Delusional Grandmas

kaylap58 · October 2015

I know this is a weird topic, but this is my first pregnancy, so my mom is creeping me out a little. She continues to call my baby her baby. I've told her not to do it, that it's her grandchild, and MY baby. She ignores me. She's told me she can't sleep at night she's so excited. And she is constantly asking me symptoms and what I'm feeling. She told me she's been dreaming about this for years. Is this normal?! I haven't even been married for two years, so how is that possible?! My mother is young (47) and had me young. I'm the oldest and this is her first grandchild. I'm a little worried that she's actually starting to think she's having a baby...but before I get just as cray as she is, I wanted to talk to y'all.

Muggle lover · October 2015

My mom is similar although I'm the youngest and this is her third grandchild. She is just excited but since I felt that my pregnancy is the only thing she wants to talk to me about since I told her, we had a heart to heart. I asked her to cool it (politely) and it has been much better since.

Brandi81012 · October 2015

I think she is just really excited for you, nothing wrong with that in my opinion. I would assume she is also over exaggerating the "no sleep" " dreaming of this for years" statements. But I agree, it would bother me to no end if my mother would say the baby is her baby. I would definitely to a stop to that immediately!

spatter1 · October 2015

My mom has been similar, but definitely not calling my baby her baby! That would weird me out a little probably. Mine just keeps asking about symptoms non stop and if I'm gaining weight and send her pics of my bump (which is just a blump still). The only reason it really bugs me is that with my mc last time I'm trying to stay very low key this time around and just get through one day at a time. All the talking about it makes me uncomfortable. Hopefully that changes once we get to a safer week. Good luck! Moms can be intense sometimes but it's all out of love

kalanieileen · October 2015

I would say just be happy and grateful that your mom is excited and supportive. I would give anything for my mother to feel that way. Being pregnant for the first time can be kind of scary when you don't have anyone to lean on for experience and wisdom ( like a mother). I haven't spoken to mine since I told her I was pregnant 3 months ago.

asetch · October 2015

I agree that you should definitely have a heart to heart with her about the "my baby" thing, that is strange and too much in my opinion. My mom has been a little weird too, but I haven't seen her in almost a month (she lives 3 hours away). When we first told her, I was 10 weeks and she kept trying to rub my beer belly and saying "hello this is your favorite grandma". Mind you my DH was standing right there so that caused some tension between him and my mom. He has mentioned several times that my mom will probably try to "out-grandma" his mom and he is afraid that our child will not like them equally. Plus I'm definitely not a touchy feely person, so touching my tummy is going to be off limits for a long time, at least until there is something to feel.

kimey1 · October 2015

@kaylap58 I agree with PP that you should have a pep talk with your mom. It's def. your baby. As excited as she may be, she's gotta change the terminology and cool it.
Though in a play i recently saw a grandpa says to his grandkid, "if i had known how great it was to have grandchildren I would've had em first (beforr my kids)." LOL

@asetch This reminds me of the movie Parental Guidance with Billy Chrystal and Bette Midler where the two say, "we're the other grandparents". I guess grandparents do compete!

NachosAndPeaches · October 2015

I think it's great your mom is so excited and wants to be close to your child when he or she is born. I would try to not let t bother you and just look at it from a perspective that she is going to be super involved and helpful. Trust me, it takes a village. Three people raising a baby is easier than 2.

Ready4theParty · October 2015

Sounds likey MIL when I was pregnant with Dd. She really was that excited. She still does obnoxious thing like answer Dd when she calls out for mom. I want to punch her but must refrain. We are moving soon and we won't see them as much so it won't be as big of an issue.

kaylap58 · October 2015

Thanks everyone! It's good to hear perspective. I will talk to her. She lives about 3 hours away from me, so she may just be sad that she's not close to me.

misstopsail · October 2015

My MIL told me she couldn't have picked a better mom for her grandchild... I think that's a little backwards!!

But grandmas DO get very excited about their grandchildren, so I'd try to talk to her about the 'my baby' thing without being *too* harsh. Maybe tell her you appreciate the excitement, but it makes you a little uncomfortable when she uses that phrase.

Also, this is my favorite post title, ever.

Wils0722 · October 2015

My mom lives 2.5 hours away too and is very excited and has strong opinions. I think she is afraid of being left out so she is forcing her way in. She just came for a visit and we had a great talk about all the ways I want her involved. Use your pregnancy time to gently and patiently and tactfully set boundaries otherwise it will likely get worse when that LO arrives. I'm sure it's all coming from a place of love. I love my mom but sometimes she drives me crazy!! Good luck to you!

NachosAndPeaches · October 2015

@misstopsail call me naive but I think that may have been her way of complimenting you. Like whenever she envisioned having a grandchild she couldn't have thought of a more perfect mom for him/her.

sphillis425 · October 2015

My mother is doing things like that too, but she was mildly abusive and neglectful. I went through a lot as a child and I am doing my best to break the cycle of dysfunction within my family. Now mind you, I am only revealing this to tell a different side of it. I am working really hard on trying to set boundaries and have as healthy of a relationship as possible with my mother and other members of my family. It is very difficult. My mother uses phrases like "my baby" and has tried to touch my belly which I am NOT OK with. I don't think being pregnant should give people license to touch me whenever they want. I still have a personal bubble and it's still my body.

kaylap58 · October 2015

sphillis425 said:
My mother is doing things like that too, but she was mildly abusive and neglectful. I went through a lot as a child and I am doing my best to break the cycle of dysfunction within my family. Now mind you, I am only revealing this to tell a different side of it. I am working really hard on trying to set boundaries and have as healthy of a relationship as possible with my mother and other members of my family. It is very difficult. My mother uses phrases like "my baby" and has tried to touch my belly which I am NOT OK with. I don't think being pregnant should give people license to touch me whenever they want. I still have a personal bubble and it's still my body.

Completely understand. Have a lot of childhood issues myself. Good for you for changing the cycle! I am hoping to do that myself.

ivyvines6 · October 2015

kaylap58 said:

sphillis425 said:
My mother is doing things like that too, but she was mildly abusive and neglectful. I went through a lot as a child and I am doing my best to break the cycle of dysfunction within my family. Now mind you, I am only revealing this to tell a different side of it. I am working really hard on trying to set boundaries and have as healthy of a relationship as possible with my mother and other members of my family. It is very difficult. My mother uses phrases like "my baby" and has tried to touch my belly which I am NOT OK with. I don't think being pregnant should give people license to touch me whenever they want. I still have a personal bubble and it's still my body.
Completely understand. Have a lot of childhood issues myself. Good for you for changing the cycle! I am hoping to do that myself.

Going through similar with my mother... Except I had the overly critical emotionally abusive behavior growing up. Just keep your eyes focused on what your parenting goals are, and don't let her under your skin.

efflerc11 · October 2015

I'm a FTM but This will be my mother in laws 5th grandchild and she is still very...involved. I'm not used to it because my mom isn't as pushy as my MIL, so it makes me uncomfortable sometimes.
That said, I kind of understand where you're coming from.

jandicho · November 2015

My MIL is crazy too and acting like she's having the baby.

She seriously asked if we would hyphenate the baby's last name with my husband's last name and her maiden name. Totally cutting me out of the last name.

She's done some other selfish things. Too many to list so I told her to back off until the baby is born. I need some space from her.

shayshayin · November 2015

Wow! I have come to realize my boyfriends family is completely psycho. They're over opinionated and completely tactless! They don't keep any thought or opinion to themselves. It's its driving me crazy!

kaylap58 · November 2015

jandicho said:
My MIL is crazy too and acting like she's having the baby.

She seriously asked if we would hyphenate the baby's last name with my husband's last name and her maiden name. Totally cutting me out of the last name.

She's done some other selfish things. Too many to list so I told her to back off until the baby is born. I need some space from her.

Omg @jandicho I'm so sorry!! That's awful. I would've lost my shit.

jandicho · November 2015

@kaylap58
I did! Hopefully, she'll smarten up by April.

whitleytk23 · November 2015

My MIL is so annoying. She annoyed me before I was pregnant but now it's on another level. She's mad at the fact that I won't name my child after her cousin that I've only seen once. That's weird. I just wish I could keep my distance but we live with her for the time being

ivyvines6 · November 2015

jandicho said:
My MIL is crazy too and acting like she's having the baby.

She seriously asked if we would hyphenate the baby's last name with my husband's last name and her maiden name. Totally cutting me out of the last name.

She's done some other selfish things. Too many to list so I told her to back off until the baby is born. I need some space from her.

Thought I responded to this... Maybe thought I did and forgot to hit reply? Is your MIL Hispanic? Does your husband have a hyphenated last name? Actually even if she were Hispanic your child would use your last name then dad's... Either way not her kid, not her decision.

jandicho · November 2015

@Knottie9983816
Nope. Not Hispanic. No hyphenated last names in the family. She's just selfish. She was dead serious too when she asked.

ivyvines6 · November 2015

jandicho said:
@Knottie9983816
Nope. Not Hispanic. No hyphenated last names in the family. She's just selfish. She was dead serious too when she asked.

Smh some people...

tbelom · November 2015

@kaylap58 sounds literally exactly like my mom! It was kinda scary reading this because this is my moms first grandchild also and she is also young (49) and had me at 19. She also calls the baby her baby and will rub and touch my belly whenever she gets a chance and has been wanting me and my husband to have a baby since before we were married (married 3 yrs and together 9). It does get a little annoying at times but I do feel fortunate to have a mom who cares so much and who I know will be there to help watch my little one. The only thing that freaks me out is when she says she is going to practically move in, that I am not cool with and I told her she will need to go he at some point once the baby is here. Oh well. I guess we will see how it goes when LO is here. Best of luck with you and your mama.

foxbaby2016 · November 2015

My MIL is the problem here. She literally will not talk about anything else besides the baby. She even keeps saying how she wants him to come early because she can't stand to wait any longer....umm...hello?! Why would you wish for my baby to be premature? She really stresses me out.

kaylap58 · November 2015

tbelom said:
@kaylap58 sounds literally exactly like my mom! It was kinda scary reading this because this is my moms first grandchild also and she is also young (49) and had me at 19. She also calls the baby her baby and will rub and touch my belly whenever she gets a chance and has been wanting me and my husband to have a baby since before we were married (married 3 yrs and together 9). It does get a little annoying at times but I do feel fortunate to have a mom who cares so much and who I know will be there to help watch my little one. The only thing that freaks me out is when she says she is going to practically move in, that I am not cool with and I told her she will need to go he at some point once the baby is here. Oh well. I guess we will see how it goes when LO is here. Best of luck with you and your mama.

@tbelom they do sound so similar! Im super analytical, so part of me believes because their adult identity was created while having a child, they have a hard time really identifying with anything else. So this is finally familiar again! That's my theory, anyway.

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