Community› The Bump Month Clubs› April 2016 Moms
April 2016 Moms
New Discussion

Baby shower gift-giving etiquette

JheapsJheaps member
in April 2016 Moms
I just got invited to my sister-in-law's baby shower, which will be in Mississippi in November (I live in Maryland).  I will not be able to make the trip down.  I sent a gift worth about $50 (blanket, swaddle and socks) to her a few months ago when I found out she was having a girl and before I knew she was having a shower or was registered.  Do I need to send another gift? And if I do send another gift, should it be something off the registry or something "special" (like personalized something from Etsy)?

Put another way, if your sister-in-law sent you a gift earlier in your pregnancy but can't make it to your shower, would you be offended if she didn't send another gift?   I'm planning to send the couple something for Christmas anyway, so I wasn't planning on sending a separate shower gift, but I don't want her to be upset.  What would you do?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Baby shower gift-giving etiquette

  • AEG84AEG84 member
    edited November 2015
    I wouldn't be at all offended if someone didn't send a second gift in that situation. I'd certainly appreciate anything additional, but wouldn't expect it. I would just wait and send them something for Christmas. 

    I'm generally not a fan of sending baby shower invites to out of state people, unless they are really close family or friends. It seems gift-grabby to me when I have extended family who I haven't seen for two years or more sending me invites to theirs. (I'm guessing you're closer than that with your SIL, but just in general...)

    (edited because punctuation!)
    image
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • ivyvines6ivyvines6 member
    @Jheaps I'm pretty sure you're covered ;) As far as the registry question goes, I was raised to always get something off the registry, unless it's a homemade item. If she's upset you aren't sending her another present just chaulk it up to pregnancy hormones making her cray cray ;)
    @AEG84 Fiancé's entire family is out of state and is still questioning when and where for the baby shower. I think it depends on your family/friend situation, and since she is SIL with her she might have just wanted to include her. I would have been upset if I'd never gotten an invitation to my sister's shower even though she lived in CA while I'm in FL! I shadow boxed it with some other little boy stuff and gave it to her when her LO turned 1.
    Report Reply
  • mc123mcmc123mc member
    Eh, I'd probably send something for the shower off the registry just because I was invited.  When I am invited to weddings and don't attend, I send a gift. I look at this the same way. 
    Report Reply
  • AEG84AEG84 member
    @Knottie9983816, totally get the sister or close family situation. My family that's out of state, most of them we only see every few years. Plus there's like 50 of them (mom's family was Catholic and she's got 9 sisters, almost all with kids and grandkids).

    I don't see weddings and baby showers the same way at all. I also wouldn't send a gift for an out of state wedding I wasn't able to attend, unless it was close family or friends. But that may be a regional thing. We had numerous people not able to attend our wedding, and the vast majority of them didn't send a card or gift (and I didn't expect them to).
    image
    Report Reply
  • Brandi81012Brandi81012 member
    I would personally not be offended if an out of state relative did not send a gift, especially if they had already previous sent a nice gift. I also think sending out of state invites can look/feel gift grabby if you are not that close : )
    Report Reply
  • pinottoparenthoodpinottoparenthood member
    I wouldn't expect another gift at all. I would think it was really generous if I got another one. I think $50 is plenty to spend if that's what you're comfortable with.
    Amanda

    ******************************

    Nov siggy challenge: animals eating Thanksgiving food


    BabyFruit Ticker
    Rhys - born 04.17.2013
    Harry - born 04.18.2016
    Report Reply
  • spatter1spatter1 member
    Agree. You've already sent a gift, I don't think it's offensive at all to not send a second one. Personally, I might get something small (think something under $20) off the registry to send with a "sorry I can't be there" card but definitely don't think it's wrong to not send anything.

    Report Reply
  • ImpatientPattyImpatientPatty member
    Agree with PPs. I wouldn't be offended at all. I would hold off until Christmas.
    Report Reply
  • Goldsgirl9Goldsgirl9 member
    I would send another gift especially for my sister in law but that's just me. Not because you have to but because like @mc123mc it's just something I do. I'm the same with weddings. When I visit someone in the hospital that's had a baby I always bring a gift even if I previously gave them a baby shower gift.

    It's really up to you but you shouldn't feel obligated to get anything else.
    Report Reply
  • JheapsJheaps member
    Thanks for all the suggestions.  I think I'll just add a little baby gift to what I send them for Christmas.
    Report Reply
  • Ready4thePartyReady4theParty member
    I also wouldn't be offended.

    If this was my SIL I would be sending a gift because that is what she expects, and what she did for us. With DD she sent a gift at 12 weeks and then a shower gift. Both she and BIL have a lot of money and just like to buy love, but they expect others to do the same.
    image
    Report Reply
  • minorfall27minorfall27 member
    I made no distinction between "shower" gifts and gifts received at any other point in the pregnancy/shortly after my first was born.  I think you're good.  :)
    Report Reply
  • RoseShadow873RoseShadow873 member
    I think you already did a lot! I didn't send anything at all to my sisters in law when they had babies.
    Report Reply
  • NachosAndPeachesNachosAndPeaches member
    I would not send a shower gift, but I would send a small registry gift after baby is born with a nice card.
    First BFP 12/2012, MMC at 9 weeks
    Second BFP 6/2013, resulted in DS, born 2/23/14 :-)
    Third BFP 5/2015, natural MC at 6 weeks
    Fourth BFP 8/2015, hoping for sticky little brother or sister to H!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Proud SAHM to our little monkey H. 
    Pro Vax, extended breasftfeeder, ring sling and stroller loving mama. I don't judge you unless you don't vaccinate!
    Report Reply
  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    I would send a gift just because I was invited however I would not feel offended if someone didn't.

    It's really to your discretion. You already sent a gift plus are planning on sending one at Christmas. I think you're covered :)
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Trying to Conceive"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1c6797.aspx" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
    Report Reply
  • reisnersrreisnersr member
    I don't think you are obligated- however I was raised, if you question buying a gift (and have the spare change), just buy it. You won't regret it. Id probably skip the Christmas gift and do a shower gift (but I'm not a huge Christmas gift person besides my obligatory parents and nieces/nephews)
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"