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June 2016 Moms
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Advice for handling work trip?

alwaysabridesmaid1alwaysabridesmaid1 member
in June 2016 Moms
Long time lurker, first time poster ;). 

I'm a FTM, first ever pregnancy (took awhile to conceive... DH and I are both in our 30s).  I'm currently 9 wks 5 days.  Here's my dilemma: 

My boss has recently decided that our team (think: 10-12 ppl) is going on an overnight camping/hiking trip in a few weeks. Basically a night of drinking followed by a day of hiking.  Normally, both these would be things I'm totally up for, but clearly drinking is out (and I've already had to fake drink at like 5 work events over the past 2 months--so over it, and, side note, if you pour wine into a potted plant in your office thinking it's a good way to fake drinking... as a warning it will grow mold. #lessonlearned), and between being so. exhausted. and being nauseated every time I try to work out for more than 30 minutes, hiking just sounds terrible.  

I clearly haven't told anyone I work with that I'm pregnant (we're not even telling family until Thanksgiving, though I did tell my sis after I had a scare at week 6), and I've approached my boss telling him that I have a ton of work (really true- I'm lead on a huge project due before Thanksgiving) and I'm worried about going on the trip... he was NOT very amenable to the idea of me not going.  Anyone else dealing with a similar work situation? I'm going back and forth on just telling him I'm pregnant-- though I don't really want to tell my boss before we tell our parents (and I want to do that in person at Thanksgiving).   When are you ladies planning on telling folks at your office/work? 


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Re: Advice for handling work trip?

  • FunkymooncowFunkymooncow member
    I've had to tell my boss already as I'm part of management and there are cover implications as I'm a teacher. I have told immediate family though - wasn't going to tell my brothers yet but my mum said I had to before telling the boss! (Mums know best!)

    It might just be easier to tell your boss if you think they'll be discreet? If not could you get a 'mystery illness' that weekend that means you can't go?
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  • chloe97chloe97 member
    I actually may end up telling my boss before my parents only because he sits in the cube next to me and one of these days I know I'm going to barf into my garbage can and he's gonna want to send me home. Also, my boss has been hinting at a large scale project he'd want me to head up next summer. Before long term planning gets started, I'm going to have to give a heads up that he will be short handed. I'm not too concerned about telling him as we work in a very family-friendly workplace and his wife's had 3 kids. Does your boss have any personal experience with pregnant women? Any reason to believe you'd be treated differently after you tell him?

    I personally could not imagine a work scenario where I would be required to drink and camp overnight with coworkers, sounds like a recipe for sexual harassment, so I can't help you there, but I think honesty is the best policy here. I wouldn't worry about telling your boss before your family, you gotta do what you gotta do. There are plenty of bartenders, massage therapists, dental hygienists, ob-gyn office staff who get the news long before the people closest to us. I'm not sure what your reasoning is, but we are holding off telling our folks to protect them from a huge letdown if we lose the baby. Unless there's a good reason not to,I would just tell your boss.
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  • mkemommymkemommy member
    Personally, I would just tell him "Boss, I'm sorry to miss the upcoming event but I have a family obligation that day/weekend.  I hope everyone has a good time and I look forward to hearing about it from everyone."  If he pushes and says its a team building exercise or some BS, just tell him, "Sorry, this was an unexpected family event I'd rather not get into about at the office but not attending it is not an option." 
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  • alwaysabridesmaid1alwaysabridesmaid1 member
    It's in the middle of the week, so I think it's a bit harder to say I can't go... I have my second OB appt in a week, so maybe I will see what she thinks about long hiking/maybe I can get a doctor's note ;)  Otherwise I think Chloe97's advice may be the way to go... though I'm relatively senior, so my boss is the managing director, which makes it a bit harder I think (no having a middle-tier confidant who could help me out); I'm sure he'd be excited for me (he has kids), but I do worry a bit about how it will change the dynamic.  The only other woman to have a baby in our office is like a crazy rockstar who was emailing with clients while in labor as well as the next day. 
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  • on3in2015on3in2015 member
    I would just tell your boss. Its a valid answer as to why you can't and really shouldn't go.
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  • LinsbinsLinsbins member
    edited November 2015
    Either tell the boss or start faking a sickness now that you would need antibiotics for that would require you not to drink. Those would be my choices. I go to happy hour often with the girls from work so I've been "clean eating" and sick with medicine lately. This sounds like a tough spot for you to be in. Telling might be your best bet, since you kind of already asked about getting out of it.

    ETA- or call the ob and ask for a note maybe? That might tip them off too though.
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