for clarification

PCOSat25 · November 2015

@WA85 ugh my mother in law makes very similar comments. She says thing like "I was always so in tune with my cycle" "I knew the exact day I ovulated every month" "I only had to try one cycle to get pregnant both times" " I knew the very second I got pregnant"

She KNOWS about all my treatments. I know she doesn't say these things maliciously. She is just uncomfortable with the situation and her default is always to talk about herself. I just want to scream "STOP! You are not being helpful or supportive!!!"

Winnie81_Old · November 2015

@PCOSat25 I'm sorry you have to hear that from her. I wish they could just realize how frustrating and unhelpful those remarks are. I cannot say the same about my MILs intentions because everything is a game to her, and she feels good when others feel down. In her head, me having fertility issues reinforces that if we went to church it wouldn't be happening to us. Not trying to make this a MIL bashing thread, but she is a bully and is proud of it.

PCOSat25 · November 2015

@WA85 that is awful! I am so sorry you have to live with with that attitude and judgment from her! I hope she doesn't visit often! How much easier would life be if we could just cut toxic people out of it?!?!

Aashly101 · November 2015

@mskeenan I totally understand! It's so frustrating when your friends and family don't seem to understand that the struggle is real! I'm truly sorry you're having to go through this. Hugs.

My best friend is always making comments like "hurry up and get pregnant already so I can plan your baby shower", "I'm so fertile I get pregnant just talking about it so I don't know why you're having such a hard time", etc. They're so oblivious to what their words can do.

And I'm so ready to blow anyone's head off when they tell me that I'm not getting pregnant because I need to "relax and not think about it so much" and "not try so hard" so that it can happen. Sigh I'm 42, time isn't on my side. I don't have the luxury of waiting for it to happen. Smh

Winnie81_Old · November 2015

@PCOSat25 - it would be so much easier if we could cut them out! Unfortunately, she is fixing to retire early and move down here to be close to the grand babies (we have 9 nephews all in diapers still!). I'm pretty sure they will keep her preoccupied, but I'm sure that family gatherings will be interesting. I think the only way i am not going insane is because of this amazing support group, my husband, and wine

)

oxinfree · November 2015

you are NOT one bit, in the least, at all overreacting. Let's get that straight! You are 100% justified in feeling the way you are and I am so sorry you are going through it. Big hugs to you.

Now... friends... ugh... they can be a pain. I really believe that unless they have experienced infertility or been told it may not happen for them, they have no remote idea the pain, suffering, fear, and loneliness that is felt. More and more women are speaking out about their infertility, trying to make it a less taboo subject. It's a slow movement, but the more of us that share our stories openly without fear of being judged or making others uncomfortable... the closer society will come to being cognizant of infertiles and infertily in general. It is so much more common than we think. Only when I opened up first, did others step forward and admit their struggles. I've received so much more support in doing so. It's not right for everyone though, because once I open up, the unsolicited advice comes pouring in. So thick skin is needed for sure.

It just plain sucks... can we all agree? and @aashly101 ^^^ this!!! "relax" I literally want to just say "F@(& YOU" excuse my language. But honestly... that's all I want to say to those people. So ignorant.

okay long rant over

best of luck to you in this journey. xo

suchaglencoco · November 2015

***bfp and losses mentioned

I'm so sorry that everyone is struggling with this as well as infertility. This journey is so difficult and it's so hard for someone on the outside to truly understand what it's like.
We struggled through our first loss all alone and then struggled with infertility in silence for a year and a half and it was horrendous. When we finally decided to let our friends and family in, it was difficult for them to understand and they felt very uncomfortable asking us questions to clarify things or even asking how it was going. This made things even more awkward and I felt hurt no one seemed to care.
I finally sat down with some of them, individually or together, and told them it's ok to ask questions. I also gave them a kind of crash course in what everything meant, walked them through the ivf protocol we were in at the time, and asked them to ask us questions. It opened up everything for us. We told them we weren't ashamed of our problems and issues and that we wished they would ask more and they basically said they had questions and wished they could ask but were worried they'd upset us.
An honest conversation and explanation really helped both sides of the "issue". After that, everyone spoke about it more openly and not in hushed tones and it was great. And it made me realize that there is nothing to be ashamed of, that we just were going to have a different journey than most to make our family.
When we got our next bfp.after ivf, they were there to support us and their joy was amazing because they knew everything we'd gone through to get there. And when 2 weeks later, we were told our twins both lost their heartbeats, they felt the sting along with us and it made it more bearable for DH and I. They felt comfortable checking in on us and asking what our next step was.
When we did our fet a few months later, they all supported us again, and shared our joy again with a bfp. They sent good vibes and prayers that seem to have worked as I'm 32w along with twins.

Some of you women have mentioned people that make extremely inappropriate comments for what you're going through, and to that I say slap them with the truth! Tell them how offensive and hurtful it is and if they continue, then you don't need someone like that in you and your future children's life.

For those of you who feel hurt by lack of support, I really hope you sit down with these people and explain it all a little more and let them know it's ok to talk openly about it. I really think it'll help open up both sides.

I wish you all the best of luck on your journeys and truly hope you get your BFPs and rainbow babies very soon.

Rachd110 · November 2015

This infertility process is so stressful, frustrating and at times overwhelming. Fertile friends and family will never understand our struggle. I've only told my mother and a handful of my girlfriends. One friend had two miscarriages last year, so you think she'd be supportive. Nope. After her miscarriages I reached out to her to see how she is doing. She knows we started IVF in October and has not reached out to me one time. I think I expect too much from people. Maybe if I lower my expectations I won't get upset.

A couple months ago, my SIL asked if we were trying. My DH and I decided we didn't want to tell our siblings, but I went ahead and told her that we've been seeking treatment. We talked about it for a whole 2 minutes then she turned the conversations back to herself. I wish I didn't say anything.

I have another friend, that easily got pregnant twice, tell me that it's bad that I don't want to socialize with some of our friends. She also keeps telling me to pray and that god has plans for me. Yesterday was my ER and she sent me a prayer for motherhood. the prayer mentioned "help me fight off feelings of jealousy to those that easily conceive." Ok now I'm not anti-religion or anti-God, but this is all in the numbers. And is God's plan really for me to be infertile? I also don't think she has the right to send me a prayer that tells me how I should feel. She has NO idea how hard it is for women who suffers from infertility. I know her intentions are only good, but I just don't want to hear it.

Every time someone says something hurtful, I really want to be honest with them, but I can't seem to do it. Another pregnant friend was complaining to me about having to pee in a cup during her monthly visits. She knows what I am going through. I wanted to say, "well I'd rather pee in a cup every month then inject my belly multiple times and put pills and gels up my vagina daily." But I couldn't bring me self to say it. I just smiled.

It sucks that we are all going through this. I'm glad we have this community to turn to when our friends and family don't understand.

***edited for typos***

Wicked4589 · November 2015

Side note, any time I see "stop trying and you will get pregnant. It worked for me!" Or "relax, you are stressing too much". I really want to throw a coffee at them. Relaxing won't grow two new tubes for me or take away the PCOS. But thanks for your scientific advice.

Back on topic, infertility is the second loneliest thing on the planet. The first is suffering a loss. Want to hear a weird one? My BFF pretty much ignored all things infertility with me. Each of my miscarriages, surgeries, tests, etc. never asked me anything ever. I get pregnant with viable pregnancy and she hasn't asked about anything at all. So even happy prenancies are lonely.

What I'm getting at is that you can't rely on anyone else because you will always be disappointed. People don't know how to talk to you. Fertile or not. And it sucks. So come here and get the personal support you need. Any time. Any day.

KidShrink · November 2015

@suchaglencoco : couldn't have said it better! I totally agree with you and how you went about it.
@Rachd110 and everyone else in the same boat: you just have to put your foot down and tell them like it is. In January, I was waiting to get my gallbladder removed (which was likely damaged because of endo, but we didn't know that yet) in order to start our fertility treatments. That month, my younger, unstable (emotionally, financially, and in every other aspect of her life) and immature sister announced that her and her boyfriend of one year with whom she had just moved in were expecting. I was livid. And then she dared telling me, as we were discussing how we were about to start the treatments 'Well, if ever it doesn't work, it's not the end of the world, at least you'll be an auntie'. Unfortunately for her, it wasn't the first stupid comment she had made on the topic, so I lost it on her a little, and asked her to think about whether there was any chance that having a niece/nephew who lives 6 hrs away from me could in any way make up for me possibly never being able to have a child. For one of the first times in her life, my sister told me she was sorry, and she never dared bringing up the topic again, except to ask how things were going every now and then. Put your foot down ladies!!

Minnie1155 · November 2015

I'm sorry for your loss and I don't think you're overreacting or expecting too much. Infertility is so hard. I feel like I generally have good empathy, and I've had friends go through infertility, but until I started dealing with it I realized I had no idea what it was like and how hard it is. I never thought how asking someone if they want kids could be such a terrible question - I never ask that anymore! I think a lot of people just don't realize and aren't meaning to be insensitive. But, it's always surprising to me how self centered some people can be and how they can make everything about themselves. I've put a lot of thought into who I have shared our struggles with because I unfortunately know some people just won't get it. Sorry for rambling, just know you are not alone.

kated0724 · November 2015

I am so sorry for your loss. You are a very strong individual! I know how you feel about the lacking support. For example, my MIL likes to compare IVF to her hysterectomy, or my favorite-thinks she knows all about it because Kim Kardashian is going through it. Its super frustrating, for sure. Please know that you are definitely not alone, and we are all here together. Try your best to stay positive- you are doing the best that you can. One person can only take so much, so don't be afraid to break down! Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

Stepmomttcmy1 · November 2015

I honestly think it's because people who haven't gone through IF or don't know about it or miscarriage just don't know what to say.
I was open about my IF with many of my co-workers, I manage a retail store, employ all women and have a family like relationship with almost all of them. When we started with the RE, I updated everyone and they were so excited to hear about our plan to get pregnant. They asked genuine questions to really understand what we were going through and the process of IUI. Most of them have children, 2 have dealt with IF and needed assistance in getting pregnant. They were the hope and excitement, I was the cautious optimism.
When my first cycle was negative, they were more disappointed than I was. The women who never dealt with IF just couldn't understand why it didn't work. Fast forward to the last of the 3 cycles, all negative and no one really asked me how I was, what we were doing next, etc.
They just didn't know what to say I guess. I handled it okay, but it was isolating because I needed someone other than dh to talk to about it. I started talking to them about it and the more I opened up, the more they offered support and a listening ear. It turns out, they didn't want to ask because they didn't want to upset me, wasn't sure I wanted to talk about it, etc.

So, reach out for support. If you still don't get it, then you know where you stand with those people in your life.

KLake42 · November 2015

I think it's good to have a place like this.

I witnessed something recently, that may offer a helpful perspective. In a group of friends, one woman was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She's been treated, and at this point, appears cancer free (yay!). In the same group, another woman's wife was very recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She's had a mastectomy and is waiting to start chemo.

A lot of us don't really know how to talk about it, but the woman who survived ovarian cancer came right up to her and asked "So how's your wife's cancer? Who's her doctor? What's the next treatment? How's she feeling?" With her experience, she was much more comfortable coming out and talking, offering the sort of support that ALL of us wanted to offer, without the awkwardness that we feel finding a way to talk about it.

This is just to say, maybe you have friends who want to be supportive of you and your loss, but have no idea how to come up to you and say "Oh hi! How are you? By the way, how are you coping with that loss you experienced?"

If there's someone you trust, try bringing it up to them. And maybe preface it-- "I'm not looking for advice, but I could really use a sympathetic ear to talk about some stuff that's weighing me down." Give them some direction in how to be supportive, and they will likely rise to be that for you.

I mean, I'm betting that these people care about you. They're just a little awkward and shy about being a support network for you.

khochanadel · November 2015

*bfp mentioned *

Until they've gone through it, other people will never understand. Sad but true. They can try, and if you're lucky, they'll say "I can't understand what you're going through but it sounds shitty and if you want to talk about it that's cool."

I'm not a religious person, so maybe I'm overly sensitive, but wtf is with people A) constantly bringing "god's plan" into it?

reminding you that they are praying for you so therefore things will work out? My fil totally claimed credit when we announced our pregnancy, because he said he prayed at the chapel of whatever. Yep! All those injections and procedures had nothing to do with it!

BrightenMySky · November 2015

@kohchanadel I hear you on the religion. I had a friend say to me "well we are both religious so we know everything happens for a reason." I am not super religious, and the "everything happens for a reason" is not part of my belief system in any case, and I had no idea she was particularly religious either. It was just weird.

twomommiestobe · November 2015

I am not religious AT ALL but I ask my cousin (who is a great support) to pray for me. Not that I need/want someone praying for me, but I like that we can talk and then she walks away with a "job". A way to remember me and my struggles later and "be there for me". She is super religious and before u think she felt a little helpless. It is nice to feel like she cares enough to remember me later in her prayers. With that being said, there is NO WAY praying will get me pregnant and we both know that hahaha

Caroline351 · November 2015

I can relate to friends not understanding our treatments. We've got a few we won't even talk about it with because they think we're crazy and offer hurtful suggestions! UGH. My best friend doesn't understand what I'm going through and one night, after drinking, said, "I got pregnant without trying at 18. Just relax already and stop thinking about it!" After that I decided I wasn't going to tell her anything. She hasn't even asked, which really is for the best. I try to be open so people will be more careful (I swear if my mother calls me one more time to tell me so and so is pregnant I'm going to scream!), I have found some people who I can really vent to and other I don't.

It's such a lonely process and I wish I could help you through this. Hugs. And know, you're REALLY not alone in this.

emsmama15 · November 2015

UGH!! My sister-in-law threw out the "God's plan" deal to me and I haven't spoken to her much since. It's awkward and makes me feel like God is judging me as inferior if his plan doesn't include me having a baby I so desperately want. I'm not super religious, but I'm pretty sure God doesn't work that way.

On the other hand, I feel a lot of peace knowing I have a lot of people praying for me. I feel like they are thinking of me and sending happy warm thoughts. I can always use more of that!

ShayLatrice · November 2015

mskeenan I'm sorry that you have dealt with such insensitivity from your friend. The fact that she is TTC doesn't mean she is going to understand what you are going through. TTCing and having a full blown Infertility of any kind is NOT even remotely close to being the same. I TTC'd for a long time, not knowing something was wrong and it wasn't NEARLY as mentally and emotionally and physically draining as it became once I found out that I had a Infertility Diagnosis. It became so REAL that something was wrong with me, and that in itself is a hard pill to swallow. I went through so much guilt thinking it was because of something that I had done. When I was TTC I had the "blind hope" that everything was OK and I was going to get pregnant in a few months! She doesn't really understand unless she has sat with a RE and had them give you the harsh reality that something is wrong! On the other hand, maybe she has a diagnosis of her own and just doesn't know how to deal with it. In either scenario, you need to have a serious heart to heart with her and let her know the reality of your situation and how it totally differs from her TTC. You can TTC til her heart is content and you wouldn't get the same result as her ever. If she is your real friend she will hear your heart and make the adjustment.

I'm really sorry that you experienced a loss, I know that pain all to well as I experienced on last November. It was so devastating because I felt like this was my happy ending finally and it wasn't. People don't really know what to say...I mean honestly. I told people that I really really really really trusted and respected and NONE of them said anything that helped me. It was things like, "so why did this happen", "are you going to try again", "maybe you shouldn't try again too soon", "so do you think you will be able to have kids"....and the 2 friends that experienced a loss a few days/weeks after me, they are both pregnant and neither of them treat me like the loss happened. I think once you get pregnant, maybe the loss seems like a distant memory... who knows. Whether she views your pregnancy as a life doesn't change how real that pregnancy was to you. Don't let anyone's response or lack of response dim the reality that there was signs of life growing inside you. Unfortunately you can't make them "hear" or "understand", but you can speak your truth from y our heart and if they love and respect you they will do their very best to empathize with you and make you feel safe enough to talk to them about it.

Your feelings are just as important as theirs and you have the right to express yourself just as they feel they have a right to down play your struggle. I think it's worth a really honest conversation so you can be comfortable with your friends while you go through your journey.

mskeenan · November 2015

Thank you ladies for the feedback and support. I think a lot of you made a great point that people just don't know what to say. And many of you are also right when you said that there really isn't anything anyone could say to make it better. However, there are a lot of things that make it worse such as the pressure and the God comments. It's just such a hard situation because I am nervous to sit people down and explain everything to them. I already think about it constantly I don't want to make a big deal of it but at the same time I feel like I'm going through such a huge struggle and nobody knows or understands why I've been gaining weight and not acting like myself. Right now I just want to be away from people!

ShayLatrice · November 2015

You may have to do just that. Be away from people. My MIL was stressing me out and being very rude and over bearing (she's like that all the time) but when they came to visit in May it was just too much because my first IVF med protocol was coming in June. After they left in May I made it a point to not really even interact or communicate with her because I didn't need the stress. I'll spare you the details... but she basically called me barren in front of my mentor and her friend and that was my last straw! So when she left in May I decided that I needed space and time for me so I removed her from my circle. Haven't spoken to her since. I can't tell you how much MORE peace I've had in my life since I haven't dealt with her and all the pressure and insensitivity she bring to me. Sometimes your peace of mind and your mental preservation is more important than trying offer explanation of what is going on in your life right now that is causing you to act a little different.

I always say that sometimes silence speaks louder than words. My mother in law has gotten the face that I'm not going to tolerate her and her rudeness from my utter silence and distance from her these 6 months. I tried for 10 years to make her get it, in may different conversations... never worked. Only made things worse. Silence has forced her to evaluate herself and now, when she tries to communicate with me the boundaries are so well defined it's basically like we naturally have nothing to talk about. You have to protect your own emotional well being... especially right now in this process.

mskeenan · November 2015

@ShayLatrice im so sorry your MIL has been such a pain in the ass . Good for you for creating distance . You shouldn't have to put up with any additional stress !!!

So today my friend who is pregnant who knows about everything I've gone through texted me complaining about how she has had dreams about drinking alcohol . She said someone better have a margarita in the delivery room for after she gives birth bc it's so hard . Am I overreacting or is she being insensitive ? I don't wanna be bitter all the time but I am having such a hard time. I would be as far along as her if I hadnt had a chemical pregnancy . I wish she wouldn't complain about pregnancy to me . I don't even know how to respond .

KidShrink · November 2015

My sister told me things of the like (really, she complained through her entire pregnancy and now beyond). At some point, I decided to be very blunt with her, and that's when she sort of kinda caught on. I think it came out like 'well, I'd rather be at the doctor's because I have a baby making me sick than because I can't have a baby'. I'd say your friend is being quite insensitive, and I'd tell up straight up, 'You know what, we can trade places whenever you want. I'm quite willing not to drink for 9 months if it means I can have a baby.' See if she realizes what she's said. If she doesn't even bother telling you she's sorry, I'd have no problems keeping her at bay for some time.

mskeenan · November 2015

@kidshrink ugh!! good for you!! I'm glad the got the picture. I am really thinking about saying something along the lines of what you said but I'm scared. If she was my sister, I would definitely be incredibly direct with her. Since it's a friend I'm not sure what to do. Her complaining was also in a group text (to me and one other friend who is TTC). I've thought maybe just no response would communicate something but is that too passive aggressive? I don't respond to group texts sometimes anyways because I think they are ridiculous unless they are for the purpose of making group plans. The more I think about it I'm getting so angry. How the hell could she think this is appropriate and at all ok? I even texted her last week when I got my negative pregnancy test and was really upset. It's like she's just waving it in my face. I don't want to talk pregnancy right now with anyone other than my husband and the ladies on here. ugh!! im going to explode.

ShayLatrice · November 2015

And you don't have to... that is a great boundary to help you keep your sanity. Don't talk babies with people who don't fully understand and can empathize with your journey.

Stepmomttcmy1 · November 2015

If she is your friend and you value the friendship, I would say something. I had a similar situation with a co worker when she was pregnant and I had miscarried. She made a comment that I wasn't really pregnant that long(I miscarried at 6 weeks) so she didn't understand why I was so upset. This from someone who had miscarried her first pregnancy at 10 weeks.
Same co worker called me hysterically crying when her bloodwork came back with a high risk for down syndrome and said she wished she never even got pregnant if this was how it would be. I was speechless and it took me almost a week before I could tell her how I felt. She was always a very self centered person so I didn't expect much but she did apologize to me for saying something so hurtful.
Tell her nicely you are happy she is pregnant but she needs to find someone else to complain to because it's too hard for you to hear now because of what you are going through. If she is a good friend, she should care about your feelings.

angelbab807 · November 2015

@mskeenan I had a loss in September as well and my doctor just started me on Clomid since I'm not ovulating. Most of my friends either don't have kids, or they've never been around anyone that had any problems getting pregnant. I do have one friend that has a lot of infertility problems, but she isn't someone I'll discuss my problems with. I try to not listen to what most people say but it's very hard. A lot of people don't think you should seek out fertility help unless it's been longer than a year of trying, but I look at it as being a little boost. There is only a small window every month of conceiving and I would rather be pregnant sooner than later. As long as my body feels it is ready, what is meant to happen will. My mother in law has been asking for grandkids for years and knows when we were planning on starting to try, so now more than ever she is mentioning them. She also doesn't know about our loss and we've been debating on telling her or not because even then I don't think she'll fully understand since she never had a problem getting pregnant. This site has been great for finding some support and seeing what others have to say about certain things. Just keep your head up

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