Throwing a shower for my friend, looking for advice

llybeck · November 2015

I scoped out the baby shower board but I'm not finding many ideas so I thought I'd ask you ladies. I'm throwing a shower for my friend who is due with her first in January. She hasn't handled being pregnant very well and hasn't seemed very connected or excited about it at all. However, when I offered to throw her a shower she was very happy and appreciative, I made sure she wanted that and was on board and she said she was.

Fast forward to the planning, I am doing this with her mom (they tend to butt heads on things) who she is not on great terms with right now so she is now less than thrilled about the whole thing. She wanted to have games and now the ones I'm trying to get her to participate in, she won't. For example, I had a trivia game where I asked questions to both her and her husband simple questions about life after the baby and some other basic questions and while her husband filled it out the same day (just 15 questions), she wouldn't. She told me they were way to hard to answer and she would never be able to fill it out. Her main issue was that her answers might be emotional and she refuses to be emotional in front of her mom? I have no idea what that means but she wouldn't talk about it any further. She's also vetoed a lot of the other shower games that people normally do like guessing the melted chocolate bar in a diaper or baby food tasting or really anything besides really basic trivia type games. Maybe we could do the game where you put baby items in a small paper bag and people have to guess what it is? That's harmless, right? I don't think she could take offense or find issue with that hopefully.

Can you guys think of anything else that I could do? I'm trying to make this fun but the guest of honor has already told me she will probably have it out with her mom at some point that day and that's really put a damper on my excitement and creativity when it comes to this! I almost just want to skip the games all together but her mom and the other guests are excited for it. And I really want to avoid awkward moments since it's going to be a tense day more than likely. Ugh.

llybeck · November 2015

I will add that while her and her mom butt heads occasionally, it's never anything crazy or over the top, just normal mother/daughter type stuff. I never imagined she would be this upset about having a shower with her mom there and I don't even know what brought this on. She was happy about her mom doing this with me at the beginning.

SarahFoley725 · November 2015

Honestly, I would just say something like. "I'm having a hard time finding games that I think you would like so why don't you look through some ideas and let me know if there is something you want to do and then I can start looking into it!!" I don't know any other way to please her than to pass her the reigns. Maybe it ended up being that she wanted to do these things but won't enjoy them with her mom there. I don't know their history or anything but it sounds stressful and I do not envy your middle man position at all!

Torpedogirl · November 2015

I wouldn't do games at all. They are not necessary. If you feel like you need to do some make them non personal. Guess how many jelly beans in the bottle or baby bingo. My mom did a timer and when it went off while I was opening gifts the person who bought that gift got a prize. Whoever has a sticker under their chair wins a prize. Look on Pinterest there are a ton of easy quick ones. No one loves the long drawn out ones. Also maybe look up baby shower ice breakers. Helps ease the tension.

smount2011 · November 2015

How about the trick game where you clothespin baby items to a string, give the guests a minute to look/study/memorize what is hanging on the string, then take it away, and ask them to guess how long the string is lol... I always found that one to be funny because people are easily duped.

flowerpower5838 · November 2015

A game she would not even need to participate in is the bingo game - I believe there is a bingo card of baby shower gift items and the guests would play as she is opening gifts.

Additionally, at this point I wouldn't really even really consult her on these things. You pretty much have said she doesn't want games, so then you're kind of forced now not to have any games. When someone offers to host you a shower, traditionally you're not really supposed to be involved in the planning process (although I know some guests of honor are control freaks so that's not always the case).

You're trying to do something nice for her and she is making it very difficult for you. Just be honest with her about being uncomfortable with the way she talks about (and may even confront) her mother to you.

bntfroggie · November 2015

llybeck said:

I scoped out the baby shower board but I'm not finding many ideas so I thought I'd ask you ladies. I'm throwing a shower for my friend who is due with her first in January. She hasn't handled being pregnant very well and hasn't seemed very connected or excited about it at all. However, when I offered to throw her a shower she was very happy and appreciative, I made sure she wanted that and was on board and she said she was.

Fast forward to the planning, I am doing this with her mom (they tend to butt heads on things) who she is not on great terms with right now so she is now less than thrilled about the whole thing. She wanted to have games and now the ones I'm trying to get her to participate in, she won't. For example, I had a trivia game where I asked questions to both her and her husband simple questions about life after the baby and some other basic questions and while her husband filled it out the same day (just 15 questions), she wouldn't. She told me they were way to hard to answer and she would never be able to fill it out. Her main issue was that her answers might be emotional and she refuses to be emotional in front of her mom? I have no idea what that means but she wouldn't talk about it any further. She's also vetoed a lot of the other shower games that people normally do like guessing the melted chocolate bar in a diaper or baby food tasting or really anything besides really basic trivia type games. Maybe we could do the game where you put baby items in a small paper bag and people have to guess what it is? That's harmless, right? I don't think she could take offense or find issue with that hopefully.

Can you guys think of anything else that I could do? I'm trying to make this fun but the guest of honor has already told me she will probably have it out with her mom at some point that day and that's really put a damper on my excitement and creativity when it comes to this! I almost just want to skip the games all together but her mom and the other guests are excited for it. And I really want to avoid awkward moments since it's going to be a tense day more than likely. Ugh.

Okay I think you are giving her wayyyyyy too much power in this. Obviously she isn't comfortable answering questions and that is one that you need her to participate in and if she wont do it than that is out, but pick a few other games and don't even go over the agenda with her. My mom and SILs are handling my shower and all I did was give them a list of people so they know who to invite (DH side is very large and it was requested) other than that I told my mom I don't want to know anything I'm good, I'll pass.

Also instead of a small bag for your last one, try a black sock that way it is malleable.

Good Luck.

PinkSunglasses16 · November 2015

UO: I freakin hate games at showers. With that said, at one of my showers my mom did a sticker on the bottom of a plate and drew 2 Thank you envelopes out of a basket. Those were the 3 prizes. BUT she did buy enough Sweet Pea Bath & Body works soaps so that all adults would go home with a little something and candy bags for the little ones. I swear no one likes sitting around on a sunday for 4 hours playing games and watching someone open gifts. Also I agree i wouldn't even involve her much anymore, maybe just some basic details of when and where to show up, lol.

kfarr26 · November 2015

I did a guess the baby item in the bag game for my SIL. I got 10 bags and cut out the letters to spell out "baby shower" on pretty construction paper, and I put an item that started with the letter on the bag (bib, aspirator, bottle, etc) in each. I printed out cute little sheets with the letters and blanks and gave 5 minutes or so for people to write their guesses down. Winner got a small prize.

It went over extremely well and everyone got into it. Plus, the bags just sat on my fireplace so we didnt have to pass anything. I am personally not a shower game fan, but that one was nice.

Just run with a non personal game like that, and you should be good. I only consulted SIL on the guest list and just considered her personality and nursery theme for the rest. I think that would be a good plan for your friend since she's having a hard time. Maybe she's just feeling very overwhelmed? Good luck!

CharminglySouthern · November 2015

Lurking, but the trivia thing might feel like an invasion of privacy to her or she might just be to over-emotional to have that type of game. Also, the melted chocolate in the diaper game is absolutely repulsive. It's tacky and in bad taste. And I don't know a single person who wants to ingest baby food.

Baby gift bingo, matching baby animals to the mama, don't say "baby" are all non-annoying baby shower games. I would stick with those types.

Parker16772 · November 2015

Like a lot of the PP said I would just choose some games that she doesn't have to be a part of planning. I didn't read all the comments so some of these might have already been meantioned but I like the bingo, matching crazy celebrity baby names to their famous parents,and using the babies name to spell out baby items and see if they agree with what mom wrote.

MrsLeanMeanClean · November 2015

Baby food testing (people can do it on their own time)... diaper design with sharpies...

Both are not intensely focused in any one person

skruhmin · November 2015

One of my favorites is having every guest make a baby out of playdoh and then the mommy gets to pick the best one - and they aren't marked so the mommy has no idea who made what.

ClaireBear90 · November 2015

In my experience, most people don't appreciate baby shower games. If you MUST have a game, I recommend baby shower bingo. It's a fun, easy game for guests and can serve as a bit of an ice breaker as ladies help each other think of baby items to put down. It's also a good way to pass the time before the mom arrives (if it's a surprise shower). And it's not gross, weird, or uncomfortable for anyone.

ETA: I second what @PinkSunglasses16 said. Showers can be an enjoyable time or they can drag on forever. The ones with games tend to drag on forever and most people would rather spend time celebrating with the mom-to-be than play ridiculous games all afternoon. Serve some nice refreshments, open gifts, play a game or two if you must and call it a day. Depending on how far along your friend is in her pregnancy, she might appreciate a shorter shower!

bntfroggie · November 2015

Can I just say I like shower games!! I am not a social person and would much rather have a task to do than sit there and make small talk.

lightrox · November 2015

For my sister's shower I didn't do many typical games but I wanted to have fun and make people laugh to break the ice, so I took a bag of cotton balls and put it in a bowl then had and empty bowl a few inches from that bowl give the person a wooden spoon then blind fold them give them 30 sec to a min to move the cotton balls out of one bowl to the other it's so funny since their is no weight to the cotton and you can't feel them on a wooden spoon it's hilarious to watch. After we played that game most everyone relaxed and we had a good time.

emjeve · November 2015

I'm not a big game player either, so for my shower we set up two activity stations for guests to do on their own while they were mingling and eating. For example, we had a "baby's 1st year bucketlist" scrapbook where guest would write down suggestions of things DH and I could do with our DD during her first year- baby's 1st trip to the zoo, baby's 1st picnic, baby's 1st 5k run with mom, etc... Then I made a scrapbook of all the things we completed during her first year

You could do onesie decorating too! I think it's more informal than a big group organized game, and I like that!

llybeck · November 2015

Thank you for the suggestions!

I wouldn't have involved her or asked her besides the one game (and there were zero personal questions, they were all silly and just meant to be fun) but she outright said no to the other games before I even said anything but said she still wanted some games... so she is being very confusing. There is going to be a split between family and friends and they have not met so I figured a couple simple things could be good. As well as avoiding a blow up between her and her mom. It's just really frustrating. I'm going to do maybe 3 simple, quick games and be done with it. Great suggestions!

smushi · November 2015

Could you make it a drop in shower where guests can come, bring a gift, eat, mingle, then leave as they wish? Maybe set up a station or two with those midnight diapers to write funny words of encouragement on, etc? Then the shower can be casual with less pressure. Once a certain time has hit, serve the cake and let everyone know mom to be will open presents?

I'm not a big fan of shower games though. An easy one might be the baby in the ice cube game. Give arriving guests a drink with a tiny baby doll in each cube (one per guest) and whoever's ice melts first yells My water broke! and they win a nice prize. That's another low pressure game. Or perhaps the clothespin game where the magic words are baby and the baby's name. So anytime anyone says those and someone calls them out, they get their clothespin. The one with the most clothespins wins. I'm trying to think of activities MTB doesn't have to worry about/participate in.

CalebsHabibi · November 2015

Sounds like something else is going on... Maybe her and her husband are in a rough patch? I could see where that might make questions that seem silly to you feel emotional to her. Like if it asked "who will primarily change the diapers?" but she and DH are fighting over that question already. I like the "generic" games like the cotton ball idea and timer while opening presents idea. Nothing emotional about that.

jenniferamcooper · November 2015

I second the activity ideas instead of games. I threw a very large shower for my friend and I had a "leaf your print" guestbook where people could leave their fingerprint as a leaf on a tree (a nice decoration for the nursery), midnight diapers station (some of the responses were hilarious!!!) and a guess the jellybeans in the baby bottle. I also had baby word bingo but with a large crowd it was difficult to wrangle.

I have a very tentative relationship with my mother, so I can kinda understand where your friend is coming from. My mom is a caring and loving person but in "stressful" situations (ie hosting functions, family emergencies, etc) she kinda turns into a yelling-crazy-psycho-lady. I honestly expected each of my showers (wedding and baby) to devolve pretty damn quickly and was honesty trying to "get through them".
I'd let it be for now, and basically do what you want that's more activity based than "everyone pay attention and play games!". The best part of showers is the random chatter about birth stories, driving around the block for 2 hours to get the baby asleep, etc

skruhmin · November 2015

Ooh love the midnight diaper notes idea

FutureMrsCaesar · November 2015

The past few showers I've been to have had baby words scrambled up then you have x amount of minutes to unscramble as many as possible. Another also had a list of current and past celebrity baby names and you had to fill in who the celebrity parent was. For ex Apple answer: gweneth paltrow. Good luck!

ivyvines6 · November 2015

@FutureMrsCaesar I would fail so miserably at that game!

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